0093 — Roast Beef's Sexy Thoughts
Added 2024-10-25 17:00:09 +0000 UTC(Complete outtakes from this strip post at noon in tiers 2 & 3!)
If you've ever received a startlingly generous portion of breakfast meat at a restaurant, you know how it can come to dominate your thoughts. For example:
Does somebody back there "like" me? Even though I'm with my partner they do this?! I hope I am not about to get drugged and lured into some seedy underworld that I have never seen but assume must be there.
In a world such as ours, thought patterns like Beef's are understandable. Unseen worlds of philanderers flirting through brazen gifts of salted pork, always in the shadows, but always watching. They know when you're ready. It's better to think it through than not think it at all. If you think it through, you can be done with it. Unless it gets really crazy and becomes a pattern.
What's a time you thought someone was trying to communicate with you through breakfast food? Sound off in the comments!
Comments
City Ham is a great pejorative for someone wearing an outfit above their station
Chris Onstad
2024-11-09 19:19:07 +0000 UTCA server at Waffle House once forgot my side of City Ham on my order (already a strange description which may be communicating something on its own). I was in a hurry and hungry so I let it go. As we’re paying our bill the man realizes his mistake, apologizes far more than needed, and a few seconds later I have a foil wrapped slice of City Ham to go. I think this was mainly trying to communicate empathy and/or respect, regardless my ham snack for the afternoon was gratefully enjoyed later on.
Charlotte Rose
2024-11-09 14:29:31 +0000 UTCThis is a true observation. Although the fried rice thing went on too long to be okay.
Chris Onstad
2024-11-01 18:08:55 +0000 UTCWhen I realized that I had to change it to phone, that made me extra sad
Chris Onstad
2024-11-01 18:08:13 +0000 UTCI think he mainly wanted to disturb beef with the visual of riding the wall "sexual police cowboy style"
Chris Onstad
2024-11-01 18:07:45 +0000 UTCThat cook had a good and moral heart.
Chris Onstad
2024-11-01 18:07:09 +0000 UTCSeems like more of a flex than a romantic gesture. Also, line cooks usually have headaches.
Chris Onstad
2024-11-01 18:06:32 +0000 UTCThe line cook at a local diner once made my cinnamon apple pancake so large it hung off the plate and rested on the table. He looked back at me and just said "sorry". Still not sure what to make of that.
lohohonez
2024-10-26 19:41:56 +0000 UTCYeah, I feel like Ray got his actual Bone on pretty often in the early years of the strip. And he's never stopped TALKING about sex. He had that whole breast-man self-actualization arc. But as far as doing the deed? It seems like he's been more about theory than practice for a while. Which, there's nothing wrong with that, I just mention it because I like how it deepens the character.
Oppido
2024-10-26 15:38:27 +0000 UTCI once got breakfast at...I think it was a Corner Bakery, some 18-20 years ago. I ordered the baked French toast, which came with bacon and mixed fruit. Knowing myself, I told them to hold the fruit. Imagine my delight when I received my food and found I'd been given extra bacon, unbidden, in the fruit's stead. I don't think someone was trying to communicate much of anything to me besides perhaps one of the line cooks saying "Ese, tu es gordo". (He would've been correct, then and now, to do so.)
John Robinson
2024-10-26 04:13:21 +0000 UTCWell, there was the social services worker who checked on Little Nephew after the tiny-pants-for-each-leg incident, with whom Ray got mad rutty. But that was '03 and therefore outside the window you provided.
John Robinson
2024-10-26 04:04:56 +0000 UTCIt's business time, boy. This is why God made bonee pills
J Hardy Carroll
2024-10-26 02:11:51 +0000 UTCThere are few gestures more salient than ordering a drink on the plane and for ~reasons~ beyond all our control ending up with a grip of Woodford reserve because they aren’t getting paid enough for this shit that I am also overpaying for because I have to declare my baggage a legal dependent or pay extra
Tyrone Slothrust
2024-10-26 00:46:17 +0000 UTCVery on-brand for Ray to go through the trouble of breaking the wall only to abandon the enterprise with only half a leg through
Hunter Tammaro
2024-10-26 00:14:35 +0000 UTCShe felt fine about it, because she had just spent nine hours sleeping comfortably among the other glitterati of premium economy. Also I still have one of the tiny Dewar’s…for emergencies.
