January Exclusive - "Alibi" - Part 1

ONE

The Center

1500 21st St.

Sacramento, California

Number of days since first infection: 380

State-wide A.P.P. infections: 870,322

Recovered: 753,415

Physically Regressed: 38,190

Mentally Adjusted: 57,381

Jamie keeps his slack-jawed expression long enough for the nurse to bring his girlfriend into the examination room and then leave.

Becca stands by the closed door, looks Jamie up and down. “Well?” she asks. She must be anxious, they kept her waiting for hours. She’s probably wondering if those Internet rumors about this place are true.

Jamie sits on the side of the bed. He had intended to run up to her, give her a bear-hug.

No, that’s too much. He doesn’t want to knock her off her feet. He just wants to remind her who’s in charge.

Jamie stays seated, produces an idiot’s smile, flaps his fingers at her, and says, “Hewwo!”

“Ah, crap,” Becca whispers. She hangs her head. “What are we gonna do now?”

When she looks up again, she finds a different expression on Jamie’s face. “Wait…” She frowns at him. “Are you messing with me?”

Jamie smirks. “You’re too easy,” he says.

“Not funny!” She walks over and punches Jamie on the arm.

“Ow.” Jamie looks ruefully at his arm, pulling at the cuff of his gown to reveal a blue Band-Aid. “That’s where they gave me a shot.”

“Seriously? What kind of…” She peers at the Band-Aid suspiciously. “They didn’t say anything about drugs when I dropped you off.”

Jamie waves her concerns away. “Just vitamins,” he says.

Becca shakes her head. “How do you know?”

“Cause that’s what Daisy said.”

Becca gives him a questioning look.

“The nurse,” says Jamie. “She’s really nice.” He smiles, and then laughs. “Except she calls me honeybun instead of my name.” He shrugs. “But that’s just ‘cause she thinks I’m little.” He taps the side of his head. “In here.” He shrugs again. “Which was the whole point.”

Becca folds her arms. “I know what the point was, and I still think it was a dumb plan.”

“Hey,” replies Jamie. “You think they the cops can pin anything on me now? When I’ve got a note from this place proving I’m A.P.P. positive?” He sticks his thumb in his mouth and looks at Becca with the same, imbecilic expression as before, and then he laughs. “They think I’m a mental toddler.”

“They gave you a note?”

Jamie rolls his eyes. “No, babe, they’ll give you the note.” He folds his arms. “Because you’ve gone from girlfriend to mommy, and now you’re in charge.” His smirk returns, and then he smiles more kindly. “Hey, I know you must have been sweating about this, but it all went perfectly.”

“You know what people have said about places like this,” Becca says softly. She looks behind her, as if expecting Nurse Daisy to come bursting in with a gaggle of police detectives.

“I know what the Internet has said,” Jamie clarifies. “That the virus is a scam, that the clinics don’t help people, they surround people with baby stuff and turn people’s brains to mush.” He raises an eyebrow. “Take a look around. Does this look like a playroom? Is there anything in here that would look out of place in a regular hospital?”

Becca glances around the room. Jamie’s right. The décor is plain, the equipment professional, not a baby toy in sight. Just an ordinary examination room, with her boyfriend sitting on a bed, wearing a blue gown.

Becca nods. “You’re right.” She smiles. “I was silly for taking that stuff seriously.” She sighs. “You know me, I’m a worrier. I was out in the waiting area and I kept seeing people come out dressed like little kids, and acting like it too. This place gives me the willies.”

Jamie feels his jaw harden. “So, you expecting to find me crawling on the floor, playing with Matchbox cars and dressed in feetie pajamas?” He swings his legs for effect.

Becca blushes to match her red dress. “No, not exactly.”

“You did! I can’t believe-“

“Hey,” says Becca urgently, “keep it down, you’ll get that nurse in here.”

Jamie lowers his voice. “I can’t believe how little faith you have in me…I told you this plan would work and it did.”

“But they injected you with something. And you seem a little…”

“What?”

