If you have sub frenzy, you probably shouldn't operate heavy machinery.

Menopause has knocked the sharp edges off my sex drive. Do I want The Sex? Yup. Do I want The Sex even if it costs me five cupcakes and a missed deadline? Nope. This lack of desperation has had unexpected effects.

These days, if you give me a choice between a man waving a red flag and no man at all, I choose the latter. I’d even go so far as to say I’m not willing to accept any bullshit at all. I always thought I prioritised good sense over good sex, but do you know what?

I didn’t.

My youthful sex drive convinced me that I avoided dangerous men, but it was lying. Lust was a drug. When it was in my system, I couldn’t win a tic-tac-toe game, let alone choose the most responsible sadist at the party. When I landed up with an irresponsible sadist, I swore I hadn’t seen the flags. The truth?

I had.

I was just good at justifying them because the benefits seemed worthwhile. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t mechanically drawing up a list of traits I was willing to tolerate. My brain merely turned into smoosh when there was sex on the table. You’re willing to pay a little more for something of value, and romance was very valuable to me indeed.

So I paid in the form of risk.

I arrived on Fetlife with enough sub-frenzy to satisfy a rehab. I met a local academic who was searching for a third. He expected me to stop my whole life, climb into a car, and arrive at his home when he wanted sex. In return, he would… uh… um… well, the truth is he wasn’t offering anything in return. He wanted TPE, but only if it was given. He would treat me like a piece on the side, and I was to treat him like the main course.

D’you know what I did when he told me that? Went out to get references.

But SpanishRed, that’s a responsible thing to do.

But SpanishRed, that was a good thing.

No, imaginary conversation partner, it wasn't a responsible thing to do. The responsible thing would have been to never speak to the guy again. I shouldn’t have needed a second opinion. My frenzy had rendered me too blind to know an asshole when I saw one.

If you have any sex drive at all, you’re not as intelligent as you think you are. If you have sub frenzy, you probably shouldn't be operating heavy machinery. Your vagina is heavy machinery. You might want to stay away from bloody, dangerous edge play until you have the competence to pass an eye exam.

If you’re new to BDSM, assume your risk assessment abilities are bunk. You have entered The World of Stupid, and sub-frenzy makes you do stupid things. Ask me. I once got a reference for a dudebro.