Chapter 11: The Ever-Positive Angel Is in Charge of the Magical Girl's Mental Care

How She Stands on Her Own

By the time I came to my senses, I was in a back alley.

I couldn’t remember what had happened.

No, that’s a lie. I did remember everything.

I was just pretending not to.

“Ah…”

Because I felt like I shouldn't remember.

Because I felt like something inside me would break.

Like always, I dropped to my knees and braced myself against the ground, but no vomit came up.

My stomach churned and my vision spun, but it felt like something was tightening around my throat so much that I couldn’t even throw up.

I couldn’t shake the fact that someone had died because of me.

I thought maybe, just maybe, I could finally be a little happy.

But that selfish thought… it had led to someone else's death.

‘It’s my fault.’

And slowly, the memories I’d buried deep in my mind began to slither their way back.

The memory of that time, when I was drunk on power, thinking I could do anything.

That arrogant, naive version of myself who believed I could save everyone.

And the faces of my family and friends who died because of that arrogance… no, who I killed with my own hands.

—A little magical girl like you thinks she can kill me?

—Hmph! Don’t call me little! I’ve fought way bigger monsters than you!

The humanoid monster Ska, the first and last of its kind to appear in my city.

I was intoxicated by power, and I fought like a madwoman.

I was thrilled to face my first worthy opponent.

Yes… back then, I just enjoyed fighting.

Blood? Guts? None of it mattered.

Because every time I killed a monster, my mom would praise me and tell me I did a good job, my dad would smile and give me a big thumbs up.

My friends would look at me with awe and tell me I was amazing.

So, I liked the cheers and praise I got when I killed a monster.

That's why I loved fighting.

— Run…!

But I was just a kid.

Blinded by all the praise, I never stopped to consider the consequences.

I kept chasing that monster, fighting it through the city again and again.

By the time I finally held my blade to its throat…

— Fall into despair. Even if you kill me here, your despair is just beginning.

Everything I had tried to protect was already destroyed.

There was no mom left to pat me on the head.

There was no dad left to clap my back and tell me I did great.

They were all dead—killed in the chaos my fight had caused.

— I don’t want to die… it hurts…!

— Hic… Mom… Mommyy…

The friends I had wanted to protect also lost their precious families because of me.

Citizens. Buildings. Everything was gone, nothing left unscathed.

It was all because of my selfishness.

Then, and now.

“Seo-ah-myon.”

At the sound of my name, I slowly lifted my head.

“Myoa…”

“That’s why I told you-myon. A magical girl’s hesitation is what leads to the death of powerless citizens-myon.”

She shook her head, and I snapped.

I grabbed Myoa by the neck.

“You son of a bitch…!! Don’t act like you’ve done nothing wrong when you’re the reason I got to the scene late!!”

“I understand the desire to blame someone,” Myoa said calmly, “but this time, it wasn’t my fault-myong.”

“...!!!”

I gritted my teeth and ripped Myoa in half with both hands.

“Tearing my body apart won’t change anything-myon.”

“Shut up.”

But a magical girl's mascot is an immortal being.

Even with her head torn off, Myoa scratched at me nonchalantly.

“It was only a matter of time before civilians died-myon. The moment your heart turned from everyone to just one person, the magic meant for all unraveled-myon. Of course it did, myong.”

“Shut up…!! I said shut up!!”

“The power of a magical girl comes from her wish. The more unreachable the dream, the stronger the power, myong. But you, Yoo Seo-ah… your heart no longer longs for the unreachable stars, it clings to a firefly already in your hands. You’ve awoken from an impossible dream, and now you’re just settling for reality.”

Crack, crack…

“You think if I hadn’t said anything, the outcome would’ve been different? When the alarm went off, a magical girl should’ve launched immediately. But instead, you hesitated. Because of your selfishness. Tell me, whose fault is that? Is that my fault too?”

“No… no, I… I didn’t…”

“Your selfishness got people killed.”

With blood-red eyes, Myoa looked down at me.

It was your fault.

It was all my fault.

“But don’t worry too much. It’s not too late yet.”

“…It’s not?”

Myoa placed her large rabbit paw on my shoulder and said.

“Walk away from the angel. Don’t cling to a firefly you can hold—look up. Dream of the stars again. Return to being the magical girl who reaches for the sky. Do that, and you can go back to the way things were.”

“…Back to the way things were…”

“Yes. Go back to being the magical girl who protects everyone. The one people praise and worship. Be the symbol of hope for all. Only you can do that.”

Those red eyes pierced through me.

If I could just return to how things were…

“Then… will the people who died come back too…?”

“Of course. Just take my hand. All your dreams will come true. Become a magical girl, again.”

Then none of it will be my fault anymore.

