Why I Avoid Tops Who Don't Do Aftercare

One of the most surprising lessons I’ve learned about the kink scene is that not all tops do aftercare. They don’t dole it out for free like cash slips at a supermarket. If you need it, you have to negotiate for it. There are tops out there who will joyfully whip a queue of subs without fetching a single one of them a glass of water. There are even more who will joyfully break your limbs without driving you to the ER.

If you expect your top to support you during sub drop, you have to say so.

If you want them to get you a blanket and a glass of milk, you have to tell them before you play, not afterwards.

If you think your top should absorb half the medical bills if you get harmed, you have to arrange that as well.

In other words if you want to be treated as a human with value rather than a kink dispenser, you need to arrange it ahead of time. Yep. Being considerate is a perfectly legitimate hard limit. It’s right up there with knife play and choking. Don’t worry. Bottoms get to have hard limits, too. And one of my hard limits is tops who don’t do aftercare. Why?

1. Because I bloody said so.
2. Because I only play with men who treat me like a valuable human.
3. Because I bloody said so.
4. Because I don’t like being thrown aside like a dirty rag.
5. Because I bloody said so.

If you’re waving aftercare around as though it’s an option, I don’t want to play with you. Ever. It’s not the same thing as garden variety hard limits. No it bloody isn’t. Shush.

Aftercare’s synonyms are compassion, kindness, and consideration. If you’ve added it to your limits, I will consider you unkind and inconsiderate. I know all you tops are charging at me like zombies right now, but you really should be looking for bottoms who don’t require aftercare. You won’t find any here. What’s that? You want me to be soothing and considerate about your refusal to do aftercare? Well, I don’t do aftercare. Sorry.

This right here <gestures to self> is a person who doesn’t provide aftercare for aftercare limits. Bye.