Fanfare (Country Roads #2) - Chapter 25

My anger over the baseball game had turned into self-pity by the time I got to the Blue Ridge to eat a quick lunch and start training. I could recognize that it was happening; but between Kat’s being pulled from school and my getting, at least temporarily, benched had thrown me. I knew it wasn’t helpful, but I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself, finding multiple ways where both things were ultimately my fault.

I should have gotten away and avoided Harry all together, because I knew what he was trying to do. I should have reported him to the coaches first. I should have gone to Chef about Kat the moment I found out the truth. I should have talked to someone at school like Mr. French or Vice-Principal Keller about her. I should have tried harder to get them to listen to me about Coach Bryant.

I knew it was all bullshit and there were reasons I didn’t do each of those things, and that second-guessing myself didn’t do any good, but I couldn’t stop myself. The self-pity train continued on into training.

After warm-ups, I stopped and asked Chef, “Are you sure I should be doing this tournament thing?”

“What do you mean?”

“While I love training with you and learning all this, and it has kept me from getting the crap beaten out of me several times, this isn’t what I want to do. I know there are refs and rules and everything, but I’m not sure the risk of getting hurt is worth the reward, you know. Especially since I’m not sure I have a chance to win.”

“Why do you think that?” Chef asked, crossing his arms.

“Look what happened when Victor was here. He absolutely wiped the floor with me. And I’ve only been training six months, while these guys have been training for years. And if any of them are even half as huge as Jason and Todd, I’m going to get snapped like a twig.”

I paused when he hadn’t said anything, or moved, or really made any expression of any kind.

“Are you done?”

“I guess. I’m just not so sure this is a good idea.”

“Do you think artists who’ve gotten to the top of their field did so by only focusing on their art?”

“Maybe,” I said, although I knew I was walking into a trap.

“No, because if they did, the only thing they’d be able to sing, or paint, or write about would be singing or painting or writing. Art is colored by your life experiences. I’m not Willie or any of your other music people, but I listen to you play every weekend. Your songs are about what? Your friends. Your romances. Your father. Your struggles with bullies. Those all sound like experiences. Just because this isn’t what you want to do doesn’t mean it won’t help you. But that’s all beside the point. Do you know why I started teaching you?”

“So I didn’t get beat up so badly?”

“No. That’s a good side effect, but no. I see something in you. You have passion and drive that are simply amazing, and an impressive capacity for compassion, but you’ve kept it all under wraps your entire life. And look how far you’ve come. Look at how you’ve improved in school, and yes, I know about that. Look at how your music has taken off. In just this short time, you’ve gone from being this scared kid, trying to just make it through by keeping his head down, into someone to be reckoned with. How do you think that happened?”

“That was just luck. Sure, I was okay on the guitar and impressed Willie, but if I didn’t know you, I wouldn’t have gotten a chance to play and show him what I could do. This only happened because you were helping me.”

“Did it? Or did I help you find a way to do it for yourself? You had all of it inside of you, you just needed a little push. What are the tenets of Kung fu?”

“Chef, I don’t …”

“No. Tell me one of the tenets.”

“Perseverance,” I said, naming off the one he talked most about.

“Do you think learning perseverance has helped you? When you were struggling in school, did you just give up and say I can’t do it, like so many kids do, or did you do the hard work and manage to fix your problem.”

“That’s not the same thing. I had help. Without Kat tutoring me, I would never have caught up.”

“Perseverance is about working for what you want no matter how hard it is. Did she do the work for you? Did she take your tests and study for you? No, you did that. Does that say anything about working alone? Of course not. What does community mean in the tenets?”

“That we should care for and be a positive influence for others.”

“Correct. Does that influence go just one way? Just with everything in life, it is a balance. You give to your community and it, in turn, gives to you. Were you just given this help because you deserved it, or did you try and reach out and help them, creating a balance? If you give freely, you will end up getting more than you give. What is another one?”

“Motivation.”

“Yes. This is an important one and the one we say first. Why is that?”