“I don’t know…perky.”

Jamie waves her concerns away. “If I’m ‘perky,’ it’s because I’m glad to be getting out of here.” He points in the direction of the door. “That nurse is a sweet lady but I’m tired of being spoken to like I’m a moron.”

Jamie gets off the bed and puts his arms around her. “I’ve got this, baby. I’ve got you.” He kisses her lips. “You know I take care of things.” He winks at her. “Take care of everything.”

Becca softens in Jamie’s arms. “I know,” she whispers.

“And what was the result, then? What mental age do they think you’ve got?”

Jamie frowns. “Huh. I don’t know. It’ll be on the paperwork, I expect.”

There’s a knocking at the door and Jamie’s face relaxes into the foolish grin he used before.

The nurse beams at him. “There you are, honey bun!” She turns to Becca. “You guys doing okay? Sorry I took so long, just getting my ducks in a row.” She holds up an electronic tablet and hands it to Becca. “This is for you to sign, ma’am, and then we’ll have you out of here.”

Becca peers at the screen. “It’s a lot of text…”

“Just says that we examined Jamie and found him to be just as you described him when you brought him in.” The nurse scrolls down the screen and points. “There. Toddler. Mental age, between twenty-four and thirty months.” She looks at Jamie and gushes, “Cause you’re a big boy, aren’t you honeybun!”

Jamie nods enthusiastically. “Uh-huh! Bih boh!”

Becca manages a faint smile. “Okay.” She signs with her finger and hands back the device. “Do we get a hard copy, or something…do you email it? I just know we’re going to need a…a note or something.”

“Of course, ma’am. And you can take that note to his employer, family doctor, and even the local Sweeties and get your little guy a whole new set of outfits!”

Jamie suppresses a cringe. He’s seen the store, sandwiched between Pure Barre and Patrick James at the Pavalions shopping center. An upmarket location for the biggest-growing line of apparel. Where else does one go, to get infantile outfits for their adult-sized toddler?

He shoots a look at Becca, who says, “Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll dress him up like that…”

The nurse smiles. “It’s better, ma’am. Like a uniform, kinda. So other people know he’s special.” She beams at Jamie. “You’re so special! My special honeybun, aren’t you!”

Jamie nods. “Hunnee-buh!” he agrees.

Daisy smiles at both of them. “I’ll be back with the printout.”

“And his regular clothes?” asks Becca. “I mean, I probably will go to…uh, Sweeties later on, but just to get him home, you know?”

Daisy nods. “We don’t want this little guy to get a draft.” She giggles and then she asks Becca, “Does he need changing, ma’am?”

Becca frowns. “Excuse me?”

“His diaper, ma’am.”

Becca looks at Jamie and she smiles awkwardly. “Oh, right! Of course. Um…I don’t…”

The nurse nods. “It’s okay, I know these things can be embarrassing at first, but soon you’ll be changing him and not giving it a second thought. And I promise you, Jamie isn’t embarrassed, he’s past the point of anything like that. Aren’t you, honeybun.” As if to prove the point, the nurse unties Jamie’s gown and puts a finger behind the elastic of his diaper. “Huh,” the nurse says, and this time it’s her turn to sound puzzled.

“All that juice, honeybun, and you didn’t go pee-pee.”

She gives her patient a look up and down, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “All that juice.” And then she nods. “Huh. I’ll be right back.”

When the door is closed behind her, Becca looks panic-stricken.

“Jesus,” Jamie says, “What’s wrong with you?”

“You saw the look she gave you when you hadn’t peed?” She looks down at Jamie’s crotch. “You have to wet your diaper.”

Jamie laughs. “No thanks!” He pushes her gently but firmly away. “You’re freaking out for no reason. She’s getting my note like you asked. She’s getting my clothes, like you asked.”

“Jamie, come on!” “Don’t you see? She’s thinking something up. Maybe she knows you’re faking it!” Becca looks at him urgently. “You better wet that diaper, or we’re in big trouble.”