Sourcing Confessions!

Our DMs (and jake) who art in LA, (or New York or whatever) hallowed be thy name, I have sinned. My friends and I played our first ever dnd campaign together. I had listened to quite literally every episode of NADDPOD and D20, but never played, and my friends had never listened or played, so I volunteered as DM. We played the free campaign on Roll20, about a group of magical students at level one who have to solve their teachers death or something. I don’t know, we got bored before we finished it, and moved on to a campaign I designed. But the free one starts off with an optional flashback. Since everyone was so new, I opted in so we could learn the mechanics better. The encounter is about fighting giant rats. Despite being literally the easiest possible encounter, they really beefed it. I know level one is hard, but good lord they beefed it. The sorcerer was down to three hit points by the second round. The cleric had used both their spell slots. There were no other healers. A giant rat attacked the sorcerer, and I decided to roll instead of using average numbers like I had been, so there was a chance she would stay up. I rolled two eights. She would have been fully dead. So I fudged it, and let her stay up with one hit point so she could keep participating in the flashback. I made the decision in the heat of the moment not to disappoint my brand new player by killing her character, but I know better now, and wondered if I could have left her dead for the battle and then, Deux Ex Machina, revivified her with an NPC. I think this would have been a cool story, and I wish I had done that, instead of lying. I should have listened to dice christ. Some backstory: we are no longer friends because my boyfriend cheated on me and she defended him, so this might have something to do with it, I don’t know.

hollaback

Forgive me the Father Caldwell, Murph the Son, and the Holy Crit Emily for I have sinned. I have committed dice fudging. I was DMing a pirate campaign and my party was in combat at sea. I had given the party two magic items, a Wand of Imbiggening (Enlarge) and a Wand of Imsmallening (Reduce) and they ignored concentration and class restrictions as the players were new and the items were mostly silly. The Lizardfolk monk had cast Enlarge on herself and swam over the the enemy ship and had grappled the dwarves sea captain into the water. Near the end of the fight after the party had been thoroughly whomping me the Lizardfolk wanted to cast reduce on the captain in an attempt to pull the dwarf down and drown them. I rolled the save which the captain succeeded... here I boldly and brazenly ignored the will of Dice Christ and told the party the dwarf failed the save and was reduced. The fight was nearly over and this was the third and final chance (charge of the wand) and it felt like the roll of the die had robbed the party from a fun cinematic moment. I lied to the party to give them a special moment but doing some went against the will of dice Christ. Shall I be absolved of this sin or shall I burn eternally in the 9 Hells?

Dr.Bees

Oh holy bishops of the dice (and Jake), forgive my entire party for we have sinned. Our party came across a poor woman trying to cross a river. the Bridge had walked away (yes you read that right) and she needed to get across so she could sell goods to the monks to feed her family. We were going to camp and then look for the bridge the next morning. Our artificer decided to help the woman get across before we rested so she could sell her goods. the Artificer tied the woman to a decent-sized rock and cast levitate on her. Then when she was levitating, the Artificer cast Catapult on the rock, launching the woman across the river. They then proceeded to crit fail the sleight of hand check needed to safely release the woman. Our party sat in silence as we watched this woman skip across the river, and rock path ahead. She did NOT survive. We are pretty sure we have orphaned her children...

Nikki Lynn

Holy bishops and also Jake I guess. I recently heard a confession and it made me so angry and i need someone to rule on punishment. For two years my brother and I were in a campaign I DMed. We were the most experienced players at the table so mostly I trusted him to know his character and how to play while I tryed to help the other players. My brother played a dwarf paladin who always did incredible amounts of damage with his divine smite. The campaign ended with him using a tremendous smite on the big bad right before he could transform and engage a second phase of the fight. I wasn't too bummed about it though, the fight had already been incredibly exciting and all the players were pretty tapped and it felt like a climactic end. two years later my brother played a paladin in a little one shot we did and said he was going to smite. He said "i'm going to use two first level spell slots to do a second level smite." This is not how smiting works which we pointed out. He then goes on to say he just assumed it was and had done that for our entire two year long campaign. The guy was doing fifth level smites by adding a second and third level spell slot. I was and still am very salty about the whole thing. The guy had one job. Is he damned to hell. What is his punishment. Should I divine smite the guy in real life or just keep power word killing his characters whenever I get the chance.

Joshua Daniels

To the Holy Priests, Brian Murphy, Caldwell Tanner, Holy Priestess Emily Axford and lowly Altar Boy Jake Hurwitz. I pray to thee dice christ for I have sinned. I was playing a my level 5Paladin named "Binky Fiasco" in a home campaign. During this our party got lost and separated in a never ending forest. While being lost in the forest, Binky Fiasco came across a banshee that seemed to be the source of the never ending forest. Being cocky and arrogant as he is (he has a Ren personality) he tried to fight it by himself, however before he could do anything, the Banshee casted Wail, immediately dropping Binky to 0 HP. There all alone in the middle of the forest, I had to roll to save Binky's life. As during this his Sorcerer was incapacitated tripping balls, and his Rogue and Druid were taking long rests (forgive them, this is their first DnD campaign). So I was rolling my death saves over discord and turned on my camera for them. The first roll, a fail. Then the second roll, a fail. To which at this point I turned my back on dice christ. I asked my friends "should I switch dice?" to which one of them said yes. I rolled my next death save, a success! maybe I had made the right decision, but I rolled my 4th death save, my final one. A fail. Binky was officially dead, but while we were finishing up the session, I rolled the dice I was originally using to see what the outcome was, it was a 13, 16 and a 14. I would've lived if I kept using the same dice. So from that moment onwards, I swore to never turn my back on the dice christ ever again and put all my faith in them. But for my sins, I shall accept my punishment

James Langdon

Your All Holiness, forgive me for I have sinned! I once played a half-elf Oath of Heroism Paladin, on this adventure after being forced to follow in his heroic father’s footsteps. The DM for our game had absolutely destroyed the action economy for this game: all cantrips were bonus actions, the “extra attack” feature was remade into “extra action”, and any action or bonus action could be used on your reaction. Our DM had also not learned yet about multiattack, legendary actions, lair actions, or legendary resistances. Im not sure he ever even read a monster statblock in full, looking back on this game. As such, our party would whomp every single monster we ever came across in two rounds or less. Every now and so, I would usually bring up the rules of the action economy, to which the DM and other players would say it wasn’t a big deal and these were just the house rules. However, our DM got tired of constantly getting whomped. So, in an attempt to give us a “real challenge”, he gave our party of four level 6 characters a full 720 hp adult kraken to fight. I protested that this was far beyond our capabilities as a party, but the DM and other players said it would be fine. Because we were playing online and my dice couldn’t be seen, I started fudging my dice rolls. After enough complaining about the situation, the Kraken DM said he would half the monster’s HP and damage dealt, and even with my fudged rolls, we only barely scraped by. We needed multiple revivifies and an incorrectly used version of our cleric’s Lucky feat where she rolled her luck points like portent rolls and said the Kraken rolled a nat 1 on a polymorph save (no clue how she even had polymorph as a level 6 cleric???), which allowed us to have a short rest mid-battle. We even tried sailing away during this short rest, but apparently an hour of sailing is not enough to outrun a Kraken polymorphed into a rock. The campaign disbanded not long after this battle. I know I should have left the game earlier, and I know I was wrong for fudging my rolls in order to do any damage whatsoever. Please, Dice Christ, show me some mercy for what was an otherwise impossible situation.

Peter Mundell

I have sinned. During a several month arc in which my players were fighting an aberration that could mind control people on a island (based on a Morkoth, but I edited the fight to be a final fantasy 2 stage boss fight with completely monsters). The first stage was against a luminescent jellyfish angel, and the second was against a giant alligator that was based off of a work of Ito/ and envy’s true form from Full metal alchemist (covered with the faces those who died in the island). Too much back story but… It was the final session of this arc and my players (level 5) fighting the final boss. The boss had an AC of 16 but my players could not roll for the life of them. So as the fight went on, I gradually just started lowering the AC to 15 then 14, until finally I got to 10. Still, my copyright infringing beast managed to down 2 of my 4 players and the 2 were almost down. So finally, our fighter rolled a nat 20 so I had him down the beast. I acknowledge my sins against the dice christ. However, I do not repent. Is there hope for me?

Alex Joseph

(Scarlett - she/they) Bishop Hurwitz and assorted clergy; I present myself before you today to confess my sins. My friends and I were over a year into our first long term campaign. My PC was a Dragonborn Ranger, and one of my friends was playing as a Tiefling Druid. At this time we were playing with the original (problematic) D&D mechanics that state certain races are evil, so our Tiefling Druid was often treated with suspicion, and she had internalized conflict about this. Even though she was a "neutral" alignment, she felt she had a predisposition to evil. My Ranger was always confused by this, and at one point they even had an argument where my Ranger was stating that one's birth does not predestine who they will be, and that Tiefling Druid was living proof of this. Well... shortly after this, our party was presented with something that had to do with metal, and the Tiefling, being a traditional Druid who loathed metals, said something along the lines of "Metals are of the devil". In genuine bafflement and without taking even one second to think before speaking, I (as my Ranger) responded, "As are YOU???" (Heavy emphasis on the “you”), to the laughing shock of the entire table. My Ranger PC was intending to mean that "demonic heritage does not equate to bad/evil, as is evident by you, my friend, who is not bad or evil”; but without that additional mental context, it just sounded like my Ranger was being racist after giving a whole speech about anti-racism. Everyone had a good laugh, and our characters role played out the misunderstanding, but the embarrassment of this fuck up haunts me to this day. I humbly ask you, benevolent proxies of Dice Christ, to bestow upon me my penance so I may move on from this transgression.

irlmagicalgirl

Bless me fathers (gnc) for I have sinned. In a campaign with my friends, I play a Drow Gloomstalker Ranger/Assassin Rogue whose character flaw is that she tries to solve her problems with violence. During a night watch in a haunted magical forest, I made a very high perception check and spotted what appeared to be the Paladin's "find steed" horse out in the woods. When I woke up the Paladin, she could not mentally contact her steed. He showed up a minute later from the opposite direction of where I thought I saw him and he would not respond to her. Knowing something weird was going on, I rolled a very high dex/initiative check, and using my first-round-burst-damage class abilities, I instantly cut down her horse. In his last moments, he finally communicated with the Paladin to confirm that he was indeed her steed. My party (as both their characters and as players themselves) were horrified at my actions. Although I feel that it was within my character's expected behavior, and the only practical consequence was that she had to re-summon him, I feel bad for not first making an insight check before slaughtering this poor horse in cold blood. For these and all my D&D sins, I am sorry.

Oh benevolent justices, honorable bailiff, and Caldwell. If it may please the court. I come today to air my past sins. The first character I ever played in DND was a tiefling warlock, flavored as a cambion. I played a warlock mostly because I wanted a familiar. When I eventually summoned my magically fish named Gilbery I immediately looked for ways to make him useful in battle. My DM told me I could fast spells through my familiar, so in one particularly difficult encounter I cast my eldritch blast through my fish while I used my action to dodge, elegantly dancing around enemy attacks while my fish fired on enemies from the sidelines. After the session I felt as if I had abused the mechanics, so I looked into this further. I learned that you can only cast spells with a range of touch through your familiars, and that it took your entire action to give them that ability. Ultimately my dodge and blast strategy didn’t too much of a difference on the fight at large, but I quickly retired it after learning of its illegality. Despite my DM having no problems with this, i still feel as if I have disgraced the sacred bonds of dice Christ and submit myself to whatever punishment I may have in store.

Jakob Hoffmann

Jake and his friends: I have a confession. I was DM’ing a game for my friends that had gone on for about 2 years, and one character was turned evil and was going mad with power and became a full on murderer, killing everyone in a town and cutting people with knives when they spoke to him. The party was arrested for the player’s crimes. During a fun prison breakout scene where they were tied to chairs, the evil player started whispering so that a guard would get close to his face and he could headbutt her. But instead of letting this cool scene play out, I just had her say “I’ve seen movies” and then she ignored him. I accept whatever punishment you see fit for my abuse of power.

Oh divine Bailiff Jake, I must confess a sin that has weighed heavily on my soul for over a year now. When COVID started, I posted an ad on a local site for DnD campaigns over discord. I would DM, and at the time I wanted to do this to help with the isolation as well as get my mind off of work, which I was getting fewer hours at due to the pandemic. I found a group pretty fast, and I made a world, learned their characters, incorporated them into the world in ways I thought were fun and they did too. However, I soon realized that I, a twenty-three-year-old man, was playing with high schoolers and a middle schooler. This was a little weird at first, but I am not a creep and thus didn't make a big deal out of it. I had an idea for the story, and I let players make the decisions. Eventually, they didn't like the direction their choices were taking them, and they asked if we could start a different campaign. I obliged, enjoying the company for a few hours every week. Then after a week, they asked to change again. Then they wanted Norse mythology. A week passed and they were already talking about a harry potter style campaign. We didn't even start the first session before they were going through more and more ideas. Eventually, I deleted my discord, ghosted them and when they sent me an email because they sent me their characters that way, I pretended to be my roommate and told them I had gotten hit by a car. Was I wrong about this? I feel guilty, but they were nightmares. Then again, they were still kids, and I can understand their short attention spans.

Oh holy ladies and lads of dice christ, I humbly go prone in front of thee to confess my sins. I DM for my group of friends and the party was in a situation where they were entering into a hostage negotiation with an evil wizard. Talks quickly degraded to combat during which the wizard casted Geas on the party's monk who proceeded to beat up on the party's sorcerer. This move very nearly turned the tides of the fight to a total party capture/kill. Later that night, I realized Geas has a casting time on 1 minute and should not have been allowed. The monk and sorcerer regularly speak about the time they fought and the mistrust it caused them. I told my group I beefed it when I realized, but my conscious has never been fully cleared of this transgression. Face down in my wine stained carpet, I ask to be forgiven and punished for my sins.

Enahs

Forgive me, for I have sinned. I prostrate myself before the Fathers and Mother (and Jake, I guess). I run a game online for a group of 5 and on their birthdays I do something special for them. Usually in the form of a random magic item or fun event done by my force of nature, arcana incarnate, NPC named Wendell. In this case, I had a player draw from the Deck of Many Things and another deck like it. 1 from each deck. I have physical copies both both decks and take pictures of the cards to share them with the players. When I pulled off the top of the Deck of Many, I pulled the Void card. I knew that the player would be okay with the outcome of the card... But it was for his birthday! I didn't want him to have his soul ripped from his body... So, I secretly drew a new card and used that one instead. The ending result of both cards gave him an platoon of 20 level 1 soldiers and a demon out for his blood. Was I in the wrong for doing this? I toss and turn at night, haunted by demons and massive blank voids. Do I belong in hell? Should I cast myself into the void? Help me, oh benevolent ones (and Jake)!

ElderBarry

Truly, a modern day sin!

Aldo Cruz

Forgive me hallowed priests and priestess of the dice Christ (and the altar boy jake) for my transgression. My crime came from the first time I ever played dnd and proceeded to whomp the dm because of decent rolls and blissful ignorance. I was issued a pre rolled character and wasn’t exactly sure what all the numbers meant. I knew that you added stuff to rolls from listening to shows before playing. But I unknowingly added a lot of bonuses such as my proficiency bonus on top of all the +1/+2 from the strength score and dexterity etc etc. because I was adding so much on top of my decent rolls that allowed me to win basically all challenges and fights we encountered. Looking back now I realize my mistake and require penance for my sins

AJ

Just a follow up (I still can't change my name on Patreon mobile app good app xd), this player that I had effectively killed was suspected of slightly fudging his rolls. As this was intended to be a very short campaign, we thought it would be funny to roll for stats, and instead of the peasant 4d6 drop lowest or similar, we all agreed to go the Chad 1d20, go down the stats method after choosing a class (STR first to CHA last). Naturally you'd expect a rather wide range of rolls, but not this guy. Nothing below a 15, with 2 nat 20s coincidentally on his two optimal stats. Anyway I know I was childish, but I did what I thought. Did I betray dice Christ by misusing my portent, or did I carry out retribution for the sinner at the cost of sinning myself? Unfortunately as I don't have access to the mixed bag, I won't hear your response but I hope at least Pope Hurwitz gets a kick out of this. - W

Will L.

Another confession that I just remembered, if I may be honored Bishop Hurwitz. Long story short, and I will comment more details. I was once blessed by Dice Christ and I got a 20 and a 1 on my portent rolls as a level 4 divination wizard. However, I used these rolls for what is (without the details) evil, as I had an enemy nothic crit on my (now low) party member. It knocked him, and as it gets a 2nd attack and had no other options (I assume our dm had used its whole move? And no one else was around) it had attacked again and auto crit, leading to two death saves. Because both our healers had already gone, it was up to pure RNG for his character to live. Except when it wasn't, when I used my Nat 1 portent and he died. Though I won't hear your blessed thoughts, may dice Christ and his heavenly disciples forgive me for my strong sin. My punishment is just for if you think I may be forgiven or if instead I must face the dice devil for my ways. Amen -W

Will L.

Bishop Hurwitz, Sister Axford, and Brothers Tanner and Murphy: I ask you to pray to Dice Christ for me not for repentance, but for Their counsel and guidance. I am in a Zoom campaign DM'ed by a dear friend that has become boring and slow paced. We were informed going into the campaign that it would be more "social combat" focused, but we've been playing for 7 months now, and we spent 6 sessions at just one dinner party and have only had one combat encounter total. Part of the issue is my friend's habit of repeating back to us the actions we state we want to take in painstaking detail and longwinded NPC interactions. The other part of the issue is that there are 5 PCs and the DM spends a long time on each player's 'social combat round' (i.e. a conversation you end up rolling dice at the end of to see if you influence that NPC). We also don't really understand why we're trying to influence these people or what we're trying to get them to do. I enjoy playing with my friend and don't want to hurt his feelings, but the plot hasn't really advanced for the past 4 months and the party is bored of doing endless social combat rounds. What can our party do to move things along? May Dice Christ bless and keep you all, Caitlin Knoedler (ken-AID-ler)_

Forgive me cuties, for I have sinned. It has been 27 years since my last confession. I was DM-ing for a group of new players and got up to go to the bathroom. I told them to plan something, and when I got back one of the players refused to tell me where she was or what she was doing. I told her that’s not exactly how this works, that you can’t just not tell me where you are and then show up with the Troll King’s head or whatever. She was adamant and the other players were tight lipped, so I forged on. Turns out she was hiding inside a Dire-Wolf they killed, and she popped out in gruesome fashion at the end of a round of combat to scare away some regular wolves. I implemented rule of cool so much that I kind of destroyed what could be considered basic, non-negotiable rules. The ultimate sin however…is that I really liked it. And I may do it again.

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned; I know I am not supposed to judge others, but every time I hear someone use the word dice as a singular noun, I want to die. Also, I need to ask forgiveness for that pun.

Chas. Owens

Forgive me dice Christ for I have sinned... I was playing in a very toxic campaign with my BOSS as the DM and my most disliked coworker as one of the other players (he was playing a cleric but wouldn’t heal!!). In the session before my sin, the DM gave one of the players control of a very overpowered DMNPC and had them attack the party! I was super over it so I..... lied about failing my first death save and getting a nat 1 on the second so I could quit playing. Even though that’s unavoidably death, the DM still had one of his many deus-ex-NPC save me somehow so it didn’t even help. I DM myself and players lying about rolls is one of my biggest concerns..... so how can I absolve this sin?

I have tried to repent for this for such a long time. I implore your forgiveness. First things first, I fully dislike dungeons. I think they are most of the time too long, illogical and lazy. I hate listening behind doors and making perception checks for traps. I think they are a way for the dm to feel safe within the confines of each room’s few parameters. That being said, my DM has done this a couple times now where he finds an « interesting » dungeon and weaves it into the campaign for the sake of having a planning break. I fully understand where he’s coming from, I love the campaign and if going through a premade dungeon from time to time means better storytelling, then I’m all for it. But one night, as we were going through our 5th or 6th session in the diseased lost city of gnomes Gnomeregan ( which  was just a long dungeon) in search of an artefact called the Allspark, I had a bit too much to drink and when the DM described hundreds of gnomes workers a couple feet below and mostly ignoring us as we passed through this one giant room, I fully lost it. I began to narrate how my hafling ranger grabbed one of the workers and spank them on the butt with their own hammer. Needless to say, this random act of violence from my character started a fight in which we had to fully murder all those innocent workers. We almost lost our lives there and the encounter took the entire session, prolonging the dungeon crawl even more. To this day, the people at my table tell me not to « spank the gnome » when we enter anything that looks like a dungeon. Can I ever be forgiven? Have mercy on me.

To make it worse he had just been married. I tried to kill his bride too but my party saved her.

Myles Lee

I will do penance with you for I am guilty of the same sin.

Victoria Fair

No confession but I am so thrilled with the feedback to this! I can’t wait to listen

Bryttany A

Dice Christ, forgive me for I have sinned. I was running the module princes of the apocalypse for a work group, and there were 6 players who had hit level 5 recently and were cruising through any of the premise challenges, so I decided to have the earth cult send some “assassin elementals” after them. Each of these earth elementals had one of the character’s names carved into their chest with silver filigree, and would attack the group if they camped in the open. Also, and this is where I failed in my dice Christ devotion, decided to give them a champion-style crit on 19 and 20 when fighting against their preferred target. I sent two of them after the group the first night they camped in the open, and a wizard/monk multi-classed owl aarakocra named Lucinos decided to fly next to the elemental with his name on it, cast a thunder spell dealing not nearly enough damage, and choose not to fly away. The elemental then hit a natural 20 on his first attack, and a 19 on his second, dealing more than enough damage in a round to fully kill the hapless bird man. I did not know his hit point total at the time, and if I had I would probably have backed the 19 down to a regular hit. While I realize that I had laid out the rules secretly before the battle, I cannot shake feeling like I had fudged dice in order to kill a character. What penance must I undergo for this?

