A Strange Flow
Added 2022-03-26 19:33:44 +0000 UTCThis cycle is quite peculiar. I have expelled old, brown blood for a couple days now. It was until today that I finally induced an actual flow.
This cycle is very strange indeed. Times are very strange indeed.
I feel a sudden sense of excitement, yet I am afraid. Have you ever been on the verge of something grand, but there’s the sense of impending doom that follows? I’m not quite sure if this is a defining moment in terms of a career, or if this is simply my tendency to self-sabotage. You know, the irony about me is that I have a tendency to create havoc on purpose, in order to deter the good from happening. I’m tired of doing that, and all things must proceed.
With that being said, this flow that exits my body with relative ease is a metaphor for change. Maybe this a body change. Maybe the gray hairs twisting through my brown hair is my body’s way of welcoming an inevitably that even I cannot foresee. Sometimes it’s hard for me to admit I’m 32, when I feel more youthful and alive than I was at 22. The aging, the gray, even the blood that’s changing is a welcoming sign of things to come. And maybe aging doesn’t have to be a doomsday feeling; maybe my path…and your paths…are meant for a more enriched, season reality later on in life.
And as I feel the warm, succulent taste of uterus on my taste buds—I am reminded of the woman I am becoming.
It’s futile to fight change, and it’s even more futile to fight the wind that blows us towards the pathways that we have set before us.
Edit: this posted on 3:33. Holy. Fuck.
