When Sluts Hate Slugs

Don’t go wandering behind rocks in the kink scene. You never know what sort of parasites you might pick up. Today, I went wandering behind a rock, and I came across an <ahem> gentleman who was advising people not to have sex with kinky women. We’re all hoes, you know. We have orgies with hundreds of men every weekend because that’s how you define BDSM. If you didn’t know it before, you know it now: to be kinky, thou shalt man gloryholes in sketchy, piss-soaked parts of town.

Also, sluttiness is evil, if you didn’t realise that yet. All sluts have unprotected sex with strangers, so if you’re going to play for Team BDSM, you should never check STI paperwork. If you’re going to be a self-respecting sub or domme, you must be stupid about your sexual health. It’s an inherent part of your identity.

Curious about this gentleman, I took a look behind another rock. This one was quite different. Flowers grew here, and there was the distinct scent of rain. This post glorified depravity and anonymous sexual encounters because wild sexual abandon is only wrong if you’re a woman.

Who, you might ask, should a fuck boy who hates sluts have anonymous orgies with? Banzai! Fetlife’s women because, if there’s one thing a man like this adores, it’s having sex with people he despises. Why’d you think he’s always in your inbox treating you like trash?

Maybe he hates all women. Maybe he only hates the Madonna-whores in his fantasies. Whatever the case, his perfect woman has two faces: that of a virgin, and that of The Whore of Babylon. He wants to be slutty. He dreams about it in his sweatiest wet dreams, but *that doesn’t make him* a Whore of Babylon, hear? That title only goes to women, and he’s pure and true.

He’s also completely incapable of viewing his reflection in a mirror, so when such a man hits your inbox, remember: he’s just trying to escape his own hypocrisy. He wants lots and lots of women, but he hates them all, so he never quite gets laid. This snake has now successfully swallowed its own tale.