Nicholas Williams
2024-10-25 23:40:26 +0000 UTC"read my new book" becoming "look at my phone" is killing me
Cohen is a Ghost
2024-10-25 23:38:20 +0000 UTCThe barrier between sexy thoughts and prosaic thoughts is both thick and thin.
James
2024-10-25 23:09:17 +0000 UTCDude are you still buzzed why are you yelling How did your wife enjoy retrieving her sozzled husband from coach
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 22:30:59 +0000 UTCShe must have busted out the purple pumps
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 22:28:46 +0000 UTCYou know what, good for Beef for even being able to get Dracula out of the coffin after so recently relating that Garfield story.
Oppido
2024-10-25 21:53:05 +0000 UTCOne of my favorite things about Ray's character is that he thinks and talks about sex constantly, yet is actually one of the more chaste characters from what we see. There was the Commodore and... what else, in the past 15-18 years?
Oppido
2024-10-25 21:49:01 +0000 UTCI hope you can share this with your partner
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 21:35:43 +0000 UTCI did not blot coffee with the flight attendant - that would have been awkward, as my wife was on the same plane in a more expensive section. BUT HERE’S WHAT THE FUCK I JUST REMEMBERED - I was in an emergency exit row, which adds another level of potential scandal to the transaction.
Nicholas Williams
2024-10-25 21:25:36 +0000 UTCIt's all good, a small price to pay for the myriad joys of Achewood. The DuckTales theme has crossed that threshold many more times and whoever wrote that one hasn't done jack for me lately
Travis O.
2024-10-25 21:04:02 +0000 UTCThat part in boogie nights where the guy shoots himself
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 20:44:14 +0000 UTCI’m glad you said something so you can get an apology from the author while he’s still alive
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 20:43:40 +0000 UTCThe alt text to a strip way back in the day was something like "Donald Trump making love to female-genitals Donald Trump, the engine powering a perfect universe" and it has haunted my Intrusive Thoughts Threshold more than once during The Act
Travis O.
2024-10-25 20:40:28 +0000 UTCNow I want a follow up comic about what Molly was thinking about.
Kol
2024-10-25 19:34:55 +0000 UTCI suppose if blood or laughter aren't involved, Ray isn't *so* bad. We know they love each other in a bros being dudes way.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
2024-10-25 19:34:10 +0000 UTCAt least they don't seem to be armed
Matthew Harris
2024-10-25 19:34:01 +0000 UTCYou think these aren't some of Beef's gentler intrusive thoughts?
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:26:59 +0000 UTCRay you stay the hell away from Roast Beef's intrusive thoughts. He has enough as it is.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
2024-10-25 19:24:29 +0000 UTCWe have reached There's Too Much Achewood
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:21:21 +0000 UTCtheir interest rate is their awkward way of flirting with us
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:21:02 +0000 UTC"Ruttin' at One Kelvin"
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:20:21 +0000 UTCidk man I ain't seen Ray getting any in a while. at least these two are still making an effort
emitydna
2024-10-25 19:16:50 +0000 UTCIt took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that you meant “the Police of Fucking” and not “those bastards The Police (the band).” This being the Achewood comments, I was confused but ultimately shrugged it off as an obscure and judgy music reference and/or strip callback. I now see that I was improperly applying Occam's Razor and regret the choices I didn't know I was making.
Uncle Elephant
2024-10-25 19:15:33 +0000 UTCAt this point I feel like you owe us the rest of the story even if you have to embellish it
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:12:54 +0000 UTCI can see why you're a reader, Jay.
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:10:28 +0000 UTCI'm kind of surprised Beef didn't read this as an assassination attempt or at least an effort to spike his sodium levels so bad he made poor decisions. Then you got to decline the breakfast meats in the spirit of self-preservation, but at what cost, dude? At what cost?
