Dissonance - Chapter 50

Monday I had just gotten back from school when Kat made her triumphant return with Hanna and her mother in tow, carrying more bags than I remember them leaving with.

“How’d it go?” I asked, helping by taking some of their bags from them.

“Great,” Kat said. “Five gold and three silver.”

“You should have seen her. She was amazing!” Hanna said.

“It really was something,” Hanna’s mother added. “She was so much faster than a lot of the girls.”

“That’s always true,” I said.

“Not there,” Hanna said. “We met swimmers from all over the country, and they’re all really good.”

“Not good enough. How many events did you compete in?” I asked Kat.

“Eight, but three were relays.”

“Let me guess, those were the three silvers and you got gold in all your individual events, right?”

She shrugged, I guess playing it off, but Hanna said, “Yeah she did. It wasn’t quite like she blows people away here by a pool length; but even in the closest race, she was like half a body length ahead of the next swimmer.”

“I beat two of my best times,” Kat said.

“That’s great. You know, medaling like that in an international event is going to make it a lot easier for you to get into any college program you want.”

“Maybe,” Kat said.

“I don’t even think her coach is thinking about that. The only thing he would talk about is the Olympics in two years.”

“Really?”

“I have a long way to go for that,” Kat said. “I was competing in the Juniors at the Pan-American Games, but in the Olympics and Worlds, there isn’t a Juniors division. The competition will be a lot fiercer.”

“That’s not going to stop you though, right?” I said. “You’ll be eighteen in August anyway, so isn’t this your last time competing in juniors, anyway?”

“Yeah. There are some smaller events in June that I could still compete in at the junior level, but we aren’t going to those. We’re talking about going to Worlds this summer, just to see what it’s like; since we really haven’t seen the competition at that level, yet. Coach also wants me to start working on another form. He says I should be able to be almost as competitive in the breaststroke if I try.”

“That sounds like a lot more practice. Here I was hoping you’d have some time this next semester to hang out more. You’ve been a ghost for the last two months.”

“Look who’s talking,” she said, but with a smile. “Yeah, there’s going to be a lot of practice, but we’ll find a balance. Worlds is a big step up, so I’m going to need to really focus if I want to do well. There aren’t a lot of large, international swim meets where I can go against the same competition that will be at the Olympics in two years, so we basically have this summer and next summer to prepare. This year, we’ll gauge the competition and see what I need to work on, and next year we’ll be able to check my progress again, and hopefully dial everything in by two-thousand twenty-four.”

“You’ll have competitions in college, right? And you can always do more Pan American games.”

“That’s not the full range of competitors, though. A lot of competition comes out of Asia and Europe. There’s this girl in Japan that’s absolutely killing it, from what I hear. This will probably be my only trip to the Pan Am games if I’m going to focus on Worlds for the next two summers. Especially if I have to start getting my breaststroke ready.”

“If you smoked the competition that bad, you can do it.”

“We’ll see,” Kat said. “How was your weekend without us?”

“I got arrested,” I said, as nonchalantly as I could.

“You what?” Hanna’s mom said, dropping her bag.

“Friday night. I got arrested for assault. Harry and three of his friends tried to jump me in the Blue Ridge parking lot after my show. We called the sheriff who showed up and arrested me.”

“Why would he arrest you and not the four boys you were fighting?”

“Paul ran away and drove home; the other three all went to the hospital.”

“Did you hurt them?” Mrs. Phillips asked, sounding concerned.

“Yes. I tried not to, but against four guys, I couldn’t hold back, since that’s how I’d end up getting hurt. I broke Harry’s collarbone, the hand of some kid on the football team, whose name I don’t know, and gave another kid a concussion.”

“Did Chef Tang talk to Sheriff Gibbs? I’m sure if he explained you were attacked, he would drop the charges.”

“He tried, but the sheriff didn’t want to hear it. He even threatened to arrest Chef if he interfered. It’s okay, no charges were filed. Chef called Mr. Eaves, who came down and took care of it. Chef has cameras out front, and we have video of the whole thing. The fight, it’s hard to tell exactly what happened, but you can see them hanging around out front for a long time while acting all suspicious, waiting for me.”

