Nov Recent news

Hello everyone, it’s GH.

Recently, there was a small incident. One of the patrons demanded to take down a request work from a long time ago, that wasn’t his. He tried to pretend that the work was his and it was an artwork done almost 2 years ago, and I still wasn’t thinking straight with all the trouble I was going through at the time. I thought his demands were genuine until I found some oddities and checked my old records, which revealed that he wasn’t the owner of the request work but an imposter trying to commit fraud.

While I was being tormented with my mental illness, this person just made it worse and it really stressed me out. He contacted me through discord to tell me off with ‘don’t upload my request’, ‘I’m disappointed in you’, ‘I wouldn’t have requested if I had known’, all these negative words just blew up on my unstable mental state, I started to creep back on the thought of not wanting to live.

However, thankfully with the help of friends, I managed by and rid myself of this imposter. I’ve also logged all of our discord chat, just in case.

Other than this trouble, it’s been pretty quiet. With problems tormenting me for years, which makes trouble like the one above a child’s play. I’ve come to realize that no news is good news. While I still have mental illnesses but with much less stress from my life, I feel different about my living routine than before.

With help from everyone, I was able to keep my finances situated and slowly improve it.

Finally, I need to earn my pay… but my situation isn’t allowing for it yet and still need to rely on you guys for a few months. Unlike the past, I’m able to think more positively and have hope and conviction to become better. As I’ll mention later, I won’t be just sitting down here and take the money but continue to post about what’s happening with me and post more artwork.

Back to what I’m doing, I’ve been exercising, and finally got back to drawing a bit as seen in the attachment file. Just a sketch, but quite an improvement from just staring at the blank screen for hours or vomiting outright.

I’ve wanted to get back to drawing, but I couldn’t draw anything for a long time and it was really stressing me out. I guess that will be slowly going away from now on though.

But don’t worry if I’ll push myself too hard again like the last time. One step at a time and I’ve been burned enough to not to do so. It’s just a single sketch work done, and I know that this doesn’t mean everything’s all good to go and I should take a difficult schedule again and ruin myself. No, I’ll take things slowly and pace myself.

Starting again from simple sketches and move on to coloring, and then work on artwork with a background to get back to my sense of drawing again. After I’m sure I’m ready, I’ll take on the commissions and finally get back to Patreon.

Also, I’m definitely coming back to Patreon! I don’t have a defined date(as mentioned up top, I want to be sure), but I’m going to draw a short doujin and come back between the first two quarters of next year.

Several months isn’t exactly a short period of time, and doing nothing as an excuse for resting won’t do. As the purpose is for rehabilitation. I’ll do my best to make it up for everyone who’s been helping me out so much.

From now on, whenever I put down a notice of my recent activity, I’ll be posting a simple sketch, other personal works, and maybe finished commission(this has to be done with permission from the commissioner, however) to be uploaded on Patreon.

Also, since my goal now is to draw a doujin, whenever I could get some practice time, I need to draw some samples. One episode per month is the goal and I need to figure out how long I can make one, what kind of page composition is needed. Figure out things like this by actually drawing one. So I’m planning on what sort of stuff I need to draw for practice, what kind of theme I am going for. I get an urge to draw from time to time(but just wasn’t able to do so) so whenever I get an idea, I write it down.

Someone asked me about streaming some time ago, but it’ll be really difficult. I’m already really unstable just being alone, but streaming…

Some of the mental illnesses I have includes Anthrophobia and delusional disorder, and it’s a serious illness. Whenever I’m communicating with other people, if something goes a bit wrong and I feel damaged. I can’t get a hold of myself and all these weird and negative thoughts seep into make me feel miserable.

For example, if some just criticize me lightly, normal people would just get over it but I go full berserk on that thought and think everyone might hate me, or think that everyone who knows of me thinks as such. It puts me down to extreme stress. Which makes me isolate myself deeper and deeper.

Of course, I’m still sane and had experience with what the medical treatment could do before. This just happens all because of mental illness… but thinking like this doesn’t make the stress go away.

Therefore, it’ll be much much later that I’ll come back to the stream once more. It might look ridiculous but just trying to communicate with you guys actually requires me to be brave for once and put an effort to do so. I hope you guys will understand. Whenever I see the notification from Patreon that I’ve got a comment or message, my heart just starts to pound and I become scared, scared to read the actual message. So communicating with someone live or streaming will be very difficult.

So, that’s my recent news. I’ll be back around 2 weeks later, around the end of November or early December. If possible, I’ll try to draw a little picture of it.

As always, thank you, everyone.