XaiJu
golyhawhaw
golyhawhaw

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Update - I am alive(Thankfully)

Hello everyone. This is an update to my previous post. I apologise I haven't updated sooner.

Long story short, I got serotonin poisoning from prescribed antipsychotics. The doctors who prescribed this kept telling me to take it despite me trying my best to tell them I was having a negative reaction to it. This inevitably worsened my symptoms.

I've stopped taking them and the worst of it is over. However, due to withdrawals from the medication itself + recovery of serotonin poisoning, the battle has not ended.

Here is a list of some of the things I have been going through:

I was in a state of almost constant psychosis and I was terrified of everything(even with my mother, who I live with) Seeing hallucinations while my eyes are closed is the worst.

It has affected my ability to live my life normally. There are times where I disassociate and start pacing for almost an hour at time. I have to think so much about basic actions. I also forget basic things such as eating.

Right now I am at a place where my mental sanity is restoring bit by bit every day. I have missed creating sims content so much. I have been in this community for almost 10 years. I have a lot of things to catch up on. I appreciate the patience you all have with me. I will be trying my best to respond to my messages as soon as I can over the next week. In terms of commissions, I haven't forgotten and I thank you for your patience.

This whole experience has been traumatising. I am not looking forward to sleeping tonight....I am so afraid....but gosh...I am able to type this to you guys...I am so thankful.

I took this photo today after the gym. I am so weak but I am so glad I managed to go today. I see progress.

That stuff on my chin is just jacket fluff(in case anyone is worried)

Update - I am alive(Thankfully)

Comments

Jesus Christ is the answer.

SoulfulSmokie

You're brave and strong. The best for your future. Thanks for your amazing work. Take care. Hugs from Paris...

Toto Toto

Where there's life, there's hope and you're looking so well in this photo which is excellent. One hour at a time. Take care.

Nikki

Omg I just saw this and I hope you find peace and recover soon :(

gay stuff

Just saw the post. Everything will be better! We all support you here!

Aiden

Omg god bless you <3 i'm so sorry about what you've had go through!

chester

I wish you a quick recovery and only best! Don't feel pressure to come back too quickly and just go easy for a while :) Your content is one of the things that makes this game worthwile, but your health is always more important! Lots of hugs and love from a fan in Brazil! <3

Sinclarye

Hope you feel better. Health is #1

Mal Jha

Take your time, take it easy, we're all here with you! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you ALL the best! <3

Donna L

Oh my gosh! I had serotonin poisoning from an ov3rd0se at one point and It was terrifying. I am so sorry that happened to you and i hope you can heal and recover! take your time, no rush to get back here, i hope you can get some peace and rest soon because i remember how my brain was on high alert/panic mode for so long after. Good luck to you and if you need anything or advice feel free to ask

M Ferver

I hope everything goes well with you We really need you

leexhen

Just checking in we are thinking of you. Sending prayers and hugs.

Cheri

hello .. how are you ?

Adan Cris

bro im going through the same thing rn, one problem at a time man, stay blessed god is good

Cheezy Mondays

im so sorry, its so hard to go through. the mental health system in our country is awful. Blessed be.

Mariama Toure

Long time no see, buddy! Wishing you a speedy recovery. Don't put pressure on updates, just enjoy life and happy games. From a fan with depression, support your love and wish you all the best

SHUHONG XU

wow, that literally made me stop for a moment. I wish you a quick recovery (even though it's been some time since you posted this and are hopefully doing better already), and only the best. it's always scary to see things that are supposed to help you actually do the opposite. I hope you do never lose your hope!

Emma !

ohmygosh i am so sorry. i suffer from depression, anxiety and ptsd and the fact that some of these meds do more harm than good makes me lose faith in healthcare altogether. im so sorry you went through this. glad you're ok. take care of yourself!

