Dissonance - Chapter 45

I was practically flying as I drove home from the courthouse. I was finally free. I couldn’t believe it. Even Dad’s last attempt to attack me in the courtroom didn’t throw off my good mood. In fact, it made it better. He was going to be in jail and I wouldn’t have to deal with him for a while. I did feel bad for Mom. She had no one now. I know she made her own choices that got her where she was, but I still loved her and it made me a little sad to think of her in the trailer, by herself, everyone she loved gone. At some point, I’d need to see what I could do to repair my relationship with her, although with new boundaries in place to keep her from making poor decisions that affected me again.

The first thing I needed to do, after getting home, though, was to call Kent. He must have been busy, because I sat on hold for a long time, waiting for him to pick up.

“Yes, Charlie,” he said, sounding almost annoyed to be on the phone with me.

I really was on thin ice with them. I didn’t know what Dad had been up to for the last week, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he’d been giving Kent the full-court press leading up to the emancipation hearing. He might not have been able to fathom that he was going to lose, but the more things got out of my father’s grasp, the wilder his actions got. I just hoped I wasn’t too late to turn things around.

“I have some good news. I just came home from the emancipation hearing, and I am, legally at least, no longer a minor. You don’t have to deal with my father anymore.”

“Really? That is good news,” he said, sounding genuinely pleased.

“I know. I also know he’s been a giant pain in the ass for you guys, and I’m sorry. I really appreciate you sticking with me through all of this.”

“Well, I won’t say it was easy. There are several people over here who feel we should have cut ties a while ago. You’re going to have to hustle for a little while until things calm down. The best thing you can do now is show them we made the right call by backing you.”

“I will. I’m all in on this, I promise.”

“Good.”

“I haven’t gotten the legal order yet, and I probably won’t be until the end of the week, according to the judge, but my father got himself arrested in the courthouse, so it will all be said and done by the time he gets out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I told you he is unhinged.”

“I got that from just talking to him, but to attack someone in a courthouse.”

“I know. Do you think you can keep holding off on those royalty checks until next week? I need to get my bank accounts and everything cleared up, and I can’t do that until I get the official papers showing my emancipation.”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

“Great. Also, I know I’m not technically able to make decisions yet, but can we get Warren back? If we’re going to start hustling, I really need him with us.”

“Absolutely. Warren asked me just yesterday when he could start working with you again, so I know he’s more than ready.”

“Great. We’re ready to work as many weekend gigs as he can book us, and Thanksgiving break is at the end of this month. I’ll be off the whole week and I’m sure the rest of the band will be up for performing as many shows as you guys can book us.”

“Good. I’ll tell Warren to work you guys hard then.”

“Fine by me. And thanks again for having faith in me.”

“Sure thing. Now just prove it wasn’t misplaced, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, and hung up.

Kent was a good guy and I was glad he was on our side. As annoyed as he was, I could imagine Dad had been driving him up the wall all last week. The fact that Dad gave him the hard sell and he still had my back said a lot. Now that I was finally over the last hurdle, I needed to repay his support and bust my ass. Our numbers were still holding good, mostly supported by people streaming our songs over and over. If we worked hard, we could keep the numbers up, make some good money, and start to really build our audience.

***

I’d missed school on Monday because of the emancipation hearing, but hardly anyone noticed, since all the entire school could talk about, even the teachers, was the article that had been published in the Sunday edition of the Asheville Herald. I was so wrapped up in my own troubles, I hadn’t even noticed, although it wasn’t like I was a regular newspaper subscriber. We hadn’t even talked about it at home. Kat was out until late training, getting ready for the Pan American Games, and I’d basically dominated the conversation with Mrs. Phillips about the emancipation hearing and Dad being arrested.

I finally got ahold of a copy of the article from Mr. French, in choir, and Fowler, the journalist who wrote the story, hadn’t pulled any punches. Although the school administration hadn’t given a comment, he did get comments from the school district and even several state lawmakers who’d written the bill that had started the SALT survey, including the requirements that the responses remain anonymous. He also talked to several of the affected families, although I noticed not mine, maybe because I was the one who asked for the story, about having their kids singled out.

