Unlocking the Secrets of the Female Sex Drive

When Meredith Chivers researched what made men and women’s libidos work overtime, she found that the female of the species was kinkier than the male. Women were turned on by clips of everything. Homosexual intercourse… hetero intercourse… even bonobo chimp smut. Men weren’t into watching monkey sex, but all the straight ones did respond to (male) gay sex clips. Now you know.

Recently, a writer waved those study results away by claiming that females only lubricated to accommodate penetration, and not because they’re actually turned on the way men are. The Wimminz can’t like sex. That’s for men alone.

Sex-crazed women are so inconceivable that we need to explain away the Chivers study, even if doing so is in complete opposition to Occam’s Razor. Humanity doesn’t like the female sex drive. Even my most liberal vanilla friend was stunned when I told him women watch “men’s” porn.

Just because men spend their 20s so hypnotised by sex that they can barely walk in straight lines, doesn’t mean that’s the normal age to peak. Women reach their sexual peaks in their 30s when men are already all washed up and compensating for it by buying Ferraris. At that point, they seem to be completely oblivious to all the 35-year-old women in their midst who are aching so intensely for a half decent lay that they’d pay the price of a Ferrari to get it.

We’ve all been brainwashed into thinking that female libidos are completely underwhelming and women can’t possibly want swing-from-the-chandeliers sex. Those of us who are into that kind of thing must be unusual. That’s why they call us sluts.

You’d think, with all the smut women put out here, Fetlife’s men would at least know better than the vanilla world does.

They don’t.

Once upon a time, women with libidos got trans-orbital lobotomies. Back then, people just couldn’t figure out how women worked. In this century, though, thinking that female sexuality exists in grey-scale is like thinking a Ferrari is a crap car to drive because you don’t know how to work a gear shift.