“I don’t know,” I said, obstinately.

“You do. Although if you’ve forgotten, fifty frog jumps should help jog your memory.”

“Because to succeed you have to have a desire to succeed.”

“Right. Do you feel you were motivated to succeed when you first came to town or were you just keeping your head down? Do you feel you’re motivated now? Look at your schedule. You have practices, training, or tutoring nearly every single day. Does someone who isn’t motivated do that?”

“No.”

“What about confidence? Well, that’s the one you’re struggling with now, isn’t it? The first step to failure is to think that you’re going to fail and the first step to success is believing you can succeed. Why do you think you’re going to fail?”

“I don’t know. It just seems so … much.”

“Of course it does. If you aren’t challenging yourself, then you’ll never really know what you’re capable of doing. Do you know what real confidence is? It’s failing and knowing that one failure doesn’t define you. It’s learning from that failure, picking yourself back up, and trying again with that new lesson fresh in your head. Can you win the tournament? Yes, or I wouldn’t have suggested it. Will you win? Who knows, but if you go in there and try your best, you’ll learn something from this. And not just something you can take with you to future tournaments, but things that can help you across the rest of your life. You’re going to get knocked down a bunch of times in your life. That’s a given. What matters is how you handle that.”

I took a deep breath. I still wasn’t sure I was up to the tournament, but he was right. Despite a few setbacks, things had been going really well. Just sitting and feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to change what happened in the tournament and it really wasn’t going to help Kat. I still didn’t know what I was going to do, but if I was too worried about doing the wrong thing, I’d end up doing nothing, which was even worse.

“Okay, you’re right,” I finally said. “I guess I just needed a kick in the ass.”

“Well, let’s just make sure the lesson sticks. Start running until your confidence comes back.”

When I got home that night, I was completely wiped. It had been go-go-go all day, and I barely made it into the trailer before I passed out on the couch. Around midnight Mom came home from work and shooed me off to bed, but at least I got a good night’s sleep, since I was too tired to actually have bad dreams.

By Sunday afternoon I’d made up my mind and called Hanna.

“It’s been a week,” I said when she answered. “I’m done waiting. I’m going to talk to Chef.”

“Come on, Charlie, we’ve talked about this. I really think we should wait longer, and give her time. After catching her out when she was supposed to be at home, her dad’s bound to be a little hyper-vigilant, so it’s probably been tough for her to get away and contact us. She’s made it really clear she doesn’t want us doing anything without her okay, and you know it’s important because of how hard being that firm in her opinion is for her.”

“I know, but there’s been lots of time. He might have been watching her for a few days, but it’s been seven.”

“Yeah, but it was all in one week. Maybe he just worked from home or took the week off last week, so he was around all the time. I mean, he did just get back from traveling. If so, he’s bound to have to go to the office tomorrow. Let’s give her one more day.”

“Come on, Hanna. You’re just guessing. You have no idea what’s been happening, and it’s not like he has a boss telling him he has to be there all the time. He’s the owner for Christ’s sake. He could take the month off. We don’t know. And him there with her all the time, instead of being preoccupied with work, gives him a lot more chances to do something.”

“Your mom works there. Can’t she tell us if he’s there?”

“She’s a pool secretary and a really low-level one. She doesn’t know his schedule, besides, she’d want to know why. If we go that route, why can’t I just tell her.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m just trying to give her every chance before we go to someone. Once we do, we can’t un-ring that bell, you know. I’d hate to have you talk to someone and the very next day she calls us and tells us everything’s fine and she’s just on lockdown.”

“I get it. I really do, but you didn’t see her dad. He was pissed. Besides, she might not even be in the state anymore. I mean, she got pulled out of school. Who knows where she’s going to end up? Even if he isn’t abusing her, she lost her only support structure. If she ends up at another school, it won’t take long for the first bad elements to find her. And the longer we wait, the harder it will be to explain to whoever we told why we waited.”