Douglas kirk

Forgive me Sweeties for I have sinned. I’m DMing a sandbox campaign with an understanding between my players and I that I run a pretty lethal game. In order for the cult they’ve started to gain a reputation, they’ve decided to wipe out Xanathar, the beholder leader of the largest gang in Waterdeep. They invaded Xanathar’s guild and took out a few of their lieutenants, but decided to challenge Xanathar in combat without taking out the last three of their Dwarven lieutenants. This lead to a huge combat encounter between the party, Xanathar and his lieutenants as well as a few minions. The party’s ranger (a ratfolk sewerboy Opa Kugrash Style) crit on their initiative and ran straight into combat. Unfortunately for them, the dwarves rolled second highest. One cast fog cloud to obscure the rest of the party’s view while the other two took swings on the ranger. The first dwarf took a chunk out of their HP and the second managed to crit on their first attack, downing the ranger. Since their vision was obscured, he had no other enemies to attack so used his second attack to hit the downed ratfolk, causing two death fails. Here are where things get bad. The ranger’s real life 14 year old sister is in town and has joined us for the past two sessions, playing a monk with a goal for vengeance against Xanathar. She used her boots of spider climbing to run up to the ceiling trying to get visibility to shoot one of the dwarves. I let her roll perception with advantage to see over the fog cloud, but unfortunately, she rolled two nat ones. I ruled that she couldn’t see through the fog but she decided to attack anyway and in trying to do so rolled a third nat 1 on her attack roll. Three nat 1s in a row made my DM brain think punishment, so I narrated her seeing her arrow fly into the fog and hearing it strike true on a target, only for the fog to dissipate enough to see that she had in fact hit the ranger, giving her third and final death saving throw failure. We ended the session there and all had a laugh that her little sister visiting had managed to kill her character she’s been playing as for nearly 30 sessions. I feel as though 3 critical failures in a row was a sign that Dice Christ was directing this arrow to kill her sister, but I believe the Patron Saint of Mechanics may be looking down on me in shame as friendly fire is not the result of any roll in RAW dnd. I ask for the most benevolent Cardinals and lowly, sickly Bishop Jake to rule if I have acted in the name of Dice Christ or if I should be excommunicated from the church for causing a familial PvP homicide.

Riley M

Forgive me Dice for I have sinned. This is my first confession. As a DM, I have slain a PC after only three sessions. The player was untried, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed. The group was founded only by the grace of Naddpod, and yet I have disgraced the name with a shame that lays heavily upon my heart and soul. It was a night wherein the party attempted to protect the town of Harken from attacking monsters. After the sun went down, they quickly defeated a shadowy yeth hound. They retreated to take a short rest but soon headed back out to protect the fine folks of Harken. And herein lies my confession. The next monster they encountered was a peryton, a massive bird-of-prey with antlers. I cannot understate this: they fought boldly, dauntlessly, and with valor only unmatched in perhaps the band of boobs themselves. And yet, a fatal blow. A critical hit on the ranger, only level 2, with naught a subclass to call home. The peryton dealt 5 damage over her hit point maximum, and she had but a few hit points left. She was immediately struck down, her heart ripped from her chest, and the mood, too, was killed. Even as a somewhat experienced DM, I was floored. I felt as if I hit a brick wall while improvising, unable to find a solution which ought to come because this was such an unfair death. Yet I could not. So I laid the facts out, and Liluth, the valiant wood elf ranger, was dead. Her compatriots, the goblin draconic sorcerer Petri Dish and the half-elf barbarian Bryn, dispatched the monster in less than a turn. And there we ended the session, with a lingering depression in our hearts and a dark cloud above our heads. "Dice Christ, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." Luke 22:42 DaDT (D&D Translation)

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. I artificially increased the health of one of my bad guys resulting in a player being killed. I'm a DM that was barely holding on to a campaign, after an encounter went poorly, a TPK ensued. Due to the nature of who killed the players the whole adventure moved to the hells, specifically the 5th layer. After some roleplay and encounters, this new contingent of devils (the party) were allowed some free time and set off to find some of their magical items. The party stumbled upon a magical castle that had exploded from the inside but then froze in time. Due to the nature of the castle, the stone tried to repair itself and now had impossible structures like a tower that had been launched upward, froze, and the stairs had grown to reach them. The players, being curious, decided to make their way up to this tower and climbed the stairs. Here's where things went wrong, one of the players decided not to climb and stayed at the base, around 300 ft from the base of the broken tower. The other players then got in to an encounter at the top of the tower now down two people (the DMPC stayed down to try and encourage the one player up). This now became a dangerous encounter, but because it wasn't supposed to be incredibly difficult, I thought the players would be fine. The fight went pretty well, but the player who had stayed behind had begun climbing the stairs. The players at the top would have finished the bad guy, but I wanted the one player to be able to get in to at least a little of the action. So instead of letting the bad guy die, I gave them a few extra HP. However, the bad guy had an ability to siphon life from the players and through a chance of luck (or let's be honest, a punishment from Dice Christ), all the players up top failed their saving throws, giving the bad guy way more health. This ended with a death in the party with no way to revive. The campaign has fizzled out as has my confidence in my DMing. So I ask you, will I be forgiven, or is my sin so heinous, that the Time Devil will have their way with me?

I meta gamed which wound up killing half my party and half of another party. I was playing in a campaign where two different groups would play. One group was working for a prince and my group was working from a king of a different land. Each party was trying to win favor for their respective ruler. One night the my group didn't have enough people to play a full session so we combined the groups and did a one-off. I knew I was with the members of the other group although my character did not. At one point at an inn the two other members in group decided to test their strengths against an NPC and their guard. The NPC asked them to do this to test the strength of his new guard.. They got wrecked and seeing this as an opportunity to deal a serious blow to that other group. Me and another player from my group killed them as you were trying to make death saves. Having said I would heal them previously as being a bard. This pissed off the NPC they were just had a a duel with, since he was now an accomplice to murder. He killed me and and the other member I was with and burned down the inn. Both groups lost high-level players but the other group also lost their bag of holding. I am not rocked by guilt but I do think this is a sin and I should atone for it.

Andrew Yeager

I am not sure wether to bow my head in shame or look up in confidence, nevertheless I have sinned. A close friend and player of mine home-brewed a Rango themed mini campaign for his first time DM’ing. He made all of his enemies and bosses from scratch. In our first fight we were up against a boss and his minions as they were attacking a local tribe. The boss was easy to kill but he planned roughly 20 minions to attack the whole tribe and with in 2 rounds, the other three players were making death saving throws and most of the tribe was dead.. The DM was scrambling but still adding in minions. So I cut off the head of the boss, made my eyes glow bright white and said “ if you wish to leave here alive, flee now or end up like your leader.” I rolled a 18 but with only 2 HP left said it was a nat 20 and he had the minions flee. We were able to continue the campaign and his next encounters were more balanced and not from scratch. Can my sins be forgiven, or must I face the dice devil. Blood and Stone.

Jaxon Letendre

Y'all need Dice Christ

In the name of the progenitor, the spawn and the cosmic energy I beg forgiveness from Dice Christ for I have sinned and killed a fellow PC in cold blood. It was many years ago now in a rainy and moody curse of strahd game. When the game began I don't think a single player character was likeable, mine included (a'la a snooty knight). As the campaign progresses it proved very deadly and everyone but one party member died and was replaced with more amiable characters. The last character left was Jason Skulltaker, a very badass revenant gunslinger who also happened to be a total asshole. Enter my third character of the campaign, a witch hunter style blood hunter with xenophobic ideals about monstrous races, why did I make another asshole? I can only assume it's because I was one but what I did to Jason haunts me to this day. My character decided that for being a revenant Jason must die so I took him aside one night after making camp and told him (I really did this dice christ please forgive me) that I had poisoned a child we were saving and hidden the antidote and if Jason didn't drink the poisonous contents of a bottle I proffered him, the child would die... I know... and so he was coerced into death by me and I am a monster. The friend was obviously upset but much less than he had a right to be, he rolled a new character and after that campaign we did another but it remains the worst thing I've done in d&d or real life to a friend.

Jordan Jenkins

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned I was having to roll death saves for a character I was incredibly attached to and so in order to turn the odds I placed a d20 with the 20 side facing up in my dice tray while nobody was looking. when my Dm asked me to roll death saves I rolled a second die (result 13) and pointed at the “Nat” 20 which allowed me to come back with 1 hit point. My dm later asked what the second dice in my tray was about. I told him I chose to use a luckier die for the death save and forgot to take out the other before rolling

HollowMouth

Forgive me, Father Axford and pious choir boys Murphy, Tanner, and Hurwitz, for I have sinned. The first player death at my table was to a succubus. The players thought it was funny and years later those same players and I are running a winter game and I introduced a seductive snow mage(an ice maiden from kobold press). I rolled “randomly” for which character the mage would attempt to kiss and steal the soul of. I didn’t listen to the dice and went for the player who’s character had died to the succubus. He embraced it and became the mage’s thrall then tpk’d the party with the mage. They were all revived by a snow hag named Baba Romana but I still feel bad going against the dice for comedy.

Mason McCauley

Forgive me fathers and mother, for I have sinned, I added some hitpoints to a monster so I could get a single attack off before they destroyed it

May the Dice Christ hear my prayers, First time DMing with a group of new players, they come up to the first boss of a 6 session arc. He was a flavored Barbarian type boss and in the first two rounds he scored 3 crits against the PC fighter who was acting as a tank and put him down, beat every saving throw from the Druid and Bard, and was beating the shit out of the cleric. It was a massacre just because of good rolls. I could feel them losing faith because all their best spells were being beat because I just rolled 15 plus on everything, so the next round the bard cast Vicious Mockery the boss “failed” and they made a come back to win. Never had the heart to tell them I fudged the rolls so they could have their first big victory as a party even though they bragged about how they “kicked my ass.” I regret nothing since they really came together as a group after.

Andres Rodriguez

Forgive me dice Christ for I have sinned, I knew that I had a level of exhaustion and, when it became clear that he had forgotten about it, didn't remind the DM that I had disadvantage on ability checks.

Dominic Moreno

Forgive me Father's for I have sinned. I lied about a dice roll. Rolled a 17 on a death save and said it was a 7 for the drama.

Travis Butcher

Blessed Dice Christ, please forgive me. In a recent session I used pipes of haunting to make an army of opposing castors flee. When the DM questioned the range, I said it affected anyone that could hear it. After my turn I looked it up and it only affected a radius of 30', meaning no one should have been affected. It was a huge save for our party, and it would have undone several other players' actions to reset it, so I let it stay in my favor. I told the DM days later so as to ensure I'm not tempted to sin again. Please be firm and fair with your penance.

Gumbercules

In the name of the Father, Mother, Son, and Jake who is also there, forgive me dice gods for I have sinned. I am an experienced player, and years ago I played a campaign with a new-ish DM and all otherwise brand new players, who were keen but sometimes got very wrapped up in the game elements, and especially tripped up in role-playing. This led to our sessions sometimes feeling forced, and one other player confided in me that she was often quiet because she "doesn't want to mess up." I told her that there is no messing up in DnD, it's all collaborative storytelling, and that the dice are the ones telling the story. Despite this, for the first six sessions she never rolled below a 12 and often rolled between 16-19. We played virtually, so I suspected she may have been fudging her roles because she didn't want to "mess up". This is where my sin comes in. We were in one of our first combats (about seven sessions in) and I was making a brash attack on an enemy creature. I rolled a 16 acrobatics check to jump on them to make a melee attack, which might have been enough to pull it off, but I wanted to demonstrate that rolling poorly is not "failing," so I said I rolled a Nat 1. My character ended up getting killed by the creature but the rest of the party saved me, and her character ended up killing the creature with some fun revenge role-play flavoring. After that combat she seemed to loosen up and all in all we had a good time together, but I did lie about the roll to make the combat more dramatic. Did I do the right thing fighting fudging with fudging, or should I have done the attack as I planned it and let her go on her own journey with Dice Christ? I firmly resolve, with the help of your dice, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to never amend my rolls, Carolyn

Forgive me Dice Christ, for I have sinned. In the last campaign, I played a monk halfling with outrageous stats. We rolled in front of each other, and I managed to roll 5 18 and one 17, I thought Dice Christ had blessed me, but it was the Dice Devil playing his dirty tricks. After 4 session the friend, who's D6s we used for character creation, called me and told me the truth. He had given me loaded dice, he wanted me to have an amazing character and continue in this campaign no matter what, he thought if I had an OP character I wouldn't quit. He felt guilty and wanted to tell me before he told the rest of the table, this is where I should of told him that I understood and I would reroll my character, but I'm ashamed to say that I did the opposite. I made him swear to keep it between us, and I kept on playing my character for the next 2 years. This is my greatest sin, I throw myself at your mercy and await absolution. Side note: I had to quit 3 other campaigns before because of work and scheduling.

Forgive me fathers and mother for I have sinned. Very recently in a two year long campaign I DM, my players came in contact with a deck of many things. Being the absolute maniacs that they are, they pulled 10 cards, resulting in every party member being out of the picture besides one. The one player left then looked up the cards that were left in the deck to decide if they wanted to pull again. My first sin is that I did not stop this obvious meta gaming and allowed them to do this. My second sin is that after they started to seem like they were going to pull another card (or two), I joined in on the meta gaming and told him that if he chooses to draw he will have a 1/10 chance of a TPK. This then swayed him to not pick a card. I have been hung up on this for so long. I can not forgive myself for the sin I have committed. I should have let these players face the consequences of playing with the deck of many things and have them run the risk of a TPK. Please forgive me Dice Christ.

Bless me Dice Christ, for I have sinned. In my first ever real campaign—which was a homebrew I threw together for my roommates, best friend, and my dad who hadn’t played D&D since the 80s—the party came to my first boss fight. It was against a Necromancer named Drexis whose horrible experiments they had found all throughout an abandoned keep. I had originally planned to simply go by the Necromancer NPC stat block, I believe from Volo’s Guide to Monsters. This was because he already had a handful of undead servants, in a crew of orcs that the party had previously killed. He also had lair actions that allowed him to bring other zombies into the mix, and even a Minotaur Skeleton. The only issue is, the Necromancer doesn’t have a lot of health. And I wasn’t expecting at the time to take so many direct hits to Drexis so early on. However, the party was a bit more strategic than I expected many first time players to be. I had 4 Acolyte NPCs performing a ritual previously to bring a dark presence known as an Oversoul to life. The Acolytes had already done their job on the previous turn, and are otherwise useless NPCs. On the fly, I gave Drexis the ability to use his action and lair action to cut down all 4 of the Acolytes, restoring his health completely and increasing its maximum by the combined HP of the Acolytes. Doing this made for an extremely interesting boss fight, seeing the Barbarian (played by my dad) cut through hordes of enemies, the Cleric getting knocked down and taken to two death saves, and the Storm Sorcerer getting the ability to use the thunderstorm going on to deal 3d8 lightning damage as a reaction each turn. Overall, I think the experience was fun. But in many ways I feel guilt for my transgression against the sacred texts that Your scribes, Wizards of the Coast have written. Dice Christ, I throw myself at your chaos and revel in it, and would humbly ask You to tell me…did I do the right thing? The prayers you receive are many, Dice Christ. And I trust your honorable Bishops—Hurwitz, Axford, Murphy, and Tanner—with my life. Or at least to tell me what they think. Amen!

Cameron Davis

Forgive me Crit Clergy, for I have sinned. I just finished DMing a session in which the players were trying to steal from a white dragon’s lair. The horde was protected by 4 layers of ice, which took time to clear. According to the module, there was supposed to be a 20% chance that the dragon returned after they cleared a layer of ice. After they broke through only the second layer, I rolled a 5 and forgot that 20% is only 1-4, so I incorrectly had the dragon return and force them to flee. The 3rd and 4th layers had more exciting treasure than the first 2, so I feel awful that I accidentally stopped them early. Is there anything I can or should do to make it up to them?

Freddie Meraw

Forgive me Rollers for I have sinned, it is been many years since my last confession. I am running my first game as a DM, and my players seem to be having a ball, but I am wracked with guilt. During a random encounter while they were traveling the party at lvl3 got ambushed by a young remohaz, which was way too powerful for them. After I nearly one shotted the partys tank, I decided to do some on the fly nerfing, by ignoring the remorhaz' heated body trait and all the fire damage it was doing. They eventually defeated this thing and became cocky, so I sent them a bunch of yetis, to teach them that sometimes is best to book it, they didn't learn the lesson and got TPKed. We came up with a reason to keep the characters, they just lost some stuff and we are carrying on. But I feel like I did them dirty due to my my mistakes. Can one such as I be forgiven

Forgive me Honourable Bailiff, for I have sinned. In an evil alignment campaign of Pathfinder (Way of the Wicked) I stole honour from my companion. A fellow player built his character around serving dark lords and demons, exemplified in him being a Tiefling. With his demonic heritage and service, he felt perfect for the role of Dark Lord under Asmodeus. When the time came for him to explain why he should get this promotion, he stumbled on his words and rolled poorly, despite being a Sorcerer with high charisma. Witnessing this, even though my character was a self serving Cavalier with little to no allegiance to any group, with low charisma, I took the opportunity to backstab the Tiefling. Using the time he had been stuttering to form my argument, I made my case and rolled. Quite well, especially compared to my friend's roll. The DM ruled in my favour, making the Melee-focussed horse riding Cavalier who challenges every living creature, a high ranking priest in Asmodeus' court. Whilst I received bonuses for this achievement, my Diabolist friend who had recently summoned an imp companion was repeatedly trying to undermine my victory. The DM did not change their mind. My friend was very upset and coincidentally, we've played very little since then. I expect no forgiveness for this crime, only that others take note of the loopholes found within 'Evil Alignment Campaigns'

Oskar Koernig

Very tempted to upgrade my subscription for this....

Maya B

Forgive me Boobs, for I have sinned. I was running Tales from the Old Margreve by Kobold Press for a group of level 1 adventurers Ranger (melee build that looked like Keanu), Generic Dryad healer NPC, and two wizards. Both played by a boyfriend girlfriend duo we shall call Jovndil and Manon. Jovndil is a high elven blade dancer, Manon is a swamp witch. When they do the fusion dance they turn in to Fia for thirty minutes (for Caldwell and Murph). We're doing the Margreve. Very Witcher inspired setting. Hags, primevil forest, hidden fae cultures, the works. Random encounter table roll. Turns up some CR 2 rainbow giant constrictor serpent. Cool. Sounds good. Everyone in the party got a free feat at character creation cause I'm a cool DM, so this should be a pretty fair fight. Turn one, the snake rolls a very high initiative and goes first. (Dice rolls are out in the open over roll20) Snake has a bite, a constrict, and a rainbow flash attack that stuns anyone looking at it's brilliant and fabulous scales. Shout out pride month. Guess what I chose the use first. Everyone except the soon to be blade dancer Jovndil is stunned until the start of the snakes next turn. Jovndil, decides to close the distance and booming blade the snake. Doing decent damage to the snake, I'm confident this will be a cool and memorable fight. It was memorable.. Everyone else being stunned, the snakes turn comes next. I guess I'll bite him and maybe try to restrain him. Crit. Jovndil soon realizes he's all alone, and a level 1 wizard. Even with the tough feat giving him a whopping 10 HP as a level 1 wizard, the snake rolls 21 damage in front of the board. Instantly killing my friends character and pretty much fucking my campaign. The energy in the discord call noticeably fell out. Then I pulled a Brennan Lee Mulligan and maguffined him back to life after the rest of the party unstunned themselves and chopped the snake into snake steaks. Basically Baba Yaga brought him back with a new neck (snake got the last one) made of wood for a "favor" down the road. It was pretty obvious that I was just maguffining the character back to life. Did I commit a cardinal dice sin by not concealing my rolls so I don't accidently one shot my level 1 wizards or did I make the correct call in invoking the wisdom of Saint Mulligan. I await your fiery judgement in purgatory. P.s. It's a movie theater that constantly shows reruns of That 70's Show. But it's the later seasons without Eric where they tried to replace him with Seth Meyers little brother. Please hurry.

Austin Hendry

Bless me Dice Christ, for I have sinned. During quarantine, my old high school D&D group began a zoom game set in a fantasy system where all magic is based in relics of an ancient, long dead, technologically advanced society. We are currently in a quest line with some heavy Mad Max vibes. Last session, after stealing a pick up truck with a bad ass spike turret thing from a group of bandits, we drove off into the desert seeking to warn a nearby merchant village of an incoming attack. Our DM, had us rolling ability checks for driving with a high DC, as none of us have any experience driving. On my shift behind the wheel, I rolled a nat 1 resulting in a busted tire, and we had to pull over to fix it. I'm playing a cleric technomancer type character, so I told the party that I would fix the tire and my mistake. Then I rolled a 4. Thinking quickly, I instead claimed I had rolled a nat 20, fixing the tire with an old tarp of all things, and the party was back driving in no time. I feel terrible about this lie, but the idea of rolling 6 more rounds (days) of driving at disadvantage to beat the bandits to the village sounded both incredibly boring and a bit frightening. Instead we were able to do it in just 3 days. Now we're prepping the defenses of this village against the imminent raid (seven samurai vibes). I only hope that protecting these helpless weaklings makes up for my indefensible lie.

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. My first ever long term campaign was a friend of mine running Curse of Strahd. During our third or fourth session we ran across an abandoned house that we believed had an item we needed in it. Being a rouge, i asked the sorcerer to sneak in with me and leave the rest of the party outside. We debated about this for several minutes, but i convinced them all i could stealth in and out quickly. Instead, we got up to the third floor and were ambushed by vampire spawn. The sorcerer and I once again argued for a bit and i convinced them to stay and fight. Long story short, we both died and the rest of the party almost died trying to rescue us and it got so bad that Strahd Himself had to come rescue us (because our dm was kind). It worked out in the end, but it haunts me to this day that I talked my party members into such an obvious trap and almost got them all killed, especially our lvl 3 sorcerer... I offer my favorite d20 and a red bull margarita to the Dice Christ as a sacrifice for my sins.

Forgive me, dear Bishop, for I kinda-sorta sinned. So I was a part of this long campaign that featured two separate parties. I was in the “good” party, and after three years of the campaign we had a battle royale between the “good” and “bad” parties, and before the thing started, my party got some fun loot. One of the things I got was a potion of frost giant strength. I rolled the entire encounter with 29 strength without officially taking an action to drink the potion. I did over 800 damage in 9 rounds. My party won the fight. I literally single-handedly killed the purple worm true polymorph form one of the guys in the enemy party in like two rounds. I don’t feel bad about not taking an action to take the potion because the DM retconned some stuff we did without telling us when the fight started, but I do feel guilty for not saying I had taken it at all. Oh well. I pretend murdered some of my friends, and their judgement for it was punishment enough I feel, but I wanted to get this off my chest.

Soupiest Kitten

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. When I first started playing DnD at the beginning of quarantine I played a fighter who fought with a war hammer and a shield. I had the dueling fighting style which gave me a +2 to damage rolls when only holding one one-handed weapon. I didn’t understand how the rules fully worked at the beginning so I benefited from the +2 from shield and the +2 to damage but I was accidentally using it as a two handed weapon so I rolled a d10 instead of a d8. I dealt more damage and had a higher AC than I should’ve. I didn’t realize this at first but after the 3rd session I realized and sadly kept using it as a two-handed weapon. In my defense my dm at the time was mean and I felt like it was good payback.

James Wagner

This past Sunday I was playing Pathfinder with some friends and rolled a Nat 1 on a history check to see who this important npc we just met was. However I said it was a 12, since I was the only one in the room and no other pc was near this character and it seemed like something we needed to know.

