Low-Hanging House Bra?

So, one of you lovely lovelies just left a pretty cool question in the comments: “What is a low-hanging house bra?”

This, my dears, is a low hanging house bra. Every woman who doesn’t pass the pencil test has one. Go ahead, ask around. Basically, it’s the outrageously comfy sweatshirt of the bra world. The one that has frayed cuffs, a cigarette burn on the sleeve, some coffee stains from three years ago... The kind of sweatshirt that you realize, only after pulling into the parking lot of Trader Joe’s on a quick grocery run, that you probably should’ve changed out of before stepping out the front door. The kind of sweater that makes you look borderline homeless. But if you ever lost it at the laundromat? There would be a sweater shaped hole in your heart. We all have one article of clothing like that. This is the bra equivalent.

I would never be seen out of the house in this bra. My right boob always bulges over the top of the cup, in a rising dough sort of way. Repeated washings (and I hardly ever wash my bras… I don’t think anybody does…) have caused these little pills to form, so if I wear a thin T-shirt, my boobs look all craggy and speckled. The first row of loops on the band have all come a little loose, but it’s super stretchy, so I’ve just moved to the second row of loops. The spot where the strap meets the cup has started to split and separate a little bit, so it’s probably not too long until I pull out the sewing kit again. In short, it’s a mess. And I fear, unfortunately, that it may not be long for this world. Yet, there are times when I just kind of live in this thing. Other bras are prettier, other bras serve specific functions, other bras hoist, or separate, or compress, or flatter. This one simply exists.

And, like the most reliable, most often used pieces of clothing, it didn’t start out that way. I got it off of Amazon, years ago, for about… 35 bucks? Dirt cheap in giant bra world. It’s made by a brand called Goddess. Some mass produced Made in China type of thing. I yanked the underwires out a long time ago. And the size is totally not my size. I’m a 40R, but I sister sized a couple of degrees of separation to the largest cup the had, so this one is a 44N. So, hence the name, it does hang kind of low.

But, for a day indoors? When you’re just doing a little bit of housework, some dishes, and general stuff? It keeps the jiggling to a minimum, keeps the girls reigned in and well-behaved, and takes a tiny bit of the load off. Sometimes, that’s all you need.

So, yup. That’s the Low-Hanging House Bra.