BTRFLY

I am so sorry that professionals you should be able to trust, couldn't and wouldn't take your condition seriously. It's horrible to hear and see I love your content but please try not to worry yourself about anything aside from your physical and mental wellbeing. Even with everything you're going through I'm glad you could take the time out to inform us. I hope for your full recovery Golyhawhaw x

syi

Take it easy and focus on recovery. I won't request anything until you feel okay. I got Chris Redfield working in the game, so I am happy. :)

Amaya Redfield

I hope you have a quick recovery. Take it easy and stay strong.

Valery A

Praying you get better, take it easy.

SomeguynamedGabriel

cmon, don't be insensitive

leeyah

I don't even know you but that's awful, dude. I hope you recover well. Take care of yourself.

Allistar Huỳnh

I don't see any weakness, only strength. My heart is with you, fellow simmer. May you get stronger and more whole every day.

Nancy Lorenz

gertrude

I had an extremely hard time with a medication once (literal nerve damage) and was completely dismissed by my doctor, so I'm very glad you're taking care of yourself. I hope you continue to improve. <3

runawayfae

Just found your content and not only do you create amazing male sims but you also are an amazing male (not sim)! Keep up the amazing work!!

Caitlin Neilson

Like you I developed serotonin syndrome after a reaction as well. I have since learned 3 things: 1) my body is VERY sensitive to meds; 2) for some stupid reason doctors just don't seem to listen to me well so 3) I have to advocate for myself. Keep making healthy choices and you'll get through it. Glad to hear you're okay though.

mrsnowscat

get well soon brother

Niall Swift

why did I think this was a sims 4 character LOL? But im glad you are doing well

Zoe Bumbarger

Truly hope you recover, so sorry for what you've had to go through.

Derin

you are incredibly brave. get better soon and thank you <3

Tia Antoine-Charles

No apology necessary - Happy that you can function well enough to make this update.

Newbie

祝你身体安康!加油,bro,love from china

c3a9t

Hope you get better soon!

Master's Sun

Wishing you the best recovery and elevated health in this time. So sorry this happened. Best Wishes to you!!

Brandon

Prayers for you and what you are going through <3

ImportedSims

I hope you have the support you need and just know that we are here wishing you well! take as much time as you need because we totally understand and want the best for you! im happy to hear you pushed thru and went to the gym! You showed up for yourself today!

Casandra Granillo

Man I wish I was so gorgeous like you, fight for live you deserve all the best

Ilya Souvorov

Oh man, that sounds terrifying. Take care of yourself and get well soon.

Jacob Smith

please be safe! take consideration of more than one doctor! some doctor are very unkind and do not listen to their patient.

aki

I'm sure being off the antipsychotics isn't great either! I hope they found a better option for you. I am schizophrenic and am on Thorazine (Chlorpromoazine), have been since 2010... not suggesting a medication; just saying it took a good minute (I am 48 now and started my medication journey when I was 25) to find the right medication and that psychosis is NO joke and I hope your mental health is getting better too!

Diane Sweeney

wish you the best, take care of you !

Hugo Wood

I wish you all the best in your recovery!

Nakita C Turner-Joassaint

Oh my god, I hope you'll get well soon!

Коза Дереза

Take your time to feel better!

ifun337

You're so handsome.

Amali

I'm glad that you are okay! Please do whatever is best for you, and take your time. I am so sorry that you are going through this, and I hope that you get better soon. You certainly are not alone.

BD

Sending you a lot of love. <3

Megan

I am happy to know you are in a safe situation. Get well soon

Cuervo Lunar

Feel better soon! We are here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Héloise Chou

Get better soon! Thanks for telling us your thoughts and journey. Best wishes from the other side of the world.

M M

Sending prayers for you. Take care of yourself and remember no recovery is too slow.

Ricarda Carson

Sending Good thoughts your way!

