Chapter 25: The Ever-Positive Angel Is in Charge of the Magical Girl's Mental Care

Magical Girl Blue (Grown-Up Child)

Since that day, a small change had crept into the never-ending hamster wheel of my routine.

[06:00 AM. Time to wake up.]

[This morning’s breakfast is―…]

I open my eyes in the morning and eat breakfast.

After finishing my meal, I wash up and shampoo my hair with Cyclamen’s help.

[07:46 AM. It’s work time.]

Just like always, after the morning passes, it’s time to work.

Maybe it’s because I picked at my breakfast, today I was a minute behind compared to yesterday.

I can’t help being late, but that doesn’t mean I can skip work.

I rebuild or repair broken machines, and charge depleted batteries with magic power.

Maybe there was more work to do than usual, because by the time I finished, it was already past 10.

Lunchtime would come soon.

I thought I’d make something like I always did,

But for some reason, I just couldn’t get into it.

So I sat on my bed, idly wiggling my toes and watching time pass.

[…]

It's almost lunchtime.

“Hey, Cyclamen. What time is it?”

[…11:45 AM.]

Cyclamen, who would normally answer right away, gave a strangely delayed response.

She must’ve had a lot of tasks queued up. Yeah, that’s probably it.

I tried to believe that and waited as lunchtime approached.

[Today’s lunch is…]

As always, I ate the meal prepared by Cyclamen and let the time drift by.

Then, not long later, Cyclamen spoke up:

[Intruder detected. Shall I intercept?]

“No, just let her through.”

As I stood up, the wall shone brightly, and the self-proclaimed angel appeared.

A small but significant change that occurred after that day.

“Good morning! Today’s a beautiful day!”

That change was… the presence of the angel.

Honestly, I wasn't very keen on it at first.

I didn’t like the idea of someone else entering a space that was made solely for me.

But that lasted only for a day or two.

After enough time passed, I got somewhat used to it.

Not that I liked it, just that I grew accustomed.

I still preferred being alone.

It’s easier, more comfortable that way.

Every time this angel visits, I get more tired.

It starts to feel like this space isn’t mine anymore.

All I can think is: Please leave soon. I want to be alone again.

“The weather outside is lovely. Did you get a chance to go out?”

“Uh-oh… not really, I don't really want to go out...”

“Is that so? That’s a shame… It would’ve been nice to take a walk together on such a nice day.”

But at the same time—

I was also grateful for this self-proclaimed angel who came to see me every day.

No matter what I said, no matter how I reacted, she always accepted me with a smile.

It was a different kind of comfort than what Cyclamen gave me.

And maybe… I liked that.

“Have you eaten?”

Just like always, she asked with that bright, sunny smile.

I gave a faint smile and nodded.

“That’s great! What’ve you been up to today?”

Her total lack of boundaries still made me uncomfortable… but I didn’t particularly dislike it.

“Well… Same as always. Ate breakfast, washed up, fixed and built some machines. Then lunch…”

“Do you get any exercise?”

“Cyclamen makes a diet plan for me… so as long as I eat what she gives me, I won’t gain weight…”

At my words, the self-proclaimed angel stared at me with an utterly horrified expression.

I blinked, confused by the look of someone who had completely lost her mind.

“You’re telling me every single day is a diet!?”

“Eek!?”

“Ack, sorry! I didn’t mean to shout. I was just so shocked, it slipped out.”

…Was that really something to be that shocked over?

Ever since I built this place and created Cyclamen, this was just how things had always been…

“How much do you eat in a day?”

“Breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner… maybe around 1600 calories?”

I’d never really paid attention to the number before, but I was pretty sure that was about right.

The angel looked at me like I’d just said something tragic.

“Can you even live on that…?”

“Yeah. I’ve gotten used to it… I’ve never really felt like it wasn’t e-enough.”

Sometimes, it even feel like there's too much food rather than enough—

Though lately, with the increase in my workload, it has been feeling a bit lighter.

“That’s a shame… There are so many delicious things in the world, you know.”

“Delicious things… they’re all f-flavors I already know. So it’s okay… I don't really care…”

When I said that, the self-proclaimed angel replied, "I see…," and sighed deeply.

“Still, it’s a shame. It would have been nice if we could enjoy something delicious together.”

Something delicious, huh…

I wonder if she had a favorite food.

“Do you… have something you like to eat?”

“I’m not picky or anything, but if I had to pick… I like watching other people enjoy their food, I suppose?”

…How is watching someone else eat considered food?

Wait, is she saying she likes stealing other people’s food?

Like, ‘I’ll take all your food from now on’ sort of thing?

…No. That’s probably not what she meant.

She didn’t seem like that kind of person…

“…Wh-what do you mean by that?”

“Ahh, I guess that sounded weird, huh? It’s not a big deal, really. I just meant it literally.”

“You mean… watching other people eat is wh-what you like?”

“Yep! Maybe it’s because I’m an angel, but just seeing someone else enjoy their food fills me up!”

…?

Did I just mishear something?

I blinked at her in confusion, but she only looked back at me as if I was the strange one.

