RegressCo - A Mystery Shop at Simpli-Fi

A Mystery Shop

“Simpli-Fi? We’re not… going in there right?”

Henry looked up at his colleague from his stroller, his little bunny eyes pursed in concern.

“It’s on the list we were sent by Kirk. Besides we’ve already managed well above our quota for the day and one more can’t hurt”

“Britney we don’t… can’t I just sit this one out? It’s all going to be weird baby items in there!”

The blonde vixen looked down over the top of the stroller, ruffling Henry’s head fur “Our competitions weird baby items!” she grinned “That’ll look great on the report don’t you think?

“But…” he crossed his arms and pouted in the stroller, no adequate response coming to mind. His colleague was right, obviously, any report that came back with details of what Simpli-Fi was selling to the public at the moment was like gold dust to the marketing and research teams back at Essex Tower.

They’d set up several stores in the last few months, franchises that had bought out smaller mom and pop stores that had been regular RegressCo stockists. A good relationship with a retailer in Hazelbrook was essential when you’re dealing with items for children and regressees, so to suddenly see them drop off their lists, one after the other, was a cause for concern for the board. Whether Simpli-Fi was simply trying to innovate within the market, or throwing around a lot of cash to push RegressCo products out of it was still up for debate.

The one anomaly was their flagship department store. Set up in the largest mall in Hazelbrook it had quickly managed to virtually monopolize the earnings of what had previously been a varied and diverse collection of businesses. It had immediately taken over three floors, with visible escalators and elevators both inside and outside of it in order to go through the various departments. While the rest of Simpli-fi had appeared to be a slow and steady process of negotiation and buy-outs, this was the one exception.

Furniture, toys, toiletries, clothes… everything under one roof. It was very unusual for Hazelbrook to have such a dominant retail presence. RegressCo preferred to support businesses rather than buy them out. Simpli-fi weren't nearly so bottom-up in their approach. It was their way or the highway.

“So they finally put this place on the shopper list huh?” Britney stopped in front of the huge sign that adorned the entrance, letting them both take in the store as their eyes adjusted to the bright lights that were blasting out of the open plan storefront. There weren’t shelves and shelves of items, instead there were assistants gathered at waist (or in Henry’s case, head high) tables demonstrating various items. Each one wearing a garish, snazzy uniform with the company logo emblazoned on the front.

The only exception to this was a display positioned at the back of the futuristic and minimalist floor plan. No counters were present, but the back wall was stacked high with every disposable or consumable baby item you could imagine. Branded baby food, powder, wipes and…

“Oh goodness Henry, look how many diapers they sell here!”

The bunny’s maw dropped as she crossed the threshold with him. They were the unavoidable stars of the show here apparently. RegressCo’s office didn’t stock many different brands themselves, partly as it made procurement easier and partly because they’d never had any in-house designers. Diaper companies had been around as long as they had, and both had always had a very symbiotic relationship. Research and development helped both sides make better products after all, and Teddies had a more than productive relationship with the company.

But Simpli-Fi had apparently decided to go all in house and then some. None of these brands were elsewhere, not even in supermarkets. Every different type of diaper for every different species was on display in everything from samples to jumbo boxes. The lack of counters at the back meant the whole wall was visible from top to bottom, and the sheer quantity of different diapers went up several of the store's floors. He couldn’t see a single brand of pull-up on any of the shelves, his eyes searching high and low for something similar to the Teddies branded ones he was currently wearing.

“Just… how…” Henry started, his jaw dropping as the stroller approached the first table of items. Boxes of the things were under the tables, with a single version of the object on display next to a small placard next to each and every one.

“TRY ME!”

Henry felt strange even looking around. None of this felt right to him, the mothers and fathers who were here seemed unconcerned about this sudden intruder into the status quo, talking to the assistants like they’d known each other for years. Laughter and teasing was audible everywhere.

“Oh baby, stop being such a pouty face, you love it!"

“He’ll need plenty, give me two boxes…”

“Home delivery? Oh my goodness dear we’re going to fill our house at this rate…”

The cacophony of different voices was subtly off. Doting parents and guardians was nothing new, but Henry couldn’t quite place what was so weird about this whole setup.

“Ah, I don’t think I’ve seen you two before!” A cheery red fox, his uniform neatly tucked in and his hair perfectly parted, walked up to them, a small card reader in his hand.

“This is our first time!” Britney shook her hair to one side and smiled back “We were just looking through the mall and thought we’d check this place out!”

The fox looked down at the bunny in the stroller and gave him a wink “I see! I’m Gareth, I’ll be more than happy to show you round! Let’s see what we can get the little guy today!”

“I’m not a “little guy” I’m…”

“Oh he’s just grouchy today. Terrible twos” Britney interrupted. A small nudge came through the back of the fabric of the stroller. That was secret shopper code for “Shut Up”.

