A wet vagina is not necessarily a turned-on vagina. Our body parts are super good at cleaning themselves, so a natural/organic discharge is a sign that MissThang is doing the housecleaning, and not that they're thinking about Tom Hardy in a feather boa. Organic discharges are watery. Sexy discharges are slippery. Now you can tell the difference! Here’s a gold star.
Only 18% of women can orgasm from penetration alone, but if you understand her anatomy, you might have some luck. The clitoris extends underneath the labia and then towards the bottom of the vaginal entrance on either side. That’s the spot you’re aiming for, so pay attention. Hint: Pillows will raise the pelvis and make it way easier to work on that spot.
If you use a pillow, your vagina owner will think you’re a sex god and give you another gold star later.
UTIs do not smell like Chanel Number Five. Vaginal odor doesn’t mean your person has bad hygiene. It means they have an infection and need an antibiotic. No amount of washing can fix this, so stop accusing them of showering irregularly. Make them some Nutella hot chocolate and buy them a pair of Louboutins.
Since we're on the subject, it's really easy to catch UTIs, so for the love of god, don't pet the dog and then use those hands in my vagina!!!
Men can get thrush. You might experience symptoms of oral thrush, but genital thrush usually doesn’t have symptoms in men. It can, however, pass the infection back to your partner. If you keep reinfecting them, they’re likely to turn into a screaming, murderous banshee so if they’re getting treated, so should you. Don’t be a douche. Take the damned pill.
If you call the vulva a vagina, I will unbundle all your jute and hang it on a Christmas tree—yet another reason to pick up an anatomy textbook.
Vaginas lengthen all by their own damned selves when sexy times are on the cards. Just because you can slam into them at 50 miles an hour during regular sex, doesn’t mean you can do it during a quickie. It hurts. If you haven’t given it the time it needs to deepen, be a fucking gentleman for a few seconds bloody motherfucking hell!!!
Pelvic floor exercises can turn Peter-Parker-Orgasms into ultra-powerful Spiderman orgasms, so buy your favourite vagina a Pilates mat. Maybe they’ll catch the hint.
Not all vaginas are wet. Dryness doesn’t mean disinterest. Sometimes it means menopause. Sometimes it means antidepressants. Sometimes it means chemo. If you want to know if your partner is into it, just ask. I know you can use your words. I have faith in you.
