I Sorry Everyone

Even though I don't know what to say sometimes, that doesnt mean that I shouldnt speak. I suppose I wish to explain what has happened.

I need you to understand something.  You are about to read me be very open and very honest, but make no mistake...it is a conscious choice to do so.   A lot of people really underestimate my ability to be able to read people as well as often project quite a few things on to me.  I know this because I am more fully aware of my perspective than most people are of their own.  Which means, there are points of view that I hold that I will not be moved on, on so it is fairly easy for me to identify when other people can be moved.

I say that to say, although I do lack confidence in other areas of my life...my abilities as a therapist are not one of them.  This post is not a reflection of my skill nor suitability as a therapist and so any feelings you feel toward them please know that they are your own. 

[end disclaimer just in case]

I should have told you all thank you a very long time ago. I don't know if I did or not, but I just imagine if this were a relatioship, I would be being a shitty partner.  Its just that sometimes I don't know what to talk to you about.  Sometimes, I don't even feel like talking.  Lord knows I do it so much and all day.  I often wish there were a way I could share space with my followers without having to answer questions or be "on". Ya know? I am really working very hard to get to a place where I can just stream myself playing video games and people just sit in the vibe.  I do think that if people can develop a good relationship with me and my content, that it might be healing for them to just be in my presence.

Although, that would require me to create more content that solves peoples problems.  Which is what I need to do.  Its just, again, very hard to think about how to do so in a way that is ethical.  For example, I think about how many therapists have just stolen ideas from their clients and never gave them credit.  I don't know how you would go about doing it with respect to confidentiality concerns, but there are so many ideas I have about how to help people...it just requires me to be in front of that person.

I suppose what would be really cool is if I just had a show where I talk to people from various walks of life. I'd love to "have a conversation with a sex worker" or "have a conversation with a meth addict" or "have a conversation with a target employee" and of course we would block their name.

I got off track. This was supposed to be an apology.  It truly isn't just because I had some patrons leave that I write this letter. It is because I had some stay.  I didnt realize what it meant for you to be a patron.  It is a lot of responsibility, knowing that people value the things you say.

However, saying "Thank you" is never something that is too hard. So even if it is just once per month. I do want to tell you thank you all for your support.  $280 means I don't have to pay for groceries all month and I know ive wasted more than that.  

I will be better about maintaining this relationship with you.