A Lullaby For Gods Chapter 87

DECEMBER 9, 2013

MORNING AFTER THE NYC ATTACK

THE ISLAND

“Is he okay?”

Eridan is aware that Nereus is outside of the cove, through some weird extension of his own senses right now. He’s talking to Anshu, who still has that hauntingly human form over them that just reminds him too much of the hospital room.

Brain dead. The body was brain dead. And because there was no way to communicate to their family the truth of what was going on, they might pull the plug on it before Eridan can find a way to save their daughter.

Obviously, despite the fact that he and Nereus could touch things, they couldn’t just leave notes in the room - Eridan can’t write in the needed alphabet very well; Nereus wasn’t about to make the family think someone was playing a very sick, very ill-timed prank on them.

So they’d just come back, willed for Anshu to cut the connection short to the whereabouts of their real body.

Their family might just give up on them, Eridan thinks. The sunflowers in the room had looked like they hadn’t been replaced in a while, old and wilted in their vase. Maybe they were losing hope in the situation too.

At the mouth of the cove, Nereus and Anshu are still talking.

He’s just thinking about some things, Nereus says, to Anshu.

There’s a second’s pause before they answer. “What did you two see, anyway?”

You.

Hauntingly still, one foot in the hospital, the other already in the grave. Them, kept from rotting six feet underneath only by machines and chemicals being pumped into their body day by day.

“...am I really - ?”

Yeah, Nereus says. It’s - it’s a lot to explain, but yeah, you’re not from here, Anshu. You’re not supposed to be here.

They’re supposed to be home, with their friends and family, destined to live an ordinary, safe life with people that loved them. Or, at least, until whatever version of the game kicked off in their home universe; still, though, they would have had more time to spend with their loved ones.

But maybe it’s better this way, somehow. At least, in this universe, it’s not them who has to play the wretched game. At least they’re going to die before any of the mess of the reckoning and the world ending even comes to pass.

And if this hadn’t happened, Eridan wouldn’t have met them, right? His first friend on this earth, and arguably the only friend he has now.

...what the hell is he thinking?

That’s besides the point. The point is they can die within the year if he does nothing, and he’d rather take his chances of trying to send them back to their universe than leave them helpless here. He has a plan - free everyone from S.H.I.E.L.D, explain the situation, let Anshu create the bridge back to their real body and have Fef revive their consciousness back into their body. Sure, he’d never see them again, after, but -

They’d be alive, right?

No, they wouldn’t be, that seed of doubt kicking around in his mind says. You’ll just be sending them straight into the game’s waiting arms, where they could just as easily die a horrible death.

Either path he chooses, it’s dangerous. If he sends them home, if he can even send them home on time, they could still die by the game; if they survive, they have to deal with the fact that they and their friends are going to be the only ones left after the reckoning. If he can’t send them home, they either live for five more years and die a premature death, or die even earlier within the year.

“What do we do now?” Anshu asks.

Die, Eridan thinks grimly. It’s all worthless, isn’t it? Every path we choose leads to despair.

Even if he and the others get out of S.H.I.E.L.D., it could still be too late for him to send Anshu home. If he’s successful, he’ll never know what’s happened to them, if they even survive their session; if they survive, he has no idea what that’ll do to them, if it’ll destroy them beyond repair.

Would it be crueler to let them live through the possibility of that, or just end it here?

Because he could just end it here. Anshu is already on the way to dying, anyway. How easy would it be to -

Eridan rubs at his eyes furiously, knuckles pressing down hard enough that he can see stars behind his eyelids. He grits his teeth. He’s not going to think that. He’s never going to think that again. The Heir of Doom had said it - Princes destroy, destroy with, and are destroyed by; it’s not any surprise that the one time he’s tried to actually believe in something, it’s completely eating away at him.

But just because he can’t see what’s worth believing in, it doesn’t mean others can’t. Someone else might find something. Anshu might find something.

He’s not going to hurt them. He’s not going to hurt his friends again.

He scrubs at the tear tracks left on his cheeks furiously. He’s fine. It’ll be fine. He just has to do something, let someone else with a less unfortunate class handle the rest. He just has to find a way to break everyone out of S.H.I.E.L.D., which means he has to blindside the fuckers by something they’ve never seen him do before. If he can get some grasp of his Prince abilities, they might be destructive enough to bust everyone out.

Get out, get Fef, get Anshu home, deal with the rest. That’s it.

But first, he has to explain things to the one at the heart of this.

He stands. At the mouth of the cove, Nereus turns to watch him as he carefully maneuvers around the few rocks dotting the surface of the water and makes his way towards them.

Anshu looks at him, the little angelfish peeking their head above water, and their human outline staring up at him in concern.

“I’m okay,” he says. “Just - gotta explain some things. Let’s get out of here, though, it’s gonna get too cold.”

“Okay,” Anshu says with a little bob, before they duck under the water and dart out to the warmer, more sunlit part of the beach.

Eridan watches them go.

“Nereus,” he says, doing nothing to follow after them. “I think I’m infected.”