“Are they going to press charges against those boys?”

“No. The sheriff says the case isn’t strong enough.”

“So they get away with it again?” Kat said.

“Apparently, but it will be months before Harry can bother me again. That broken collarbone is going to slow him down a lot. But no, the sheriff said that while the video made it clear I wasn’t the instigator, they can’t include any of the other stuff Harry has done because none of it would be admissible in court. He said the DA wouldn’t bring any charges against Harry or the others, especially since he’d know I was the victim, so it doesn’t matter.”

“That’s not fair,” Hanna said.

“No kidding! But, it’s life. All I have to do is survive another year and a half and I’m out of here. Aaron’s dad’s a pain in the ass, but he won’t be my problem once I move away.”

“A year and a half is a long time,” Kat said.

“Yeah, but I think it will be okay. Harry might get off because of him, but at least the sheriff is turning out to be reasonable. So, as long as I keep my head down, I should be good. School’s out at the end of the week and then we’re off to New York. If I keep busy, it’ll be fine.”

“If Sydney’s dad is being reasonable, is he going to stop making it hard for you to date her?” Kat asked.

“Well, he said I could start picking her up at their house, but he still doesn’t like me dating her. Apparently, I’m a magnet for trouble and he’s worried she’ll get caught up in it,” I said, which caused Kat and Hanna to give each other a look. “I know. It’s true, but what can I do about it?”

“Nothing,” Mrs. Phillips said, walking around and putting an arm around my shoulder. “Just do like you said, keep busy and stay out of trouble as much as possible. Then you’ll be fine. I’m sure the sheriff will come around eventually. Now, help us get these bags upstairs. These two went a little wild shopping last night.”

Well, at least that explained their extra bags. I was happy for Kat. Music was cool and all, but if she got into the Olympics, that would be a serious achievement. I was just sorry I missed out on getting to see my friend do so well.

***

Friday signaled the end of the first semester and the beginning of winter break. Christmas was a week away, and the Times Square concert was two weeks away. This was going to be a busy weekend, since we had the show at the Blue Ridge, and then had to be out early the next morning to go to Knoxville for shows Saturday night and Sunday night. They were smaller venues, but still bigger than the Blue Ridge, and a good way to test our New Year’s set list against different crowds. The Blue Ridge was great, but the people who saw us were regulars and were predisposed to like us. So, we didn’t get the audience feedback we needed to see where we’d want to make adjustments.

I had stopped by the house to pack my stuff, since I knew I’d be too tired the next morning and was just about ready to head to the Blue Ridge when the doorbell rang. Hanna’s winter break also started today, but she was spending a few days in Chapel Hill with her boyfriend, Kat was back at swimming practice, and Mrs. Phillips was working, leaving me the only one at home.

I was running late, so I rushed downstairs to deal with whoever it was, only to feel my stomach sink as I saw Mom standing at the door.

‘Now what,’ was the first thing I thought; but I managed to at least keep from saying it out loud.

“Hi,” was what I chose to say instead.

“Hi, Charlie. Can we talk for a minute?”

“Mom, I’m in a big rush. Can we talk when I get back from Knoxville?”

“If you have to go, I guess, but it won’t take long.”

Part of me wanted to say that yes, I had to go; but I could see the look on her face. She was struggling. She’d taken our last talk hard, and had to spend Thanksgiving by herself. She was about to spend Christmas by herself, since Dad was still in jail awaiting trial. I didn’t know if they were holding him because he’d committed a crime in a courtroom or if he’d mouthed off when trying to get bail, but either way, I thought it was good news all around, even though my mother was probably unhappy about it.

I sighed and stepped back so she could come in, before leading her into the living room. We took the same seats we’d taken the last time she was here, where I’d screamed at her.

“You came to see me,” I said when she sat down, but didn’t say anything, instead looking down at her hands.

“I went by to see your father this morning,” she said.