Timm Damiano

As someone who has been through everything on the list, most of it daily because of chronic illness, I am so glad you were able to go outside and I am very proud of you! I know it's hard, especially the paranoia and psychosis, hallucinations, and delusions, but you will get through it, I believe in you! Take all the time you need to recover, sending love. <3

sappho

sending you love! and hoping you’re giving yourself grace 💗

rackle

hopefully you're alive! i'm sorry for you you went trough all of this :(

marie-claire Assoumou

Thank you for sharing this vulnerable moment with us. I am wishing you well and hope your health improves.

Sway Jones

Glad you're doing okay !! :-)

Max

Sending you nothing but good wishes for your recovery. I went through this with a family member, and it's so terrifying; I'm sorry you had to experience it. Like others said, take all the time you need <3

feroshgirl

Sir, I wish you nothing but good in your recovery, and know that you have and are so incredibly respected and loved by your community. Please take whatever time you need to focus on yourself and your wellbeing and know that we will all still be here when you are ready. xoxo

LaurenK

I'm grateful for any updates you're willing to share, and terribly sorry this is happening to you. It sounds pretty frightening, but glad you're starting to feel even somewhat better. Take all the time you need, and just focus on the basics like eating. I don't think any of us are going anywhere, bruh.

Mister Smith-Murdock

I happy your doing better . always listen to your body.

Brenda Sydnor

This broke my heart. I’m glad you’re getting better day by day! Don’t rush it, and focus on yourself and all the positives in your life. Your content is amazing but your health will always come first and foremost💕💕

BriReed03

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Luke Skywalker

Please take care of yourself. Listen to your body when it's telling you something is wrong. I'm so glad your feeling better and I wish you a speedy recovery.

Mendakarson

So glad you're ok! I hope that your recovery is smooth and that you are back to your old self very soon! Hang in there ❤️

DEFIANCE CLIPZ

Thank God you are better and getting better Everyday, its not easy to share when you or not ok but it takes courage and strength to get threw life moments wishing you the best as for the rest of us take life one day at a time.

Sheydon Johnson

Sorry you had to go through this. But happy you get to make progress in your recovery journey. Wishing you the best !

Cynthia

Wishing you continued strength and a speedy recovery. It's so scary what you've been through!

Mena Buchner

I'm so sorry this happened to you!! Wishing for a swift recovery!!

snakebitten

Back and handsome as ever! (Ever considered making your own sim self?) I'm bipolar and the meds we have to take are no joke. Some of the listed side effects are frightening. At the same time, such a severe mental illness must be medicated in order for us to live our best life. It took me several years of trial and error to find the antidepressant, antipsychotic, and bipolar combo that worked to keep me normalized. I'm sorry you're having to endure this hell. I pray you find what works for you soon. I do so much appreciate your openness to discuss your mental health. So many people are needlessly embarrassed to discuss mental health disorders. That needs to stop and a real conversation needs to start in order for people to realize it's okay to ask for help. Godspeed with your recovery! We're here with you in spirit if not in person!

Michelle House

I hope everything will return to 'normal' asap. The most important thing is to take care of yourself now that you're feeling a little better. We'll be here when you're ready to amaze us with all the wonderful work you're doing for Sims4 and the community. Take care of yourself <3

Stories4sims

I am so sorry to hear about this. It sounds very scary, but hang in there. Lean on your loved ones for support. I hope you make a full recovery from this and soon.

Blue Magma

Goodness, thankfully you're feeling better. I'm sorry you've been going through so much. :( Thank you for the update! Keeping you in my thoughts. <3

Ruxie Cat

Thank you for the update! I glad to hear that you are recovering. What happened to you is truly terrible and I hope you can take legal action against doctors!

Rosey16

Even if none of us know you personally, I hope you know how happy we are to see you actively pushing through every single day 💕 Take as much time to recover as you need and make us proud with your next update!

rachiwachi

Sending love and prayers for your continued recovery. I was just thinking about you not to long ago. I am happy you are okay.