I know, Nereus says, nodding grimly. Felt your panic back there.

“I’m on borrowed time too, huh?” Eridan says, and then snorts - he’s literally already died; his whole existence here is borrowed time. “Infection spread varies from person to person, right? I could just keel over from the bloodleech before Kar can help me?’

Possibly, Nereus says.

It’d be easier to just die. He’s so sick of being alive.

“Nereus, if I do anything - or if anything happens to me,” Eridan starts, stops, and then, “Can you transfer your link to Anshu?”

When Nereus doesn’t say anything, Eridan turns to properly face him. The man sighs, and then nods again, tersely.

Yeah, he says. I can.

“Okay,” Eridan says, relieved. “Don’t hesitate to kill me, then.”

Alright.

“Thank you,” Eridan says, and then dives into the water, following after Anshu. Nereus disperses in a flash of white-gold light.

In the east, the sun rises.

-

It helps that Nereus has already been talking to Anshu, though Eridan is quickly learning his shitty fellow violetblood and possible alternate universe ancestor has been taking a page from the Heir of Doom’s book and has been talking in vague half-truths. He has to explain, from start to finish, what the game is, how it works, how it involves multiple universes, and how its heroes have abilities. To their credit, Anshu takes it all in stride, even when he can see that some parts aren’t fully clicking in their mind just from how much it sounds like nonsense.

The only thing Anshu remembers is that they were born in this reef, and have been here for the past four years. They don’t remember ever being on land, much less being an apex predator on it. And it’s a big ask to make them consider being a human from a completely different universe.

Still, though, they listen,  as both of them find a spot some ways off from the reef to talk, and Anshu gets the gist of it. He’s from a universe where there’s a planet called Alternia. His session created a universe with an Earth, but it’s not this one. He died at some point, woke up alive but lost, here, in a completely different universe. And similar to him, they were from another universe, but they split off, woke up here and mistook the past four years for their whole life.

But, Anshu says, now back to only their angelfish form with Nereus’ absence. What am I supposed to do with that?

Eridan blinks, confused.

I can’t remember any of it. I grew up in this reef; or at least, that’s all I remember, they say. I don’t even know what a family is.

The reef was so huge, with so many fishes, they hadn’t even had a name, he remembers. It was why he gave them one; a well-meaning choice at the moment but perhaps one he shouldn’t have given them, given the proximity of his class to hope.

“I’m going to try to get you home,” he says. “Maybe, if you remember what it was like, you’ll like it there better.”

But what about everybody here? Anshu asks. This is still home, too.

Eridan looks out to the reef, watching the school from the distance, at the dots of color swimming about, scales glinting when the light hits them right.

He doesn’t know everybody in this school, just knows of most of them, but he has spent months here, defending the reef, fighting with those stupid birds; sailing and swimming and watching stars and clouds pass by with some of them. He’s not a stranger to them, and they’re a comfort to him. Anshu’s right, this is still home.

“I...don’t know,” he answers. “To be honest, Ansh, I don’t know much these days.”

He wishes he did. He wishes the world would just stop, for once, and let him and everyone else breathe. He wishes this wasn’t happening. He wishes he could even just hug Anshu, that they weren’t lifeless and dead on a hospital bed.

“...you know, I don’t mind.”

He turns, at the sound of an actual human voice, even though it’s too soft and faint.

Anshu - the image of their human form still looks slightly transparent, but it’s a lot more opaque now, and a lot less of an outline, though they’re still glowing. Their long, white hair whips about the water, the hospital gown they’re wearing with it, sleeves and skirt swishing about like a sunday dress; like something a perfectly safe and healthy young girl would wear to a market with her family, maybe, or with a friend to a flower field, where they could just be kids and have fun.

“All I remember is this reef; everyone lives and dies here, and that’s all they know,” they say. “It’s not so bad.”

“You could live a long, regular human life,” Eridan says. “You have people who love you over there, Anshu.”

“I have people who love me here too,” Anshu says, turning to smile at him, and the relief that floods in his chest at the sight of it nearly makes him forget to hold his weight in the water and just let himself be carried by the current. This is how they should be, bright and smiling like the sun. “I’m perfectly happy to die surrounded by those who love me, Your Highness.”

“Eridan.”

“Hm?”

“You don’t - I’m not a prince anymore. Alternia’s dead,” he says. “And frankly, I don’t even really care anymore. It’s Eridan. My name’s Eridan.”

“It’s such a pretty name, isn’t it?” Anshu says, “The River of Stars.”

“Anshu,” Eridan says, not willing to let the conversation go anywhere else. “If I can send you back, promise me you will go back home.”

“And if you can’t?”

“I…”

Eridan’s shoulders drop. He’s so tired.

“I don’t know, I’ll think of something.”

“If you can’t, I really don’t mind,” Anshu says, kindly, “Really, Eridan. I don’t mind.”

“How can you be fine with that?” he asks. “You’re going to die.”

“But I’ve lived a good life. I made a good friend,” they say, “Isn’t that enough?”

