Chapter 51 - I am Spider Tobey

Peter Parker! I am Hey.

Wait! That was a mix-up!

I meant, Hey! I am Peter Parker!

It’s been 37 years since my meeting with Coulson…

Just kidding, she’s still shaking my hand—no time has passed at all.

Well, while Coulson kept shaking my hand for what felt like years, mentally analyzing the entire situation as if my girls and I weren’t aware of what she was doing, I responded to her introduction.

“Interesting name. Why don’t you just call it the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, Logistics, Defense, Intelligence, Operations, and Security Network? It sounds prettier. The current name is kinda short and doesn’t really make it clear what you guys actually do,” I said with a serious face, offering my advice.

“Yes, they do say that a lot… Gah!” At that moment, Coulson, who was about to say ‘they say that a lot’, choked when, instead of complaining about the name being too long, I actually made it even longer.

“Cough I’ll inform my superiors of your suggestion.” Coulson coughed into her fist to cover the embarrassment and continued, “I’m a big fan, Spider-Man. If you could give me an autograph later, I’d really appreciate it. But I’d like to get down to business first,” she said seriously but with a small, friendly smile.

She then started asking questions about what had happened and informed us that we should cooperate with them in dealing with the aftermath.

After a while of talking, Pepper and Tony left with Happy, who arrived after hearing about the incident.

It was time for me and the girls to leave too.

“We’re heading back to patrol, Agent Coulson. It was nice meeting you,” I said, shaking her hand once more.

“Of course. And thanks for the autograph,” she said with a smile. I had signed a Spider-Man hero trading card she had in her pocket.

Coulson then seemed to think of something and said, “Spider-Man, is there a way to contact you? SHIELD is an autonomous agency, not constrained by any single government. You could get our help if you ever run into trouble, and we might ask for yours if needed. Of course, you’re free to decline.” Coulson offered.

“Hey, you called it SHIELD now, hehe. As for contact, don’t worry—Nat probably already passed my info to you. After all, she’s an agent. And Coulson, Natasha and I are getting married in three months, so I’d like to invite you. I’ll send the invitation later,” I said with a grin, enjoying Coulson’s surprised reaction.

Coulson furrowed her brows and looked at Natasha, who was slightly startled since she hadn’t expected me to reveal her like that.

For the first time, Coulson lost her usual smile and said, “Agent Romanoff, revealing your identity without consulting the Director, especially on a mission, could be considered an act of treason…” She was speaking diplomatically, but I could see the anger and suspicion in her eyes.

And that’s why, before she could continue, I interrupted, “Agent Coulson, no need to be upset. I already knew that Natalie wasn’t just an ordinary person. She had exceptional martial skills and a strong resistance to my charm, so I always suspected she might be an agent. That’s why I stayed vigilant. When I saw you evaluating her upon arrival, I deduced that she must be connected to you, so I said what I did. You just confirmed it.” I smiled.

Of course, everything I said was a lie, but I wanted to shift the blame for Natasha’s exposure onto someone else. And Coulson was perfect. I had noticed her doubts when she arrived, so I just played along. Using Natasha’s real name was the bait. The moment Coulson fell for it, I called her Natalie, reinforcing the idea that Natasha hadn’t actually given herself away.

And, man, Coulson’s shocked face was fantastic. Seriously fun. But I had to keep up the act.

I turned to Natasha, who was still stunned by my strategy, and said, “Nat, I know you lied to me about your identity. The girls and I knew all along. But we don’t love you for who you were—we love you for who you are. And after all this time, aside from your name and past, I’m sure we know your true self better than anyone. We love you from the bottom of our hearts—I, as your husband and best friend, and the girls, as your sisters and best friends.” I spoke seriously.

Then, I asked, “What’s your real name?”

Natasha was still slightly shaken, touched by my words—even though they were meant to deceive Coulson, they were still sincere.

“Natasha,” she said, looking down after hesitating for a moment, unintentionally helping with our performance.

I then stepped forward, tapped my hip twice, and a compartment opened in my suit. From it, I took out a ring and knelt before her.

“I was going to propose on a more romantic occasion, but I guess there’s no better time than now. Natasha Romanoff, I cherish every moment with you. I love every little thing about you—every glance, every word. Will you marry me?” I said, looking into her eyes.

Thanks to my Spider-Sense, I knew that, at that moment, she was smiling and crying, filled with pure happiness.

“If you’ll have me, there’s nothing else in this world I’d rather do than marry you!” She shouted, jumping into my arms before I could even put the ring on her finger.

“HAHAHA!” I laughed heartily, spinning her around in the air. Then, I slipped the ring onto her finger, lifted our masks just enough, and kissed her deeply.

“”””clap clap whistle clap clap…””””

The girls clapped, whistled, and cheered joyfully.

Meanwhile, Coulson was still frozen in place, shocked at having been deceived by someone so young.

… 

Later that day, as we were heading home, Natasha’s earpiece buzzed. She answered in front of us when we stopped on a rooftop. Thankfully, we all had enhanced senses now, so we could hear Fury’s voice.

“It’s me,” Natasha said upon answering.

“Natasha, Coulson compromised your cover. He just informed me. What’s your situation?” Fury’s voice was serious.

“Director, it’s not entirely Coulson’s fault. Peter and the girls are incredibly intelligent—they suspected me from the moment I joined. They just never showed it. I only found out today,” Natasha said, glancing at me with a smirk, knowing I had made her lie to her boss.

“That’s not important right now. If you trust them, you can invite them to SHIELD. After that, you’re free to withdraw from the mission. If you can extract the suit, do it. If not, there will be other chances. There’s no need for a fake marriage that could upset potential allies,” Fury said, about to hang up.

“Wait! It’s not what you think. The truth is, I fell in love with Peter. I genuinely intend to marry him. That’s why I’m requesting time off,” she said, her voice firm but still finding it odd to deceive the world’s greatest spy—and ask for vacation time on top of it.

“Agent Romanoff, are you telling me you want to pursue a relationship built on lies?” Fury asked, sounding slightly taken aback.

“Director Fury, I’ve been an agent for many years—I know how to distinguish a false feeling from a real one. Peter is a man with an incredibly kind heart. He despises injustice. And he truly loves me, just as I’ve come to truly love him. Don’t worry—I owe SHIELD, and I see Barton as my brother. Give me the missions, and I’ll complete them. Plus, I now have a powerful group willing to help me.” Natasha spoke seriously.

There was silence for a moment.

Then, a sigh.

“Sigh Natasha, I’ll trust your judgment. I hope you’re certain about your choices. You only get ONE chance. If anything goes wrong, you will bear full responsibility. Understood?” Fury’s voice was sharp and severe.

“Understood, Director!” she replied firmly.

“You’ll have two months off. After that, you return to work.” And with that, Fury hung up without giving her a chance to respond.

“Ugh, so rude,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“He’s always like that, but he has a good heart,” Natasha said with a playful smile.