“I know. I know,” Hanna said, frustrated. “Give it one more day. I promise, if we don’t hear from her by the end of the day tomorrow, we can talk to Chef on Tuesday. I promise.”

I almost said no. This was going on for too long. Honestly, the more I thought about it, the more I thought maybe I’d made a mistake when I didn’t talk to someone as soon as she told me, even if it meant she’d hate me.

“Please,” Hanna said again, begging.

“Fine,” I said, giving in again. “One more day, but that’s it. I’m not going to agree to any more delays. Tuesday I talk to Chef. That’s final. Agreed?”

“Yes. Agreed. Thank you, Charlie. You’ll see, she’ll call us tomorrow.”

I was almost certain there was no way she was calling us, tomorrow. If she hadn’t called in seven days, an extra day wasn’t going to make a difference one way or another. I’d only given in because of how desperate Hanna had sounded for me to give her a little more time, but I wasn’t going to let that work on me next time.

I had trouble shaking off the feeling that I’d made a mistake. I couldn’t help but think the reverse of what Hanna had said could just as well be true. Maybe she was okay today, but what if we gave her one more day and we found out something terrible had happened during that extra time. I don’t think I could ever recover from that.

I still had a long day ahead of me and I didn’t think I could take another day of Chef trying to sweat me into focusing. I pushed down my worry, trying to bottle it up, which I knew wasn’t healthy, but I needed to just ignore it for twenty-four more hours and then this would be settled, one way or another.

Somehow I made it through training without letting Chef know that I was having issues still, which in of itself was quite the miracle. That focus didn’t last long and the worry returned as I showered in his apartment and got ready for practice. Since Hanna was still sitting in on practices and even helped set up Marco’s keyboard, I took the chance to have a long shower and try to relax a little. I kept telling myself I’d made my decision, so all I had to do was stick to it, and this would all be over.

When I walked in I was surprised to see someone I didn’t know up on stage. She was short. Like really short. If she was over five foot, I’d be shocked. Her hair was dyed a deep indigo blue, and what I could see of her left arm was completely covered in tattoos. She also had a bunch on her right, but it wasn’t to the point of barely being able to see skin. The only part of her left arm that didn’t have tattoos was her hands, which didn’t have any. It was a small town, and I was sure I would have noticed her if I’d seen her before, since the only place I could imagine her blending in was somewhere like L.A. or Seattle.

“Can I help you?” I asked, coming to the edge of the stage.

While we generally didn’t worry about the stuff on the stage, since there was always someone we knew nearby, she was messing with the cables that ran into Marco’s keyboard, which was a little suspicious.

“Just getting this hooked into the amp, fam.”

“I see that. What I meant is … why are you hooking his keyboard up?”

She put her hands to her knees and pushed herself up, turned around, and said, “I don’t kno… hey, you’re Charlie, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, still confused as to what was going on.

Considering the hair and the full sleeve on her left arm, I wasn’t shocked to see she had a row of piercings in her right ear, a septum piercing, a piercing in the outer corner of her right eyebrow, and a small shaved slit in her left eyebrow, also near the outside edge. She was, frankly, stunning. She would have been called cute or adorable if it wasn’t for all of the hardware stapled into her face. She had a real elfin quality to her. She was a contrast to be sure.

“Hey, man,” she said, hopping off the stage in a clunk, mostly due to the heave boots she wore. “I’m Lyla. Marco told me about what you had going on, said you’d had bad luck finding someone on bass, and asked if I wanted to come and show you what I’ve got.”

Marco had said he was bringing by a bass player to try out for the band, which just went to show how out of it I’d been, because I’d completely forgotten about it.

“Ohh, you’re the bass player he was talking about. He said you’re pretty good.”

“He said the same thing about you. He gave me copies of your music last week so I could work it up, and it’s not bad. Although I can tell the bass line was written by someone who doesn’t play bass, ya know.”

“Sure. That’s why we need someone. I’ve only been writing my own music for a little while, and I’ve only played guitar, so I could use some input from people like you.”