Nesve Fowl

Forgive me Father Hurwitz, Father Tanner, Father Murphy, and Pontifex Bemily Baxford for I have sinned, and I pray to Dice Christ to find salvation: One of my first dnd characters was a 4th level celestial sorcerer. During our first big boss fight, the BBEG (a living wax man setting rust monsters loose in a metal city) was revealed to be vulnerable to fire damage. I eagerly spammed Burning Hands several times over two or three rounds and killed it much faster than intended, cutting the combat short. However, halfway through I realized I'd been doing the math wrong and adding an extra 3d6 fire damage each time. I did not say anything. Its been a year, and the campaign is still going, but that falseness of our very first victory still haunts me to this day. I pray to be forgiven, so that I may find absolution from my first sin

faizaan723

Forgive me dice daddy for I have sinned. I recently played dmed for the first time and the players were fighting some zombies and the last person was about to die , I rolled the last zombie attack and rolled a nat 20! I ended up saying it was a nat 1 so they could survive but I feel like I poopy head for doing so. I hope you can forgive me

Joshua Johnson

To his eminence Bishop Hurwitz, and to the holy disciples of the one true Dice Christ, blessed Saint Emily the good, Saint Caldwell the redeemer, and Murph. In a recent session, my players were attempting to seal a rift between planes while holding off waves of undead monsters, in order to end the curse on an ancient, haunted, Eladrin city. Long story. I had created a mechanic by which any spellcaster (including the ranger or the paladin) could use a spell slot to attempt to close the rift. The higher the slot, the lower the DC on an arcana check. Closing the rift would effectively end the combat, but for each failed attempt, the rift would absorb the spell's energy and use it to bolster the nearby undead. Furthermore, creatures who ended their turn within 30ft of the rift would take damage and slowly accumulate levels of exhaustion (a nerfed version of the spell "sickening radiance"). I was super psyched to run this encounter, which I'd worked hard on making balanced and interesting, but the sorcerer rolled a nat 20 for initiative, followed by a 25 arcana check, and immediately closed the rift with her highest level spell slot before anyone else could act. I adjusted my mechanic on the fly, requiring her to concentrate on her spell for 1d4 rounds (alas, I rolled a 1) before the rift would fully close, so that I could still run my cool encounter. I have never fudged a roll in my time as DM, but by changing my mechanic after the roll, I feel in my heart that I have sinned just the same. By changing the requirements, did I deny the will of Dice Christ? I throw myself at your mercy, and pray for absolution.

Tristan Lestavel-Entwistle

Bless me , members of the Crit clergy, for I have sinned, this is my first confessional... My sister wanted to jump into the ongoing game of D&D I run for a few family members when she was visiting one weekend. I gave her the little goblin NPC that had been with the party for almost a year to run. The party was trying to solve a puzzle to get past a wall of fire, and my sister, whose disinterest with the puzzle began as soon as it was described, told me the goblin was just going to walk through the fire. She’d hit the slap happy phase of drinking, and I was tired of wrangling her. The wall was supposed to do 3d6 worth of fire damage, but I knew how many hit points the goblin had, so I just kept rolling handfuls of d6’s until the goblin hit zero. Everyone at the table was immediately mad at my sister for killing the party chef/mascot. I let my sister roll death saving throws. Her first was a nat 20. She didn’t know that meant Gurgle would bounce back to 1 HP and I didn’t tell her. I had her roll the rest of the saves and enjoyed every minute of it.

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have rolled a natural 0. I started my campaign in January of 2020. We played almost weekly, starting at level 2. We had some fun games and got up to all sorts of shenanigans. We traversed the desert of Lundytown, traveled hundreds of miles across the great supercontinent known as Meld'Nar to the glitrering city of Crosspath. We fought wereboars, answered a Lamia's riddle, fought bandits, thieves, and hellhounds. We found a magic paintbrush that took us 2,000 years into the past - a period known as the Dark Times where magic was dead and unusable by all except for ourselves. We saved the Forest of Al-Dwynn from an evil shadow demon and were revered by the townsfolk, Dryads, Drus, and Hamadryads of Al-Dwynn. We traveled to Gehenna where we destroyed Laughing Jane, plucked out the eye of Xanathar for fear the Banta (aka the BBEG) would use Xanathar to scry on us. (At Xanathar's behest, for fear of his own destruction.) Now we are en-route on the backs of Hippofins to the sunken city of Atlantis to quell the spirit of Deep Sa'Shelas; God of Aquellar and the Sea Elves. Yet I, the lowly DM, have neglected rewards, levels, and treasure greatly. We are only level 7 and we did not receive our first magical item until after saving Al-Dwynn forest. I lay myself prostrate before you, face down, in a pile of sun-dried Hyppofin dung, ready for you to pile on the rest of my shame-bruschetta. Shamefully, Izuriel O'Siris Paelorith Palanayukei ("ih-zoo-ree-ell, oh-sigh-riss, pay-lore-ith, pah-lann-uh-yoo-kay")

Magestain

I seek absolution from the holiest of dice rollers, for I am a long time DM who has sinned.

 I’ve been playing with the same group almost weekly for over 7 years DM’ing for the majority of them. We currently play online with the caveat that we meet up in person every few months for drinks and DnD. Our most recent in-person session coincided with a big battle at the end of a 14-session arc in my home-brew steampunk campaign. My sin is that I couldn’t hold my liquor and got really drunk throwing out the entire balance of the battle (they were fighting steam-powered MECHs and TPK’d). My most egregious sin was that every time a player stated they were going to attack a MECH I would drunkenly correct them they were actually attacking Mechanically Enhanced Combat Harnesses… It’s the only session I’ve ever had to retcon and my players still poke fun at me about it - I am ashamed and seeking your forgiveness.

ThroatyPigeon

My party were swimming out of a flooded temple and had to make constitution checks and saves depending on what was happening at each turn. My check was +1 and my save +2. I kept JUST making the save of 14 but I was confused and definitely added +2 some of the times that I should have only added +1, meaning I should have failed more, and maybe even died. It was years ago and I didn't mean to do it but I feel bad to this day.

Emily

To the esteemed Council of Cardinals of the DiceChrist and also Bishop Hurwitz, I request forgiveness for my attempted sin. After hitting the player with the least dnd experience in my party with a disintegrate spell from a construct, I kept rerolling (while making it seem like I was just working my way through the total number of dice) to try to get as low numbers as possible. I understand that the reason kept making me continually roll higher was a punishment for ignoring the original randomized result. The following campaign derailment to have the depressed party members leave for downtime/minisessions/researching ways to bring the original player back has been great for RP, but my dice have been critting/trying to kill more players ever since. Please give me a penance to show my dice I’ve learned my lesson and get them to stop trying to kill the rest of my party.

Jon Wilson

Oh Holy dice who roll in heaven, forgive our fudged rolls for we do not know better. During one of my first ever campaigns, where I played an air genasi Moon Druid in a 6 person party. We were chasing an evil torturer general who had a relic known as the Necklace of Fiend Fusion. We had chased her through her dungeon full of devils and demons and banshee's. After this, multisession dungeon we finally fight the general and it is going well until she used the item which transforms the user into a random fiend based on a d20 roll. The user keeps their current hit points but gets all the fiend's abilities, stats, and spells. The DM got a Nat20 and she got all the stats of Balor against our very hurt level 6 party. We were losing party member after party member and I was almost out of spells. Frustrated I turned into a Polar bear, I was a moon druid, and became the tank after our two barbarians went down. The general in her demon form cast a wall of fire to separate us from her and escape. My turn was next and I chased her through the wall of fire as a polar bear. I was super anxious and frustrated at this point and said I rolled a Nat20 on my dex save to pass through the wall. I survived as a polar bear with 3 hit points because I saved. As I put in the damage on my sheet I saw I had rolled a 2 not a 20. No one else had noticed and I just said nothing. I attacked the general and killed her that turn with my bear attacks. It is now a major moment my friends still talk about. I have always wondered what would have happened if I had said I misspoke and said I had failed the save.

Leondatwani

(if you pick this one please redact/change my name bc my party totally listens to these) Forgive me Father for I have sinned. We just fought the BBEG of our campaign, and I got the final blow, sprinting across the room and attacking twice, stacking smites like crazy. It was beautiful moment. The DM narrated it beautifully, it was satisfying and wonderful. About 10 minutes later, I realized that I had had two levels of exhaustion and my speed should have been halved, which meant I could not have gotten in the final blow. I didn't say anything and I FEEL SO BAD. But it was such a satisfying narration it would have felt like shit to take back. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Savannah M

Honourable Clergy of the Dice Christ, I humbly present my sins to you. I play a divination wizard/stars druid multiclass in a campaign and when we first started playing, I was using my portent all wrong, for, you see, you can only change the roll before you see it RAW with portent. I pointed this out to my DM after my mistakes came to a head, but they said that they wouldn't know otherwise and would've gone with it. As the main keeper of the rules in this game (im a big nerd), I now feel the call to darker power boil up within me every time it would be convenient to retroactively change a roll with my portent. Alas,

Jay V

Forgive me daddy for I have sinned, a few weeks ago in an my week discord game we came across a puzzle that really frustrated me and in an attempt to not look stupid to rest of my party I unplugged my ethernet cable and pretended my internet cut so I didn't have to participate and game back 5 mins later when they had finished the puzzle

yugusmedugus

Jake, your love of reading is off the charts.

Jeffrey Steck, Lord of the Fjord

Forgive me Father, Mother, Father, and very distant Uncle, for I have sinned. I play a Circle of Stars Druid Pirate and recently, my party and I interrupted a large clan meeting of goblin leaders in order to take down the Monarchy (cult) that was created by the de facto leader, a goblin who got a hold of a wand of fireball. To make a long story short, we end up in a large horde battle with 36 total goblins, and eventually a water elemental. Being the main healer of the party, I had a healing spirit up, following our ranger around as he was dealing with at least 6 goblins at all times. I was running away from the goblins, but still keeping in range of my healing spirit. However, as I was running around, I was still getting hit. I forgot until much after our ranger went down, and was healed on the very next turn order that my healing spirit could have been long gone by then. I pointed this out, and immediately rolled to see what I would have rolled for the many times I would have had to roll for concentration. My first roll was a natural 1. The Dice Gods are obviously not pleased with me as I have changed the fate of my ranger companion. How shall I ever make it up to them, O Wise Speakers of the click clack rocks?

Nick Montella

Has anyone made a 'dice board confessionals' reference yet?

Declan Konesky

In the name of the Holy Trinyvale, I have come to confess my sins and seek absolution. I am a recovering Warlock addict. For the past few campaigns, my friends have helped me to set aside my demons (and tieflings) in order to experience the fullness of other classes. Most recently, I rolled an Echo Knight whose Echo manifestation is the soul of his best friend, trapped in the same body as a result of an experiment gone wrong. After reaching level 8, my DM noticed that I wasn't having a great time on the Fighter and suggested we work on some downtime RP to reroll a new character. In my weakness, I simply swapped to Lorehold Blade Warlock and used the Lorehold summon to replace my Echo. My friends are supportive, but I know that I have let them down with this relapse. Please, how may I make penance for indulging in my obsession? I need the Guidance of your Divine Souls.

Cheddar Whizard

Forgive me O Holy Champions of Dice Christ and also weak altar boy Jake. I would like to confess my sins. I DM for a group of my friends and in a climatic battle in which my party was facing a Triton Priest who was trying to bring back an ancient sea Leviathan that would destroy a nearby city if my players did not stop the ritual. Each round the Triton would sacrifice a hostage (including one of the PC's friends) and after 5 rounds all the hostages would be killed and the leviathan would rise. The PCs were able to defeat the priest's minions however the hostages were almost all dead. On the Priest's turn they could have cast a spell that would have probably knocked out the party but instead I had them just make a melee attack as I didn't want a TPK. I prostrate myself before thee as I purposefully made my bad guy do a stupid thing to avoid a TPK.

Sorry daddy, I've been naughty..... Wait, no, forgive me father for I have sinned! I'm a newish DM with maybe a dozen sessions under my belt, and I rarely keep track of what's going on. Constantly forgetting monsters abilities, NPC names, plot details. Hell, I'm almost always buzzed so I just come up with weird stuff like a monster that appears as a lifelong friend and tries to get players to invest in pyramid schemes. Is it enough that my players are in tears and enjoying themselves when there is no overarching plot? What must I do to atone? Can I tap into my Catholic heritage and just pay an indulgence? In Dice Christ's name we play, Amen

Connor

Hey guys! I feel like we’re drifting into cult territory lol. Sometimes, I will not speak up when I need to make a save to maintain spell concentration, hoping all the while that my DM doesn’t catch it.

David Donnel

May those without spin throw the first stone. I recently had a player who commented that the combats haven't been challenging. Given, he did tank a CR 20 creature for the rest of the lvl 7 party and LIVE, but he also referenced the basement encounter against 40 duergar as ‘slow’ and ‘boring’ despite a record of him yelling for his life and strategically taking cover every turn. So upon his inauguration as a new town Mayor I had an evil competing party jump on my players! … and I may have nudged the assassin up in initiative….The assassin and gloomstalker alone downed my player in the first round. Followed by a knight rushing the stage. As my player got helped up he immediately got knocked to 0, and then to 2 death save fails….. with possibility of lycanthropy. The party all survived. How do I stray from the path of Beelzefudge, The Cocked One, and Bafailmet?

JakeF

Forgive me your holinesses for I have sinned. In the heat of battle I misread the text of the inflict wounds spell which resulted in one of the PCs at my table (who had already had his max hp reduced significantly) fully dying (his max hp was reduced to 0 according to my reading of the spell) he was immediately reincarnated by the party’s Druid but his death has since been a mark of shame on my history as a DM. Please tell me my penance and I will perform it dutifully in hopes of absolution. Praise be to Dice. Amen.

Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have had the same dice since I started playing dnd 9 years ago. They have little engravings of dragons on them and they roll incredibly well on the dm's side of the game. And one time too well. During an encounter with some robbers that were trying to steal the players' loot, the burglars rolled 3 crits, then a 19, a 18, and a 17. This was the second encounter of the campaign and they were only lv 2. I saved them from a tpk by calling some of the hits as misses, but at the cost of the trust of my age old dice. I ask the father and the congregation, what must I do as penance.

Nicolas R

Our Dice Christ, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name- Last month, my friend DM'ed DnD for the first time and absolutely crushed it. It was a heist adventure where our crew had to steal a ruby while it was being used as a prop in a musical. If we wanted to do any heist activities on stage, we had to roll performance checks. If we failed on too many, the Inspector that was always trying to bust us and who was attending the show, would know something was up. As we fought the BBEG, one of the party members made several moves to draw the audience's attention so myself and our other PC could attempt to escape with the gem. This culminated in a Nat 20 performance roll that let him swing on a chandelier up to the catwalk and escape the theater. My sin is this- he didn't roll a Nat 20; he rolled a dirty 20. (I know this because we were using D&D Beyond). I don't think the player lied, I think he just misspoke but I didn't say anything because the moment was so fun, and I didn't want to be the kid that asks about homework. Can I be absolved or is my sin too great?

Jennnnnnnnnnnn

To Their Eminences; Axford, Hurwitz, Murphy, and Tanner, Holy Dee-Four upon which Dice Christ's Church is built, I seek forgiveness. I play in a zoom game DM'ed by my nephew, with my brother-in-law and his brother. I was so excited when my nephew showed an interest in D&D, and wanted to encourage that, so I gave him access to my D&D Beyond account. With that access he was able to see the dozens of characters I make just for fun, and told me in game that I could hire one them going into the final leg of the campaign. The choices were limited to characters that were appropriate level, and that my nephew thought fit with our campaign, but I'll admit to having optimized them to a greater extent than my actual player character. Which brings me to my sin. During are final combat against an adolescent kraken, hired-on PC, a Horizon Walker Ranger, rolled a nat 20 on initiative, while my actual PC (a Divine Soul Sorcerer) rolled modified 7. Which was typical. Sorcerer PC always rolls low, and the new Ranger PC usually rolled high. The Ranger crit on at least one attack in each of the first two rounds of combat. But in the second round, I lied and reported the roll as a 17. It felt weird to me that I rolled three natural 20's in such a short time, especially with a bonus character, and unfair to my fellow players who still only had one character each. It felt like the right thing to do at the time but upon reflection, I worry that I have spit in the face of Dice Christ by denying their blessing. I humbly submit myself for penance.

Fox

Forgive me daddy, duncle, mistess, and so honorable bailiff for I have sinned. I ran my first one shot a few months ago. My players were a team competing in a winter xgames style competition. I was rolling but was being shunned by the dice christ. My other teams were no competition for my players with a goblin blowing up his snowmachine on the very first roll, and an elf accidently driving his bunny powered sled off a cliff shortly after. I started buffing some of the rolls for their competition to hopefully have some semblance of a contest but my players had both dice christ and the dice devil on their side and absolutely womped me. Later, they fought a dragon and rolled poorly on their dex saves and had one fall to his breath weapon. I kept rolling to regenerate the breath weapon and actually succeeded once but lied and said it didn't because the dragon was almost dead, and the last standing player was on deaths door. The player killed my dragon and the party, minus one player, was alive and safe after that. I felt guilty for fudging some of the rolls, but I wanted my players to have a satisfying challenge and feel victorious, which they did. They said it was a ton of fun and are looking forward to the campaign im cooking up currently. Your honors and holinesses, I forsake dice christ and dice devil for my players enjoyment but I still feel guilt. Please give me a penance I can pay to be absolved of my sins. Prostratingly yours, a sinner for fun.

Tyler

Forgive me Fathers, Mother, and Holy Baby Sydney (spelling?), for I have sinned in my role as a DM against my brother and three sisters. My PCs were climbing through a glacial cave network to get to the white dragon mask (my own spin on the Rise of Tiamat campaign). After a few ice-themed puzzles to test specific abilities (similar to the Tournament de Maahhjjjjiiiii), they reached the big bad of the mountain, the Snow Queen from Kobold Press's Tome of Beasts. The Plan: she was going to melt into the wall and lick her wounds when she got to like 10-15% HP. They would retrieve the mask, and without its dark influence, the Snow Queen was going to join them later on and give them aid in the final act of the campaign. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: the players incapacitated the Queen as she dropped below the HP threshold I had pre-established. The incapacitated status states: "An incapacitated creature can’t take actions or reactions". As I tried to use a legendary action to enact her escape, my brother pointed out that legendary actions are still actions and therefore she couldn't use them. Knowing that the Snow Queen's survival was in their best interest in the long run, I BSd a lair action as "a failsafe she had set in place", where 8 feet of snow suddenly appeared and buried all my players as the Queen melted into the floor to escape. I prostrate myself naked for your judgment for the reckless disregard sown in my moment of panic. May Your Graces grant me peace either through forgiveness or through assigning restitution by which I may absolve myself of this nagging guilt. In Dice Christ's holy name, Amen.

Jordan Lyons

May dice chirst forgive me for I have sinned, The case of the Stolen Elevator Kill In my current campaign my players were making their way through a dungeon. They cleared the first two levels in one session and they left the basement for next time. The technology warlock used On/Off cantrip to stop both elevators every so often while the party took inventory outside..I told my players out of session that anyone could be in the elevator, even the Boss, and to remind me next session. My players did remind me and I set the percentile DC to a 2% chance in my head. Well they hit that nat 1 on the d100. I said yup a light up sign appears on the elevator says “boss in here get out of the way”. The players had resumed service to the elevator up to half doorway height with the intention of nuking all their abilities into a doorway firing squad. And then I thought: players don't REALLY want the goofy kill, they think they do, but they would lose the whole boss fight I had prepared. So well, the boss was a crazy paranoid duergar whose men WERE ACTUALLY planning on couping him. I described the sound of the Boss blasting through the elevator floor with his ultimate move and him scuttling down the elevator shaft. The players were confused and discussing it, and they seemed disappointed with no ideas on what to do next. So I changed my direction and had an NPC with the party slash at the elevator cables, dropping the thing. With a big kathump the boss was dead and the party was happy. My NPC getting “The Kill” on the boss will always be my dark stain on that happy moment for the players. None of my players have ever mentioned a negative feeling toward the kill, only to having no boss for the cool bossfight basement. But I know in my heart I have sinned.

JakeF

Forgive me father Hurwitz, for I have committed the sins of vengeance against a PC for pissing me off and using deus ex machina to keep a PC from death. The PCs were defending villagers in a town attacked by bugbears. One of the PCs (Arthur the Artificer) was firebolting a bugbear chief who was throwing javelins but because of the distance (60 ft) he rolled flat while the bugbear chief was at disadvantage. But Arthur the Artificer was taunting the bugbear chief for not hitting, so I had the bugbear take the opportunity attack and move into normal range where the bugbear chief proceeded to crit and KO Arthur the Artificer, the only PC with any heals (PCs were level 2). He proceeded to get 2 death fails before I had to have an NPC rush in from out of nowhere to shove a healing potion down Arthur's throat. I place my fate in the hands of Dice Christ and hope I will be forgiven.

High priests of dice-christ, on this critful day, blessed by the alignment of schedules required for a worship session of my home game, I have been reminded by a fellow player of my sin. Several years ago, in tomb of annihilation, I was playing a tibbit (a homebrew race that shapeshifts between a small sized humanoid and a housecat) ua artificer (alchemist subclass). As a part of the subclass, the pc was provided with a magical  bag that produced all components necessary for alchemical formulas in the ua pdf, but I argued that it would also provide materials for alchemical concoctions unrelated to the class. During the middle of the session I tried to  use the severed dick of a pirate captain to make a potion using components and equipment provided by the bag. This character also was chaotic evil, had a habit of going off on her own when she didn't get what she wanted, and didn't interact at all with the other pc who had a backstory tied to her. I also based her cat design off of my 25 pound tuxedo cat named spaceghost, who honestly deserved better than that. Oh high NADDPapacy, please absolve me of my sin. If I am not deemed worthy, I can offer three bags of dice as an indulgence.

Pass judgment on me in full view of dice christ my most holy crit bishops; for I have sinned. My party of 6, 4th level PC's were trying to escape from a magical monstrosity zoo where all forcecage exhibit walls had recently malfunctioned. I rolled on an encounter table for the 'grasslands' area they were in and got a 'bulette'. The party felt the tremors but failing ay decent perception checks, took no defensive actions. I gave the bulette aka 'land shark's a suprise round. Bulette's love halfling meat most of all, so I had it target the halfling cleric. I rolled a nat 20 and froze. It was like 8d12 +10 damage. It was very real possibility that I'd one shot Kill the halfling. One of my players said they would use their fighting style to burn their reaction and impose disadvantage, which you can't do while suprised. I let them imposed disadvantage even though I knew it was illegal. The cleric still fell unconscious but did not die. I flagelate myself before thee. Thank you and so sorry. Peter W

Slippery Pete

Forgive me Bishop and the holy trinity of dice Christ for I have sinned. I was DMing a home game and the players were breaking a couple of their friends out of jail. This was one of the final sessions and I wanted this fight to be memorable so amongst the guards were two resurrected and buffed BBGs from past encounters. I was rolling exceptionally poor that day and had hardly managed to hit my players. I wanted this encounter to feel tense so I gave my bad guys advantage on some rolls, but even then I was unable to hit my players for the rest of the encounter. Was I right for trying to make this fight more difficult for the players or was this divine retribution from Dice Christ for my hubris?

