Adjusting Jack?
Added 2024-08-10 10:41:46 +0000 UTCHello, everyone! How is your weekend going?
The time has come to go through book 1 of Hidden Class: Handyman and get it ready for publishing.
This is the last chance to make adjustments to the story, which brings me to the question: should Jack's narrative be adjusted?
Many people who start reading the story, read the first chapters and are thrown off by Jack's character. As a result, I've toned him down on the first few chapters to make him more likeable. But should I change him even further?
In book 1, I started Jack's story by painting him as an immature brat who is lazy because he has been shielded from a hard life, mostly by his mom. I wrote him this way, because I've seen this happen many times with youngmen I know. It's annoying, but it is how it is.
In book 2, the tone of Jack's character changes somewhat. He is a college dropout and is immature, but doesn't work hard because the one time he did he was disappointed with the lack of return.
Keep in mind that I'm not talking here about rewriting the story. Only to slightly adjust Jack's character.
What do you recommend?
Comments
Thank you so much for your comment. I really appreciate that feedback!
Cássio Ferreira
2024-08-11 14:54:50 +0000 UTCI understood when I started reading that Jack wasn't responding well to the constant barrage of criticism and 'assistance' that his environment offered. I've been watching and speculating that finally having uninterrupted time to make his own assumptions and decisions was due to a variety of factors that were mitigated by the opportunity to navigate almost in isolation in the game world. There was no one to blame or pick up after him. The structure of his interactions with other players began to provide a way forward and comprehension of social requirements. The fact that the majority of his social interactions were programmed forced him to adapt to the NPC's needs for behavior, another social lesson that may have been lost IRL as he saw it as a failure of people around him, rather than something he needed to adapt to. The simplified and accelerated ability to become proficient in crafts allowed him to get enough positive feedback on his skills and efforts to see that style of behavior as a long term strategy. He finds himself the only force in his environment to get what he needs and, I think, will bring back bits of that revelation IRL to make changes to the way he interacts and makes choices. So, no. Don't change Jack. Watching him learn, change and grow makes the story. Thanks for the story, I'm enjoying it - and your other stories - very much!
Summer Woodsong
2024-08-11 13:11:27 +0000 UTCYou should change it back to the original. This is a coming of age story. Regardless of ADHD, there are kids and young adults that have issues growing up and need to figure out how to find their way. This edit use ADHD as an excuse for a behavior set. If you choose to keep it, you are going to need quite a few more edits/editorial decisions. You would need to determine if Jack is on MEDS. Was his ex girlfriend aware of his condition? Will he take what he learns about himself in game to real world?
Blacklynx39
2024-08-11 12:00:17 +0000 UTCHi, Katherine. Thank you so much for that. That was very insightful.
Cássio Ferreira
2024-08-10 21:09:12 +0000 UTCThank you so much for sharing your input.
Cássio Ferreira
2024-08-10 21:08:36 +0000 UTCI've seen soooooo many people under 25 who are entitled and just don't seem to understand that their parents worked HARD to get where they are, and that they should have to work, too. I like the idea of Jack getting smacked a bit my reality and becoming a better person. Also, the more bratty he is at the beginning, the more room for growth. Watching him craft with Roth, I could see him remembering how he used to be and feeling his own journey.
ByLAWphoto
2024-08-10 17:45:27 +0000 UTCHonestly, I just started reading Handyman in the last month or so. I found his character understandable, if not relatable. I do think that in the latest chapters that he doesn’t show too much of the brattiness, besides that one time with older pottery gentleman that he was getting tips from. On one hand, it seemed like a good transition. You gave him challenges that helped him work through his character flaws gradually. He learned pottery and stopped being so grossed out by dirt, the pyramid challenges made him more respectful, learning the wheel made him more patient. He learned to appreciate the rewards of hard work in a progressive manner, and we can kind of see why Lydia liked him in the first place. Maybe that’s something you could focus on more. You’ve highlighted why he’s lazy. You should also highlight why he’s likable despite his flaws. Maybe like when he’s talking to his cousin or his mom? Show the sides of him that are positive. Otherwise, I thought his character progression was awesome and interesting.
Katherine McDaniel
2024-08-10 15:18:12 +0000 UTCI've edited this bit in chapter 1: They were speaking in Portuguese. Even though they had immigrated more than three decades ago, his parents still talked to each other in their native tongue. Jack avoided speaking his parent’s language because his cousins made fun of his accent, but he could understand it without a problem. "It's because of his disorder, honey." His mom was sitting down, cheeks flushed. She probably had been cooking in front of the stove. His father was still in his monkey suit, having just arrived from work. He was hunched over the table, holding his phone and pointing vigorously at it. "This stopped being about his disorder a long time ago, Maria. We can't keep turning a blind eye to his flaws and dismissing them as ADHD." "But it explains the job-hopping and why he quit college." “It's more than that." "And what about his music thing? That bad man from the studio broke his heart. We just need to be patient, give him time to recover, and all will fall into place." "No. I've been nothing but patient. What he needs now is to wake up. Please, back me up on this,” his father said. “But, honey. Things are different from when we were young.” “No, Maria. They’re not!” “I don’t want to put him through what we suffered. Wasn’t that why we came here? To give him a better life?” his mother tried. "I'm doing this to give him a better life!"
Cássio Ferreira
2024-08-10 14:20:52 +0000 UTCThat's a really good suggestion. I've actually written him as if he had undiagnosed ADHD. Perhaps, I just need to mention that in the first couple of chapters of the book.
Cássio Ferreira
2024-08-10 10:56:39 +0000 UTCMaybe write in Jack has minor ADHD or something that explains why he has trouble focusing on one thing for too long. It might make him more sympathetic.
Daniel Everest
2024-08-10 10:49:18 +0000 UTC