“Heh, oh so he’s trying to tell everyone he’s a big boy now huh?” the fox looked back at Britney “I’m sure he will be soon”

Henry felt a flush reach his cheeks almost immediately. He was holding back a lot of words that would immediately out the two of them, so he decided instead to just cross his arms and pout in the stroller. If this guy thought he was being a difficult toddler then fine, that was good enough for the act.

“This is such a fancy store!” Britney looked around, exaggerating her reaction as much as possible “Can’t believe how much there is to see…”

“And you won’t find it anywhere else either!” the fox showed the two of them over to a table “These are all Simpli-Fi exclusives, from this floor all the way to the third!”

Henry looked at the toys that were on the bright red table in front of them. The one closest to him was a small plastic toy in the shape of a bee. Little antenna poked out of the top and jiggled while it rested on the display base.

“What’s this Gareth?” Britney asked, “It’s so cute!”

“Oh this is Buzzy!” the fox carefully took the toy from its display and held it up “This is one of our Simpli-Fi Simple Times ranges! Trademarked, of course…”

Henry raised an eyebrow and smirked. Of course they’d insist on trademarking and monopolizing concepts like a “Buzzing Bee”, rather than just let everyone do their own thing with the concept.

“How does it work?” Britney took it from Gareth and turned it over in her hands.

“As the same suggests, very simply!” the fox grinned as he pressed down on the top of the bee’s head. Henry could immediately tell that it had started vibrating, its head bobbing up and down in Britney's grasp as it responded to the input.

“Oh goodness! I bet the kids love it!”

“Why don’t you let Henry try it?” Gareth looked down “Maybe it’ll help him feel better?”

Henry wanted to object, but as he pushed himself back into the stroller, keeping his arms crossed, Britney gave him another look he recognised all too well. A glare, though one with no venom.

“Play along for the show. Don’t give the game away”

Taking the bee between his paws the bunny immediately felt the vibrating sensation. It tickled, the bobbing head smiling to him as he felt a little giggle escape his muzzle. He could certainly see why kids would play with this, it really did feel… good.

“See? Very simple, but very effective at getting little ones into a very happy place!”

Britney took the toy out of Henry’s paws. The bunny didn’t let go.

“Ok baby we’ve got to put it back now”

Henry shook his head to try and focus. As the toy left his hands he felt some manner of control returning, only to look up to see Britney getting out her credit card.

“Huh…?”

“He really didn’t want to let go huh?!” Gareth said, handing the device back to Britney to enter her pin “Even shook his head to say no as you took it away!”

“I know! That might be your easiest sale of the day!”

The fox smiled down at Henry “Oh I’m not so sure about that… Let me show you something really cool”

Henry grimaced as the stroller was pushed further into the store. Not even five minutes in and he already felt like this place was creepy. He felt a little buzz kick into his brain and tried to shake it off, an aftereffect of the toy that had apparently stuck around.

“This table is where we keep all our educational toys” Gareth picked up one of the larger items that was positioned to the back end of the table, holding it out in front of him as it unfurled “We have some larger versions of this upstairs that…”

“That attaches to a stroller?!”

Britney interrupted the fox as she grabbed hold of it and held it in front of her “Oh wow that’s so neat!”

Henry looked up at what she’d just ripped from their assistants grasp. It was a mixture of a normal stroller exercise and play mobile and a large, plastic backed cloth blanket. It was pretty clear that it was meant to go over the top of the occupant and cover them from either light or rain while the little plush toys hung in front and let them play around. The toys themselves were little animals that hung on small springs, covered by a layer of cloth that was currently curled up, ready for a tyke to pull on the cord during play.

“Ye… Yes!” Gareth composed himself and cleared his throat “It’s one of most popular items! Here, why don’t we let Henry try it out?”

The bunny looked up at Britney, but even as the thought of her saying no entered his brain, she immediately grinned with anticipation.

“Oh he’ll love it! Come on Henry, give the little animals a pull!”

He looked at the three of them staring at him as she hung it over his head. A pig, a cow and a dog with oversized eyes and stubby legs swung back and forth, each of them brightly coloured. Tentatively he reached out and took hold of the cow, his two small paws grabbing it and pulling down hard on the cord to get it to reach its maximum length.

“MOOOOOOOOOO!”

Almost instantly Henry felt a shot of ecstasy through his head, like he’d just won the jackpot at a casino. He clapped his hands and giggled, squirming in his seat to get closer to the other animals and pull again, desperate for the feeling to kick in again.

“Now baby, it’s just a demo toy. We have to give it back to Gareth!”

Britney pulled it away and handed it back to the fox as Henry felt himself desperately trying to move out of the stroller. The straps held him in tight, and just as soon as the happy feeling had come, a new feeling of loss kicked in.