The parents were pissed, some even saying they were talking to lawyers about suing the district and both the district and state lawmakers were talking about investigations. The most surprising thing was the administration wasn’t talking about it at all. No statements to the student body, no announcement, nothing. They were pretending like everything was okay, although several kids said they’d heard a rumor that Mr. Packer might get fired. I hoped that was true. Considering the negative attention the school was getting and the fact that he’d found a reason to blame me for the whole thing, or at least sounded like he had when he called me into his office, if he did survive this he was going to be even harder on me than before.

For now, at least, he was basically hiding in his office. I guessed he was waiting until things blew over.

The happy news for me didn’t stop with Mr. Packer either. Saturday, Hanna came home for Thanksgiving, and she didn’t have to go back for a week. She’d only been gone a couple of months, but it honestly felt like forever since I’d seen her. Sure, we’d talked on the phone a few times and she’d come home the one time, but having her home for a whole week was a blessing.

“Hopefully he’s going to get several months at least,” I said, winding down my description of everything that had happened since the last time I saw her.

It was a lot and she’d barely dropped her stuff when I started spilling the details of last month’s events to her. One of the things that made Hanna such a good friend was how ready she was to stop and listen to other people and, at this moment, to me specifically. The last time we talked, I was just thinking about emancipation. Since then, Dad had reported me as a runaway, I’d gotten emancipation, a huge scandal had broken out at school, which included Cameron getting both expelled and un-expelled, and Sydney and I were officially dating. To say it was a busy month was an understatement.

“What happens when he comes back?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I’m not going back there again, that’s for sure. Your mom said I can stay here until I go to college, but if worse comes to worst, I could move in with the band. I’d be sleeping on the couch in the living room, but at least I’d have a roof over my head.

“Mom won’t let that happen,” Hanna said.

“I know. I swear, I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“She is kind of great. Although I’ll kick your ass if you ever tell her I said that.”

“Yeah. So now I need to bust my ass to make things right with the label. I talked to Warren on Thursday and he’s already working on setting up gigs for the holiday week, which means I won’t be able to see you that much while you’re home, which sucks.”

“How far are you going to have to go for these gigs?”

“I don’t know, but he said he was talking to some clubs in Virginia and even one in Maryland. He thinks exposure along the east coast will help, especially if we can get up into more populated areas. Since we won’t be able to do shows on Thanksgiving day and everyone wants to go see family, we’re pretty limited on how far we can go, but we can do shows through Wednesday night. That gives us three days, since the earliest he could get us a gig is Sunday night, and it doesn’t seem likely he’ll find anything for Wednesday night.”

“Good. I wish I could go with you, but after being gone half the summer and now college, Mom will have my head if I disappear for this break.”

“I get it. Kat can’t go either. She’s training so hard for the games, we hardly see her anymore.”

“We’ll see you here for Thanksgiving, which will be fun. Also, I haven’t told Kat yet, but I’m going to go with you guys to the games. We’ll get back pretty late on Sunday, so I’ll probably have to miss Monday’s classes, but I’ve already talked to my professors for the classes I have on Mondays, and I should be good. It’s going to be exciting, all of us out there, together again.”

“Really? Ohh, man, that’s great. I can’t wait.”

“I know. We’re going to have so much fun. So, what are you doing today?”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang right as Hanna asked about my plans.

“, I have a date. That’s probably her,” I said, heading towards the door.

“She comes to pick you up?” Hanna asked.

“No. She meets me here, and I drive us wherever we’re going. Her father isn’t my biggest fan, so it’s better for everyone that he and I don’t have any interactions,” I said, and then pulled the door open.

“Hey,” Sydney said, with a small wave, and then paused when she saw Hanna behind me.

“Hey. Do you know Hanna? She was a senior last year?”

“Ohh,” she said, almost looking relieved. “You’re Hanna. No, we never met, although I might have seen you around school. I’ve heard a lot about you, though.”

I found her reaction to Hanna a little strange. I hadn’t given her any cause to think I’d be up to something. Hell, my days were so full, I wouldn’t have had time to cheat on her even if I wanted to.

“He’s been talking about me? How dare you,” Hanna said, crossing her arms, and giving me a disapproving look.

Knowing Hanna, she picked up on the weird reaction and was hamming it up to keep things from getting awkward. I gave her a bump and she dropped the act, laughing.

“No,” Sydney said, giving a little nervous laugh to join in. “He’s only said good things.”