Honeejr

oh my god Im so glad you're okay. I was so worried about you :(((

Wajka

Sending you love and healing. I have severe depression, adhd and symptoms of bpd.. And when my auditory hallucinations starts it was unbearable.. I can't imagine how it is for you. We're here with you.. Xoxo

Terry H. Beary

I'm sorry you've gone through these things. Be safe and well. Wishing you the very best health, happiness, and joy in your future.

C

sorry to hear about what you've been going through, it sounds like you've been going through an extremely miserable time, wishing you a continuous speedy recovery, you sound like an amazing and strong person, glad that you've gotten past the worst of it, but wishing you all the best with the rest of your recovery, get well soon and stay safe

Adornia Winters

I'm so sorry, I take medication for a panic disorder, and serotonin poisoning is terrifying. I'm sorry the doctors didn't listen. You deserve better and I'm glad you're alright.

Monstah Monstah

i'm just soo happy that your looking after yourself and getting better

saori please

That's terrifying - I'm so sorry for what you've been through! You're a strong person, and you'll recover... please just be patient with yourself and know that we're all sending you support and love.

helaene

Hope you get better soon. Take all the time you need, to take care of yourself.

Shandra Beaver

I'm glad you are alive. It sucks you have to go through so much pain like that. I wish you a smooth recovery and good health <3

AKMontoya

You have our love and support. May you recover. You're a beautiful man and a fantastic creator. <3

Hamster A Dentist

You are such a talented, beautiful person, It's really heartbreaking to see you go through so much. I wish you a speedy recovery, a happy future and most of all, a peaceful, contented life ❤️

N0str0m0

Take tour time to recover, sending positive energy and love to you! 🫂❤️

fmsednanref

Sending positive thoughts and love! ❤️❤️❤️

CarMac

Get well Golly thank you for sharing your experience. Mental health comes before anything! 🖤

Rob

Oh my God friend. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.

MrCenter

So happy to hear you survived this and are on the road to recovery! Please take care of yourself and have patience, rest is so important.

Anna

Serotonin toxicity is no joke, I started feeling it after four days of taking vyvanse and stopped immediately because of how sick I felt. I still feel like I’m recovering to this day and this was in August!! Take care of yourself, get your magnesium up, you got this!

Rose

You have to believe in yourself and you are very good at what you do...even if it's just a small straw but hold on to it...I personally like your content a lot..since I use your cc my sims look a lot more realistic.... i wish you all the luck in the world and that you feel better again and that you can live normally again someday..feel hugged... 😘💗

La-Le-Lu

I hope the better to you. I've anxiety stuff and I know how sad e tentious is deal with all symptoms (and people who don't comprehend, etc). Take your careself-time as you need, we're waiting here normally!

Nathy Lie

Thanks for sharing your story. My sons suffers from similar things, I have, so painfully, watched him go through them. I know the hell it causes. I have never heard of serotonin poisening though, so it's something I now know about, thanks to you. It takes time, I will be thinking of you often, a big hug!

Hollyw26

So glad you are on the mend king , take your time .

Kiwisim4

Damn. They were really trying to kill you with happiness. Hopefully, you fully recover. Will they be compensating you? I mean technically it's malpractice, but different country different laws.

Emrysgood

Because they just don't listen to what you're saying??!!

Celeste Ellis

hey there! worry about yourself first! And if you are looking for more holistic options to help you along let me know I can make some recs. Wish you all the best in your recovery!

GoddessGamer

So glad to hear that you are doing better and more clarity. Rest up and take care of yourself!

robyn krebs

thank you for your vulnerability to share such personal details. glad you are okay and thriving! hang in there and take a much needed and well deserved break full of rest and recovery. love and light ❤️

amanda

I don't understand why the doctors wanted to harm you so much.

Alexios

That’s a lot to go through at once. Please prioritise your recovery over us!

