Sunshine

(This one has a similar structure to Dr. Hargrave. I’ve always liked the concept of someone regressing via a TV show. I thought it’d be a fun concept to see someone regress in their POV while that happened. Enjoy!)

My name is Catherine French. I’m twenty-nine years old, and I’m a reporter for the San Diego times. I’ve been tasked with investigating Harbor Laboratories located thirty miles south of the city. Ever since it opened ten years ago, there’s been rumors about unethical testing done on both animals and humans. They force all their employees to sign non-disclosure agreements before they start working, so information on what really goes on in there is scarce.

That’s where I come in. They have rolling emission for willing human test subjects. It’s decent money for what appears like a small amount of work. They tend to pray on lower-income families. The kind that no one bats an eye about when they suddenly ‘moves away’ after they’re done with their testing cycle. Even if they do end up coming back, most are a shell of themselves.

At least, that’s the experience I’ve had with the people I’ve interviewed. They never want to talk about what happened there. They instantly change the subject. Often, it’s about this TV show. Sunshine. Their eyes light up at just the mention of it. They’ll beg for someone to turn it on. It’s screwed up.

The world deserves to know what’s happening at Harbor Laboratories.

***

I’m going in tomorrow. The lady over the phone wanted me to come in immediately, but I told her I wanted to spend one more night with my family before I started. It was odd, she treated me like I didn’t know what was best for me. She kept saying, “You’re going to regret not starting ASAP. That’s what all of our employees say!”

I already knew this, but it was certainly strange experiencing their predatory tactics firsthand.

I’m bringing a fresh pad of paper and pens with me in a bag. They said it was fine for a personal item. I’ll update this log as often as possible. My goal is to write in it every night while I’m there.

Wish me luck.

***

I can’t stay here.

This is way beyond whatever hell I could have imagined. They’re basically lobotomizing their patients. When I finished signing the papers, they put me in an examination room. They immediately stripped my clothes then shaved every inch of my body (I’ve never cried so hard in my life. I’ve had long hair for decades). They put me in a huge adult diaper. I didn’t even know they made ones this big. I feel like I’m wearing a pillow around my legs. It’s horrible.

Worst of all, they played lullaby music the whole time. It was annoyingly catchy. I had to stop myself from mentally humming it once they finally let me out after three hours of it.

The patients here are seriously mentally manipulated. We walked by an oversized playroom with dozens of adults wearing the same diapers as me. They looked completely wiped. Their eyes were devoid of life. Most of them were fumbling aimlessly on the ground. I can’t become like that. I’m a journalist, but I’m a human being first.

I didn’t sign up to become a baby again. I’m going to escape tonight. I’ll wait until it’s 3 AM. I remember each hallway they took me down.

I’m nervous about it, but I’m confident I can make it out.

I already have plenty to write a piece on this place. They’re not getting away with this.

***

They found me.

My head hurts to bad. They made me drink something.

They said I’ll never remember who I am again.

I scared.

***

I found this pen under the bed. I’m writing as small as I can on some napkins from diner. I don’t know where I am.

They’re keeping me in this nursery built for adults. I didn’t even know they made cribs this big. I can stretch my legs out fully when they put me down at night. It’s certainly not comfortable with the stupid plastic cover underneath. It’s just embarrassing how they almost expect me to wet the bed at night.

That and the diapers. It’s the worst part of being here. They’re super-hot at night. When it starts getting too wet too. I feel like I’m wearing a swamp. They don’t let me use the bathroom here. I still haven’t gotten used to it yet, but it’s not terrible when I have to pee.

They’re making me watch this kids show. They think it’s supposed to melt my brain into one of those diapered morons. It’s not horrible. As much as I’d hate to admit it, the songs can be catchy. They’re always singing about the weirdest stuff. Helping me feel okay about wetting when I need to go. They’ve told me to wet the bed a million times in the past couple episodes. They play it Over. And Over. And Over. It’s hard for it not to get in my head afterword.

I’m leaving night. If you find this, then jokes on you, idiots!!! :P

***

Didn’t work. They saw me sneaking down the hallway. They were really mad, screaming and yelling. It made me feel really sad. They put me in the tv room, made me watch for hours. I have this splitting head ache from staring for so long. I had to lay down and just close my eyes for a couple hours when they put me back in my room.

Their dancing was spinning around in my eyes the whole time. It was so hard to fall asleep. I still couldn’t tell if I was dreaming about them, or if I was still waiting to fall asleep. They were singing for so long about sucking my thumb. Their songs are just so damn catchy. It’s stupid, but I slipped it in once during a dream. I felt weird. I wasn’t immediately turned off by it. Actually I felt…

I don’t know, my thumb smelled like old saliva when I woke up. My pillow-case and hair were covered in drool too. I don’t think I sucked my thumb in my sleep. But I don’t know for sure.

I’ll write again tomorrow.

***

I’m a day late. I forgot about writing in my diary. It happens, I was just so sleepy. The clock was barely past 8. I don’t know what happened, it just hit me like a truck. I was painting my nails, humming Potty No No (I know it’s dumb, but it’s always in my head now). Then all of a sudden I was laying down in my onesie. I was asleep in less than a minute. I blame the bottle of milk. It was the perfect temperature. I don’t normally “brown out” like that. I grew out of that pretty quick.