“Mom, we’ve talked about this. I don’t want …”

“It’s not what you think. I went to tell him we are through and that I want a divorce. I also told him not to come back to the trailer and that I’d get a restraining order if he did.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I thought about what you said the last time we talked, and you were right. Whenever your father is involved, I … I don’t know, I just keep giving in, no matter what he does. I made the wrong choices for me, and I really made the wrong choices for you. I mean, I knew it all along, but I guess I didn’t see a way out, before. It wasn’t until I lost you that it really sank in.”

“You haven’t lost me yet, Mom. I told you, what kind of relationship we have is up to you. I’m really happy you’ve made the right decision. It was killing me seeing the kind of person Dad turned you into.”

“Me too. I was so dumb when we first got together. I guess I thought that’s what all relationships were like or maybe just what I deserved. After some time, I guess it messed up the way I was thinking. It’s sad, here I am, your mother, and you’re the one who has to talk sense into me.”

“You’re a person, too, Mom. After seeing Kat and her father, and talking to her psychologist, and seeing you and Dad; I’ve learned a lot about how people deal with trauma. And that’s exactly what Dad did to you, and it’s why you couldn’t get away. I knew I was asking the impossible when I asked you to choose; but I’d hoped that maybe, if you were forced to, you’d be able to break free of him. I’m so happy you have.”

“Me too,” she said, wiping away a tear and smiling at me. “Look at you. You’ve grown up so much in the last year. How’d you get so smart?”

“Ha, just talk to anyone who’s dealt with me over this year and they’ll be happy to tell you how dumb I’ve been.”

“Well,” she said, and then paused. “So, where does that leave us?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Will you come back home?”

“Not … not yet,” I said, stumbling over my words.

I should have expected that, but I really didn’t, and it caught me off guard. In hindsight, it was so obvious that was what Mom wanted, and probably the main reason she’d finally been pushed to break it off with Dad. This was, however, a terrible time for it. I had a big weekend planned and in just two weeks I would be performing the biggest show of my life. Of course, it was also Christmas, so maybe this was the perfect time for it.

“Ohh,” she said, dejected.

“I’m not saying never, Mom. I was just packing to go to shows in Knoxville this weekend and we’re in the middle of preparing to be on the Times Square New Year’s Eve Extravaganza. There’s just a lot happening.”

“Really? That’s huge!”

“I know. We’re one of the openers, so it’s not like we’re going to be on the broadcast; but it’s still really big for us, which is why there’s so much to do. It’s not just that, though. I’m really happy that you’ve decided to free yourself from Dad, but … I need to make sure this is going to stick. I know you had your own stuff going on, which is why you sided with him; but I really needed you to stick up for me. When you didn’t, it really hurt me. I’m not saying I won’t move back in, and you’ve made a great step forward, but I need to make sure it’s real before I put myself into a position to get hurt like that again.”

“I see,” she said, sounding on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry I let you down, Charlie.”

“I know, Mom, and it’ll be okay. I didn’t say never, and while this may only be the first step, it’s the biggest one. I just need some time. How about this? Why don’t you come here for Christmas morning? I’ll talk to Mrs. Phillips, but I’m sure it will be okay. You don’t need to be by yourself.”

“I’d like that,” she said, sounding hopeful.

“Do you want to come to New York with me, for the concert?”

“I thought you didn’t need a guardian anymore?”

“I don’t, but I still need my mother. Kat, Hanna, and Mrs. Phillips are coming. You could come along too. Please? It would be so great.”

“I have some vacation time coming. It’s late notice, but the factory is slow on New Year’s, so it should be fine. Are you sure you’re okay with me going?”

“I’m more than okay with it. It might take time for us to fix everything, but I still love you,” I said, standing up and pulling her to her feet so I could wrap her up in a hug.

“I love you too, Charlie,” she said.

Things were looking up, finally. The shows went really well. Warren was at both of them, and he agreed that we did well with the set list we’d picked. The audiences really responded favorably to them, which is what we were looking for. Of course, audience response in a small club versus outdoors surrounded by thousands of drunks wasn’t exactly the same thing, but it was a good sign.

