New Fetlife Rules for 2024

• This year, the vanillas became too kinky to scare, so All the Real Kinksters will have to work extra hard at it in 2024. We suggest driving toothbrushes and other household objects into your urethras. Not sugary treats, though. We don’t need a Fet-wide yeast infection.
• Five billion cock shots were added to Fetlife in 2023, and only one belonged to Mister Cocky. This is obviously unacceptable, so we’re giving googly eyes to all penis owners in 2024. Please use them wisely.
• Due to bad publicity, we shall be removing all iterations of the word “submit” from the site. If you wish to list yourself as a sub, kindly choose a substitute like “gremlin”, “Mallard duck”, or “cuddlebug.”
• What’s that? There is no cuddlebug on the dropdown list? Well, that’s clearly a gross oversight on our part. We should probably think about rectifying that immediately. It’s frankly embarrassing that we haven’t thought of that already.
• What? No, this isn’t SpanishRed trying to bend Fetlife to her will. This is John Baku. It’s insulting that you’d even suggest otherwise.
• We still haven't made up our minds on what to put on the "You've Been Blocked Or Something" screen. This means you may see a pug or two floating around somewhere next year. This is the final vestige of our indecision, and it deserves to be celebrated.
• We admit we didn’t post enough photos of R4mon this year. To rectify the situation, we’ve Photoshopped his face onto one of the block pugs.
• Fetlife will be selling hoodies every day of 2024. As the revolutionaries we are, we have decided to send the apparel to everyone who buys it. Amazing!
• You
• Are
• Still
• Talking
• About
• 50 Shades
• Of Grey.
• W
• H
• Y
• Y
• Y
• Y???
• At this juncture, we will have to conclude that everyone who mentions the book read the book and loved it. Except for SpanishRed, obviously, since she has to communicate about it in an official capacity while eating cupcakes.
• All Fetlife members will now be required by law to send cupcakes to SpanishRed. The person writing this list is still not SpanishRed. It's R4mon. I mean Baku. or something.