But I’m all good. I’m not that worried about things getting bad. I’m okay here right now. I’m going to take the next couple days to figure out a new plan of escape. I’ve been looking around the play room for any weak points. I get distracted by the pretty posters sometimes. But I think I’m gonna run out the exit when they not looking.

I’d have to run in a wet diaper. Unless I plan it right after they change me. Actually I could just hold it for a little. That’s going to be annoying running while my bladder is full. I might just pee a little before I go Not too wet, but my bladder won’t be bursting. I might just end up wetting anyways.

***

It’s dumb, but I know my control has been getting a little weaker. I know it’s not good for me, but why hold it when it’s just going to end up in my diaper anyways? It’s frustrating walking around all day when your bladder is screaming at you to let go. I have a rule though that I do not wet myself for at least twenty minutes after getting changed. Otherwise, it just feels like I’m moving from one wet diaper to the next.

I wish I wasn’t always wet. They keep me in the same diaper for so long.

***

It’s a little weird I’m getting excited to watch Sunshine. It’s not just the fun songs anymore. I like it a lot when they talk about being okay with using diapers. I have been going potty a lot in my pants. I don’t think it is just me. They make me drink soo many bottles. I go pee quick because its just annoying to hold it forever. I don’t even bother with it anymore. I can ask to go potty when I want to. I used to do it a lot more, but it always takes so long. I don’t want to get up and stop watching too. They don’t care if I asked to get changed instead. I’m just going pee pee more.

Ugh I know that what was weird to say, but it’s funny to talk like that sometimes. I don’t know. I just think it’s funny hahah, if I’m stuck here, I might as well enjoy what they’re giving me. They treat me like I can’t even eat my own food. It might be nice to take a little baby break for a minute. I’m always so stressed at work. I… Heh… I can’t even remember what I do anymore. I don’t think I.

Just peed. Yeah its weird how fast it’s happening now. I feel the need to go, then boom, I’m peeing. It’s also, how do I put this. Hard to stop it all the way? It’ll stop after a few seconds, but it’s not instant. It has to slow down. I might work try to pay more attention to it. I don’t . I don’t know what I was about to say there. I started dootling a wormy on the top of the page. I like this diary a lot better. When they saw my notes then gave me this one. So much better writing in colored pencils then that pen. I like to change it during the middle of the word.

***

It slips out. That’s the best way I can describe it. If you glide down a slip and slide, its slippery. That’s it. I can’t hold onto it. It squishes out. And they make it hard to think about the potty sometimes. I don’t know what I mean. I remember being in that room. I know I did things in there, but I don’t know. Im okay with going pee in my diapie. That’s what Sunshine bear tell me. I good girl when I go pee. I should pee. Oh, I’m. Its so fast, and I get wet.

I need to get out. I’m getting so spacey. What am I writing this? I’m not supposed to act like this. The time between feeling like an adult and being spacey is getting smaller. I think that it’s working. I don’t want to believe it, but Sunshine makes me want to pee in my diaper. I’m going to do it right now.

I’m going to wake up tomorrow and try. That’s when I feel less baby. I don’t always wake up dry no more. I go pee when I’m sleepy. It’s so soft when I’m sleepy, and I don’t remember it too. Honestly, that might be a wash. It is nice not having to get up to pee all the time.

I’m going to be okay. I’m going to enjoy being baby before then. I can be smarty pants later. I get to be pee pee. Bye bye!

***

I know I know the potty is no, the potty is no, I don’t know, I don’t know!

New favorite song

***

I feel okay today. Not great. They didn’t make me watch Sunshine for too long. It was only a couple hours today. I feel not like baby. I thought, like, really really hard about leaving. I don’t know what to do. It is scary going away. Where will I watch Sunshine? I don’t know how to get it in my old TV. They do it for me. I don’t know what numbers or buttons do I press.

But I need to be big girl again. I being baby for a long time. I going pee pee so much, I don’t remember all of them. Sometimes I start to leak, and I didn’t know I had big diaper on. They supposed to let me know when I go a lot of pee pee. But, being big. I used to be big girl. Me not little.

I think of gooder plan than last time.

No bad!

***

I love Sunshine.

***

I I not just going pee pee, where else I go potty? In my diaper!! That’s where everyone goes potty. Why go potty anywhere else?

I had a reeaaallllyyyy good day to day. I play with friends. We played fun time game. I take block, and build it sooo high! Danyela was big meany and knock it down. I cryied. I worked on it for so long! It made me go poopy I so mad. I no wanted change. Warm feel good.

***

Big people come in today. They look scarey, but they said I leaving. My mommy and daddies here were really sad. They ask what name. I don’ know. I point at Daddy. Daddy knows. I don’t know. They took all my stuff. I with my friends in this really big room. They gave me lollypop tho! Bye bye.

***

They ask me lot today. Head hurt. What name? How old am i? I tell dem I two, duh. They look sad at me. I sing potty no no! Potty bad bad. They no like. They dumb and stupid. I want to go home. I want to watch sunshine. I still in big room with every1.

We sing sunshine songs, make me happy.

***

I gt new mommy daddy! New room. New Toys. No sunshine. Bad bad sad.

Mommy ask me so much. Numbrs, letrs. I no know.

Take diapies away. I cry, thy give back. Stupid potty. I no using.

Potty no no.

***

Momy say I no rite anymo

Byby

***

`~’

,’`-.