Phoenix

I have sinned. While doing a Christmas one shot my halfling cleric Penelope was burned alive in a “chestnuts roasting on an open fire-elemental.” Because it was a one shot I didn’t die forever but I asked my DM for Penelope to secretly have developed a phobia of fire and they decided to put me under the frightened condition whenever we are near sources of flame. I accept this decision and think it’s good RP (although it’s still a secret and no one has noticed it’s happening somehow) but I am still sometimes bummed that this choice has affected me so much, and slightly bitter that no one at the table wonders why I throw wisdom saving throws while maneuvering through Roll 20 when they don’t have to lol. Thank you for your time

Forgive me Bishop and Holy trinity for I have sinned. During session one of my Disney themed home brew, one of the characters randomly murdered one of the attendees at Rapunzels wedding. I decided to hold a trial. I made a table of 20 possible sentences, her testimony would decide how much would be added to the roll on the table. (amazing testimony +5 terrible testimony -1 etc). She made a terrible attempt at explaining herself at the trial and was essentially "I got my reasons I'm not telling you" and had no bonus to the table roll. Forgive me because I feel I sinned twice! - I rolled on the table, but later feel she should have rolled as her fate was in her own hands. - When I rolled it was a Nat 1! which was the only death sentence! (everything else was a range of curses and community service). As a result I fudged the roll and sentenced her to be cursed to be a giant rat (thank you Cugrash for the inspiration). I don't feel to guilty because this has resulted in fun game play for the players. But I do know I have sinned! I hope the dice gods will forgive me for messing with the fate of my players. 🙏🎲🙏🎲🙏

Sonja Maitland

Please forgive me Bishop Hurwitz for I have sinned. I DM for a half homebrew half module game where one of the characters is an aarakocra open hand monk. At level 8 he told me he wanted to take the lucky feat. I had just given all of them access to the Tasha's additional features, since like gestalt characters, they get a bunch of cool shit but the same number of actions to do them. However, I thought Lucky was too far and told him no. I've learned my lesson for aarakocra and won't be allowing them in future games (run for 2 total and they're way too OP), but should I have said yes to the player? I don't want to tell him his fun is wrong, it's an OP feat so I just ruled it out for everyone after I got asked, but I feel bad for saying no, since I told him no and then ruled it out instead of the other way around. Should I have said yes and allowed the OP feat to make sure the player was having fun? I can only hope Dice Christ will forgive me.

JesterTheCleric

Oh Holy Bishop Hurwitz on High, Long ago, at the tender age of 10, my mid-level character challenged a Glabrezu in Hell. My teenage brother strongly advised me, as DM, to avoid the battle, but I persisted. My brother crit, and, instead of killing me, had the demon snip off my leg and wander away to eat it. I was a Bariaur and had three legs to spare. Nevertheless, I lost it. I had guessed that some big story arc revolved around my magical talking spear, Hero's Boon, so I snapped the spear in half and threw it in the River Styx! I derailed my dear brother's adventure, if not his entire campaign, rather than accept my fate. We still play together 27 years later, but I fear the D&D gods may still be angry with me. How might I appease them? Yours Truly, Rammeur the Bariur (pronouncer RAM-your... I was ten)

Oh holy bishop, please forgive me for I have sinned. Playing as my first ever spell caster, I made the minor mistake of deciding to play a circle of spores Druid in a short campaign (4 sessions) that started at level 5 went up two levels every session ending at 13. During a boss fight at level 11, I was concentrating on Call Lightning, which allows you to use an action to call lightning again. I misread the spell and in a subsequent round, cast blight on the boss (who failed the save) and then called down lightning as a bonus action. I truly felt horrible when I realized my mistake at the end of the session but never told anyone or did it again.

This was an insane callout post Naddpod. Is this what players do behind the back of DMs? The blasphemy. I must pray to our Christ dice for guidance.

Frank

forgive me fathers and mother for I have sinned, I have a player who wanted to multi-class into warlock but didn't know anything about the d&d gods so we talked about it and I decided to make one up, long story short I decided to incorporate this deity in the story as a dormant diety that his offerings to would rejuvenate and my party keyed onto a very "nondescript shack" and absolutely investigated the fuck out of it, this shack is the prison of the diety and is important for late game stuff they wouldn't drop how suspicious it was that they couldn't get in and no one knew anything about it after 20 minutes of failed attempts I was getting annoyed and one of them decided to attack it and they rolled a nat 20 to hit so I had them roll damage and then dealt the damage to them because at this point I decided the shack had a shield that redirected all damage back at the attacker and the crit they just landed on themselves downed them because the party was only level 4

Dustin S.

Forgive me Bishop for I have sinned. During a session where my party was facing a minor baddy I fudged some of the rolls because they were losing. (We we’re using a discord bot to roll for the players, I used dice) The Minor baddy was about to kill half the party next turn so I made him miss. (I was rolling well). Was I wrong to intervene in RNJesus’ story or was I being merciful saving the characters they loved?

As a new DM, I gave my PCs a DMPC to help guide them. Unfortunately, they all HATED him. He was a pirate that they had found floating on a wrecked ship in the middle of the sea. Eventually, I got sick of playing him (bc they hated him so much) and wanted to write him out of the story. While they had parked their ship to go party on the main land, I had him roll a stealth check to go commandeer their ship and steal the treasure chest on board. He rolled a nat 20, and absolutely robbed them blind. It was so satisfying. PS the reason the PCs hated him so much was because he was a tabaxi bard who could only play one song (Untouched by The Veronicas) and who had a huge, hairless, human penis.

meaghan sheridan

NADDPriests, I've joined a game where one player is a friend of a friend. A few games in I found out their attributes were quite high, all +2 or better, to which they said "they just rolled well". Since then I've got the feeling that all of their rolls have been consistently higher than anyone else and, in a moment of weakness and jealousy, started a spreadsheet to confirm this. 😬

Greg

I feel like the first half should be discussed in D&D Court - sucky situation the whole way around

Charlie Hoskin

Honorable Bishop Hurwitz, please intercede on my behalf and send my confession to the trinity Axford, Murphy, and Duncle Caldwell on high. Two of my players' characters, a monk and a bard, gained new abilities upon leveling and successfully stunning striked and/or commanded my BBEG every round of combat for 5 consecutive rounds, effectively turning a literal incarnation of their fears into an action-less punching bag. My BBEG had a failsafe ability that never activated, so I went into roll 20 and edited its conditions, cast fear on the entire party as a legendary action, and commence a heavyhanded womping with the little HP he had left. I'm not sure if Dice Christ will forgive me if I regret absolutely nothing, but I stand before the altar knowing that my decision, while shady, led to an epic end to a one-sided encounter.

On behalf of my sibling Kenny for whom I share this Pateron with: "In the name of the Daddy, the Docent, and the Duncle, along with the chaplain Hurwitz: I come to confess my sins today as a DM. In the first campaign I ever DM'd my friend rolled a Bard that started with 20 Charisma, and she makes it no secret that she loves to play min-maxed Bards because they have so many spells that just fuck almost any situation/encounter a DM has planned. Since this was my first time DMing I went along with her rolls very Rules as Written, especially because there were times when she failed a persuasion check where she thought he should've rolled high enough to succeed and would try to debate why it should've. Fast forward to when I became a player in her campaign and her style is "no one pulls a surprise on me" and Rules as Written is usually only taken at convenience for her. Example: my warlock has the Repelling Blast Invocation that makes Eldritch Blast automatically push the target 10ft away if it hits and I hit a rider on his flying mount (and was told to roll it at half cover), but did not get to push him off the mount because she said their harness was tight enough to keep them in; she rolled I believe a d6 for compensation damage, but that's nowhere near what the fall damage would've been. Because of moments like that, there started to be times that I would not set a DC in my head specifically for her character's rolls in my campaign and would just decide if narratively what she was trying to do was something his character could actually get away with. Please forgive me of my sins against Dice Christ"

This needs a Dashboard Confessional cover of vindicated as the theme song

Jeff Merrill

Re post: "If it pleases the court I would like to plead guilty to harassing a DM. I was at the NYC live show and saw Caldwell use a dash action and misty step. At the time I had a player that had a bonus action dash so I thought that Murph had mistakenly given Caldwell two bonus actions. I tweeted this at him. Im a dumbass. Please execute me."

Adam McKinney

I plead forgiveness from the Holy Rollers, I have sinned for the sake of cool. I am playing an echo knight-hexblade, and I have on several occasions swapped places with my echo without using a bonus action because it was the stylish thing to do, swapping places with the echo to deliver a final blow, or to drag a friend out of danger, or to summon my shadow on the ground and swap places to not take fall damage. My dice rolls have been heavy with guilt, please help.

Steven H

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. This is my first confession. In a campaign I played in last year over zoom, I didn’t roll for HP. I added the maximum value of my hit dice plus my CON mod instead. The DM didn’t check our rolls for HP, so I went about having the maximum possible HP the whole time. May the good Mother Axford, Father Hurwitz, Father Murphy, and Father Tanner give me penance. Blessed be His name. Praise Dice Christ.

Forgive me Crits for i have sinned. So... lets go back a while to a terrible Bard PC wich messed up my game big time. I gave him the ultimate punishment, burning by townsfolk. In this case i said that I will roll a luck check to see if.. some particular parts of him was permanently burned.. I rolled an 18, which should keep him somewhat safe, but I said i rolled an 8. Which severly damaged the Bard.. this lead to a lot of fights which ended in the group getting disbanded. Was this a fair fudge of a roll? Even for Link Pinkystink the shitter of people?

Praise be to Dice Christ. Forgive me daddies, for I have sinned. So in this campaign, I am a wizard - Raz Weatherlight. Our party of 6 were in an encounter with a large number of enemies, about 15 or so, who got the jump on us. As a wizard, and as we were relatively low level but largely outnumbered, I had what what was probably the biggest game changer of the battle - fireball. But the way the enemies were clustered, the only way I could cast it and hit every enemy was by hitting another member of the party - a monk who had newly joined our group. It should be noted here - the monk's character was that of a drunken vagrant who, despite holding his own in battle, also had a slightly antagonistic relationship with other members of the party, going as far as having a fist fight with another member of the party at a bar a few sessions earlier. So, playing it how I believed what Raz would do in that situation, he cast fireball on every enemy (to save the party that he knew and bonded with) and hoped the damage to our monk would be minimal. And despite the monk being highest in Dex, and Fireball requiring a Dex save - he failed it. Badly. The battle played out, the fireball spell doing major damage to our horde of enemies, but the monk was knocked out by it. And, even worse, he failed his death saving throws and full on died. Every other member of the party was fine. I feel bad for being the catalyst of his death. Especially since the person playing the monk has not played with us since this moment. He claims to have gotten a new schedule at work that prevents it, but deep down I think it might be about that fireball. I feel bad. But all things considered, I'm not sure if I would've changed anything as who knows how many others might have fallen without the fireball. This is my confession.

Bob Buel

Forgive me fathers and mother for I have sinned. I've committed the most terrible sin of all; I allowed an awkward sexual encounter between a PC and one of my NPCs to taint my Dice Christ-friendly campaign. I allowed my hubris to assure me that by having my NPC aggressively flirt with my PC they would be uncomfortable and back down...but I was wrong. I beg your forgiveness and await punishment lest I fall into the clutches of the dice devil.

Forgive me Gods for I have sinned. I willed a PC death into existence. I was running my first campaign as a DM for people at work. One of the players was first time as a player but long time fan of the game, he just couldn’t find others. He had a Gold Dragonborn Warlock named Pyrite that he had been waiting to play since he learned about D&D. The party came upon a town and through series of events went into battle with some skeletons with swords and archers. Pyrite wanted to get a better vantage point so he misty stepped on top of a slanted roof. One of the archers then crit on Pyrite, causing him to go unconscious. Since we was on a slanted roof I asked for him to do a d4 luck check to see which way he falls with only a 25% chance of actually falling 10’ to the ground. Unfortunately he landed on the one number causing Pyrite to fall and receiving 1 failed death save. His turn was right after the archers so no other players were able to heal him. I asked him to give me a death saving throw adding as he was rolling “just don’t roll a nat 1” and I think you can guess what he rolled. He said he was ok but I could tell he was crushed. We still play and now he is the DM but I will never forgive myself for my first PC death.

ALL monks regain ki on a short rest my friend "When you spend a ki point, it is unavailable until you finish a short or long rest, at the end of which you draw all of your expended ki back into yourself. You must spend at least 30 minutes of the rest meditating to regain your ki points."

Humble Goblin

i took advantage of my brother’s new DM overwhelm’edness with managing 5 players and told him my fancy new tasha monk subclass allowed me to regain all my ki points during a short rest... i was so desperate for them and i spent them so unwisely in a session. he just accepted my word as true. i still think about it. i love being a monk, but do i deserve to wield the power?

auds

I lay my neck upon Jake the Holy Executioner’s Chopping Block. I was running my second session as DM and our party had their first encounter with the nightwolf that would end up being the Ranger’s familiar. Later in the campaign, they will find out that the wolf is from the Astral Plane, and is pivotal to the plot. They found the nightwolf defending two horses from a pack of regular wolves. The wolf ended up going down and while the party was fighting off the other wolves, I rolled a failure and a Nat one on the nightwolf’s death saves, which ended its life. This certainly messed with my plan, but I accepted Dice Christ’s judgment and had the wolf die. This was a month ago, but my transgression will take place next session, where I will introduce another nightwolf to become the Rangers companion for when he hits level 3. I changed the story from that fateful death save so that it was a pack of wolves that arrived from the astral plane, not just one wolf. Oh faithful zealots of the holy spheroid, hear my cry! Did I betray Dice Christ by simply creating a different wolf to replace the one He rightfully smote or are these storyline pivots part of His Grand Plan?

Jack H

Lay your gentle hand upon my head, Dice Christ, and bless me with your forgiveness. My party prepared for weeks to fight a Tarrasque and fully expected to lose at least one PC during the encounter. However, due to a combination of spells and effects, we managed to keep the Tarrasque stunned, prone, or otherwise incapacitated long enough to burn through its resistances and HP. We ultimately defeated the beast without it dealing us a single hit point of damage. We were, as you might expect, stunned and elated. But. BUT. We only basked in our victory for a day before our DM texted to say that he'd made a few small errors (such as reaction attacks that shouldn't have affected the Tarrasque) that, if corrected, would have given the monster at least a few attacks he otherwise missed. Perhaps not enough to turn the tide of battle, but enough to taint our sense of triumph. So, Oh Dice Divine, I plead for an answer: May we continue basking in our total whomping, as if the errors had never occurred? Or must we temper our enthusiasm in the harsh light of truth? Give me absolution, so I may victory-dance in peace.

Forgive me dice for I have sinned I was in a dnd group for a while, playing a feral Tiefling divination wizard named Gold. My character was basically my recklessness turned up to 11. My character, fairly early on, touched a parasitic plant and it wrapped around his arm. It gave him some really cool abilities. But it also slowly drank my blood to heal itself. Well I had to leave for a couple months, but when I came back, the parasite had grown to cover my entire upper body (me and the dm did talk this out). One of my party members attempted to cut it off me while I was asleep, and I woke up, fought the party off me, and flew away with only my weird shadow creature attached to me. I then got busy so I couldn't make the next couple of sessions, and then I started my job that ran through the session time. So I still really feel bad that was the last thing I did. Please absolve me Dice Christ and his Holy Avenger Hurwitz

Tavitafish

I never thought about why luck checks were 1-10 is bad luck. 11-20 is good. So i called for a luck check and announced it being flipped: 1-10 is good, 11-20 is bad. Player rolled a nat20. I thought “well, i already called what good/bad is, so i have to stick to it…right?” And made his 20 a bad luck. I know i fucked up. The table knows I fucked up. 11 or so sessions later, i avoid calling for luck checks because i KNOW the jokes i’ll get. I betrayed dicr christ.

I only roll digital dice on D&D Beyond beyond because I can't do math and understand mechanics well.

Jess

Forgive me dice Christ for I have sinned. My first dnd session as a DM, I lead a 3-member level 3 party into an encounter with 3.5 fully Rolled 9th level characters (one was a bear companion of the ranger) because I didn't think the npcs had enough HP. They were Slaughtered and I didn't think about having the enemies leave after knocking everyone out and instead permakilled everyone. In the moment, I said everyone's gods had brought them back and they had a long rest in the afterlife. They eventually beat the encounter and went about their day, but some mistakes stay in your heart forever. Forgive me, Dice Christ

Forgive me Critshops, for I have sinned. I am fairly experienced DnD player and am DMing for newer players. I have player who is a Circle of Spores Wood Elf Druid. The party came in contact with the goddess Lolth and the Druid became attached. Suddenly she wanted to take some levels in Warlock in order to make a pact with Lolth. In exchange for powers, the Druid wanted an extra 250 years of life. I was well aware that druids receive Timeless Body at level 18 but she has since taken a few levels of Warlock so she will never have that option. But why wouldn’t Lolth make that deal? She is the goddess of lies after all? I feel like I did her character dirty ever since and I am not looking forward to the day she looks farther down on the Druid table and sees that. I ask for your humble forgiveness. May the Dice Gods have mercy on my mortal soul. :’(

While in the D&D court of law you are most definitely guilty, the United Church of Dice Christ should recognize your devotion to Him and His will. Peace be with you!

Courtney F.

Forgive me Dice-Daddies, for I have sinned. I built an encounter based on a magical bomb going off in the middle of a steampunk ore refinery. Each turn, the group would make a save against an environmental hazard while trying to escape and take down the cultists who set the bomb. Upon finding the bomb about to go off, one member of the party decided to try and Dispel Magic it. I panicked, and I told him he could try for it, though it would be difficult. Then, he got a 19, which should dispel pretty much any spell. Not wanting to lose the encounter, I decided it was not good enough and the Dispel Magic failed fully. I have been wracked with guilt ever since for not honouring such a blessed roll. I feel I should have had it mitigated the explosion, or just told him the spell wouldn't be effective. Please, punish me Daddies. I leave my penance in the righteous hands of Bishop Jake and the Crit-Clergy.

I Love Not Finishing My Sentences

Forgive me high popes and the people of dice christ for i have sinned I played an eldrich knight tank. Character who uses blur. Its a concentration spell and when i got hit the dm didnt ask me to roll to see if i kept it. I realised it and didnt say anything to see how long i could get away with it. They never realised it

Benwahah

Forgive me Dice Christ, for I have sinned. I fear I did not honor a percentile roll to the best of my ability. I was DMing for two new players the Icespire Module, and they decided to go to the local shop for a medkit. The shopkeeper charges a little more for the medkit as it's a small town and the supplies harder to come by. Naturally, the paladin tried to seduce the shopkeep to lower the price. (This is the same player who, in their backstory, wrote that they woke up in a field naked, surrounded by chickens and a new case of crabs. Twice.) They succeed and the price is cut in half in exchange for "services." I don't roleplay such things fully, just a percentile roll for satisfaction of both parties. The satisfaction roll was better than average, so discount still applied. However, to be cheeky with the player, also rolled percentile to see if there was a chance of STD, and rolled a 69. Nice. I just said that there was a chance of STD and the player had to roll con save (which they succeeded and found entertaining), but left it at that. Although it wasn't on the satisfaction/pleasure roll, should I have better honored a 69 on a sex-related roll?? I humbly await how I may atone if I have grievously sinned against Dice Christ.

Sam

Forgive me, Dungeon Deacons, for I have sinned. It's been 1d100 days since my last confession. In a game I play that is run by some old-fashioned players (they grew up on AD&D whilst my first system was 5e), the DM homebrewed a rule where every time you roll a Nat 20 using a weapon, you get to tally it up. When you reach 10 Nat 20s, the DM gives your weapon a custom upgrade. However, every time that you roll a Nat 1 with that weapon, it counts against your tally. The problem is, I roll a statically probable number of 1s and 20s, meaning my tally stays pretty much at 0 because the rolls keep canceling each other out. The other players don't seem to have this same problem, and their weapons are leveling just fine. I asked the DM about other ways to level up my weapon, but he said the rule is the rule. So I stopped counting all the Nat 1s I rolled. I still count some of them. But, basically, I'm matching another player who is the same class as me. Whenever they level up their weapon, I decide that I'm two or three Nat 20s away as well, and I count Nat 1s from there. This is a 'once every couple of months' occurrence. I do it because I think the system is flawed, I suspect the other players are cheating as well, and I was feeling left out of the fun because everyone else got upgrades that were tailored to their characters' roleplay. No one seems to have noticed. Thus, I lay my sins at your feet and await my penance.

My first time multi clashing with a rogue/wizard I didn’t realize I didn’t get all the proficiencies and equipment off the second class. My dm didn’t notice and I never confessed when I found out

Forgive me Father Hurwitz, for I have sinned. The first game I ever played of DnD was as a wizard in an older edition. I had no idea what I was doing and our party gained experience mainly through kills, so I was the lowest level and felt like I did the least for my party. One game, a dagger was being thrown at me and the DM said I could catch it with mage hand, saying it was like telekinesis. I asked if that also meant I could throw daggers with mage hand as a kind of spell attack, and the DM said of course that checks out. I knew from reading the spell that it wasn't telekinesis, and using for offensive attacks was not intended use for the spell. However, I was feeling very down for my damage out put and wanted to really help the party. Cut to next session, my character was always seen with a bandoleer or knives that I would telekinetically fling at people, even though I knew it wasn't RAW legal.

Forgive me High Popes of Dice Christ for I have sinned. I was playing a necromancer that got separated from the rest of her group and sent to the shadowfel while there I was crossing a lake by using shake water to freeze the water I walked on to create a small island. While there I was attacked by 4 bodaks. I started the fight by casting darkness on myself to prevent them from hitting me a few rounds later i cast summon undead. I didn’t realize that both spells were concentration until a few rounds later but I was so close to death I didn’t say anything. My character did fully die in this fight so I may have already faced my judgment but I need your forgiveness

"Bishop Hurwitz" is killing me!😂😂😂 This variety of series (DnD court and now DnD Confessional) is glorious, can't wait to see the debut of this new series!

Priyanka Patel

Forgive me Dice for I have sinned. I was playing a DnD game in what I believe was Ravnica. (You know, that world that's just a giant city?) And during that game, our DM told everybody in our party to roll a d6. Well my friend rolled a 1 instead of a 6. With my ninja reflexes, I grabbed my friends dice and rerolled it in one swift motion before the DM noticed. Thus rolling a 6 instead of a 1. What happened next made my friend and I giggle for a solid minute; the dice roll was to determine how long it would take for us to find each other! So instead of my friend being the first to discover everyone, he became the last! Oh man. That instance taught me to never sneakily reroll again.

Michael Shelley

Forgive me Father Hurwitz, Dice Christ, and the Dice Mice who control my rolls, for I have sinned. In my first few DND sessions of a campaign, my first character was an aarokocra rogue. As if this sin wasn't bad enough, we absolutely ruined the DM's party because I had misunderstood sneak attack (as one would do) and did the extra damage because I am bad at reading, and assumed that I would count as "another enemy." Too embarrassed to admit my mistake, I just said I wasn't feeling it and wanted a new character (seriously, flying level 1? 50ft who made this). My secret still is hidden. (Also I'm sorry my name I changed as a meme and you can't change patreon names on the mobile app...) I understand if my sin is too great, and will accept any punishment as I know is deserved. May the fates have mercy on my soul. - W

Will L.