“Good. I’m Hanna and I’m guessing you’re Sydney. I’ve heard about you, too.”

“You have, have you?” Sydney asked, mimicking Hanna’s earlier stance.

I did not love where this was headed.

“Well, we have to get going. I still have training and practice this afternoon, and we have a show tonight.”

“Nonsense. I’m only in town this one week, and what kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t get to know your girlfriend? Besides, we have a lot to talk about,” Hanna said, grabbing Sydney’s hand and pulling her into the house, towards the living room.

Sydney laughed, allowing herself to be pulled along, leaving me to shut the door behind them.

I most definitely didn’t like where this was headed.

***

We left Sunday, for a very brief run of three clubs, two in eastern Virginia and one in southern Maryland, with plans for three more the days following Thanksgiving. Warren still had some stuff to finish with the work he’d been given while waiting for my status to clear up, but he promised he’d meet us at some of our post-Thanksgiving shows, even though I had no idea where those would be yet.

The guys were happy to be playing again. We were paid pretty well by Chef, but the Blue Ridge was a really small venue compared to the places where Warren was booking us, so even with our cut of the door at the Blue Ridge, we stood to make more money traveling. It also meant we’d play twice as many shows as we normally did. We even had some leftover merch to take with us, and managed to sell a good chunk of it and a decent-sized stack of CDs.

Everything had gone to shit after our summer tour, so I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Kent or Warren about the status of our merch. Dad had pulled most of the money we had set aside for buying up new merch, so if we did get to do another round, I’d have to borrow the money again, like last time.

It sucked, because we’d all left a portion of our profits in the account specifically to buy another round of merch, but at least that wouldn’t happen again. I did need to find a way to make it up to the guys. Seth and Lyla both said it was fine and these things happen, but I still felt bad about it. Marco, of course, found multiple opportunities to bring up the fact that we should already have bought the next round of merch when we sold out of what we took with us.

Still, even with the small hitches, the gigs were a hit. All of the venues were proper clubs and not just bars, which was already a step above what Brent had managed. Two were fairly small clubs, but still held four to five hundred people, which was well above what the Blue Ridge could hold. They were weekend days, and even though the colleges were out for the break, the clubs were in decent-sized cities and we still managed to pull good crowds at both. The third venue held almost fifteen hundred and the place was throwing a Thanksgiving food drive, where people who brought in non-perishable food for the local food bank could get half off their cover. It was packed, and that’s where we sold out of the last of our merch and the bulk of our CDs.

We also finally got our first royalty payment, after I got a new bank account set up, netting each of us almost five grand. Not a huge amount of money, I know, but considering what we were making, it was good money. Especially since that was what we actually got to take home after the label, Rowan, Kent, and Warren all got their cuts. Because of the number of eyes that would see us this week and the enthusiasm we were getting, I hoped we might even be able to bring in something near that amount for our November sales, which would be great for all of us. We weren’t getting rich, but this was real ‘support yourself playing music’ kind of money. Especially since we were also getting paid for all the shows.

In spite of the good week and what we had to look forward to after Thanksgiving, I still had stuff to deal with once we got home. Specifically, I needed to talk to Mom. She’d been on my mind a lot since the hearing. I’d had to push those thoughts aside, because I needed to do damage control to make up for everything Dad messed up, and the shows had gone well enough that Kent sounded almost happy, which meant my brain was freed up to worry again.

I’d left my car at the band’s house and we’d all ridden together to the coast, but once we’d unloaded and I’d headed for home, I found myself driving towards the trailer, instead of the Phillips house.

It was late, but not that late, and I wasn’t sure if her schedule had changed for the holiday or if she’d be home at all. Part of me hoped she was, but part of me didn’t. Our last two conversations had gone so poorly, I was afraid of where this one might go. The hopeful part of me thought that maybe with Dad gone again, she’d have come to her senses, but the rest of me didn’t know how many more disappointments I could take from her. Her car was in front of the trailer when I pulled up, and I honestly had no idea if I was happy about that or not.

“Charlie,” she said, rushing out of the door before I’d made it up the steps, and pulling me into a big hug. “I’m so happy you’re here. I’ve already started working on the meal for tomorrow. It’s going to be just like last year. Maybe you can invite your friends again. It would be …”

“Mom,” I said, disengaging from her and taking a step back. “We need to talk.”

