Goodbye Reppy

hi guys... maybe you've seen this on youtube already but... i lost my beloved cat this week. I am trying to not feel guilty about it but i do. But most of the times i can just focus on the love we shared and i miss her deeply but i mostly feel "ok". Other moments i feel really bad and guilty... expecially at night cause it was the moment when we spent the most time together... cuddling for hours.

I feel really guilty cause she was fine when we took her in. She was crying cause she wanted food but she had to do an endoschopy and she neede to be on an empty stomac. Basically what happened is that since january she had 3 episodes where she would start to vomit but it was just liquids... and she looked really aphatic and you know... as if they sucked the life out of her. We took her in an emergency clinic the first time... they made some exams and she didnt have much... one blood test was out of the usual range but they gave her some fluids and an antiemetic and i dont know if some other meds and like 12 hours later she was fine. This happened at the beginning of Jan... than it happened again 2 weeks late... and 2 weeks after that is happened again so our vet decided to do and ecography. Everything was fine aside a part of the stomac that seemed like the muscles were a bit... thicker(?) than usual... so they suggested an endoschopy to take a better look...

so last monday we took her in and she was completely fine. They did the test and at night i went back to picke her up. During the night she started feeling sick. She puked a bit of blood but they said it could happen. When i was at work she puked blood again and i was scared. Then she became aphatic again so in the evening we took her in a 24/7 clinic where they hospitalized her. In the moorning it looked like she was a little better but then she started to have problems and they had to do a transfusion with dog blood cause they didnt have cat blood of her type cose she had a rare type... on wednesday she died.

I feel so guilty cause she was feeling ok and that test killed her. In my mind i am like... even if she had something she wouldnt have died like that... so soon... they are doing an autopsy to see if it was a reaction to the anesthesia or if they did something wrong at the clinic where they did the test. Still... she would be still alive and happy and being loved if i didnt take her in for that test. And she wouldnt have suffered so much in her last couple of days. We didnt have the chance to say goodbye... i didnt even say goodbye properly when i took her into the clinic cause i really thought she was going to be ok. She was a young cat, only 6 years. So... at night sometimes i struggle... cause... well i miss her so much. Even Moka, my dog... spent a couple of nights looking for her... i am sure she misses her as well.

I think it will be a bit hard for me to edit some of the Statione Eleven videos cause i recorded them before she was gone so she will probably make a few appearences in my reactions even tho... like... she will be happy and i just wanna think and remember her that way so...