A bit of numbers clarity in case it comes up: from levels 1-3 this cleric had a 15 in Strength, Wisdom, and Charisma. Which is good, but infuriating until ASI, as you only get a +4 to attack rolls with proficiency for three levels while everyone else typically gets around +5 or +6 if they’re lucky.

Maddy Leaman

Hear me now, oh holiest of us and please judge my sins. It was my very first time being a DM, before I was started my own campaign I was running a one-shot themed around Christmas since it was the season. I had a group of 7 players, one of which was my at the time long term DM so I wanted to do well. It started with toy weapons coming to life and attacking the party. To save time I did what I’d seen some others do and roll a single die for all the toys attacks. Here lies my only sin against Dice Christ. It came up a NAT20, all the PC’s were level one and this was going to result in a TPK 10 minutes into my first game as DM. In a panic I turned from the dice and announced a lower number as to only hit some of them. Ever since that moment, everytime I DM the dice seem to be in favour of the players which while appreciated makes me wonder if I’m still being judged for that terrible first roll. I thank the church, the bishop Jake, and the other leaders Emily, Murph, and Caldwell for their judgment.

Eric Irwin

Forgive me babes for I have sinned. I have had a very mediocre set of dice that consistently rolls from around 3-8. For the low level cleric I was playing this resulted in some criminally low numbers. So, once the party entered combat, I quietly took note of all the enemies AC, and anytime I was on the attack and rolled a juicy 5 for the 4th time, I’d lie and say I rolled just under the enemy’s AC. I didn’t want to cheat my way to victory, I just didn’t want to feel the shame of having a cumulative ‘to hit’ under 10 for the third time in a row. Still, a dice sin is a dice sin, and I am at your mercy.

Maddy Leaman

Dearest Dice Bishops, hear my confession. I play a paladin (named Lorn) in a long running campaign. Lorn wears heavy armor and has a -1 modifier to DEX/Initiative. When I was building the character I wrote down that I had disadvantage on stealth because of my heavy armor, and also incorrectly thought that I had disadvantage on initiative rolls. It wasn't until 30 sessions into the campaign when I casually mentioned this during a session (Lorn goes last had become a running joke at this point), and my DM informed me that I'd been giving myself disadvantage on initiative in every single fight for no reason. Its still rare for me to go high in the order these days, but at least I'm not below 5 every single time now haha. Please forgive me for my foolishness

I appeal to the most holy Abbotts and Abbess of the land through our most venerable bishop Hurwitz that I may seek absolution for my sins. May you have mercy upon mercy and may your life be long in the land. I run a home game that is going on 3 years. It involves a single plane plagued by an immortal time demon. Naturally my party has travelled to places in time and encountered the genesis of their problems or the fallout of their actions in the past. Every summer we take a break, and generally to keep things consistent I’m pretty vague about the specifics of how time travel actually works. As I reflect I realize I have made some weird things happen in time that I cannot easily explain if pressed. I usually just shrug and say “eh it’s magic” to keep it simple. And that usually suffices. For instance for the sake of simplicity, there are not like alternate versions of the them they have to avoid or manipulate or worry about undoing their own existence Marty Mcfly style. Additionally, because his backstory is the most fleshed out of any of the characters I have used our dwarven party boy as the central character and revealed that the only solution to undoing the cataclysmic post apocalyptic dinosaur infested feudal samurai robot overlord future is for his character to become king in his own medieval time. Here are my sins and they are two fold: one, I have introduced characters from his bloodline in various epochs of history and if I think too hard, the logic doesn’t add up because his great, great grandfather traveled to the future with them establishing an order of monks guarding the flow of time and his great great grandson fought alongside them against dinosaurs and was killed in an epic fashion. The party seems not to have an issue with the logic but I feel a twinge of guilt concerning the sloppy time continuum I’ve established. Secondly, and more importantly, now the whole main plot of this multi-year campaign hangs on the bloodline of a single character. Am I in the wrong for making one character such an important plot point and how much do I need to disclose to my players about my misdeeds with my sloppy time traveling logic? They seem to be rolling with it and enjoying the story despite occasional moments of confusion here or there. Need I confess to my players or shall I consider these sins bygone and proceed into the fall resolved to tighten up my timelines and proceed with the plot?

Forgive me Fathers and Mother, for I have sinned.

Forgive me, Dice Christ, for I have sinned. I play a scourge aasimar paladin named Eddie Twilight and I was excited to use my radiant consumption to sparkle in the sunlight. So excited that, on the first night of a new campaign, having not gotten into combat, I used my radiant consumption to sparkle brilliantly in the sunlight and deal 20 points of damage to myself (4 damage per round for a minute, halved because of radiant resistance). The party was ambushed mid-Long Rest.

Robert Z.

Forgive me Naddpod, for I have sinned. I am a member of a D&D gaming discord where I don't know any of the other members IRL, however over time many of us have become what I would call friends. I DM a game on this server and had an issue with one of the players being sort of a dominating presence at the table. He would talk over others, go off on his own and want to take over the narrative and constantly interrupt me as I'm describing a setting just to tell me what he's going to do. Anyway, every other player came to me individually to express their frustration and I brought it up with the problem player privately to no avail. Eventually it came to a head and there was a heated public discussion about his behavior and the server admin kicked him (It was apparently not his first offense). I feel like I could have managed emotions and his behavior better early on in the campaign and not let it get so far as to him getting banned, but as a new DM I was trying to make everyone happy and not ruffle any feathers. What shall be my penance?

Donnie K

I do not regret this, but I have been convinced to send it in. Our game is a rather anti-magic world full of magic users, and my PC's backstory involves being high-ranking elven nobility running away from an arranged marriage to the elvish prince for political reasons and also so her family doesn't have to deal with her magic (she's a wild magic (ish) sorcerer). Only a few sessions in, while this was still secret, we ended up going to her home island to talk to an NPC's parents, in the town where the royal family lived in their castle. I then volunteered, along with another PC and her brother, an NPC, to go to the market to buy gunpowder, dressed in finery as befitting my character's aesthetics. We all rolled terribly low on perception (I have 9 wis and the druid doesn't roll too hot) and didn't notice the guards until they were right on top of us, at which point (the part I do regret but stand by) I cast Invisibility on myself in the public market square. I quickly came out of Invisibility while the other PC and NPC were being threatened and all three of us were arrested, at which point I revealed to that PC and NPC that perhaps people (the king) do get angry when you run away from an arranged marriage with the prince. While this was a fun line to end the session on, we spent the next few sessions in the dungeon and then at a wedding as they tried to rectify the situation of me running away by doing a quickie Vegas wedding. We ended up escaping after a fight and taking the princess hostage and ran away on our boat after giving the princess back, but I definitely sidetracked us for a good six sessions. However, as I said directly after being arrested, I didn't know I was /that/ wanted and therefore I stand by this decision and its subsequent consequences wholeheartedly.

Forgive me Bishop Herwitz and assembled clergypersons for I have sinned. Though I knew not the circumstances at the time, ignorance does not absolve one of sinful acts alone. Upon buying my first sacred dice, I chose a large green D20 from a box of random disciples. During the course of our first few sojourns, this die served me well, thought it did often skew wildly between ultimate success and abject failure. After several natural 20s in a row, I was made aware that I had accidentally put my faith into a Magic the Gathering hp counter and not a D20 at all. Though I suspect not the devil’s work, I have been wracked with guilt these many years for my unintentional lies. I pray to be absolved of this unknowing deceit.

Murphy forgive me for I have sinned, I ask you and the resoundingly brilliant Axford and and Tanner to beg for forgiveness on my part from the mighty dice Christ. (Jake, thanks for reading these to the ones with the power) About a year and a half ago I started playing DnD with some people I had met through a mutual friend. They were already in a campaign and i was going to be joining late, this was also my first DnD game as a player, so i was excited to play a fun class, i chose a Wild Magic Tiefling Sorcerer. We ended up playing this campaign for several weeks, flushing out bandit camps and goblin caves all while tracking a dragon terrorizing the town. After so much work and effort we finally tracked it to an old deserted town in which it resided in a stone tower. We made a stealthy approach in order to get the drop on it and after a few intense rounds of combat I was able to cast the finishing blow. I unleashed a lightning bolt directly at the beasts heart, using sorcery points to avoid hurting my allies wrapped up in the close combat space. The lightning bolt ripped through its chest ending our fight. The cheers and excitement almost drowning out my next dice roll, the one i make for a wild magic surge. And thats where I sinned. We had played through this entire campaign for weeks at this point, and to my dismay, not a single wild magic surge, i seemingly couldnt roll below a 15. So this time i lied, i claimed a NAT 1 on the wild magic surge fearing this was the end of the campaign and i had not gotten a chance to spin the wheel per say. The dice gods could have punished me in this moment with a fireball centered on the caster, and that would certainly have wiped my party. But instead, from the giant burning hole of the dragons chest, a unicorn was summoned and celebrated with us. My fudge of the roll had no real consequences or effects so it seems harmless, but for the following few sessions i felt like i was rolling poorly and i wonder if this was dice christ making me pay my dues. O great and all knowing Judges and Friends of the dice, what is my punishment? How do i make atonement?

Brandon

Oh lords and lady hear my sin. I fudged a death save because I did not like the character I had made. It was my first time playing a bard, and I put all my stats in the wrong places. I had one failed save,and on my 2nd roll I got an 11. I lied to my friends and told them it was a Nat 1. RIP Chenwyk,the lvl 5 bard. I do not miss you.

Kris Warrington

Forgive me Fathers and Jake for I have sinned, My last confession was, well this is the first one. When my campaign was young and we were but lvl 3 nobodies we entered into a cave encounter against a black ooze. The Dm was rolling very very well. Everyone in the party went down two of us had been downed by Crits that put us more then half of our hit points into the negative. We were saved by the NPC that happened to be alone with us that “Happened” to be carrying a health potion (Although I think the Dm might have just been being a sweet heart) Our roll comes in slightly after this. My DM normally rolls above board and the next encounter was in the next room. A sleepy Cyclopes guarding a door we need to go through. The heavy armored cleric rolled a nat one stealth roll and woke up the cyclops, Thinking quickly I cast suggestion on the cyclops and the Dm rolled a physical dice behind screen and said that it failed the save and went back to sleep. This is the only time my Dm has ever rolled “behind screen” to my knowledge but seeing on how we were all less then 5 hit points I wonder was this truly the will of Dice Christ? or were we saved by the kindness of a fudged roll?

Barback of Penance

Forgive me Dungeon Father for I have sinned. I must confess: I fudged a dice roll to save my Wizard character's life. However, hear me out! For not lightly do I besmirch my honor, the honor of our campaign, and the honor of the game we call D and also D with my fudging of dice. I've been playing in this particular campaign for about 4 years at this point, and it was my introduction into D&D. in the very first session, my Wizard was the sole survivor of a near TPK, being given the party's only teleportation spell scroll to escape. He promised to carry on the fight and to make sure their deaths weren't in vain. Years later, the Wizard has been the longest surviving member of the party and has become the defacto leader, very much the Captain America to the party's Avengers. He's been the heart of the team, making the tough decisions when they needed to be made, but always leading the charge to protect as many lives as possible and make sure justice is served. Cut to a few sessions ago, when I leapt off a tower to escape a pissed off Oni noble with a stick up his ass and a chip on his shoulder. We'd used his hospitality and social pretensions to give us a way into his private chambers, where the Wizard (me) and the Druid had amassed all the evidence we needed to expose him as the traitorous, backstabbing scumbag he is. This had all been going to plan, with the Barbarian arm wrestling ogres at the banquet to give us our chance to sneak off, all until we'd failed to disarm his last magical ward, leading to the afore mentioned balcony leap. With 4 HP remaining, the Wizard plummeted towards the ground, and the Oni cast Sleep right before my turn. With certain death hurtling towards my closed eyelids, I begged the DM to let my familiar try to wake me up. He allowed it, with the proviso that my familiar roll an attack roll that beats my AC. I rolled a 2. I told him I rolled a 16. Without my inconvenient, embarrassing and incredibly permanent death changing my turn (Our DM doesn't allow revivify or resurrection magic at all), I Misty Stepped to the Druid's back as he Wild Shaped into a Giant Eagle and we escaped, waving goodbye to the Oni as he screamed in impotent rage. I know it was wrong, but I didn't want to lose my first character to such a stupid death! The guilt eats me alive every time I play because I know I cheated the dice.

Wallst

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Lich…I ask the Dice Christ for their forgiveness. After hearing the podcast, I really wanted to play D&D myself, so I found a group who had recently moved to my area in need of a fourth. I explained that I had never played before, and they said that they have been playing for years and would explain it to me. However, when it came to decide who would DM, they all refused. I was so desperate to play, I offered to DM and they agreed. I spent a week watching videos, and researching what a DM does. We finally met up at a local game shop, where I finally met my PCs and began to play. It wasn’t long until I was severely whomped. One was a Minotaur Barbarian, another was an assassin rouge..and the last was some sort of combination of cleric and sorcerer. They immediately killed any goblin I sent their way…and plowed through the main boss before I could get a hit in. They didn’t help me at all, and laughed when I fumbled with my papers. I don’t remember most of the night because I was trying so hard not to cry. When they messaged me to meet up again, I decided to get revenge. I told them I knew them now, so they could come to my house and we could play for as long as we wanted…But I just had moved about 45 minutes away. They all agreed that was okay. So when the time came, I sent them the address of an abandoned K-Mart in bumblefuck Pennsylvania close to an hour away from the town they lived in - then blocked them on discord. I’m not sure if they ended up driving there, but I did feel slightly guilty. I beg for forgiveness.

buttered-shorti

I beg for the guidance of the Dice Deities. Since the pandemic forced D&D online, I spent the last year rolling through…an app (d&d beyond) but now that things are opening up, a few of my groups meet in person. I still abandon my physical dice from time to time and I think the dice Christ is punishing me. No matter what character I’m playing, I always roll worse on the app. As if the dice god is punishing me. How can atone for my indiscretion, return balance and appease the gods. May the crits be with you.

Jesymka

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. I was running a one-shot for my sister and in the final battle they dropped my young blue dragon to 10 HP in 2 rounds. I gave it a bit more HP so the fight would last longer. No players died but the lie has been haunting me.

Forgive me for I have sinned. In order to escape a fight where we were largely out numbered, my wild magic sorcerer used thunderstep to take herself and the only other PC in the encounter out of the building through a window. This building just happened to be on top of a mountain so we were put into free fall. Unbeknownst to us several of the NPC's we just escaped were mages and cast fly on all the NPC's to go after us. My main strategy in this fight was to use spells to try and make the PC's fall faster to put as much distance between us and the NPC's as possible; then once we were close enough to the ground to thunderstep again and try to hide in the city below. I used all my actions trying to achieve this but my DM wouldn't allow it, saying we were always within range for attacks This led to a big fight between me and the DM, but after the session was over the DM explained to me they just didn't have the brain power to figure out how fast we were falling vs the NPC's on top of every other ball he was juggling that session and that he had also balanced this fight knowing we were missing half the party; most of the NPC's were wimpy and we were never really at risk of a TPK like I thought. Ever since then I've felt pretty terrible about how I acted, the DM and I have talked it out and I apologized for my behavior that day, but I still feel really bad.

bless me fathers, for i have sinned. this is my first dice christ confession. i am a dm for a homebrew campaign and i have never written down a dc, i have no idea what number means success until after my players have told me their roll, i also determine the outcome based on if the character has any history with the check, so even if my party's 19 int rogue/wizard makes a history check, if it's about something he hasn't had an interaction with i make it significantly harder. what is my punishment?

Jade Finch

Please forgive me. We play over zoom and no one can see my rolls and I will lie about my rolls. However, it is always to my detriment! For example if I roll a back to back nat 20’s, I will lie about my second one and say it is a 17 or something. I do this so people don’t think that I am lying about my rolls! Please help me shed this ironic guilt!

Andrew

Forgive me, Dice Christ, I know not what I have done but I know it must have been awful, because it turns out that everyone in my character's family is incredibly hot except for him. When our party meets a new character, we always roll a d20 "cake check" to determine how hot they are/how much ass they have. My PCs (evil) brothers and sister rolled a 19,19, and a 20, respectively. My PC rolled a 2. Please bless my dice so my PC can practice his squats and achieve Hardwon-level quads.

Die dishonor and blood magic Forgive me dice christ for I have sinned. A year ago I made a samurai wizard who had a compulsion for forbidden knowledge, meaning they had to make a wisdom saving throw every time they encountered necromancy and blood magics in order to resist throwing themselves into the temptation of knowledge and power. My character eventually came across a blood scroll and had to make a wisdom save. Poor Haku passed the saving throw and was not forced to learn forbidden magic. however, I, the player did not. I needed to know what spells were on that scroll and could not resist the temptation of dipping my toe into blood magic. My fellow players watched with varying degrees of disappointment as I dishonored the die and showed lack of self control, forcing my character to read the scroll even though he passed his save. Several sessions later my dabbling with blood magic and the guilt of my tattered honor had my character sacrificing himself to buy time for the other samurai to escape a hoard of zombies and an oni I had accidentally summoned. Had I resisted the thrall of blood magic poor Haku would still be alive. To this day I'm still branded as an honorless blood mage and necromancer by my friends. Please forgive for my sins.

Fetterccino

Forgive me father, duncle, bishop, possum mother. My sin is my first character I made more than 3 years ago. His name was Xandar Domerian and he was a pale Teifling, College of Swords bard, Disgraced son of a noble, and carried a skull around with him in the hopes of awakening it from death. Thank Quad that the campaign fell apart after a few sessions because he was probably a session or two from standing ominously in the corner of a tavern waiting for someone to approach. I am asking for forgiveness and for y'all to bless Xandar's peaceful passing into whichever afterlife edgy OC's go to.

Samuel Benhardt

Forgive me for I have sinned. To save my PCs from a tpk on their first encounter, I fudged some goblin damage rolls..... I just wanted to keep the campaign going for more than one session..........

Hen ry

Knowing you're a kind hearted dm

Captain Peggy Carter

Forgive me, Fathers, for I have sinned against Dice Christ. I'm in a long-term campaign, (nearly 3 years at this point) and my character James, got into a mult-session slump. I'm talking sub-7 on the dice for literally "dozens" of rolls. In a critical moment, i'm talking me, solo-ing a death knight to give my party a chance to escape, I skewed my modifier. Nothing crazy, but enough to know I'd hit. Facing potential death, I wanted to go out with more than 1 hit all combat. I beg for forgiveness.

Cody Smith

Please forgive me eloquant, esoteric and evocative priesthood of the Dice Christ for I have sinned. I am currently running an ancient Greece inspired campaign. I wanted to raise the stakes a little in the campaign so the BBEG decided to send a message to the party to stay out of their business by dispatching an assassin. However being evil the assassin was not sent to kill a PC. Instead it was tasked with killing one or both of a PC characters two adoptive moms Here is where my sin comes illustrious and evocative clergy. The fight went poorly and the assassin shapeshifted to look like the mom's son. It brought both moms to a warehouse near a canal, killed one of the moms and then shapeshifted into the one it had killed. However one of the players had a locate creature spell up and I forgot about it. This would have let them find the body in the canal to revivify it in time, but I we were running out of time in the session so I made one of the players roll a luck check to see if the mom had been dead for more then 10 minutes. The player rolled under a 10 and the mom died. Even so I beseech the grand hierophants Jake, Emily, Caldwell and lowly monk Murph to judge me for I have sinned by forcing a luck check to decide a mom's fate.

Kavanagh Golka

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned, I recently threw an Umbral Vampire (shoutout to the Tome of Beasts) at my players that robbed them of 1d6 their strength score on hit, killing them if their score reached 0. I hit the party’s bard with the attack two rounds in a row. He had a strength score of 8, and I rolled a 2 in the first round and a 6 in the second. I didn’t expect to actually roll a 6 and kill him, so I fudged the roll to a 5, sparing his life. What is my punishment for this act of mercy?

Patrick O.

Magistrates of the Dice, humble servants of the Court, Almighty Lord of The Dice and our blessed child The Dice Christ. I come forth to thee to confess my sins. As a DM, I have let my love for the game corrupt the integrity of the Dice. Truly, you may find that this confession is quite benign, but its tiny ripples have tsunami’d over the years. Bishops, forgive me for I have almost exclusively lied about every damage roll I’ve ever dealt to my party. It may be innocent, but I have demolished the sands of time that dictated the earliest days of our campaign. We have been playing for four years now, and these corruptions have done more than dull the tips of blades, or soften the blows of hammers—my now wife’s character should have died, my best friends character should have died, my BBG actually lost right from the get go, and it doesn’t stop there. Our last session was a TPK, but a caveat I had planted “saved” them—they almost caught my ruse, by their relief was worth my shame. How though, holy bishops, do I stop myself from this path—for the story we’ve created is loved so deeply by my players (all of which are my closest friends). Something so beautiful to them, dearest Dice Christ, has been a lie all along… but alas, I do not know if I can stop this lie, for the truth may break the very fabric of their reality.

Andrey M

Bless me Paladins of the Dice Christ for I have sinned. I had fallen into temptation and greed. I was playing a bugbear ranger in a campaign and when I found a cursed greatsword I kept it for myself instead of giving it to a player who could actually use it. I didnt even have the stats for it or even a proficiency but I craved the cursed power and angered by other player. My selfishness has gnawed at my soul since

Rob T

May the archdiocese of Dice Christ's worship hear my prayers. I gladly took up the mantle of DM for what was for a lot of my players, their first ever campaign. As I was just introduced to the wonderful character of Old Cobb at the time I jokingly added a similar NPC (same voice and all) to follow them around. He became a sort of "DMPC" but I only ever made him talk as a surrogate for me as a DM to suggest where to go if it seems like they're stuck. Soon though, I fear I classically conditioned my team into waiting for Jebediah, my DMPC, to say something instead of them taking initiative. At the end of the campaign they all said that this was an amazing first campaign for them, but I fear I mishandled everything and made their first time not as wonderful as someone's first should be. Please archdiocese, I willingly look for punishment but also ways to be better for my group so I may never commit such a heinous deed.

Bless me Bailiff for I have sinned, this is my first confession. I am a player at a table where two of my party member, a centaur and a sea elf were married in our journey. I am the satyr Druid/cleric who officiated their marriage via ceremony spell. I realized a few sessions later, centaurs, like satyrs, are considered fey. This means Spells that specifically target humanoids have no effect. This includes the ceremony spell I used to Marry them and supply them with the subsequent AC bonus moving forward into our next few combats. Our dungeon master is rule of cool and I’m the finally get to play dm with a rules as written tattoo on my heart. I conducted a fey marriage! 😱 in the names of the saints; Emily patron saint of multi-classing, Caldwell patron saint of spills, and Murph patron saint of city pigeons, I repent.