Jay Y
2024-10-25 19:04:07 +0000 UTCBetter than wondering if this comic makes you a Furry
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:02:22 +0000 UTCWe all know the Fed just sits around wishin' they could watch consumers bone
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:01:52 +0000 UTCI'm glad I kept that line in, then. I toyed with ending after row two.
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:01:07 +0000 UTCNo one has. No one has suddenly been embarrassed by the memory of a lawnmower they tried to sell but wouldn't start when the person showed up. Not during "that"
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 19:00:04 +0000 UTCRecognizing this made me sad. And I invented these two.
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:59:01 +0000 UTCYou know what I mean? Everything's shrinking lately, but that ham was just charging forward out of the 1950s
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:57:52 +0000 UTCMan orders a decaf depresso, double aspartame
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:56:35 +0000 UTCThere is no way to banter about abundant breakfast meats without feeling a little naughty
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:56:07 +0000 UTCThere is no way to banter about abundant breakfast meats without feeling a little naughty
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:55:46 +0000 UTCHis look implied both eventualities, and possibly more.
Nicholas Williams
2024-10-25 18:55:14 +0000 UTCI am three raccoons in a trench coat / I am seven desserts as a breakfast item
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:54:17 +0000 UTCthe rumor, or the affogato'd member
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:52:46 +0000 UTCIn the noon installment you'll see a clipboard note that admits this origin of that art
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:52:21 +0000 UTCI guess B could also be A
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:51:27 +0000 UTCYou mean like "we're gonna survive this as emboldened heroes," or "you and me are gonna blot coffee before impact"?
Chris Onstad
2024-10-25 18:51:17 +0000 UTCI was recently on a long international flight and I ordered a scotch on the rocks. The flight attendant handed me an ACTUAL HANDFUL of tiny Dewar's bottles. Do you know how many tiny Dewar's bottles I can fit in my hand? The answer is: many. He looked at me like "I'm not saying anything, but if it comes down to it, it's you and me dude."
Nicholas Williams
2024-10-25 18:01:53 +0000 UTCAL QAEEEEDA!
Alex Schlesinger
2024-10-25 17:48:39 +0000 UTCBeef blots coffee with his dick pass it around
b.zap
2024-10-25 17:48:16 +0000 UTCOne time at Denny’s I got a Cinnamon Roll Pancake Slam and the cream cheese icing spelled out the URL for the WebMD page on diabetes.
Josh Fireland
2024-10-25 17:45:35 +0000 UTCI did once get a whole, unasked-for second linguiça with my breakfast eggs (common in some parts of MA). Extra sausage has never made me feel so handsome.
Andy Nemeth
2024-10-25 17:34:17 +0000 UTCThis happens a lot- I think it's because I always order "floppy bacon"?
Ismini Roller
2024-10-25 17:33:38 +0000 UTCThe Dude Has Depression - Fuckin' Edition.
Josh Egbert
2024-10-25 17:32:51 +0000 UTC"that was a weird amount of ham to get lately"
Adult Sword Owner
2024-10-25 17:30:23 +0000 UTCshe has to be used to this by now
emitydna
2024-10-25 17:28:45 +0000 UTCYou have never experienced this SO FAR
Ben Wilinofsky
2024-10-25 17:21:02 +0000 UTCESPECIALLY the Fuckin' Police
Miles McMahon
2024-10-25 17:16:35 +0000 UTCI have never experienced this
TIMOOOO
2024-10-25 17:07:35 +0000 UTCIf I laugh hard enough to startle my cat then we've got a winner and "you screw like you want the dollar to tank, soldier" got the job done this week, bless 🙏
balbert
2024-10-25 17:07:27 +0000 UTCACAB, even the Fuckin' Police
Matthew Harris
2024-10-25 17:06:35 +0000 UTCWhile the CPI is still considered the preferred way for the Fed to measure household purchasing power, more exotic models like the BDI (Bone Down Index) provide a more sophisticated understanding of our country's fiscal strength on the international stage.
Douglas Wykstra
2024-10-25 17:06:17 +0000 UTCMan, the HELL im focusing on the breakfast aspect of this comic
Stavro
2024-10-25 17:04:15 +0000 UTC
