An Absolute Beginner's Guide to a First Topping Scene
Added 2023-12-23 09:28:41 +0000 UTC
Just because a bottom agreed to play, doesn’t mean they’ve agreed to sexual contact. Hell, it doesn’t even mean they’ve agreed to nudity, so ask the right questions before you play. Don’t touch vaginas without permission, even if they're wet.
Play for play, not marks. It’s cool to be The Big Bad Wolf of Bruises and Scrapes, but if they’re your goal, you will go too far. Your attention should be on how well your bottom is coping, not on whether you’ve drawn blood.
Even if you’ve agreed to a traffic light system, treat “stop” and “no” as safe words, too. Distressed bottoms will often say the first word that comes to mind, and that word might not be “red.” When in doubt, be cautious.
Since we’re on the subject, ask if your bottom goes nonverbal. If they do, use a safe signal.
Opt in. Don’t Opt out. If you’re playing with a new bottom, negotiate the toys and contact you’re going to include in the scene, not the hard limits you’re going to exclude. A short, definitive list leaves less room for error. This is called “getting to know someone.”
Check whether your bottom has any chronic conditions. Inexperienced bottoms may not know how their illness affects their play, but this is on your head, too. Assess the situation. Start learning how disabilities can play out in a BDSM scenario. You’ll be using that information years after the scene that made you investigate it in the first place. It won’t go to waste.
Don’t ask a bottom to drop limits in the middle of a scene. Don’t ask to add to your opt-in list mid-scene either.
Stop thinking, “It won’t happen to me.” It. Will. Happen. To. You. You will injure someone. You will make mistakes. Things will go awry. That’s why we prepare in advance, Travis.
In case you hadn’t noticed, fun and games are not the totality of BDSM. Is it fun to develop risk awareness? Maybe not, but do you know what’s even less fun? An injured bottom who lands you in prison for assault.
If you’re freaked out right now, congratulations. This is RACK in action. You’re learning good things.
Even so, if your negotiation doesn’t feel sexy, you’re doing it wrong.
