Text Drafts

Hey Patrons, wanna see some of our process like the true artists we are? It mostly involves a lot of drafts. Here are some first drafts of jokes compared to the final versions that went out.

First draft: 

Black Bolt: Hello, now that the Inhumans are on Earth we'd like to work with the Avengers.
Tony: Sorry pal but we don't know who you are or if you're trustworthy.
Hawkeye: Yeah the last aliens we encountered were real jerks.
Cap: We could at least give them a chance.
Black Bolt: How can we prove our good intentions to you?
Tony: Nothing comes to mind. I don't know that you can.
Black Bolt: We'll let you pet our dog.
Hawkeye: YOU'RE IN!

Final version:

Black Bolt: Hello, now that the Inhumans are on Earth I'd like to work with the Avengers.
Tony: Sorry pal but the team's full.
Hawkeye: Yeah the last aliens we encountered were real jerks.
Black Bolt: I understand. It would be a difficult partnership anyway. I cannot speak without destroying things so I'd be a completely silent partner who communicates only through texts.
Black Widow: Why didn’t you say so? Hawkeye you're out.
Tony: Agreed. Clint, pack your stuff, Black Bolt is in.
Hawkeye: What did I do!?
Hulk: ARROW MAN TALK TOO MUCH!

First draft

Cyborg: You dudes excited to be back to school?

Raven: I don't understand why we need school to force us to read books when we're already reading plenty of books. I read 10 a day.

Beast Boy: Totally, I like the one about the big red dog.

Robin: I'm excited to get to class and show off the sweet backpack Batman got me.

Starfire: What is so special about your pack of the back?

Robin: Batman MADE it for. That man knows utility, there's so many little punches for everything you could need for class. One pouch is just filled with smoke bombs.

Raven: What could you possibly need that for?

Robin: Sneaking out of class.

Final version: 

Robin: I won't be around as much anymore. School started last week!

Superboy: Why are you so excited about school?

Robin: I want to test out the new backpack Batman got me.

Superboy: Sounds super lame. 

Robin: Batman MADE it. There are little pouches for everything, my ruler, pencils, calculator, a high velocity rail gun.

Superboy: What do you need a rail gun for?!?

Robin: Gym class. It shoots dodgeballs. Those bullies from last year are in for a surprise.

First Draft:

Bucky: Sorry I missed your birthday Steve but I got you a gift. They should be delivered today.

Cap: I just got it! Are these bulletproof boots?

Bucky: Do they fit?

Cap: Yes perfectly. They look expensive. I hope they didn't set you back too much.

Bucky: They didn't set me back anything.

Cap: Did you steal these?

Bucky: Is it stealing if the guy's dead?

Cap: Yes.

Bucky: Then yes I stole them. But I waited until the body was cold. 

Final version:

Cap: I just got your gift in the mail. These are fancy boots, thank you.

Bucky: They're bulletproof to protect the weak spot your shield doesn't cover.

Cap: That's very thoughtful! They look expensive though.

B: They were free! I stole them from Tony.

C: That's why they look familiar. Thanks.

B: They'll help protect your vulnerable little feet. If I go evil again that's definitely where I was gonna shoot you. 

C: Thank... you?

B: No problem buddy.

First draft

Green Arrow: Hey I've had a crazy morning. Can you send me the battle plan for fighting Darkseid?

Wonder Woman: I already sent it.

GA: I didn't see a text or an email.

WW: I don't trust your technologies with such vital information. I sent a falcon with the plans. 

GA: Oh.

WW: Strange he hasn't arrived yet.

Ga: Follow up question, is the bird important to you?

WW: He is a trusted and loved companion.

GA: Well then I definitely didn't shoot him when he came into my home. He's probably just lost.

Final version:

WW: I just sent you the battle plans for fighting Darkseid.

GA: There's nothing in my inbox.

WW: I do not trust man's electronic mail. I sent it tied to a Falcon's leg.

GA: Oh god the Falcon just flew through my window. It's so big and it's everywhere. What do I do!?

WW: Put on your Falconer glove or gauntlet.

GA: I don't have a Falconer glove!

WW: Oh. Do you have any small mice for feeding?

GA: NO! He's freaking out and knocking everything over. He’s making a nest on the fridge! WHAT DO I DO!?

WW: Leave him. That's his kitchen now.