Women don’t sign a Fetlife agreement to have sex with a minimum number of men a year.

An ex-Fetlife caretaker once listed the most surprising aspects of his employment. He recalled the many men who reported women for ignoring their unsolicited messages. They assumed the profiles were “not real” on that basis. Worse yet, they thought women’s memberships should be revoked if they weren’t pulling their weight by shagging Fetlife’s wanton masses.

Ever since Only Fans creators appeared on the front page, those men have been out in full force declaring that there are no “real” women on Fetlife. I’ve always wondered how they define ‘real.’ Do they think we’re bots? Or does a disinterest in shagging you make us less legitimate as humans? Are Only Fans users “not real” because they’re here to cater to their own goals instead of yours? Are all sex workers “not real” because they won’t have sex with you for free?

This is the male gaze in all its glory. These men are incredulous that not all women are interested in their bodies—so incredulous that they believe the even more incredible explanation that we’re not “real.”

Yes, Virginia, there are REAL women on Fetlife. We have cells and skin and our own reasons for being here. Some of us are partnered, and some are single. Some of us are here for friendship, and some are here because we want to hook into our local communities. Some of us have jobs that are foreign to you. Some of us <gasp> don’t want to fuck you. That doesn’t make us frauds. Women don’t sign a Fetlife agreement to have sex with a minimum number of men a year. Amazingly, we’re allowed to refuse as many offers as we want.

I was curious about why the Not Real Brigade wasn’t getting any responses, so I started visiting their feeds. Without exception, they engaged with sex workers and Only Fans users exclusively...

... all while bemoaning the idea of sex workers and Only Fans users.

Rather than taking a stroll through the amateur parts of the kink scene, they drew toward everything they resented about the site. It’s like beating yourself over the head while screaming, “STOP BEATING ME!!!!”

I find the psychology of this behaviour bizarre. The Not Real Brigade wants hyper-sexual virgins who appear in a lot of gang bang clips. It wants women who are as available as sex workers, but without those pesky fees. The NRB’s rationality has vanished underneath a pile of fleshlights, and its lack of sexual success is THE WIMMENZ fault <scream>.

We’re real, Norman. We’re considerably more authentic than the paper doll slut-virgins in your fantasies. And that’s the whole everloving reason you’re not getting replies to your messages.