How to Do Your First Munch

1. Go outside. See that woman who just walked down the road? Yes, that one in the yellow dress. She looks exactly like the kind of person you’d meet at a munch. We BDSM community types are the same as everyone else. The munch experience isn’t as alien as you think it is.
2. Now go to a coffee shop. It’s fine. I’ll wait.
3. Settle in. Now tell me which table the retail manager is sitting at? Which one just got engaged? Which one got laid last night? You can’t tell, can you? That’s how easy it is to recognise people who are attending a munch. Nobody is going to point at you and say, “Ermagherd! That’s Samantha from down the road! At a BDSM event! I’m going to tell everyone!”
4. Unless they’re at the munch! But that means they’re kinky, too, so they’ll be delighted to find out you have a new thing in common. Hey! Instant friend at a munch! Bonus.
5. Now open up Fetlife and RSVP that you’re going to the next munch. Being calm is not a prerequisite for clicking the “I’m going” tab. You can RSVP and be terrified at the same time. It’s called ‘faking it till you make it.’
6. You did it! Now have a cupcake. You’ve earned it.
7. You may now stew in your own terror for the two weeks it takes for the munch day to arrive. Instead of thinking about the boss you think will show up there, remember you’re far more likely to meet your next best friend. Most of us show up in the kink community for the kink and stay for the love we find there.
8. Nervous? Then read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
9. Phone a community leader who you’ve reference checked and ask them to meet you for coffee before the munch. It’s way easier to meet one person than 20, and it’s way easier to meet 20 people when you know one of them.
10. Now actually go to the munch, because the last thing you need is to stew in your own terror for the extra three weeks it’ll take to wait for the next munch. Pull the band-aid off in one swipe. You’re far safer doing this kink thing in the BDSM community than alone.
11. See, I told you kinky folk are awesome.
12. Tell the first person you see that you’re terrified. It’ll make you feel 100 times less scared than you do already and give you something to talk about.
13. Was the munch boring? Then you’ve lost one whole hour of your life. How will you ever reclaim it?
14. Now go to your first play party.