“Well, we could sell you one now and he could have one for the rest of the trip?” Henry noticed  a sly grin on the foxes face through the gaps in the animals that were pulled away from him “We could even help you with the setup?”

Henry nodded before he could stop himself. He knew the feelings that were coming and going were not good, were not the adult feelings and control he thought he should have but the intensity of them was strong enough that he felt like a passenger to his own emotions.

“Oh! Well let’s do that then!” Britney handed over her card again without any hesitation “It’ll certainly keep him entertained for the rest of the day!”

“Hopefully longer too!” Gareth winked and pulled a box out from under the table, opening it up and getting out a brand new toy to replace the demo that was placed back on the wooden surface. As the two adults in front of him set it up properly over the top of his stroller, Henry felt something that required their attention. And soon.

“Mom… Britney!” he caught himself before he could accidentally call his colleague his Mommy “I… I gotta potty!”

“Just a sec baby, we’re nearly done with this and then we’ll take you to the bathroom ok?”

Henry kicked his legs out as he did a sitting version of the potty dance. He could already feel his pull-up was wet, at some point he must have missed the feeling of needing to go, but this would be a much bigger problem if he didn’t get to a bathroom.

“There we go!” Gareth shook the stroller to make sure everything was clipped on, the animals falling off the top of the blanket that was now over his head and in front of Henry “All set up and ready for playtime! Let’s just make sure the sound is working…”

“OOOIIIINKKK!”

As the pig sound echoed around him, Henry felt everything suddenly go into a sort of slow motion. As the kick from the toy once again made his brain feel an intense happiness, his body started to take over functions he no longer had any focus on. His little front teeth went over his little clenching muzzle as his tummy started to cramp, pushing a mess into his Teddies that started to rapidly smush against the thin backing of the training pants.

“Oh…” Gareth pulled himself up in front of Britney “I think your little one just had an accident”

Britney looked down into the stroller as Henry breathed out as the whole embarrassing process came to an end. He looked up at her, shamefully realizing that he’d just pooped himself in the middle of their competitions store because he’d lost concentration playing with one of their toys.

“Whoops… guess he needed to go pretty bad” she waved her hand in front of her nose “Sorry, do you have a changing room we can use?”

“Well…” Gareth looked thoughtful “How about I take you up to the third floor? The samples for our Simpli-Dry diapers are up there and so are our changing tables. I could show you both at once!”

“Oh that’s perfect! Come on Henry, let's get you cleaned up and all fresh!”

Before he could make any kind of refusal or retort the bunny found himself getting pulled forward into a lift. He saw a glimpse of himself in the back mirror, his thumb firmly in his mouth as the animals that were now swinging in front of him intermittently blocked his view. As it reached the third floor, he could only just about make out what Britney and Gareth were saying, and where he was going. He was losing focus, he felt tired and… small.

“Here we go! How about you get your supplies out and I’ll go fetch a diaper sample” the fox moved off, his footsteps disappearing as Britney came round to the front and started to unstrap Henry from the stroller.

“Guess we’ll have to keep you in diapers for a while huh? No more training pants if you’re gonna be a little stinker!”

The bunny felt himself being lifted up and out of the seat, his trainers dropping away from his bottom as the mess was finally able to droop downwards below him. The smell finally reached his nostrils as he kicked his legs out a little, his muzzle curling up.

“Stay still baby, just going to lay you down here…”

Henry's fur stood on end as the cold padded surface of the table made contact with his back. His thumb was still in his mouth as he watched Britney remove his shorts.

“Pee-yu!” she dramatically held her nose “Right, no more pizza for you, that’s definitely not a good idea…”

Henry giggled at the teasing. He felt safe here, on the table. Something about the foam sides and little swirls that decorated the surface just helped him relax. His mommy was cleaning him up like she always did when he was stinky.

“Here we go! One extra thick Simpli-Dry!” Gareth came over with a single diaper in his hands “Should definitely make sure there’s no leaks for the rest of the day!”

Britney took it and put it to one side as she ripped the sides of Henry's training pants ``Thank you! He definitely needs something thicker than these. Not sure why we even tried to potty train him at his age…”

Henry looked up at the ceiling as his mommy started to wipe his bottom and powder him down. Potty training? He remembered something about that from… work? What was… work? He felt the front of the diaper being pulled over his front, the thick padding pushing his thighs apart. Safe… secure… everything felt… right.

“Gosh he looks precious in these!” Britney patted the front of the diaper, pulling Henry up into a sitting position “Definitely not putting his pants back on if he looks this cute!”

“Well, we’ve got a sale on the jumbo boxes right now. Buy one get one free if…”

“I’ll take four”

The last sound Henry recognised before he was put back in the stroller and began pulling on animals was a beep from the card machine as four packs of diapers were put on a trolley, ready to go in his mommy’s car.