Kyle

Bless me dice Christ, for I have sinned I am a DM and often find it hard to make encounters challenging for players, so I have discovered a slightly naughty trick. I just keep letting the monster or villain live until a cool or satisfying enough moment occurs in battle. I do start with a certain number of hitpoints but If the players would have absolutely chunked the monster too quick, I just add a bunch more until enough fun stuff has happened that I think it's a satisfying battle end. My players have yet to notice. Please forgive me dungeon daddies.

Final Girl

Supreme Pontiff Hurwitz IV and other assembled bishops of the Church of Dice Christ, I come seeking spiritual guidance. Dice Christ says in the Book of Murphy 19:24 “It is easier for a tarrasque to go through the eye of a needle than it is for one rich in dice to enter the Kingdom.” I have purchased far more dice than I will ever need to use when running a game, yet I continue to buy new dice like I am possessed. Am I being tempted by the Dice Devil, or does Dice Christ allow for my dice hoard to follow me into the next life? How many dice does one truly need?

Forgive me 2 crew for I have sinned. My players fought a roc in the campaign I run. It was years ago when I was a fresh dm. The bard of the group managed to get onto the bird, the bird then taking off. After a failed dex check to stay on he fell. He casted feather fall and became unconscious from being attacked. He failed twice on death saves and hit the ground. I pronounced him dead, even though he had feather fall going. It was a mistake on my end that I feel guilty for. They later resurrected him, but the guilt remains.

Gabriel Felix

Forgive me Dice Christ, for I have sinned. Pre-COVID, I had my players fighting a big boss at the end of a rough adventure. One of my players, a tiefling evocation wizard whose spellbook was a series of tattoos up and down their arms, had gone through a string of terrible rolls. They had fallen unconscious three or four times, did not save on a single saving throw, and only hit enemies with spells a few times in a session that was over 8 hours long. At the end, this wizard chucked a fireball with their last third-level spell at the boss. I rolled a saving throw behind my screen, and it succeeded. But, I knew that if the creature had failed, then my player could possibly have the finishing blow. So, I lied and said the enemy rolled a 4. What I didn’t know was that the player could actually kind of see my roll from the angle they were sitting at. They said “Wasn’t that a 15?", then after a moment of silence said "Honestly, I’ll just take it.” and went to roll damage. They were really cool about it, and did in fact get the finishing blow. I felt SO bad that they had caught my lie and maybe thought that I was coddling them. Since they were super cool about it and just accepted it, I never went back to talk to them about it, and now it’s been over a year. What should I do? I humbly await your advising.

Forgive me Hurwitz for I have sinned. My players are very combat competent this allows me to make combat a tad more difficult as I know they can handle it even in situations where something may be above their recommended challenge rating, however, having challenging combat does not prevent terrible rolls... sometimes in combat when I roll like garbage I sometimes fudge my dice rolls to ensure my players feel some pain, sometimes I make it so an enemy who missed all four swing instead hits about 1 or 2 times. I feel though I should add that I only do this to balance the damage on both sides and when I feel things are at the intensity they should be because fighting a war party of gnolls isn't exactly fun if I'm consistently rolling below 10 and missing most if not all hits (I'm not joking this literally happened the last session I would have enemies with multi-attack consistently missing all attacks even against low AC players) and especially when a boss enters and the rolls continue to be garbage. I see it as adding a little spice and ensuring the fight doesn't end up being one-sided and even boring, and I also do the opposite when I happen to roll a little too well and what should be an easy fight becomes too deadly. I know the words of Dice Christ are absolute and I allow the bishops of naddpod to interpret the die and decide my fate. Blessed be the Bishops of Naddpod.

My first DnD character was a barbarian half orc names Bubbles with an intelligence of 7. The group I played with was heavily into the role playing side --which may have been where I made the mistake of making an idiot. The DM would use my character's stupidity to start some encounters because it made good story telling and I was quick with playing off of his hints. My party (4 level 5 players) were exploring a cave and came into an underground river after a small battle of 3 goblins to take over their camp. Because I saw a river, I wanted to go swimming in it. The other three players failed persuasion checks to convince me not to. I rolled an investigation check on the water, but because Bubbles was an idiot it -the eater checked out! A water weird attacked me when I jumped into the water. The encounter nearly caused a TPK. Now, because Bubbles is an idiot and I rolled poorly on all checks, they couldn't roll above the DM set DC for the persuasion, and that was the encounter the DM planned for the next session -- I thought it was fine. Everyone was angry at me (the person) for starting the encounter because I should know better. But Bubbles wouldn't. Did I betray my dice brethren? Did I sin in the name of the dice devil or play into dice Jesus's plan?

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. It took me 2 years and multiple campaigns to realize I have been doing the dice rolls for ability scores wrong, resulting in me having characters with stupidly high modifiers. I didn’t mean to make a Ryan Nurphy but that’s what ended up happening. Ultimately, it somehow didn’t break the game but I still feel a little bad

ananarama

I don’t believe I’ve sinned, but I’d love your judgment. I play a rogue named Cathy “Z” Jones, I only wear body suits and I live my life like I’m slinking through laser grids. On a recent excursion, my group came across a cave. A nat 20 was rolled by another party member and this was used to determine the kind of encounter waiting in the cave. My character, being bold and extremely acrobatic, entered the cave and navigated a root network toward a very large tree whose bark formed a face. My other party members joined but only two of us could stop falling prone in the roots long enough to interact with the tree. Instinctually I stuck a pastry in its open mouth. When nothing happened, I reached in to retrieve it and also pulled out the amulet of health. Please understand that I have had piss poor AC and HP, and at level 7 the prospect of a 19 constitution was all too tempting. I opened the discussion of giving it to another party member, but my group left the choice with me. I kept the amulet but not without guilt. Assuage it or punish me accordingly. FYI we have a fighter, barbarian, cleric, warlock, monk in the party

Kailey Langer

Dear holy and precious Dice Christ, Bishop Hurwitz and Cardinals Murphy, Axford and Tanner forgive me for I have sinned. I was a first time DM for a game of friends, one player an elf rouge kept Critting on all of my mini bosses and kept the fights to a low number of rounds and it really made me upset. There was a battle for the town they used as a base and I faked 2 nat 20s from the orc commander and did enough damage to kill her outright. I still think back to this in shame. In the name of The 2 crew and the 3 cree please absolve me of my greatest sin.

Kenny Parker

Forgive me, Father, and all Daddies and Duncles, for I have sinned - I railroaded my players after giving them the illusion of choice. The team knew they were supposed to go one city, Irondrift, as dictated by their benefactors, but one player had discovered that her long lost brother was in another city, Cursefall. A whole lot of character development had gone on regarding her letting go of her brother and forging her own path, so I gave her an opportunity to show that off by presenting her with a crossroads on their journey, one road to Irondrift and the other to Cursefall. WELL, she chose Cursefall, and the other players supported her choice, which would completely wrench my plans because A. They'd be refusing their benefactor's wishes which would affect how story quests would be given out and B. There was a story cog in Irondrift that was necessary for the Cursefall plot which they would be skipping. So I had them roll insight checks and then the cleric cast Augury and I convinced them to go to Irondrift. So I forced their path after supposedly giving them a choice. Call me Vanderbilt, because I'm a railroad tycoon :(

AmberDextrous!

Dear honorable clergy and most esteemed bishop Jake. In a long running campaign I play a circle of spores druid (thanks moonshine) named Ramone. Druids recently gained the ability to learn revivify in Tashas. The other players at the table told me I should start preparing it but i argued that since spores druids whole thing was guiding people further towards death and since revivify is commonly religious magic (my character is not at all religious) it wouldn't make sense for Ramone Ramone learn the spell. I feel confident in this choice for roleplay but in a later combat our wizard ended up dying and i felt bad about not having revivify in that moment because Ramone and the wizard were close friends. How badly have I sinned and is there any way to make it up in the world.

Andrew Bonkginya

Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it has been 25 years since my last confession. My players were rolling hard into a boss fight against a divination wizard and, to prepare, I didn’t make any portent rolls and just used her portent rolls as “auto fails” for when she really needed them. My Dice, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our martyred PCs suffered and died for us. In their name, my dice, have mercy.

Matteo Cina

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. I DM for a huge, 8 player party. It is often quite hard to balance encounters for a party that size. If they are fighting a lone big bad then get 8 actions to my 1 (discounting Lair and Legendary actions). I am fan of combining exposition and combat to help things move along faster (a concern with such a huge party). Therefore my villains often have key bits of information they must divulge before they perish. On multiple occasions my players have whomped me so bad that my villains have hit 0 HP before they were able to divulge their secrets. In such cases I have given my villains hundreds of extra HP to prolong the encounter or even have the fight enter a second stage (akin to a boss fight in a video game) by switching to a different but similar enough monster in the Manual for subsequent stages. Please forgive me for my deceptions. In Dice Christ's name we play, namaste.

The Broox

Forgive me oh holy dungeon daddy, for I have sinned. Our party was stuck in a very large city for about 6 real months. We had a party member who constantly would leave the group and we kept getting pulled into their stuff while being dragged away from a larger quest in the city, and we were running out of time before a major event would happen and that we needed to finish our quest by. In a private DM, a party member and I were discussing what to do. He mentioned a spell I had as a druid that would help speed things up (Locate Object). I confessed that I didn't have that spell stocked and we didn't have time for a long rest. Like a serpent, tempting with the apple, he encouraged me to silently stock that spell since "no one knows what spells you have anyway". I did it. I switched it with a spell I hadn't used yet and pretended like I had it stocked. We were able to finally complete the quest because of this spell, but deep down, I know I sinned.

Nikki Lynn

Forgive me Oh Great Dice Christ, in the TGI Monday’s Champaign I allowed my players to win in a fight they should have lost. They came across clues leading to an underground fighting ring below a petshop before going to TGI Monday’s and eventually made it in. In the pet shop there was a baby dragon for 2500 gold. In the fighting ring I got whomped real hard and they made 1500 gold, so I had the crowd chant “Double or nothing” they agreed and fought against a demon that at full health/spells might haven’t survived. They did really well but when 3 of the players were down and the bearded devil had 2hp it used all 3 attacks on the cleric. It missed on the first two but was going to hit on the third. This would have killed our cleric but I acted like he missed all 3. She was able to raise the fighter and kill it allowing them to get enough for the baby dragon. I pray this was for a noble cause.

Gianni Pappas

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. I'm a player in one game and a DM in another. In my excited upon recognizing the a monster's description, I allowed my DM knowledge to leak out and revealed that the monster our level 4 characters were fighting was a Flame Skull and could cast Fireball. This was beyond the knowledge that my PC would have. During the fight I made the risky choice to Misty Step into the air and attempt to slam dunk the Flame Skull to the ground. Our DM asked for an Athletics check for which I rolled a Nat 1 resulting in a modified zero. I suggested that my PC fall the distance to the ground, take falling damage, and end up prone. My DM agreed and although the dice have already spoken I still feel guilty about my misdeeds.

Dear holy Dice Descendants, I was running a one shot for my sister and forsake the will of dice Christ. Up until that point the innocent young paladin had killed every enemy they had encountered and it became a running bit. Fighting the final boss, the character right before the paladin in initiative manages to hit the final boss for exactly his remaining hit points, but I left him alive so the paladin could kill him the following turn to keep the bit going. Please forgive my sins and help me absolve them

Sean Cullen

Dice Christ forgive me, for I have lied about my rolls, but with only good intentions: I promise. I play a Sorcerer in an online campaign and make heavy use of the spell Chaos Bolt, which allows for multiple castings to occur at once when you roll the same numbers for the 2d8 of damage. I was once put in a situation where I rolled the same numbers on the dice three times in a row, all in one round. Given that I was using real dice rather than the virtual ones, I was afraid my fellow players would not believe my incredibly luck and I fudged the numbers on the last one, stopping my hot streak short and likely angering Dice Christ in the process. I have since switched to using the virtual dice so something like this wont happen again, but I still think about it from time to time. I accept whatever penance I owe.

Alec Posta

Forgive me venerable and ancient interpreters of the Dice Christ for I have sinned. During my third session as a DM my players were tpk’d by a group of shit talking hobgoblins. One of the 3 players however wasn’t present, so instead of killing them all I offered her as a ‘blood sacrifice’, sparing the other two players but executing her buxom Dragonborn monk. Needless to say she was pissed off, culminating in her leaving the group and breaking up with another player (they had been together two years), since we ‘didn’t respect her’. For years I have been wracked with guilt at what I thought was a merciful decision, please offer your honest and faithful judgement in the name of the one true RNGesus.

Most beloved Clergy of Dice Christ, I seek your wisdom. I consistently roll below 10 on initiative. The rest of the time I play, whether I am DMing or PCing, my dice roll as Dice Christ intended; incredibly spicy 🔥. I have searched my soul for the reason but am still lost as to why the dice do this to me. Am I forever cursed to be last in combat? Or is there some repentance I can do to gain Dice Christ forgiveness?

Kris ✌️

Forgive me Dunkle Caldwell, Patron saint of Goofs gone awry, for I have sinned. My wizard was picking up a beloved NPC (Grumbles the Tabaxi prospector with whiskers made of gold) with Bigby's hand and lifting him over the town wall when I thought it would be funny to drop him and then cast feather fall on him. Well, it turns out I was out of range for feather fall and he fell to his death cursing my name. Please forgive me this goof that seemed like a good idea at the time, but in hindsight was very dumb.

Austin Johnson

Hail the dice, full of fate. I confess to DMing as a player and impatience with my fellow PC’s. We had been double crossed by an npc after a difficult battle. 3 on 1, what's the worst that could happen? My half-orc forge cleric was up close in the mix. I had a 20 AC and relentless endurance, so I threw spiritual guardians up and decided to just wear this guy down. At this point, my brother is clearly on his phone on the discord. It's been a running problem and I'm frustrated that his dwarven wizard only comes alive during his turn of combat. Typically, I've been the DM, but we have been playing in this quest for months, and the DM in me kicks in and thinks, "I should make him pay for being on his phone for weeks." The dwarf casts catapult on this scoundrel and misses badly. My Half-Orc is still in the mix, and I suggest, "would that catapult spell hit me if I was directly behind him?" The DM thinks that makes sense and agrees. Again, great armor and relentless endurance. No biggie. But this is a saving throw I've inflicted on myself, and I fail. The damage is phenomenal. This is when I realize I had used relentless endurance in the previous session without a long rest. Well hey, it's still 2 on 1! I fail death save one... I nat 1 on the second. The cleric goes down. I martyred my own character trying to prove a point in a 6 month campaign. Forgive me. Thine is the 20, the critical failure, and the roll with advantage. Amen.

Forgive me priestess Axford for I have sinned. I was DMing for my dad and brother and when they deviated from my planned course I got mad. Then we played it out and had fun.

Luke Shealy

Forgive me NADDGod for I have sinned. I play a grasslands druid who came from a land with some dinosaurs present. One of her early wildshape choices was a velociraptor (from Volo’s Guide to Monsters), which was usually pretty funny since it was a tiny beast that the group called the “danger turkey”. This was not a problem. However, when I gained access to the spell “conjure animals”, I thought it would be funny to summon a swarm of velociraptors to attack the Dragonborn mini-boss we were fighting. I knew they were powerful, but summoning 8 CR ¼ creatures with two attacks and pack tactics absolutely wrecked the dragonborn. I felt bad that in one turn I was pretty much dominating the fight, so I didn’t even roll damage on their second attacks. So my dungeon sin is twofold: I chose a creature that was OP and not in the spirit of teamplay and then I fudged the numbers down for their damage. The group thought it was funny but I still felt guilty (and definitely haven’t summoned them again). The forgiveness of dice christ will go a long way in helping me move past this.

Amy Martin

Forgive me bishop Hurwitz, for I have sinned. My 3.5 Sorcerer has an ability where she can use metamagic to imbue a spell to be good, dealing no damage to good characters, half damage to neutral, and an upgraded dice (d6->d8) to evil characters. I gleefully used this for at least 8 sessions before realizing the improved damage only works on "evil OUTSIDERS", which is a specific and rare creature type. Please Dice Christ, absolve me of my sins, and let me know if I need to downgrade my damage dice to repent.

Sammo Cando

Blessed be the holiest of The Dice Christ’s children, I must confess my deepest sin: My DM would allow non prepared casters (like my Divine Soul sorcerer or a bard) to swap a single spell per long rest, the most glaring abuse is this was to conveniently have Create or Destroy water stocked when a fire overtook a city, I was able to use the spell to save countless homes and lives, this propelled the narrative for the campaign and boosted the profile of our party immensely. Things could’ve turned out VERY different. I feel like I cheated on a huge test and now have a very fancy career. I humbly ask for forgiveness, my thanks.

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. While playing a gunslinger, I made an attack on a creature with my pepperbox. (For those unaware, firearms have a misfire score. typically if you roll a one or a two on an attack roll, the weapon misfires, and you must repair it.) I made the attack a violent shot, which increases the damage, as well as the misfire score. While the attack hit, I had also rolled a three and my weapon misfired. We were running low one time for the session, so when I brought this to my dm, he hand waved it saying we didn't have time to deal with this, and let's pretend the attack hit. Obviously the DM makes the final call, but I still feel guilt for escaping the penalty of a misfire.

billy nuttall

His Most Reverend Excellency Hurwitz and Adjacent Magistrates, I ran a Pathfinder 2 game with one real-life friend and three people from the internet. Two of the internet people were great, and I am now in an all-online game with them. The third was not. This person, who shall go by Vladimir (because that's his name), was the worst example of why certain people are unable to find a stable group. He was crude, constantly hit on fellow players, tortured and murdered downed human enemies, and tried to unilaterally change canon without running it by the DM. He changed his character's gender and description mid-game, without telling anyone, and then was in-character offended when a bouncer stopped him by placing a hand on his now-female character's chest. When the pandemic happened and the game went remote, we said the campaign was over, had a wrap-up session/debrief, and then started a new Pathfinder 2 game with all of the same people except for him. Forgive me, beneficent bailiff-cum-bishop, for failing to address these issues earlier or more bravely, as was my duty as DM.

Forgive me Arch Bishop J-Witz for I have sinned. On my game that I run on roll20, I fudge rolls. That isn't the confession, I'm fine with it- I don't do it on important rolls, just on things that I think will make the game more fun and interesting for the players. Well on last night's game, we had a fight that was really dragging, and I could sense the players interest dropping off. The enemy rolled an 18, but I wanted him to go down quickly, so I said it was a 4. However, I accidentally rolled it publicly and everyone saw. They said it was okay and laughed about it, but every time I remember it I want to collapse in on myself like a dying star

Samson

Forgive me, dear bishops Murph, Axeford, Tanner and Herwitz too I guess. I have committed a deep player sin. Our campaign was planned to be an island hopping, merchant defending, town saving, seafaring adventure. Alas, my Kenku Warlock singlehandedly led the party down a path of piracy and arson. I have gone from CN to CE and through my actions of trying to find my old captain we have become the "demons of the sea" and I plan to open the doors to the far realms and unleash the wrath of the old ones on the material plane. I have taken a campaign and made us the bad guys and for that I ask forgiveness in Jesus Crits's name, Amen. (Low key has no regrets whatsoever and still plans on opening those doors wide to welcome our great tentacle daddies to the world of us mortals)

Zhade

One of my players said his character, a new addition to a 5th level game, felt wrong. I gave him several options to revamp the character, but he decided he'd like to have the character be replaced. I said okay, and told him that he could die in combat or leave through RP and I'd set up a chance encounter with his new character afterwards. The first combat after that conversation, he got knocked unconscious. The rest of the team had a strategy to get him back up and I knew the player didn't want his character to get up. I had an enemy, on their turn, strike his unconscious body. I fudged the damage to be high enough to kill him outright. Even though the damage was within the possible range of damage for that enemy, I still feel I twisted the outcomes and his death still doesn't feel right to me - even though he is happier playing his new character and the group dynamic is better off for it. Was my sin justified?

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. While playing a monk I obtained a magical item that allowed me to cast the Mage Armour spell once per day. I went through 3 sessions of combat encounters before realizing that Mage Armor and Unarmored Defense do not stack. May Mother Ashford and Fathers Murphy, Hurwitz and Tanner absolve me of my sins against the table.

Forgive me dice Christ, for I have sinned. There was one time I was playing a druid and I wildshaped into an animal that was a higher CR than I could do. The DM didn't catch it and I only caught it halfway through combat. I felt like it would be a bad experience to retcon half the battle and I hadn't done any damage to the bosses at that point so I didn't say anything and just immediately came out of wildshape at my next turn so I stopped benefiting from it. I never said anything, but I still feel bad. 😔

Arwyn Robinson

I play a low-wis, impulsive fighter (/wizard/warlock) who likes to just attack things instead of thinking too much about it. We were in a combat where the goal was just to survive for a certain number of rounds, rather than needing to kill the enemy (Imix, the prince of fire). Fully aware that this was a terrible idea, I charged directly at Imix and got myself killed within the first round. This impulsive choice could be argued to be indirectly responsible for the deaths of two other party members and, while we all got better and all of the players had a great time, it remains one of the worst combat choices I’ve ever made.

Kestrel

I usually play pacifist support characters, including my current scribe wizard, she's usually just on buffs and crowd control. But when the dm introduced a random npc wizard called Flagon Mudgins, I decided (for no reason) that he was my character's arch nemesis from wizarding school. I immediately obliterate this character on-site, every time we see him, all offensive spells all the time, wasting my only 6th level spell on trying to disintegrate him because I CANNOT STAND HIM. Everyone finds it hilarious and he always comes back so I know the dm isn't upset by it but I have never been so viscious in a game of dnd as when that smug asshole's token appears on the battle map. I know this isn't technically a Dice Sin™, but it sure feels like one and I know that, while Dice Jesus™ will not stop me from entering Dice Heaven™ because of this, I know he'll feel conflicted by it.

Forgive me humble servants of the Dice-Christ for I have sinned. I was playing a Barbarian/druid multiclass and I transformed into a fly and flew up above a mindflayer and dropped on him. This gave my Axe attack 2d6 extra damage from the fall. I did this despite the fact that I couldn't actually transform into a flying creature and my character should not have known that there was a threat there.

Luke Shealy

Forgive me Dice Christ, Bishop Hurwitz, and Co-popes Emily, Caldwell, and Murph for I have sinned. My first time ever DMing for my friends, one of my players, the wild magic sorcerer Darnell should have died. Let me explain. The level 1 party was tasked with clearing out a village that had been overrun by goblins. When they arrived, despite the party begging him not to, Darnell ran ahead to "scout". While he was in the goblin infested village he used Prestidigitation to make a fart smell as a joke. He had done this at least 20 times already in the session, pissing off the party and every NPC. I made him roll a stealth check and he failed. Badly. All of the goblins began to chase him and one of them got a swing at him, which came up as a nat 20. Darnell had 7 HP to start since he rolled a 1 on his D6 when he created his character. The goblin rolled perfectly on the dice. 14 damage which should have aced Darnell. I lied about the dice and put him down to 1 HP. Should I have let the dice kill this fart making mage or was I right to lie to keep my friend interested in DND? I hope the teachings of Dice Christ can absolve me of my sins or help me to understand my penance.