Eridan barks out a laugh. He’s not a good friend, he’s the farthest thing from a good friend. He’s a murderer for fuck’s sake.

“Eridan, you said your class thing destroys you too, right?” Anshu says.

“Yeah,” Eridan says. “I destroy, you heal.”

“Then you have to stop feeling guilty for whatever happens to me,” Anshu says. “And you have to forgive yourself if you fail, okay? I can heal you now, but - when I’m gone, I can’t do that anymore.”

Faint streaks of violet still bloom at the corner of Eridan’s vision as the tears forming in his eyes are quickly swept by the steady tide around them. He wipes at them anyway.

“You can’t destroy yourself when that happens,” Anshu says, and chuckles, an instinctive reaction out of their temporary body but a sound he’s never heard from them before. It’s pretty. “Who’s going to take care of you, then?”

“I can do that myself,” he says, without any heat to it. “Just a few months ago, I was the bastard fighting birds for this reef.”

“A lost bastard who kept losing his glasses,” Anshu says. “Where are those, by the way?”

“Lost them.”

“Of course you did,” they say.

Eridan glares at them, though it’s softened by the fact that he’s still rubbing away his tears and tempered further by the sight of them actually smiling at him.

“Eri,” Anshu says. “You wanted something called a hug, right?”

He blinks, slowly. “Okay, creepy, how’d you know that?”

“I just know things, sometimes, remember? On what people need so I can help them?”

“Ah,” he says. “Yeah, I guess - I - “

Just do it, idiot, you’ll feel better, Nereus whispers, irate. You know how to fucking hug someone, right?

Shut up, old man, yes, he thinks back. While he’s not the most tactile person out there, he’s seen people do it.

They...uh - shit -

Like this, stupid. There’s a flash of white-gold by both of their sides, and suddenly Nereus is there, crushing both of them together in a hug. Eridan makes a choked noise, Anshu squeaks, Nereus snickers.

It’s warm. It’s comfortable.

Eridan relaxes into it, slowly, as Anshu tries to mimic the gesture with the confusion of someone trying to actually maneuver limbs. They succeed, somewhat, one arm clumsily around Nereus’ back, the other around Eridan’s side.

“You know, your name isn’t even Anshu, back there,” Eridan says. This close, he can actually see the color of their eyes: as blue as the ocean itself. “It’s Anya. Anya Jaeger.”

“I like Anshu better,” they say, “You gave it to me, it’s the name I remember!”

That’s cute as fuck, Nereus says, not out loud, as he only grins at Eridan.

Shut the fuck up before I destroy your stupid Hope shit, Eridan thinks back at him.

You don’t even know how to, Nereus says, actually out loud this time. Which reminds him - he really has to find a way to harness his Prince abilities outside of constantly having a crisis of faith.

Thinking about training already, huh? Nereus says. Oh, hey - yeah, Anshu, are you getting familiar with the feeling of bringing shit you think will help people into existence?

“Somewhat,” Anshu says. “Why?”

Might help this get this guy on his feet with his magic, Nereus says.

“It’s not magic,” Eridan mutters.

Whatever floats your boat, Eri.

“Don’t fucking call me that,” he huffs. “You know something about their class?”

Duh, I studied every form of magic under Hope, remember? Nereus says, letting them both go from the hug. Of course I know about Sylph magic too. Can’t do all of the spells - like Manifest - but I know the theory.

“Manifest?” Anshu asks.

When you identify a wish or a yearning and bring it forth into existence. It’s what makes Sylphs of Hope valuable and dangerous; they can make a lot of things happen, Nereus says. So when Eri here -

“Eridan,” the mentioned boy corrects.

- wishes to be somewhere, Heaven Help Us sends the distress signal, Manifest catches it and makes it a reality. If Manifest cannot fully make it a reality, Manifest manipulates chances to allow this possibility to come to life, as long as the person it is targeted at makes the right choices and makes the effort, Nereus recites.

“So, if I make some stu - some wish for a hug, they…” Eridan glances at Anshu.

Their soul turns into a proper tangible brain ghost, Nereus says.

That - that opens a lot of possibilities, actually. If he wishes for everyone to be brought out of S.H.I.E.L.D., even if Anshu cannot make that into an immediate reality, their class can find a loophole to exploit, or make enough coincidences that allows a jailbreak to be a possibility. If he wishes to find a way to save them, the same thing can happen.

Hell, he might be able to wish for a way to contact the Heir of Doom, directly or indirectly, see if they can stave off Anshu’s death until he can break everyone out. That can work, right? Wish for a jailbreak, take note of the coincidences and exploit it; wish for any point of connection to the Heir of Doom, have them cast that spell that helped them save Nereus from the brink of death. If they’d cared enough about Anshu to drop him and Nereus here, they’ll care enough when he has a pitch to actually help them.

He just has to actually find a way to contact them, find some link, however obscure and -

In another flash of white-gold light, Eridan Ampora, Nereus Ampora with him, disappears from where he’s floating.

And left behind, Anshu, back in their fish form, lets out one lone distressed bubble.

Oops...I can’t control it yet…