I almost told her she was crazy for just assuming I was coming home for Thanksgiving dinner. I couldn’t believe she was acting like nothing had changed after everything that happened. I managed to keep my cool, though. I wasn’t going to be my father, getting angry every time something happened that I didn’t expect.

“Sure. Uhh, come in, I guess,” she said, leading me into the trailer as she kept talking over her shoulder at me. “I kept your room just like it was. I know you may need some more time, but as soon as you’re ready, you can move back any time.”

“Mom,” I said, stopping in the middle of the living room. “I’m not coming back. You realize that, right?”

“Why? I mean, I know things were pretty unpleasant there for a while, and I did think it was a good idea to put some distance between you and your father. Now that he’s gone, though, it doesn’t need to stay that way. I understand you have that paper now and don’t have to stay here, but just because I’m not legally responsible for you doesn’t mean I don’t still want to take care of you.”

“You’re kidding, right? Dad isn’t gone. He’ll get, at most, two or three months. I talked to my lawyer. Dad didn’t have a weapon and wasn’t trying to rob anyone, so it’s just simple assault. He might get a little more time because it was in the courthouse, but the jails are crowded. Hell, they might let him out for time served. Even if he was gone for a while, I still wouldn’t come back. He’s not the only thing that would have to change around here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mom, I think it’s time for you to take a hard look at yourself. Everything that happened since Dad came back showed that all of last year was a lie. You were ready to give up on every principle you laid down for me, just because he said so. Hell, you even said my dropping out and doing homeschooling might not be a bad idea. A year ago, you would have made me quit music entirely if I said the same thing. Now you’re standing here, pretending our relationship isn’t completely screwed up. I love you, but you’re going to have to make some changes if you want to find a way for us to still have a relationship.”

I was fighting to maintain my composure. How had she gotten this delusional? I know Dad messed her up. It wasn’t just the physical abuse. I could hear them talking before I moved out, and I remembered how Dad was, before his original arrest. His constant verbal abuse took its toll. He always found reasons to tell her she wasn’t good enough, wasn’t smart enough, and didn’t work hard enough. He always had her second-guessing herself, and gaslit her any time she tried to argue back.

The woman in front of me wasn’t a stranger. She was the mother I knew for the first part of my life before Dad left. I don’t know how she’d found the strength to break out and become a real mother, but she had. Maybe it was because she thought he was gone for good then and she knew he was coming back soon this time. I don’t know. All I knew is that I couldn’t have any kind of relationship with this version of Mom.

“Charlie, I’m still your mother, and …”

“No. You’re not. You stopped being my mother the minute Dad came home, and I now have an official court ruling to prove it. I still want to have a relationship with you, but you have to be willing to make some changes for that to happen.”

“Like what?” Mom said, sinking into the couch.

It was the beaten-down voice, the one she always used with Dad. I didn’t know if this was the real her, with the happy, nothing’s wrong facade torn away, or if I was starting to remind her of Dad. Beating her down just the same way. I wasn’t going to blink, though. She needed to make changes, for her own safety.

“The main one, hell, the only one, is you have to get rid of Dad. As long as he can come back into your life, even if there’s a chance, I can’t be a part of it. I can’t stand by and watch him hurt you, humiliate you, or abuse you like he does, any longer. As long as he’s here, I’m not. When he gets out of jail, don’t take him back. Divorce him. Get a restraining order. I don’t care, but you need to get him out of your life. That’s it. That’s my one condition.”

“He’s my husband,” Mom said weakly.

“That’s what divorce is for. I know you might still love him, but you have to see what he’s doing to you. You need to take a good look at yourself and think real hard if this is the person you really want to be,” I said, gesturing at her. “Take all the time you need. When you decide what to do, you know how to get ahold of me. But don’t call me until you’re sure. I love you Mom. Too much to watch you let him ruin your life.”

She dropped her head, looking at the floor, her shoulders shaking as she cried. It killed me inside, seeing what I was doing to her, but she needed a serious come to Jesus moment. I left her there, on the couch, crying and went back out to my car. I hated myself at the moment. I’d destroyed her just as badly as Dad ever had. I did it for good reasons, but I didn’t doubt Dad thought the same thing every time he tore her down.

Put that with my lack of self-control and my temper, and it wasn’t hard to see how close I was to being my father, and it terrified me.