I won’t have to take responsibility.

Just like back then, I’d kill monsters like I was dead inside, chain-smoke until my lungs rotted out, and wallow in solitude while turning my back on reality, pretending it was all a dream.

All I had to do was keep dreaming and ignore everything else.

It was such a sweet, seductive offer that I almost reached out for it without thinking…

— Seo-ah.

— Seo-ah.

Voices. So familiar they made my breath catch in my throat. Soft. Gentle.

Mom’s voice. Dad’s voice.

And…

— Until they become stars that shine on their own, not just symbols of hope that shine with the praise of those around them.

The voice of the angel who truly believed in me.

‘Is this really what you want? Is this really the dream you were wishing for?’

What I really wanted…

No. This isn’t it.

“…Hey, Myoa. If all my dreams were supposed to come true…”

I clenched my fist and grabbed Myoa’s paw like I might rip it off.

“Then why haven’t my family and friends come back?”

“….”

“Now that I think about it, it was strange. Even though buildings would collapse, cars would explode through the air, no one ever got hurt. And even if their homes or cars were wrecked, even while pulling the injured from the rubble, people would still cheer for me first.”

Cheering because they survived? Sure. That makes sense.

But everyone cheering? Everyone always smiling? That was never right.

Not because people are bad. It’s just… they’re human.

When you see a white canvas with one red dot, your eyes go to the red dot first.

People are like that. No matter how many good things happen, if something affects them directly, that’s what they focus on.

It’s not evil. It’s just how humans evolved, so there's nothing you can do about it.

Some people bottle it up. Others let it out.

But that’s what makes people people.

And that’s why true, universal happiness—where no one is hurt—is impossible.

In the end, if someone is happy, someone else will be unhappy.

There is no such thing as a perfect solution.

The world just doesn’t work that way.

“All this time, the magic wasn’t on them. It was on me.”

‘Yeah… that’s what it was.’

Now I understand.

Why I always felt like vomiting after killing a monster.

Where this sickening guilt came from.

“You made it so I couldn’t see the people who were hurt or killed, didn’t you?”

So I’d think no one was suffering. So I’d believe everyone was smiling and cheering. So I’d think I was protecting everyone.

So I’d be trapped in a dream of false salvation.

“It was all for your sake.”

“Don’t make me laugh…!!”

I got weaker because I chose to live in reality? That if I kept dreaming, I’d become stronger? That everyone could be happy, and no one would get hurt?

Then what about the people who did get hurt because of me?

“You just turned your eyes away from reality…!! You used ‘there was no other choice’ as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility!!”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“…What?”

“A magical girl is someone who dreams. What’s so wrong about showing a dream to someone who’s meant to dream?”

Myoa replied with a smug grin, voice smooth and shameless.

“And now that you’ve woken up from your dream, what exactly can you do? You’re no longer a magical girl. You think you can really protect everyone? You really believe that? That’s the real delusion, don’t you think?”

She bared her sharp fangs in a mocking smile, pushing her face right up to mine.

“All I did was lighten the burden you had to carry alone. Look at you, shaken to your core just because a few civilians died. If it weren’t for me, you’d have broken down completely. Am I wrong?”

Those glass-like, blood-red eyes reflected my whole being.

I saw myself. Drenched in blood, head to toe.

I looked down at my hands.

How much blood had I spilled?

How many people had I failed to save?

All I ever did was kill monsters. I hadn’t actually saved anyone.

These weren’t the hands of a protector, they were the hands of a murderer.

I slowly closed my eyes and clenched my fists.

“You’re right. Maybe I would’ve broken without you.”

“Then there’s even less reason to turn me away.”

I loosened my grip on Myoa’s paw and gave a small smile.

“Which is exactly why I’m going to stand on my own from now on.”

“…What did you say?”

A small flame rises in my heart.

It's different from the flame of the lighter I used to light cigarettes.

It was larger. Warmer.

The light of a distant star shines through the cigarette smoke and illuminates me.

“Instead… I’ll dream my own dream. Not yours. I’ll dream of saving everyone.”

“And you think you can shoulder all that lives alone!? Don’t make me laugh! That’s arrogance!!”

Myoa’s voice cracked with rage and her fangs bared again, as if dissatisfied that things weren't going her way.

But I didn’t back down.

I just stood up to her with firm will.

“Didn’t you say magical girls dream of the impossible? Then I’ll do it. I’ll dream that impossible dream as much as you want. So stop running your mouth and disappear.”

Because this is my dream now.

Crack—

Myoa’s body fractured.

A second later, she burst into shards.

All that remained in her place was a small, white stuffed rabbit.

“…Let’s go back.”

To the scene.

It’s time I took responsibility for what I’ve done.

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