Mom came to Christmas and, despite it being in someone else’s house, she almost seemed like her old self. I only got one gift in total this year, but it was a big one, rivaling the car I got last year. Everyone, including Mom, went in together and got me a new guitar. I liked the one I had, and Dad sure knew enough about guitars that he’d picked a good one, but we’d always been on a budget, so there was a limit to what he’d been able to buy me. This one was a step above that in every way and must have cost several thousand dollars. It was twenty-six inches with an alder body and a maple neck, three single coil pickups, and a five-blade switch. It was a beautiful combination of vintage and modern, with vintage spaced frets that were thin like my old one. It had great contact and feel.

They also humored me as I played it for almost an hour, trying out different songs in different genres to get a feel for its tone. It actually wasn’t that different from my old one, except the sound was crisper and cleaner, and just a little bit better in every way. My gift to Mom confused her a little bit.

“What’s this?” she asked when she opened it to find my extra bag of toiletries that I took when I traveled.

I knew she recognized it, because she got it for me before I left to record my album at the end of the summer.

“My extra razor and stuff,” I said.

“Yes. I see that. What I mean is, I don’t understand why you’re giving it to me?”

“So you can put it in your bathroom. I’ll need it for the nights I come stay over with you.”

“Really?” she said, almost in shock.

I guess it was confusing, since it had only been a week since I told her I wasn’t going to come back and live with her.

“Yes, really. It’s not permanent, and it won’t be every week, but I know it gets quiet over there by yourself, so I figure I can come stay with you every now and then, when neither of us is working.”

“Ohh, Charlie,” she said, leaping on me and pulling me into a crushing hug.

She was starting to come out of the fog Dad had put her in. It felt good seeing her acting like her old self again, even if only briefly. The gift wasn’t just for her. As hard as I’d fought to get away from the two of them, I really did want my mom back. This was the first step, but if things kept progressing, I might be able to move back before the end of next year, maybe spend the summer with her before I went to college. It was a ways off, and only a dream right now, but I could hope.

“Uhh, since we’re all in such a good mood, I have news,” Kat said. “I got early acceptance into UNC.”

“Really?” Hanna said, now it was her turn to be surprised.

“What happened to Stanford, Princeton, or Harvard? Their swim teams are one, two, and four in the country and your grades are good enough to get you in any of them. UNC is a good school, but you have a shot at the Ivy League,” I said.

“I know, and I’ve talked to people in their programs, but I really want to go to UNC.”

“But the education you’re giving up …”

“I’m not giving up anything. UNC is a good school and I’ll get a good education, but I’ll also have a support structure there that I wouldn’t have at Stanford, Harvard, or Princeton. I know it looks like I’m a lot better, and I AM getting better, but it doesn’t mean I’m completely cured. I didn’t make this decision lightly, or by myself. I’ve talked to Doctor Rothstein about this a lot. If I go to those other places, I’m going to be out on my own. Sure I can call you guys, but that isn’t the same as having someone who knows me and knows what’s going on being able to see if I’m struggling. Besides, this way I get to see Hanna all the time, which is great, and UNC is willing to give me a lot more than those other programs are. Their program has been stuck at fifth in the nation for several years, and they really want to push up from there. They’ve agreed to not only bring my personal coach in to keep working with me there, but pay for him to train me. I know my father said he’d keep paying for everything through college, but there’s no guarantee that he won’t break his word, or that things won’t change and he won’t be able to keep paying for it in two or three years. This guarantees that for the next four years, or more if I go for an advanced degree, I’ll keep having Coach Hale in addition to the actual coaching staff. They also understand that my main focus will be the twenty-four Olympic Team, and they’ve promised to work with me to help get me there, even if it conflicts with team events. This is a good deal all around.”

When she’d first said something, I thought maybe she was doing it because she didn’t want to leave me or Hanna and go far away, which I guess is a good reason in and of itself, considering what she’d said. She’d also clearly done her homework and wasn’t making a rash, off-the-cuff decision.

“Well … who am I to argue, then?” I said.

She squealed and tackled me.

Yep, it was a pretty good Christmas.