Floating in Common Dander-Water With...AMERICA
Added 2023-07-28 17:30:01 +0000 UTCYesterday in the Wisconsin Dells, we went to Noah's Ark, which — given the preponderance of large white vans with "TRUMP*PENCE" and "MAKE THE MASS LATIN AGAIN"* bumper stickers lurking about the parking lot — a man might be forgiven for assuming was one of those large-scale, religion-style recreations of biblical lore. It was, in fact, a leviathan waterslide park whose ubiquitous phantom aroma of corn dogs and squishy onion rings transported me to that timeless and weightless age before identity haircuts, savings accounts, and grades that meant you would never get to run on a major-party ticket with a man who used to cut for seconds at the Play-Doh buffet.**
Chief among the pleasures which needed to be ticked off the nostalgic bucket list of the childhood I never had were Dippin' Dots, a carbon-dioxide-frozen cousin of ice cream that was aptly described to me as, "The size and flavor of those bean bag pellets from the 80s." These ball bearings of dairy delight were an amusing novelty, but probably not worth bringing out west in the way that, say, good midwest Kopp's frozen custard is. I had Banana Split flavor, which you can observe in the photographs above.
* I can think of no finer way to get the youth flocking to church and thereby right the moral core of a listing nation. Perhaps this is actually a playful initiative by Satan.
** Did Mike Pence get good grades? Ultimately, I found this question uninteresting.
Comments
Ah, memories. Boyfriend's fam took me along to their annual trip to the Dells when I was 16, and you know damn well my bikini top came off at one point.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
2023-08-03 19:25:57 +0000 UTCMike Pence got Celibate Cs.
Nicholas Williams
2023-07-30 01:37:59 +0000 UTC“Computer - Earl Grey, hot — no, belay that, Dippin’ Dots.”
Aaron J. Rushton
2023-07-29 03:37:09 +0000 UTCEverything Ole Smoky makes is like if an episode of Hee-Haw was a libation.
Aaron J. Rushton
2023-07-29 03:36:03 +0000 UTCLuckily in this world up to thousands of people will never know the pain of Giardiniera in dogs
C C
2023-07-28 21:14:09 +0000 UTCSubscribing to this tier was not only the easiest decision I've made all year, but has proven to be the one I've regretted the least.
Oppido
2023-07-28 19:29:41 +0000 UTCAt the Iowa State Fair they call that shit ICE CREAM OF THE FUTURE and serve it in horse bags so you can hold a pork chop and a dish of deep-friend Coca-Cola
J Hardy Carroll
2023-07-28 18:41:07 +0000 UTCpensive doggy
Matthew Rorie
2023-07-28 18:02:44 +0000 UTCBanana split is indeed the best flavor. “Identity haircuts” is classic Onstad, Onstad.
Meadow Green
2023-07-28 17:39:32 +0000 UTC