RickxAbsinthe43

Don't worry about us, just focus on yourself! Your physical and mental wellbeing is more important than the content. We'll be here when you're ready.

Joseph Proudfoot

I'm so sorry for what you have been through and happy to hear you're on the road to wellness. You are strong! You've got this! Just take it one day at a time and keep your head up. Sending you virtual hugs and positive vibes.

gadaboutsgecko

💙I can't even start to imagine what you've been, and still going through! But at least you're taking time to heal and get through this. You have such strength to be able to share this with us, so thank you x. Take one day at a time, don't rush it, and I'm sure you'll get to where you want to be! Take care *hugs*

Phlutterby

I’m sorry you went through that! It’s so upsetting when your doctors don’t fully listen when you tell them something doesn’t feel right. I’m glad you are getting better and I wish you all the best on your continued recovery!

Dowager Queen of Duckies

All the best wishes to you. Feel hugged by your fans. I hope you can do what you love most as soon as possible.

Wongfoo 2003

All that matters is you are getting better. Praying for you. And a speedy healing. We not rushing, this sim stuff can wait.

AriMarie 🌻🧘🏽‍♀️

Take care of yourself. Focus on you and getting back to a place where you feel better!

Tom

When you don't look like what you've been through!! Honey, I'm praying over you & know that you're loved by this community! Hang in there, love 💕

ZLoves

Amen, Prayers and Blessing. May God watch over you and your loved ones Praying you never have to go through that again

Jenny Gypsy Torres

What a horror to have gone through! You’re such a wonderful and talented man and will triumph through this and throughout life itself. I’m keeping you close within my own positive energy field and am so grateful for this update. We all love you very much and thank you for touching our lives

ROGER PRATT

I went through something similar a long time ago. Take hope that everything worked itself out eventually. Your body is strong and so is your mind and spirit. One day you will look forward to sleeping again. Until then use a mantra, tell yourself whatever you need to hear. This is but one chapter of your life and it will end sooner than you think. Better days are ahead.

Michelle Golden

I’m so happy that you’re doing much better. Please take all the time you need to recover.

kaijubot

Dear Golihav, I wish you a speedy recovery and restoration. I am very sorry that this happened to you in life. But I am sure that when you recover, you will amaze us all with your works. And projects. I admire your works and you are great that you open up to us so easily. I am glad that you are not silent but talk about your health and your problems - it's cool. 😊😊😉

dmitriy_podolny

I'm really sorry you went through that. I hope everything gets easier and better for you. ❤️❤️

Shyanna

Glad you are doing better, though I’m sorry you’re still struggling. Much love and best wishes that you feel more yourself soon 🫂

MHowe

So relieved to hear from you & I'm happy to hear you're doing better, just take it one step at a time <3

chrysalis ʚїɞ

OMG, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrifying 😨

MsArchange

Thank you for sharing your journey. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through! Take all the time you need to heal—we’re here for you and rooting for you. Stay strong! 💜

hymnsfromhades

You are doing great! This cannot have been easy on you! Keep pushing, one day at a time.

Julija Babanina

That sounds terrifying. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I wish you continued healing, and medication that won't try to kill you. It's so dreadful when you rely on medication to continue to live 'a normal life', but the thing that's supposed to heal you makes you even more sick. Wishing you the very best and peaceful sleep.

Awanthi Vardaraj

Dear Golihav, I missed you madly. Glad you're back. I'm looking forward to your new works and listen, can you update your skintones for the new add-on so that they all age correctly with the new add-on? I've seen modders and their work who have already optimized their skins for the new add-on, Life and Death. I'd like to see how your Iron will be old, or Chris Redfield will try, but also others. In General, as I wrote to you earlier. I downloaded all your works and I like them madly.

dmitriy_podolny

I am glad you are on the mend. Thank you very much for making mental health visible. Continue healing we will be around.

Scott

I’m so glad you’re doing better. Please take time to recover :).

Nathan Martinez


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