Dice Christ. Today I am here to repent. I have committed the sin of fudging a crit, I know how unforgivable my actions have been and so today I wish to relieve myself of this burden of guilt that I carry. I am DM running a homebrew campaign that has been going on for a year. my players work really hard on creating fun and unique characters and backstories and so I in turn do my best to weave their backstories into the homebrew campaign. Prior to my act of sin, the party had experienced the first true loss with a character death that could not be reversed with revivify due to the nature of his death. Next session my friend came to the table with a new wizard character. The journey brought them to the depths of the ocean where they ran into hostile tritons riding giant sharks. This is where I committed my sin. Fighting ensued, and when the sharks took their bite attacks, they targeted the close-by bleeding wizard and both sharks rolled natural 20’s. However in my hubris i changed the path laid before me by the dice Christ and only said one of the attacks hit because I didn’t want my friend to lose two characters in two weeks. I ask for forgiveness, I only wanted to the best for my players, but I know I deserve punishment.

Jared Gabbard

Father Hurwits, blessed be, my party was taking a ride on their airship, the ganja gunship, making their way to the gnomelands, when they were attacked by another set of pirates. The enemy captain immediately crit and knocked down the pilot of the party's ship, the party's stoner druid then hid and made a perception check to find the gunpowder stores and cast flaming orb on them. I had him roll arcana and set the DC to 20, but he only rolled a 15. However I thought it was so sick that I let him succeed, allowing a womping. I humbly confess my darkest moment.

Thomas Ricketts

Bless me, Dice Christ, for I have sinned. This is my first confession. I have a hallowed die, touched by the Time Devil itself- a glow in the dark orange d20 that always performs above average. A super prodigy. While DMing, I decided to use this die, knowing and understanding that my players were in for a rough couple rounds of combat. I thought about using one of my more shy dice, but the sweet temptation of womping my players won out and many bells were rung that day, with none the wiser of my nefarious choice. In the name of the Twenty, the One, and Holy Crit, absolve me of my sins, that I may be stronger in the face of such temptations. Amen.

Allie Rosner

Forgive me Bishop Hurwitz and esteemed representatives of Dice Christ, for I have sinned. In my first session DMing, I was taking over in a homebrew setting after our last DM didn't have prep time anymore, and I decided that they would steal an item from a pirate in port at the behest of an NPC (my character from the campaign) because he owed some money to shady people. A couple of my players thought the pirate was cool, and they wanted to join his crew. Despite this being rad, I had no clue how to follow up on it, so I made him sheepish about the idea. It basically ended with me directing, dare I say railroading, them into combat with the were-tiger pirate captain like I originally planned, and two players ended up cursed. Amen.

TK

if that group happens to be out there, we met on reddit, i was an elf druid and this was like threeish years ago lmao hope you're all doing well

Marisa

Bless me Dice Christ for I have sinned, I will regularly give monsters more health and subtract less damage when DMing so that the fight can continue on. I swear, I do this for cinematic purposes only, but occasionally it has resulted in some serious damage to parties. No death yet, but it has come close.

Fish Harlan

Forgive me Dice Christ, the almighty Priests Axford, Murphy, Tanner and the little choir boy Jake, for I have sinned. In the fantasy steampunk campaign I am running, I have a player that does not like to fail in the slightest, so much so that he yells and ruins the mood for the whole table. His character isn’t much better because he is a very rude and selfish midmaxed Artificer that needs to be good at everything or else he throws a fit. Me and the other players have gotten suspicious of his rolls, that he may be fudging his dice because we feel like it’s impossible not to roll under a 15 for the past 5 session. My sin is that I secretly want to kill off his character, I’m not out to get him specifically but if his character died in a tough combat I secretly would be happy to humble him to maybe play a less cocky and pompous character (which his character didn’t even start as). Am I destined to spend my days in dice hell for my wicked desires of a player character dying?

Marissa Mars

Bless Me Lowly Father Hurwitz, for I have sinned against the Dice Christ and her mysterious ways. I recently cast “Sanctuary” on a companion but forgot that the effects end if the recipient attacked. We used this player as sort of a front line shield / unattackable player while another caster and I held back and whittled away at the creatures we were attacking. Only after the session while I was going over notes/prepping for the next session did I catch my mistake. While I have confessed to the DM, the Dice Christ also needs to hear me acknowledge my sin.

Kris P

Forgive me father for I have sinned, in the eyes of Dice Christ I have changed my prepared spells after choosing them as a druid, I have changed more than one spell after levelling up as a sorcerer, and I have frequently cast more than one spell in a turn when one has a casting time of a bonus action. I submit myself to your polyhedral mercy and swear to only play martial classes from now on so I can't break the spellcasting rules. Hail Hurwitz, full of grace.

Emmie

Forgive me dices for i've sin...I am a player of Thordus Bitchcraft a paladin/fighter that's now ia a oni (ressurection make some fun stuff) in a 3 years old very homebrew campaign...at some point with all the equipment and feats that Thordus have i was really overpowerd. The ideia was to be a high ac and damage dealer, but with low HP, but with smites and action surge I was dropping the enemies really fast, so to balance things I started not using some abilities like great weapon fighting and other damage combos. Now that we are at level 18 really close to the grand finale things are really intense...last combat we had 1ancient dragon and 4 high level npcs riding small dragons...so I'm thinking in grab the tough feat at next level and using my full power again, but I don't know if I doing that I will break the game....so help me dice gods to maintain the path of fun, should I keep being a glass Cannon or should I embrace all the power that was given to me?

Gregório Avellar the goblin rogue warlock that is happy because Brazil is not that dystopian anymore

Forgive me Boobs for I have sinned. This is my first confession. My players were having a bar brawl in Luskan, and the ranger decided to drag a pirate thug across the bar like in an old Western. I had him roll a contested athletics check to grapple the bandit. The pirate got an 18. The ranger got..19! The table exploded! Then I had him roll another athletics check to see how far across the bar the bandit would travel... and he got a 10. So halfway across the bar, which took the wind out of everyone's sails. I should have just let the cool moment happen, and I can't forgive myself.

Dustin K

Forgive me dice Christ for I have fudged the numbers. I had been playing with a group for 3 sessions and I had never crit on an attack roll and I wanted to know the feeling of rolling all of that damage. So I chose an enemy that I knew was on deaths door and I rolled an attack. I knew the attack was going to hit because it was a dirty 20 so I called out nat 20. I rolled the damage and finished the enemy. It still weighs heavy on my heart to this day. Please absolve me of my sins.

I tempted the Dice Devil and lost: My players' characters did Wild Magic Mushrooms one night, and one of them gained the opportunity to send one person to the Nine Hells for 6 seconds. Naturally he chose the NPC who was secretly the BBEG, so when he asked if the npc would be killed during that 6 seconds, I had him roll a d100 and if he rolled exactly 100 the npc/bbeg would be killed. Sure enough, he rolled a 100 and the campaign was forever changed from that gnarly drug trip (which also saw that same player change from an Aarakocra to a Goliath) and my tempting fate.

May dice Christ forgive me for my foolishness. I ruined the DMs session and caused him to uncomfortably improvise by misreading my meta magic extended spell and say charm person would last 24 hours. I am wracked with guilt for putting my DM in such a predicament and quietly swapped out extended spell for a different meta magic to not cause a mistake again.

Forgive me, high bishop and lowly carcinals I have sinned. I had been playing a goblin storm sorcerer named skizzik, who became the mascot of the party. During an encounter I realized I had completely misinterpreted the rules of his abilities and I had been doing much more damage than I should have, and I lost all interest in playing him, so I let him die from a zombie Minotaur attack. Causing much sadness from the rest of the party, was I wrong in wanting to retire a character I had gotten bored of? Or should I have kept playing him despite not having as much fun as him anymore. The guilt wracks my brain every night since.

Cameron chai

I hear by confess to my sins, if it may please the Dice Christ and the honorable Bishop Hurwitz. When I was making my very first character I decided on rolling my d6’s for my ability scores at a later time, as I was working on my backstory, and just rolled them for fun. I rolled very well and decided to use those stats for my character and then continued rolling for the rest, resulting in a very high stealth rouge(the rest of my scores were fairly balanced). I don’t know how wrong this is but I’ve always felt a bit guilty. Thank you

Forgive me Dice Daddies (and mommy) for I have sinned. Every time one of my friends has a dice that they consider “bad” or “cursed” due to role history, I steal it. I replace what I take with one of my spare die, but I now have a large bag of Ill gotten dice. I don’t know what to do with them or why I do this, but I can’t stand by and let ppl decide a dice is bad just bc it rolls badly for them. How can I atone for my cursed dice heists?

Dakota Paulson

Forgive me, dice Christ, for I have sinned. While running a haunted pirate ship one-shot for Halloween with my husband, brother and sister in law, they were getting absolutely walloped by bad rolls to the point where my brother was getting angry and passive aggressive. In an attempt to defuse the situation, I quietly turned a Nat 20 hit against him into a miss in an attempt to make the game fun again. I also tried to reduce the amount of damage done on hits since the party was low on health and our Druid didn’t take any healing spells. I ask the dice Christ for forgiveness for this sin made in an attempt to keep this one-shot fun for my loved ones.

Nicole

Forgive me Crit Lords, for I have sinned. In my last campaign, we were in combat with the BBEG and absolutely getting our asses kicked. In the heat of combat, I forgot about action economy and accidentally used 2 bonus actions on one turn. I was playing a bard and used bonus action Healing Word then Bardic Inspiration. I didn't realize what I had done until a few turns later when I almost did it again. I did not do it again, but did not confess doing it the first time. We went on to win the fight without losing anyone and I can't help but wonder if that small amount of hp from Healing Word or the extra d10 of damage from Bardic Inspiration turned the tide of the battle. This has weighed on my soul for about a year now and I must repent.

Peace be with you, child. May your mercy be returned to you when you yourself just really need a win.

The Green Magus

Dear Father Murphy, and Clergy of the Holy Critiny, forgive me for I have sinned. My player - the bard specifically - wanted to 1v1 a fire giant in an underground arena. Despite all odds, the bard managed to get the fire giant down to 5 HP without dropping (I was having some comically bad luck behind the screen). However, before she could finish the beastie off, the giant managed to land one more attack. I decided to roll damage in front of the table for tension. When the dice landed, they were seven hit points away (without modifiers) from downing the bard. The attack is meant to throw in an extra 7 damage on top of the dice rolls, but my players cheered with such glee and excitement, I reduced it to six without telling them, leaving the bard on 1 HP and allowing her to take another attack and finish off the giant. Should I keep hiding the truth, or must I atone for my sins by revealing that the bard could not have delivered the final killing blow to the giant's dick? Also Dice Christ is cool with swearing, right? Sorry.

Evelyn Carsten

Dear Saint Axford and crew, I goofed so hard my first time ever DMing. The party's first real task was to fill an enormous tree with acorns to convince the town squirrel god was coming so I rolled a d100 to see the length of the trunk diameter was...and rolled a measly 11ft. This lead to me saying they could see through an illusion set by a mysterious big bad that I didn't actually plan for which lead to the next game being a train wreck and really boring because I thought I needed to create the big bad by next session because the party was so stoked to have discovered something. We never played another game after that :(

Kellie Cthulhu

May the Council of D4 Cardinals forgive me. When I was first starting to DM for my friends I had a particularly rowdy player that wanted to be an intergalactic pimp for the stars and in order to reign in the table I didst murder her (character’s) hookers and fling her (character) from a bus. In a Star Wars themed session the party was robbing a spice mine (buncha drugs sorry for the jargon Em) and while they were escaping the player in question wanted to distract the adversaries chasing them by doing a stripper dance on the roof of a speeder (space car) mid chase scene. There had been a level of absurdity to this point that was fine but in that moment the dice devil ensnared my heart and drive to make her acrobatics check impassable. Thankfully she rolled incredibly poorly as well and the table was happy to hear me describe the character jumping down into a floor move that resulted in bashing her teeth hard enough on the speeder that she was jolted into losing her grip and flying off the speeder to only be hit by the speeder in pursuit. The second son came when she asked if her network of prostitutes could help them gather intel and I was so baffled by the mechanics that would be needed that I asked her to roll a (impossible) luck check and when she failed I said a rival kingpin stole them and took over her turf to avoid dealing with it. Please let me know how many Hail Garies I need to be cleansed of this sin.

Brian Flake

Dearest, most pious , venerable Bishop Hurwitz, and the adorable and dutiful altar children Murphy, Axford, and Tanner. I have sinned. In a recent campaign, while rolling characters online we were allowed by the DM to roll 3 sets of stats, and given the option to pick one. My sins are thus, I rolled far more than 3 sets your eminence. I rolled sets until one came across that was “interesting”, with enough good stats and a couple bad stats to enhance my character choices for role playing. Am I so wrong for wanting to give my character some... character? Pun intended, I take whatever penance I am deserved.

Maxwell Cornwell

Forgive me, mother and fathers, for I have sinned. Running the very first fight of a new campaign, the tiefling monk took on a gibbering mouther. On the mouther's turn, it rolled a crit. This would have reduced the monk to zero hp, and according to the rules, would see him instantly devoured. I hesitated, and told them it had missed. My reasoning was this - in the previous campaign (same group, me as a player rather than DM) the same player's character had been double crit on in the first fight, and outright died before they got to take their 3rd turn. I figured that 2 campaigns in a row where their character gets killed immediately in the first fight might be a bit too brutal. Also, his character had a lot of potential, and his death would doubtless have brought out his "goblin with a gun" secondary character, who has less story potential but does have a gun. Was I wrong? Did Dice Christ work through me to show his infinite mercy, or did I thwart Dice Christ's harsh justice?

Bless me dungeon deacons and Jake, for I have sinned. I was the DM for a group and classically, stupidly, gave them the deck of many things. I was woefully unprepared for what occurred which was... my players pulled too well. I had a random weapon generator open and it gave some of them +3 weapons with magical abilities and upped their stats. Well, my good members of the clergy and Jake, I am guilty of fudging the HP on nearly every monster I've created since that day. If the paladin does 100+ damage in a swing, but I don't feel like the BBEG got enough to say in... he might be on the brink of death for a lil extra bit. I am sorry for my sins, but I was trying to make a better story, what shall I do to repent?

Jack Campau

Forgive me for I have sinned. I was DMing a (non-canon, mind you) one-on-one Monster v. PC duel. My PC was playing a character who had Summon Greater Demon. He used this to summon a Glabrezu and thought he had turned the tables against the Medium Fiend I had him up against. However, the fiend had a once a day use of Charm Monster. So I used it against the Glabrezu which required a Wisdom check upon which he failed. When he passed me the Glabrezu’s stat block I noticed they have advantage against saves against spells and other magical effects. I almost told him. I wanted to, but alas... I did not. It was over two rounds later when I pummeled him. 😔

Jarod With

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned; When I played a racing one-shot, I rolled to see how far up I would move and I accidentally added the wrong modifier, which was much higher than the one I would normally add to such a roll. This rocketed me to 2nd place, and it weighs on my soul greatly.

Artie Cardenas

Forgive me, Crit Lords, for I have sinned. The circle of spores druid in the group I DM for was rolling exceptionally poorly in a session filled with multiple combats, and multiple deadly skill checks. His rolls started getting better by the end - even producing two nat 20s over the course of an extended hunt and chase scene with a Howler in a subterranean cave system. However, during a combat midway through the session, I rolled a hit and a natural 20 on a multiattack against the druid. In the midst of his unfortunate rolling at the time and his souring mood because of it, I made the decision to ignore the crit and only declared a hit against him that did paltry damage anyway. I do not regret this decision, but I know I have defied the Dice Gods regardless and await my judgement.

Con

I will confess on behalf of a fellow party member who has given her blessing for me to seek penance for her sins. In our first campaign together, her first ever, she played a Pact of the Fiend warlock who got temp HP for killing an enemy. Unfamiliar with temp HP, she thought that she just kept accumulating temp HP with each new enemy she killed. At the end of a dungeon, she'd be strutting into the boss fight with basically double her HP in temp HP. It wasn't until she watched an episode of Dimension 20 where they mentioned that temp HP doesn't stack that she realized her terrible mistake. To her credit, she confessed immediately to our DM and they were able to homebrew some mechanics to let her collect temp HP in a way that wasn't absolutely busted. As she has his forgiveness, she now seeks forgiveness from Dice Christ. May They look upon her with mercy and good hit die rolls.

Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been 5 years since my last confession. In my first and only ever game of D&D, I was playing with a new friend and his D&D group. I looked up how to make a character ahead of time and read to base your character on a character from a movie. I chose Otis Driftwood, the antagonist from House of 1000 Corpses and made a highly charismatic human warlock. In the first town we were in the DM allowed me to try to persuade some locals to 'follow' me as my cultists. I ended up convincing two of the local townsfolk. At first,, I made them carry me everywhere but eventually I ended up using them as human stepping stools to climb into a tree and hide from the one and only battle. Then I told the table I was bored and left the table.

CW

Forgive me dungeon masters for I have sinned... In the campaign I run, my party was on the run from the government as they were on the wrong side of a coup. Since I had a PC with a history with a notorious assassins guild I thought it would be cool to have an assassin sneak aboard their airship and try to kill them. The assassin did some serious damage bringing 2 pcs down to 0 in a single round but was eventually grappled by another. The assassin couldn't escape the grapple and to avoid questioning took a magic cyanide pill and killed herself. My sin was that technically the assassin was grappled and not restrained and could have landed some more damage by attacking. I was hesitant to do more damage though as I didn't want a total party kill and I felt I had made the point that they had made some serious enemies without doing more. Was my mercy justified or should I committed to the plot and tried to kill them all Thank you

Dan Callery

If it pleases the -- I mean, forgive me, dice christ, for I have sinned. I had a DM PC who acted as a set of training wheels for my first time players. Once the training wheels were off, I thought of creative ways to get rid of him that would also roll the story along. He eventually fell in combat against another PC and, thinking this was perfect, I faked a nat one roll to have him perish and sent to the nine hells. As a DM, I always preach to my players the gospel of not fudging one's rolls, but in this moment, I sinned and fudged the biggest fudging of my life. I hope my soul and roll can reach salvation through this confession.

Andy Cheng

Hear my confession Clergy of Dice Christ, I have a hot set of dice. Not internationally, they are just that good set of dice. After a session of whomping my payers in my campaign, I retired them from DM dice rolling. However, I'm feeling guilty over using them in my player campaign. I feel like I am sinning by using them to whomp my friend as a DM, but not using them to whomp my wife and her friends as the DM. My other dice are all erratic and I like that more as a DM, but am I wrong to favor my whomp stomping dice for my player days instead of letting them shine all the time? side note: I have now taken an old pickle jar (bread and butter pickles) as storage for my DM dice to sweeten them up. Is that enough to balance my Dice Christ karma?

Brian Jones

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned, and thank you Exalted Bishop Hurwitz. I was playing a homebrew campaign with a problem player who really bogged down the game and made everything not fun. In a moment of weakness I really laid into him one session about all of his shortcomings and he has since stopped playing with us. I do feel guilty about it. I await your judgment oh Dice Christ.

Noah

I would like to offer up a confession, for I have sinned and closed my eyes to the benevolent will of Dice Christ. Recently I began prerolling encounters for my frost maiden sessions so I could preread and script them accordingly. As I prepared for a recent session I rolled encounters that were all role play. My players are blood thirsty and so, despite the rolls passed down from our Lord, I added a yeti encounter that nearly killed the players. So I ask the lord, is their will binding or is it my role as DM to simply see their holy numbers as guidance?

In the name of the Emily, the Murph, and the Caldwell… also Jake, I come to you to confess my dodeca-sin. In one campaign that I was GMing I had a player who flirted with me often (A) and one of my players(B) came to me worried that I would show favoritism. Post assurance that this wasn’t the case, the party came up against a large ravin while being chased. The DC was stated and everyone made it but A who missed the DC by one. Attempting to follow the rule of cool I allowed one of the players to predator grab them as they fell, but without a roll. after a frank discussion with B I now believe that I allowed this due to favoritism. I have sown the seeds of sin to the Dice Christ and ask forgiveness. Thank you again… and also with Jake.

Jessica Valles

Ohhh great almighty Hurwitz forgive me for I have sinned my confession is this. I run a podcast called The Bigger Better Podcast and I thought it would be a great idea to run a Dungeons & Dragons campaign on our Patreon but where I have sinned is that I have been putting off this game for a while due to life and struggles in the conflicting schedules between work and podcasting a.k.a. planning the Dungeons and dragons game help me Dice Christ!!

Anton

Forgive me Jacob for I have sinned. Murph, Caldwell, Emily - I’m sorry too. Playing a wizard is hard. The agonising spell selection and preparation process has weighed heavily on my mind in the past and I have been known to posthumously switch out my 2 new spell selections each level after they proved useless to me in gameplay. For example, I swapped out mirror image when I realised I would never want to waste my first turn in consistently short combats or swapping haste for thunder step after being told my sharpshooting Grung divination wizard wouldn’t be able to cast it on himself and wreck house due to crossbow loading rules. Maybe it’s true that I long for the versatility of a cleric or druids spell lists with the added flavour and sweet, sweet portents of a divination wizard in addition to a familiar giving me advantage on my sharpshooter rolls. But I ask you, as the divine intermediaries of Dice Christ - is it a crime in Heaven to want it all? Yours with a brisket bathtub, Jack

Jack Francis West

Forgive me father for I have sinned. I dm for a group of all new players I’m teaching how to play dnd so I started them at level three and gave them cool custom weapons (one of them is a pile that always has true strike active “true pike”) but as they reached level 5 I felt they have been getting by without much risk as they still don’t know strategy that well, forget to use skills or spells and yet seem to being getting by fine so I throw a cr 13 vampire at them and they survive but barley still a little ticked I throw THE BBEG at them obviously way to early in way that all they had to do was survive but 3 rounds later they were all knocked out the Dragonborn and asimaar got there wings ripped off. The drow got an ear cut off the human actor got his face mutilated and the rouge got her fingers broken. Early in the campaign they did kill a subordinate of his and I wanted a reason for the party to hate him but I believe went to far

BenMightSmite

Forgive me dice cardinals and lowly altar boy Jake for I have sinned. Multiple times when rolling HP for leveling up I have re-rolled until I get a better number. This strategy has impacted multiple of my dnd characters over the years, and I do believe I should be punished for my crimes.

Abbie T

Forgive me hurwitz, for I have murdered. My halfling storm sorcerer Cade Hornblower lied to his husband about stealing the power (and possibly soul) of another sorcerer. Cade usually is a good guy, just wanting to explore the world. but when he killed them, he liked the power and then opted out on writing about it in his letter to his husband. My decision haunts me to this day.

