Summer Cooking With Téodor - Lamb Kofte Dinner Plate

Téodor’s Afternoon Min-It

or

Catastrophe Averted by Dude

Cooked and Documented by Téodor Orezscu

The compressor for the walk-in at the Dude and Catastrophe went on the fritz on the hottest day of the year, so Cornelius pulled up in his old flivver with a bunch of cases of stuff that he needed to stow in our refrigerator. Fortunately for him the only thing Chris ever has in the fridge is seventeen different takeout boxes of beef chow fun in various states of desiccation (a more or less permanent installation I refer to as either Count Down to Goiter Town, or just “She Never Called,” depending on how pathetic he’s been lately), so we did a quick discretionary cleaning and worked in nearly all the goodies.

Since the old guy was beat and stressed, and since we had to do something with the items that didn’t fit, I offered to make us dinner. He poured himself a frosty Fuller’s 1845 that he’d stowed in one of the milk crates, and waved me to the stove.

The lamb burger often sneaks onto the menu of any pub that doesn’t regularly beat its cook back down with a shoe, and the Dude and Catastrophe is no different — only theirs, since it was designed by his old French chef Auguste, doesn’t eat like a water balloon between two flip-flops. That is to say, the jewel in this haul was several pounds of ground lamb, and I always like whipping together a nice kofte kebab-type meat paste for hot summer grilling. Char-crusted, juicy lamb with a cool, rich sauce is, for the home cook, nearly as good as the meat experience gets.

I threw this dinner for two together in about an hour, and didn’t really take careful notes as I was going, as I mostly cook by intuition at this point. [Obnoxious to say, T. —CTO] The only thing that’s even slightly complicated here, though, is the dressing for the radicchio salad (which also gets doctored up and used as a base for the plating), but you can taste that and adjust as you go).

While we ate we had a nice chat about ways he’s thinking of updating the menu at the pub for the coming season. He’s proud to have weathered the kimchi craze without ever featuring it on the menu (he once found a vendor sample on Auguste’s desk, tied by a rope to a large stone), but has developed a tooth for gochujang fried chicken, so he is figuring out a way to suggest that Auguste develop some kind of delicate Poularde Frite á la Coréenne or whatever it is old European cooks do to keep other cultures safely at arms’ length.

Weird to note: while we were eating, Lyle was trying to sit in the corner of the living room, kind of like in the lotus position, but you could tell he hadn’t stretched his hamstrings in a few decades, so he kept tipping over. Finally he just lay on his back and pulled an Eckhart Tolle book out from under the couch. I guess that’s his library? And I also guess that I ought to be looking out the window for a swarm of braying frogs or a pestilence upon the livestock, because what the fuck?

THE RECIPES

Lamb Kofte

(A note on spices: use what you have that works together. Mint, thyme, smoked paprika, and white pepper are always around our kitchen. Oregano, tarragon, cumin, chili flake, sage — all would work fine.)

1 lb ground lamb

1 egg white

1 tsp salt

~5 tbsp finely minced or grated onion

1 tsp dried mint

1 tsp dried thyme

1/2 tsp white pepper

1/2 tsp smoked paprika

Pesto, for finishing, if desired

Place all but pesto in stand mixer with paddle attachment and beat on medium speed until it’s homogenized and sticky, maybe 20 seconds. You could also just do this with your hands in a bowl. You just want the meat to be a uniform paste, so it can’t crumble apart on the grill.

If this is too sticky to easily work with, stir in a tablespoon of carbonated water at a time and re-mix (the acidity is good for tenderizing the meat). Form into seven even logs and set on an oiled plate. Grill on high heat, rotating only once crust forms, until internal temp is 145F. It’s a nice flex to baste with a little pesto and let it set for a couple minutes before taking it off the grill. (If I was doing this again, I’d work some crumbled feta into the meat mix.)

Onion - tomato salad

White onion and tender, fresh tomato in a ratio of 1:4

Slice onion into paper-thin strips. Cut tomato into chunks and remove pulp.

Season with salt, black pepper, your best olive oil, and lemon juice. Stir and adjust until flavors taste right.

Radicchio - grilled corn salad

1/2 small head radicchio, chopped the way you like it

1 ear corn, grilled

1 nose garlic, gently itched (kidding, no garlic.)

Dressing for radicchio salad

These are rough measurements. I wasn’t being careful; taste as you go in order to correct it for your palate.

Mayonnaise 1/4 c

Heavy cream 1/3 c

Red wine vinegar 1 tbsp

White wine vinegar 1 tbsp

Grated parmesan 1/2 c loose

Green onions, finely sliced, 1/2 c

1/2 tsp sweet curry powder

1 tsp dried dill

Half and Half, or whole milk, for thinning to desired consistency

Salt and pepper to taste. Probably more salt than you think is actually in salad dressing. (There is a huge amount of salt in everything you don’t cook at home, which is why you’re drawn to restaurants and not to your own food.) [T, don't assume that everyone who isn't you sucks at cooking. Obnoxious. —CTO]

Whisk cream and red vinegar together until slightly thickened. Add everything else. Thin with half and half or cream until dressing-like consistency, and adjust flavors with acid or salt or more mayonnaise as needed. Toss only as much of this as needed with the radicchio and corn until evenly coated, reserving the rest of the dressing.

For plating, mix remainder of dressing with a couple tablespoons finely chopped cornichon or pickle, and spread as a puddle on the plate (see photos).

Lemony air fryer potatoes

The air fryer may seem like a stupid thing, and it mostly is, but where home fries and items from the frozen appetizer bin at Trader Joe’s are concerned, it is the ideal machine to own. It’s basically a tiny turbo convection oven, great for surface browning.

Enough white potatoes for two people, cubed

Olive oil, salt

Fresh lemon juice

Mix cubed potatoes, olive oil, and salt together until potatoes are just thinly coated. Place on rack/in basket in 400F air fryer and “fry” undisturbed for about 20 minutes, until they brown to your liking. Time these so they’re done when you sit down, as they age quickly. Sprinkle lightly with lemon juice at table. 

[T, you owe me about fifty bucks for new chow fun. Good luck with me forgetting about that. —CTO]