Maggiescappies

Reincarnation

Added 2021-07-05 20:12:44 +0000 UTC

5/02

If he finds this journal, I’m sure he would destroy it. I’m keeping it hidden in a place he’d never find in this…. Nursery. Sorry. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around everything. He’s trapped me here. I was just out for a run on the airline trail. I needed a ride home to get my car’s jump pack. I only lived ten minutes away. NEVER take a ride from strangers.

The second we started down the wrong road. I almost couldn’t breathe. I was watching a train-wreck in slow motion. We weren’t going to my house; we were going to my hell. I tried opening the car door, but it was locked. He ended up taking me to a house in the woods. Told me it didn’t matter if I screamed, no one would hear me.

I’ve tried getting out of here, but he’s quick. I tried bull-rushing the door the first time. He caught up to me before I even made it halfway down the hall. I tried hitting him over the head with a lamp on the second attempt. He was expecting it now; each time he came in he was ready to react. I’m stuck here in this weird baby room.

I didn’t know they made diapers this big. He said I’m staying in them ‘24/7’. He’s kept that promise so far. It’s been two days and he hasn’t let me out of them. If I take them off, he spanks me until I cry. It's hard. You learn after five sessions of searing pain… you learn it’s not worth it to fight back. The worst part is he keeps making me watch these moronic videos. The video shows adult women wearing diapers, and distracting flashy spirals. They're hard to take seriously.

The audio isn't much better. It’s an ear-fuck of words. It’s all about ‘wearing diapers’ and ‘forgetting my potty training.’ It’s a level of crazy I didn’t know was possible. It hurts my eyes the most. I sit in front of it for hours. He’s watching to see if my eyes are closed. He’ll spank me if I don’t keep watching. It sucks.

Bye for now. I’ll update later.

***

5/03

I swear sometimes he’s just looking to spank me. How am I supposed to follow any of his rules if he keeps changing them on me? No, I don’t want to be spanked. Just give me a straight answer on what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable. I’ll follow along with your stupid game. Keep things fair. I am allowed to ask for diaper changes. I didn’t know it was only up to you when I get changed.

I’m so over his dumb videos. The light from the screen is giving me such a headache now. I want to close my eyes so bad that I start crying. It’s not good for me! Especially after I’m done watching. You know when you close your eyes after watching a movie and sometimes you’ll see the characters? I see the diapers and the girls whenever I blink, long after I'm done watching. It’s so distracting.

Fuck this guy.

***

I did it.

I couldn’t hold it anymore.

It’s embarrassing. I haven’t pooped myself since, I don’t even know, I guess I was a kid? Back before I was potty trained I guess. I didn’t respond to him when he had asked what happened. He sounded like such a creep. “Did someone have an accident?” It’s like, no moron. You keep me in diapers and feed me baby food all day. Yes, I’m going to shit myself at some point.

It’s weird. I had this thought right before I finished. “At least I can change into a new diaper.” What does that mean? Do I want to change into a new diaper? Do I enjoy the security of a new diaper?

I’m thinking about it too much. It’s hard to keep diapers out of my head when it’s all I see and hear for hours a day. I’m not that worried about it. I’m an adult. I have a brain. I think my own thoughts. I have a strong mental defense.

I’m not that worried about it.

***

Kept me in front of TV all day. I have such a headache right now. My eyes feel like they’re about to fall out of their sockets. It’s not the lessons I’m listening to. It’s the TV. It hurts after a while. When you’re staring at a single point for hours and hours. It puts a dull strain on your eyes.

I’d prefer if he did them in shorter cycles. If I have to watch it, at least let me choose my schedule. I can pick what times I want to watch TV. How is this any different? They’re the same anyways.

Sometimes it’s not all bad to watch them. It’s funny seeing the girls wear diapers. Big kids don’t wear those. If you’re an adult like me, you don’t wear diapers. Maybe to bed sometimes if you’re feeling nervous, but that’s a given.

I’m going to bed. I can’t write anymore. Hopefully, these diapers get out of my eyes before I fall asleep.

***

Just woke up. Diapers never went away. Dreamed I was a baby. Peed constantly.

***

I’m feeling good today.

I’m trying to stay positive about this situation. I could be captured by a lot worst if I’m being honest. He doesn’t do anything sexual to me. He just treats me like his baby. He feeds me when I’m hungry. He lets me pick out my clothes sometimes. He changes my diapers whenever I want, and he’s good at making them fit snug. He wasn’t great at it at first, but practice makes perfect!

All I’m saying is, I’m not in a horrible mental space right now. Of course, I miss my old life. That’s still the priority number one plan in my head. I’m just taking my time with it is all.

I’ll update again soon. Need to get my diaper changed.

***

We made a deal today.

He agreed that I would only have to watch five hours a day, but I still wear headphones for an additional four hours after that. I was more than cool with that deal. My eyes don’t strain that much anymore. I don’t feel achy until six hours now anyways. Most of the time it’s starting to feel good. It’s nice to relax and zone out for a bit.

So I’m feeling a lot better about this situation overall, and how it propagates in the future.

***

Should I worry so much about the diaper thing? It’s okay to wear them. They’re not hurting anyone. It’s just me in my nursery. The only person who sees me in them is him. He certainly doesn’t care.

I’m peeing more. I’ve certainly noticed an uptick in how often I’m wet. I’m not catching it every time. I’m a little worried about it. Even if I escaped here, I’d feel super nervous about wetting myself in public. I’d get diapers. I’m trying to hold it more often overall.