Eric Grochowski

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned: Last year during quarantine i got into a digital game with friends, where we ran the Tomb of Annihilation module. For the uninitiated, the whole module is based around a deathcurse which prevents player resurrection. I was the teams only healer: a celestial warlock named Layla Lastborn. In one particularly difficult battle against a Zombie T-Rex i found myself as the only PC left standing while the rest of my party made death saves. Celestial warlocks have this ability, healing light, that lets me spend a pool of D6’s to heal ONE creature within 60 feet, up to 5 d6. I knew this rule well… in my desperation, not wanting a TPK to rest on my shoulders, i fibbed. I told my party and my DM that i could use my healing light on any creature i could see in range. I basically raised the whole party in one turn with a bonus action when i should have had to choose. The game ended up falling apart once the world opened back up and in the end my deceit was for nothing. But the guilt has sat with me for months…. 🙏🏻

Taylord

I have done this too ;_; I rolled a nat20 against the only party member standing. Even with rolled 1s on damage, it would have taken her down, so I said it was a 1 so I wouldn't have a TPK. It ended up being the right decision because my players loved their brink-of-destruction comeback and I never told them that they were.... definitely close to it all being donezo.

AmberDextrous!

Forgive me Dice Christ, for I have sinned. It has been one day since my last con-session. My transgressions are as follows, I pitted my pitiful level 3 party against a CR8 young green dragon. I knew they would most likely recieve a whomping unlike they had ever recieved before so I attempted to even the odds by giving them help in the form of a higher level druid capable of casting mass cure wounds and earthbind. I either over estimated the difficulty of the dragon or underestimated my players because within 3 rounds they had the dragon on the ropes. I wanted the encounter be somewhat challenging and I also wanted my druid to do something useful so I fudged the dragon's HP and kept it alive for 2 extra rounds until a player crit and vanquished the dragon. May dice christ have mercy on my soul

Stanarchy

Forgive me Father Hurwitz for I have sinned. In a prison break one shot I recently ran, the guards I created were owning the PC's too hard, and had I let it continue, the one shot would have been over too quickly. I confess that I adjusted their stats and damage dice to be less devastating on the fly, with my players none the wiser. May Dice Christ witness me!

I did not sin at the table, but instead outside it. You see, for the past 5 or so years, I have been interested in playing D&D with friends. I've followed this podcast since it was first announced, and I had a few games before as well. However, I have never been part of a campaign that lasts more than 2-3 sessions. Someone always drops out, the people grow apart, or the players are too lazy to play. My sin, therefore, is that I have lost hope. My friends speak of starting another game with great new ideas for campaigns often, but I just shake my head and think of all the times I've been hurt before. I no longer believe in D&D, and my pessimism brings my hopeful friends down.

Harrison Cyr

Bless me, Dice Christ, for I have sinned. It has been nearly 33 years since my last dice confession, as I've never actually confessed to you. I love to roll my ability scores whenever I make a character. I like the randomness of it, and the possibility of getting a really high stat early. That being said I have re-rolled the stats quite a number of times, if they are really bad. I always re-roll all the ability scores, and will sometimes do so until I get a decent distribution (doesn't have to be all good numbers, just not abysmal). I'll also willingly admit there's definitely an element of meta gaming to it, but I've been doing my best to temper it. What shall my penance be?

MyNameIsCrease

Forgive me Fathers for I have sinned. In a climactic battle an enemy wizard cast disintegrate on my player’s beloved pet wyvern. The beast failed the save and was reduced to 0 hp, which would result in its disintegration. The other players who could all tried to counter spell, and all failed. The player was in tears. Nobody was having fun. I pretended to suddenly remember that a friendly NPC had counter spell prepared, even though, as a Paladin, they didn’t even have access to that spell. I rolled and the counter spell succeeded. The beast survived and the players won the day. I lied to my players out of fear of killing the mood. Forgive me for my weakness and transgressions.

Forgive me Dungeon Master for I have sinned. I call upon the Saints Axeford, Murph, Tanner, and the beautiful cherub baby Angel Hurwitz. As DM, I rolled an attack roll for an important NPC and rolled a 20. This roll was at a pivotal moment, but in my haste and excitement I forgot the range distance that I had described would have put the attack at disadvantage. When I told my players, they assumed I rolled two 20’s at disadvantage. I did not correct their thoughts, and took a crit when I should not have. Forgive me my hubris and my pride that did not allow me to back down. This attack downed a player and led to another getting captured. But it was rad as hell.

Forgive me Zaddy, for I have snizzed. One of my players has Counterspell and uses it all of the time! It makes fighting spellcasters so boring/ easy! So, on occasion, I will lie and say that the player didn't roll high enough with their Counterspell so that my villain NPCs can actually do the cool shit that I want them to!

Forgive me Hurwitz for I have sinned- I played in a campaign a couple of times with strangers over discord. One time during a session on a particularly hot day I got dizzy and fainted.They didn’t see me faint because it was all audio and we couldn’t see each other. All they knew is I said “brb” and never returned. So when I regained consciousness I checked the chat and they seemed pissed that I just disappeared. I was too embarrassed to tell them I fainted so I just ghosted and never spoke to them again

Marisa

Please d4-give me for I have sinned. Once while playing a cleric, I decided against using Healing Word to bring a fellow PC back up to use Spirit Guardians, a spell I was excited to use. Unfortunately, I ended up too far away to help when the downed PC was swarmed and they eventually were killed. Please absolve me in the name of the Crawford, the Mearls, and the Holy Jake. Amen.

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. My character, a 15th level swashbuckler rogue/hexblade warlock, has an incredibly overpowered magic item that lets me do insane amounts of extra damage but at the cost of a level of exhaustion. After a fight with 15 mindflayers I had 2 levels of exhaustion (which means disadvantage on ability checks and halved movement speed). As we were walking away from the fight my dm asked for perception checks from everyone after there was an explosion. Forgetting I had disadvantage, I only rolled once and got a nat 20, which added up to a 33 and my dm gave me a lot of information more than anyone else. It didn’t turn out to be too much because the information wasn’t really anything useful. I only realized this after the session and so I figured I’d roll to see what I had gotten, and I rolled a nat 1. I still feel bad about it and I am asking forgiveness.

James Wagner

You claim to speak for the big man DC himself? Sacrilege of the highest order y'all should be ashamed xoxoxo

JessMayWin

In my first ever session as a DM my players had to go through a series of trials in order to be given the main mission of the campaign. 3 of the 4 characters were down, on his next turn the remaining character would be able to complete the trial. Before that there was one NPC left with two attacks. Behind the screen the NPC rolled two Nat 20s! I said they both missed. The campaign is still going over a year later, but at what cost?!

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned, I play a 7th level genie warlock/3rd level swashbuckler rogue and my Bottled Respite has been used almost every night of rest we've had in game - but I realized I misread the ability and shouldn't be allowed to take other people into it with me until 10th level! My gracious DM is handwaving it because of the rule of cool (also likely because we've seen Iga use it in Dimension 20) but it weighs on my conscience.

Kayla Bella

When I first played dnd i played as a dm for a 3e game, mostly stand alone missions with some friends. I decided to put in basically a cyborg from an old dnd magazine and broke the game. Does the fun we had with the character make up for my sins?

High priest Jake, I have sinned. In a campaign I DM we have a half-orc bqrbarian who boasts being unkillable due to natural abilities and some naive new-DM magical items/abilities I've given out. Due to his resistance to damn near everything, I frequently create monsters and abilities to give to my monsters that deal high amounts of psychic damage. I feel I've created a monster and I have a blood thirst to kill him or knock him unconscious once before the campaign is over. We have one session left and i feel I will sin again...

Secret Grandpa

Bailiff, Bishop, so many side hustles!

Jeffrey Steck, Lord of the Fjord

Oh Holy Dice Christ, I cast a second level Flaming Sphere not realizing I ran out of spell slots turns ago. Then I proceeded to forget to roll concentration for two rounds. The sphere made combat end much quicker than the DM intended, and it clearly threw her off her groove. I may be jewish, but I'm willing to convert if the Church of Dice Christ can absolve me of this guilt.

Dani Sharkey

Forgive me quad father for I have sinned. A puzzle required 1 nipple in order to solve it, and I held down a fellow party member and attempted to take theirs.

Em

One of the first times I ran a dragon in my campaign I was on the ropes, the thing is nearly dead and I roll to see if the breath refreshes. It doesn't. But.....I really wanted to blast them with the breath weapon one last time, so I did... Well, I knocked out the cleric and then the battle went on another couple rounds due to several nat 1s on both sides and there's no heals left. They ended up winning and reincarnated the cleric so it all worked out but I do feel guilty for fudging the breath weapon refresh

Pamphleteer

Forgive me ye who carry the grace of 20s and the wrath’s of 1s for I have granted my players homebrew items for days without considering the balance. I live in fear of coupon books allowing anything to be flammable, magic tattoos granting a weakened version of chronal shift, and also just a dicedamned glock so have been guessing wildly with encounter CRs as a result. I know I have sown the seeds of my own whomping and seek absolution for this sin

Oh mighty bad boy Hurwitz in the sky I have sinned. While playing my puppet master bard I always forget to give out a bardic inspiration and never use my cool magic items

Dear priests and priestess of dice Christ Please forgive me D20 because I have sinned. I was dming a party in the feywild (average level 8). I rolled on a unraveling magic table (in tasha’s cauldron of everything) and got the antimagic field. Then I rolled a random encounter and it was 2 abominable yetis. The party was mostly magic users, including an artificer who’s armor could no longer work. The yeti’s both crit multiple times. The party had to run in terror. Please forgive me.

I prostrate myself before the Dice Christ, I switched which skill my monk had expertise in before making a roll so I could get a better bonus (I had the skilled feat). I have since kept the change but it haunts me still that I went into a session with expertise in history and switched it to insight after deciding it would be better to be good at insight.

Aaron Thompson

Dice Christ forgive me, I was running a one-shot where I had developed a special blade for a sociopathic murder monk owlperson named Gem that when she hit a nat 20 caused a bleeding effect - an extra 1d6 of damage at the start of the creature’s next turn. Gem lined up against an enemy mage, and bam - nat 20. However, she also did enough damage to kill the mage outright that turn. But I wanted to give the player the enjoyment of getting to use the special weapon, so I waited until the start of the mage’s turn for the bleeding effect to kill her. It didn’t change the combat, the mage still died before she could take a turn, but I did ignore the dice total to give the player the added effect on the weapon. I think I followed the spirit of Dice Christ, but I still feel I sinned against the dice total. May the honorable Pope Papa Murphy, Cardinal Caldwell, Archbishop Axford, and also Jake bless me.

Jordon Brown

Now is my time to shine. Vanquishers of the dice devil, let my sins be heard. I was brand new to D&D and decided to play a Chaotic neutral necromancer in my brother's campaign. I joined mid-quest to higher level characters and all I felt like I could do was cast Darkness where everybody was fighting. Obviously, it gave everybody disadvantage and I could tell they were a little peeved with me. I also had no idea what kind of role-play was expected, and I played on my phone the rest of the session. When the mayor thanked the party and asked us the investigate a great lich nearby, I rolled my eyes and said, "Sure". My brother yelled that he fucking hated me, and I was shocked at what I had just done and didn't play D&D for a little over 2 years after that. Now I DM my own little campaign with a different group of friends who won't judge me for my transgression.

Zachary Snow

Forgive me, Fatha Hurwitz, for I have sinned. Bless yous for listening to my confession. I mostly plays as a Dungeon Master, and I have greatly sinned against my playahs, the poor smhucks. Ya see fatha, my playahs are good and strong and creative, and they bulldoze through my bad guys like something that bulldozes really well. So in return, I lie. I lie so much. HP changes on the fly, AC buffs aftah the first round of combat, attack bonuses improve and minions suddenly become strongah and pour out the woodwork. This is my sin, fatha, dishonesty.

Muqtadaa Miandara

Forgive me Dice Christ, for I have sinned. I was running a gnoll encounter and my player’s Warforged Battle Master was going one on one with a flind. They used their disarming attack three times and it naturally saved on two of them. On the last one, I rolled one below the DC needed, but in a moment of hubris, I lied and said the flind passed the save. This would have changed the encounter greatly and I feel deep remorse for this unforgivable act. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.

Nicolas P.

I ruined my first ever campaign by trying to turn my players into gods. We were running Curse of Strahd, a gothic horror campaign. We started right about the time the Bahumia was coming to a close and, being a new DM, I was enamored with how the Band of Boobs had gone from small-town do-gooders to literal Demi-gods. I wanted that so bad for my campaign that I included a bunch of homebrew that took my campaign from finishing at level 10, to finishing at 20. In short, it’s been a mess. The party is level 8 currently, they’re loaded to the gills with magic items and the only way I can make encounters challenging is throwing a shitload of monsters of CR’s way outside their level at them. What was intended to be a grim campaign full of horrifying decisions and emotional loss has instead turned into the wacky adventures of two horny single dudes and a 12 year old girl with mommy issues. Which, my players and I all love. We have fun. But I very much bit off more than I could chew for my first time.

Chris Wooley

Forgive me ever gracious bishops of dice Christ for I have sinned. Not with a d20, but the damage dice of a dragons breath weapon. My players are low level and went against a dragon in a tournament. I didn’t want them to die and their health was low, however the dragon would absolutely use it breath weapon so it did and rolled almost all high numbers and the damage ended up being enough to total party kill. I made the damage 25 less than it was and one of them still ended up dying.

Forgive Me Father Hurwitz, tanner, and Murphy, and Mother Axford, for I have gravely sinned. When I was but a new convert I was playing a game as a Wild magic sorcerer, and I lied about rolling a 1 a couple times to get to roll on the wild magic surge table. After finding out about my Sin my DM ended that campaign after another player threw water on me. How may I pay penance? Or, What must I do to be saved from the wrath of Dice Christ?

While DMing a combat against an Archmage, our war cleric had a very cinematic scene, using their action, movement and dash to spend three rounds sprinting towards the mage who was hurling lightning bolts. Meanwhile the rogue was hidden and doing sneak attack damage each turn. The round before the cleric finally got within range of spiritual weapon, the rogue killed the mage from range. I didn't tell my players the rogue killed him, because the cleric sacrificed so much to get into range, I thought they deserved the killing blow. Please forgive me of my sins and not honoring the rolls at the table

Dalton Elliott

Father Hurwitz, I have sinned. I wanted out of a character and couldn't bring myself to admit it to the DM or the party. So, at a time when the other party members were low or almost out of spells, I purposely made sure I angered the enemies so they'd attack me and flubbed my dice rolls. I made it convincing, gave a show, but in the end I "failed" my last death save. The table still mourns him and but I felt cornered into a place I couldn't grow him from.

The Green Magus

Father Hurwitz, forgive me for I have sinned. I was DMing a star wars game and when my player did things that would make him go toward the dark side I forced him to roleplay it that way despite him not wanting to and being a new player.

Luke Shealy

Greeting honorable, jack-of-all-trades, above all Arch Bishop (and the other 3 I guess too), I played a one-shot battle royale to determine the rughtful ruler of 3 Island nations. As a naked goblin barbarian of the Crab King Clan I fought bravely against the fearsome pteradons summoned by my enemy and qin the duel with 2 HP!! I realized after that I attacked Recklessly every round and that in one round when I was attacked by the beasts they should have all had advantage. I feel like I brought great shame to my fellow crabs. - Brine

Forgive me nadcrew for I have sinned, One of the rookie players in our groups wanted to try DMing for the first time with a purely home brew campaign, everything from items to monsters stats are re imagined. They wanted advice as they went to make sure they were learning but i fear I took it too far and have now called out our own parties loot as being way too OP and convinced him to live nerf them at the table. I fear I have turned my DM, my party, and dice christ himself against me. Please absolve me

thomas ronda

My 1st character died during a pretty intense combat and I got really mad at my DM, who didn’t even realize that I had already failed a death save. I was a new player and didn’t know about resurrection so I thought I lost the character. I was pretty upset and actively hostile for the rest of the session until our Druid cast Reincarnation. I felt so bad about biting his head off and I still feel bad, even though we made up and are still friends.

Forgive me father for I have sinned. While in a fight against a beholder one of my party mates was struck by a disintegration beam and was dropped to zero hit points. I knew that their character should have been reduced to dust, but my DM had forgotten and just said they were unconscious. I said nothing and the character survived, and we won the battle. My guilt has gripped me since!

Dillon

Forgive me dice Christ, for I have sinned.. I accidentally got another PC killed by being a rules lawyer. Me and my party were in a deadly encounter which had 2 out of 3 of the party members unconscious. The ranger of our party managed to defeat the final enemy and rushed to cure wounds the bard and Me (wizard). However, I stated that in initiative there was another round before the ranger would get to cast cure wounds. So, the bard and I both rolled death saves. At that point we both had one failed save each. The bard rolled a nat 1 and I rolled a nat 20. The guilt keeps me up at night. I am sorry for these and all my sins. I ask pardon of dice christ, penance, and absolution

Jou Anodyne

Forgive me Dice Parrish, for I have sinned. It has been 15 years since my last confession. Here are my sins: I routinely use unbalanced Magic the Gathering life counters as d20s. It usually works in my favour, but I always doubt the legitimacy of the results. I have run a year long campaign where all I ever did was roll a d20 behind a screen, and make numbers up for almsot every situation. Last, but not least when players forget their dice I have in the past deliberately given them a poorly balanced set of my own. It has never burned any players seriously, but I know what I did. Thank you for you solemn time.

Dave 3D Art

Forgive me Father for I have fucked up. I’m running Rime of the Frostmaiden and my party defeated a named NPC bad guy several weeks ago and threw him in jail. Fast forward to last session: they fought and defeated an NPC bad guy. When I told them his name, it turned out he had the same name as the previously defeated guy in jail. Turns out I overlooked that the book says “if he’s not defeated here, he appears over there.” So they fought the same guy twice. Yikes. Sorry, everyone.

Jordan Valentine

Dear most Heavenly Father Dice Christ. As we as the great bishops of The church of Dice Christ. I have committed the greatest sin known to the Church. When I was first learning to play DND I would lie about my rolls. It was a horrible thing to do. It was never acceptable and never should be. I know where my actions will put me. However I have tried to make my actions right and change my soul for the better. As i began my upholding the tolls of the dice to greatest extent. Though now I must repent and I lay myself at the mercy of the Bishops as well as Dice Christ.

Venerable Bishop and High Vicar of the Most Holy Dice Christ I come to your confessional seeking forgiveness. One of my PCs wanted to become a vampire so I set up a skills challenge where she and her allies needed to fail 6 cumulative death saving throws as a party to allow her to transition (there was a whole ritual thing) but I had an NPC also rolling and may have given a free fail to help my party along....please forgive my transgressions

Lakeboss

Forgive me Bishop for I have sinned. I a DM have lied about rolls against my low level party multiple times as to not kill them with crits but still allowed damage upon them, as to allow them to enjoy the game

Hot-Wheels Enthusiast

My first ever dnd game, I was playing with a bunch of people I didn't really know and got self conscious that I was critting too much as the barbarian so I rerolled a nat20. It wasn't cocked.

Alexis Rausch

I love how Murph has gone from "Hey guys I was raised Catholic, lets not go crazy" when Dice Christ and the Dice Devil were first introduced to worshipping at the almighty altar of Dice Christ and creating rosaries out of D20s 😂😂😂

Elliot

Forgive me Dice Christ for I have sinned. I, the DM, fudged a final boss roll when the party wizard went to banish the monstrous demonic entity they faced. The boss got a Nat 20 but I said they rolled a two and gave them a glorious victory tainted by lies.

Mr E Bones

In the name of the 20 the 10 the 6 and 4 forgive me for I have sinned. I was rolling death saves for an NPC that party loved. I thought their death would be more interesting so with a 2-2 count I killed him with a final roll of 10.

Myles Lee

Forgive me Catholic guilt, for a have sinned. I wrong the dice gods by giving my players inspiration when It feels narratively satisfying for them to succeed.

Dylan Petty

I cheat sometimes as a DM. If there's not an opportunity to turn damage into non lethal and it's not like a cool moment for a PC to die and I know they couldn't be saved I'll nudge the dice a bit. I feel bad sometimes because I'm robbing the dice of their story but also I like to save character death for meaningful moments and I've once had a goblin solo 2 level two characters because he couldn't stop critting even using 5 different dice and they couldn't roll to hit to literally save their lives.

christien

This confession needs to go to REAL Christ, not Dice Christ

Darby Nicole Mishra

I have a player who recently got dumped and lost his job so he’s been pretty down lately. He plays a wizard that uses a lot of “save-or-suck” spells. I’ve been fudging rolls a bit so that his spells hit with full force. Even if his real life isn’t going well right now, he can still be awesome in DND.

Drake Birnbaum

Forgive me father for I have sinned. I did, knowingly and with malice, begin making poor combat decisions for a long-term character and well-loved character within my party because I was growing bored of playing him. My character, upon death, was brought back to life by his loving party at great personal sacrifice and now I worry I may have to keep him begrudgingly alive in perpetuity. Is my desire to move from a bookish awkward barbarian to a witchy slime obsessed alchemist wizard multiclass doing a disservice to my party? Father forgive me for my hubris.

Elias Wilson

Forgive me Bishop, for I have sinned. I once left another PC in a pit hole trap after he triggered it and got himself trapped, even though I could've easily got him out. He was a pretty toxic player, and an even worse character, but I really regret leaving my summoned pink lion down there with him. -Jesse M

As a DM I often fudge rolls to make it more interesting for the players. Or to just not kill my newbie table. I feel like this is probably extremely common 😅

So are the others Dice Cardinals now?

Darby Nicole Mishra

I don't like the precedent being set here when you call yourself a bishop, I think that's a little too high of a station to assign to yourself. You're a deacon at best edit: maybe an altar boy

Dearest Bishop Hurwitz, forgive me for I have sinned. I was DMing for my players and let kill a monster with over half his hit points remaining since It crit on 2 players.

Erik

This sub-show will need a Dashboard Confessional-esque intro, the bame is just too close

Stuart Boelts

Forgive me ever ruggedly handsome bishop hurtwitz, for I have sinned. I crit a new player on their first ever battle and rather than kill them and risk destroying their love of the game I lied and told them I missed.

Annie

Forgive me Murphy for I have sinned. I've lied about my dice outcomes. I've never did it to roll higher just nights where I was rolling hot, I would lie and say I rolled a 2 because it felt wrong to be rolling above a 15 too often.

I got a dry under the table hand job from the DM’s on-off girlfriend during a session.

Scott

Somehow knowing that this is a new segment is tempting me to sin at the table

Madeleine Smith

I have rearranged my prepared spells before using them but after the session started. I was a Paladin and I sinned. It is my greatest shame.

It’s probably going to be difficult to garner anonymous confessions from a publicly visible comments section

Hrishi Venkatesh

This guy was a lowly pathetic bailiff and now all of a sudden he’s a bishop?!

DMCDawg

Bless you high priest hurwitz

Jake Morris