Your Kink's Not My Kink But Your Kink is Just Plain Weird

Fetlife exposes you to enough kinky weirdness to start your own sexy reality show. What’s the appeal of latex, and what the fuck is a shrink fetish? Have you ever heard of climacophilia? That’s for people who get turned on by falling down stairs. There are even people roaming the earth who fetishise the sun’s rays.

You read that right.

Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is just plain weird.

As for me, well, my kinks make perfect sense. Who *wouldn’t* enjoy getting trussed up like a sail boat? There’s clear universal appeal in getting beaten with kitchen implements, especially wooden spoons, and there’s nothing unusual about lusting after clothes pegs and candle wax. I’m not odd like *those* people. <points in 50, 000 directions>

I try not to judge, but when a formicophilia fan charges into my inbox celebrating the sexy delights of insects, my brain doesn’t cooperate. I think you’re strange, primarily because I think *my* kinks are perfectly understandable. I don’t live in a glass house, and fuck you for suggesting it. <Throws another stone at that katoptronophiliac over there>

And my kinks aren’t more understandable than others. They’re just more common. Just because 10% of the world engages in sadomasochism, doesn’t mean it makes sense to Mr Formicophilia. The truth is that sexuality is an alien from Xenon…

None of it makes sense. If you think about it, it’s even difficult to see the appeal in placing your body parts inside other people’s body parts. We’re all just amoebas who evolved in a cosmic soup called “reproduction.” We’re attracted to bodies that are primed for pregnancy, so the only reason we love that Vogue cover is because the model has the waist/hip ratio typical of fertile women. The only reason we experience lust is because we can’t be trusted to further the human species without it.

Kink is an animal instinct, not a philosophical premise. There can be no understanding. It will never make sense.

Well, except for BDSM. That’s different. It’s not weird at all.