“W-wait. So you’re saying that just by watching s-someone eat… you feel full…? Not metaphorically, b-but like, actually full?”

“Hmm, if you mean full as in a literal feeling of satiety, then yes. I really do feel satiated.”

“Not just something adults always say, but it really works that way…? L-Like your stomach…”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I do.”

If what she said was true…

If we could just figure out the principle behind that phenomenon, it would be an incredible discovery.

At the very least, it could revolutionize dieting.

If simply watching someone eat could make you feel full, then…

It might even solve the world’s hunger problem.

As I was thinking that, the self-proclaimed angel cautiously raised her hand.

“Um… I think I have a rough idea what you're thinking, but the method you’re imagining won’t work.”

“Won’t work? You don’t even know what I was thinking. How can you say that?”

“Weren’t you just thinking about how to apply the idea of feeling full from watching others eat… to everyone?”

Her guess was so spot-on that I shuddered.

…Was it written all over my face again?

No, that’s not the important part right now.

“…Yeah. I was. So what makes you say it won’t work?”

“Well, it’s because… I don’t need to consume food to survive.”

That wasn’t the answer I was hoping for, but it was enough to help me understand what she meant.

For an angel, eating, such as feeling full or getting nutrition, is a preference, not survival.

If she had the ability to feel full just by watching someone else eat, then that ability wasn’t about nutrition, it was about satisfying a desire.

And if that same ability were applied to normal people, it wouldn’t save them. It would kill them.

They’d feel content, happy, satisfied… as they slowly starved to death.

“…I see.”

Once again, I’d tried to make something strange.

Even after everything that happened last time, I was making the same mistake again…

“Soyu-ssi.”

“Ah…! No, I… I was just…”

I flinched and raised my head, only to find the self-proclaimed angel wrapping her arms around me.

“It’s okay. You didn't have bad intentions when you had those thoughts. You were just trying to help people, right? It just didn’t go the way you hoped.”

“No, that’s not… it’s just…”

A dozen excuses welled up to the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them all and shook my head.

It wasn’t something I could explain to anyone else.

And I didn’t want to show the ugly parts of myself.

“…Let go.”

“Feeling a bit calmer now?”

I nodded, and only then did the self-proclaimed angel gently release me.

As the warmth faded, the room suddenly felt much colder.

“…I wish you'd fix that habit of hugging me whenever you get the chance.”

“I’ll try my best!”

I sighed inwardly at the answer that was practically saying she wouldn't fix it and avoided my gaze.

I didn’t feel like talking anymore.

Our conversations always ended up like this.

I pick at my own wounds.

The angel tries to comfort me.

And then I withdraw again.

It’s childish. Like a kid’s tantrum.

But I don’t know how else to deal with it.

Before I could learn how to cope…

I’d already laid myself down in this cradle and stayed here ever since.

“…I guess I should go now.”

The angel gave me a soft smile and stood up, as if reading my mood.

“…”

—You're leaving already?

The words hovered at the edge of my throat.

But if I said them, I’d really sound like a sulking child, so I held them back and turned away.

“Then, I’ll come again tomorrow.”

With those words, the light slowly faded beyond the wall.

Left alone in the now dimly lit room, I sat hugging my knees and looked at Cyclamen—

Still smiling faintly, silent like a dead person.

“…Why am I always like this?”

I tell people to leave, but when they actually leave, I try to hold them back.

I drop hints that I need help, but when they offer help, I try to push them away.

I say I won’t trust anyone, but the moment I let my guard down even a little, I try to lean on them.

Everything about me is full of contradictions.

And knowing that frustrating side of me only made me more frustrated.

“Cyclamen… what should I do in times like this?”

[…]

There was no answer from her.

She just gently embraced me with that same lifeless smile.

“…The angel… she’ll come again tomorrow… right?”

Again, Cyclamen said nothing.

She just hugged me a little tighter.

The warmth that the angel gave me is taken away by Cyclamen's cold, lifeless body.

Until I returned to being the same as always.

Until I became the cold corpse lying in this cradle again.

***

Over the past few days of talking with Magical Girl Blue, Han Soyu, I came to a clear realization.

“Han Soyu is a child. A moody, adolescent child.”

She doesn’t understand her own emotions.

She doesn’t know what she wants.

She has no firm goals, no strong will.

She acts on impulse and fleeting feelings.

She’s clumsy with conversation and expressing her emotions.

Yes, Han Soyu is just a grown-up child in a grown-up’s body.

“Sigh… But honestly, that kind of immaturity is kind of adorable.”

Guess I’ll just pour in a whole lot of love and help her grow up big and strong.

Oh, and…

“I need to do something about that robot called Cyclamen too.”

I shivered, brushing down the goosebumps on my arm as I recalled those lifeless, half-lidded eyes that had been staring at me the entire time I was with Soyu.

There were too many unsettling things to dismiss it as just the meaningless behavior of a robot.

“Anyway… I’ll rest for today and think more about it tomorrow.”

…Maybe I should contact Yoo Seo-ah.

There’s some stuff I want to ask her anyway.

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