“You’re already a step up just admitting it and being willing to listen. So I hear you had Paulie try out.”

“Yeah. Seth had said he knew a guy and had him come by a few weeks ago to try out, and he didn’t quite fit in.”

“You mean he’s a complete tool and it’s all you can do to keep from punching him in his stupid face.”

“So you know him?” I asked, laughing.

“Yeah. We run in the same circles. I actually appreciate him, since it’s easy to get a gig after they get a taste of him. I look like a fucking saint when I have him to be compared to.”

“It’s too bad, because he plays amazing.”

“Yep. I’m good, but he’s better. Well, until he opens his mouth. Of course, he can’t sing for shit either.”

I hadn’t considered it yet, but if she could sing it would be nice to have someone in a completely different vocal range to put into the mix for vocal harmonies. The other three of us were all pretty close in vocal range and even in falsetto, we couldn’t get anything close to soprano. I was actually kicking myself that I hadn’t considered it before now, and I hoped she’d work out. She definitely seemed cooler and less of a pain than either Rodney or Paulie had been.

“Good; you two met,” Marco said as he and Hanna walked up.

“Yeah, she was just sharing her opinion of Paulie.”

“They don’t get along,” Marco said, deadpan. “So much so you would have thought they’d dated at some point.”

“Gahh,” Lyla said, making a gagging noise. “Dude, don’t even go there. Even if I swung that way, he’d be at the bottom of the list.”

“You’re …” I started to say, and paused, not sure how to ask if she was gay without it coming off as insensitive.

I was a little surprised by how casually she’d just outed herself. I know most people would think that I’d be used to people being out, considering all the time I’d spent with my dad in clubs growing up, but in reality, I was kind of sheltered and it wasn’t like adults discussed their sexual orientation with kids. I knew Cameron was out, but I guess this was different somehow, although at least it felt different.

“Do I eat at taco trucks?” she asked while lifting up her hand and flopping it over. “Yep. I’m gay as hell.”

“Ohh, cool,” I said, trying to be nonchalant.

“Speaking of,” she said, looking past me to Hanna and sticking out her hand. “Hi, I’m Lyla.”

“I … uhh … I’m not …” Hanna started, stammering.

“She’s fucking with you,” Marco said. “She has a pinpoint gaydar. I’ve seriously never seen her guess wrong, at least when it’s a woman. She just likes ‘screwing with the straights.’”

“We’ve all gotta have hobbies,” Lyla said, smiling her hand still out. “I’m just messing with you.”

Hanna took her hand and awkwardly laughed, “I guess I’m Hanna, then.”

“Ohh, you’re the manager.”

“No. I mean, not really. Charlie lets me tag along since I’m considering studying business with a focus on talent management or whatever when I go to school.”

“Cool, cool. Well, if I do get into the band I hope you do become the manager. Too many dudes and not enough ladies in this business. Being in the middle of a sausage fest gets old fast.”

“Uhh, sure,” Hanna said.

It was kind of hysterical how much Lyla seemed to fluster Hanna and get her off balance. Hanna was normally incredibly strong-willed and head sure, and I couldn’t remember her being so thrown by someone before.

“Okay, how about we get some practice in,” I said as Seth joined us.

Practice went really well. Lyla wasn’t as good as Paulie, but she was still pretty good. She had already made some notes on the baseline of Hush and I liked what she was doing. I’d had the bass line mirroring the rhythm coming from the drums, which really just amplified that, instead of allowing it to add undertones to what was happening in the melody.

More importantly, she meshed really well. Everyone seemed to get along with her and she had a sharp sense of humor that I really liked. She also didn’t seem to be bothered at all that I was so much younger than everyone else. I disagreed with some of the changes she suggested and after we discussed it she just shrugged it off and went with whatever I decided.

I told her how we were doing things, what with the practices around my schedule and the gigs we had coming up, and she was on board for all of it. With Lyla, we now had a full band. We just had to get enough songs ready to play for him, and we’d be set.

There was still a lot to do, but it was nice to be one step closer.