I’m okay. I need to stay strong here. I can get still get out of this with minimal mental trauma.

***

I’m a little unsure how to put this. When I think about peeing. And where I pee. My mind is starting to think there are two places. I use my diaper to go to the bathroom, and, I use my diaper in the bathroom. Part of me knows that’s not the full truth. I think I’m just getting in my head.

I know that there’s a potty. If I need to use the potty, I go potty. There’s no doubt about that in my mind. I’m potty trained. I know for a fact that I am potty trained. Have I just peed in my diaper sometimes? Yeah, sure, but everyone does that. Why hold it all the time if it’s just going to end up there anyways? It makes it easier next time too. There’s no build-up. If I feel it, then just go. Anything I can do to make chilling here better.

***

I’m pretty sure I’m watching too much TV. It’s really fun to watch people play like that on the screen, but I can’t get into it too much. I’m identifying too much with them. I feel like I am them when I stop watching. Is that silly? I know I can be a silly-billy.

It wasn’t too hard to mess there. I’m surprised it happened so quickly, but I’m also not worried about it. If I had to hold that in big girl pants. I think I could hold it for a couple of seconds right before it happened. That would give me plenty of time to at least tell an adult I had to go.

***

The lines are starting to blur.

I know there was a time before coming here. I wasn’t always living in a nursery. I know that I used to be active. I did adult things earlier in my life. Right now. It’s hard to imagine any moment in my life without a diaper on.

When I got my Highschool degree. Why wouldn’t I have had a diaper on? How would I have stopped an accident?

I’m aware of the idea that I was a different person before this place. But did I wear big girl underwear during that?

I’m not sure anymore.

***

Um. Okay. Lol. This one is a little weird.

I don’t know, I just stopped listening to some of the hypnosis. And yeah, I get that I’m in control. I’m certain these are my honest thoughts.

Do I like diapers? Hahaha.

It’s so weird to think about! I’ve been so negative about them all this time. “Should I keep letting go?” “Stop acting like this is your underwear.” “Am I becoming incontinent?” I don’t have to think about that anymore. Let it go like smoke. I can just wear diapers and be cool with it.

What’s not to like? They hold in all your accidents, both real and on purpose. I don’t have to look for somewhere else to pee. I can just go. I can just go in my diaper right now. I am going to go. Right now, I’m going. I just went.

And I like that it’s warm.

I don’t know maybe I can be that diaper girl. Everyone just knows me as that chick who needs diapers. There’s nothing weird about it. They’re diapers. It’s not a big deal.

***

I’m losing it. I’m fricken losing it.

I’m not sure which are my thoughts, and which are the hypnosis. I didn’t realize that’s what it was in the beginning. I didn’t take this seriously. Now I want to listen. I want to listen to all of it so bad. I’m doing everything I can to get in front of that screen. If I’m super good with Daddy he rewards me with it. I do everything he wants.

He doesn’t want me to try holding it anymore. I do it without hesitation. The faster I’m wet, the more hypnosis I get. I wet faster than ever now. I’m always drenched. I push it out consciously. I’m purposely dumping into my diaper for more diaper pissing hypnosis. I'm making myself significantly incontinent.

So yeah I’m fucked. I didn’t know this was how my life was going to end. I’m going to live. But I’m not going to be the real ‘me’ anymore. It’s screwy to think about. I’m still me, these are my thoughts, but I can’t stop it. I’m going to lose the battle. It’s a war of mental attrition. The music and cartoons can go on for the rest of my life. Why keep fighting it?

I am about to be reborn.

***

I want this. I want to be drenched. I want sopping wet diapers.

I am so not potty trained. Fuck potty training. I piss and poop in my diapers.

Yes I’m going to give up. I’m going to give into this.

Goodbye, Julia.

***

Daddy took me to see some of his friends today. He told me to be a good girl before we left. I pinky promised him I would be during my diaper change. It was pretty seeing the tall trees go by. Daddy kept telling me I shouldn’t suck my thumb so much, but it felt so good then.

The house was really big. I was put down on the carpet. There were a couple of other girls there too. They looked just like me!! Big, with big diapers. They asked me if I needed diapers like a baby. I didn’t want to sound little, so I said No. They were impressed.

We talked about fun things like, like um TV and, when your diaper gets wet sometimes, when’s the right time to ask for a change, and of course diaper change talk.

They’re my girls for sure.

We left after being there for a SUPER long time. Daddy said he got new lullabies to fall asleep to!!!! I super excited!

***

Daddy found my diary today!!

He got mad at me. I got so scared, I felt myself leak. He read through it a couple of times, then started laughing. He gave it back to me! Said I should keep writing. If that’s what he wants, then that’s what I going to do!

So what am I supposed to tell you? I got new diapers yesterday!! They pinky instead of white. I love that cooler so much more. Pink makes me feel special.

They bigger than the ones I wear before. Daddy says I go pee pee to much for those ones anymore. Oh well. I cant stop my pee pee. If I need bigger ones then Daddy will know and take care of me.

I use crayon to write on these ones now. Its more fun to write in color. And you can draw %&

***

favorit song

I am wet!

I go wet!

I Wet! Wet!

Wet!

***

We go to other house yesterday. I drink lotsa hot chocolate. He tells me I always pee pee when I drink coco. He rite cuz I leak right there!

Every1 laugh at me. Me laugh too. Good family.

***

One year old! Daddy gave cake. Friends there. Say I one for long time. Thas okay. I like be in one.