Proppa - Hangin’ On [Patreon Exclusive]

Hey guys,

This is gonna be a TLDR post, so if you just wanna download the song, just know that it is highly emotional for me. I know a lot of ya are here for the tools but maybe you’re here for the feels too.

I made this song exactly 1 year and 3 days ago. I didn’t even realize until I went to open the project for a remaster and saw the date. I haven’t listened to or played it in a DJ set since the weekend I made it, it’s just been collecting dust.

On November 13th, 2021, I came home from a planned surgery on my ankle to repair torn ligaments. The surgery was successful, but when the anesthesiologist pulled a tube from my throat, my 5 fake front teeth (which were knocked out from an accident as a child) came out with it. I was sent home that morning doped up and unable to walk for 5 months, missing all of my top front teeth.

Exactly 2 weeks prior, I had broken up with my girlfriend of nearly 5 years. I was young when we started dating, she was a bit older than me and I was naive. No details necessary, she did things wrong, but I was a young, stupid, asshole and needed to grow up. Immediately after, I created and released my Missy Elliot and Glass Animals remixes, my angry and sad responses to emotional trauma. Those two remixes were the first time I’d ever started/finished 2 songs in the same week. I realized I was finally onto something.

That said, I went from being freshly single and thinking I was hot shit—to finding out I’d need a 5 month recovery AND to fight for new teeth, I was at my lowest of lows. The post-breakup depression immediately started kicking in.

On the day of surgery, I’m home and doped up a bit still. For the first time in weeks, I’m actually thinking clearly. Angry about everything, but doped up enough to think calmly about it. Basically, it wasn’t 5 months of purgatory. It was 5 months of improvement.

I can’t remember how this original sample came to me while I was doped up, I just remember the lyrics resonating with me at the time. If any of you have been in a relationship for half a decade, you know how hard it is to let go. These lyrics just fit the mood—and while I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on at 10:30AM that fateful morning, I pulled up my computer and produced this MFer in about 5 hours flat. Then later, that night, I made the Eminem - Ass Like That (Proppa Treatment) in about 4 hours flat. It was insane. I’ve never worked at that rate. So much emotional fuel.

I opened this project for the first time in almost a year over the weekend with the intention of updating the sounds and mix. As soon as I started playing it, I broke down into tears. I can’t tell you guys the last time I’ve cried, it all came out here. There's obviously severe personal attachment; but beyond that, I’ve come so fucking far since the day I made this—the day I vowed to change everything. My mixing abilities, my sound design, my songwriting, and my general knowledge in the DAW have all come so far. With all that in mind, I notched up the limiter and exported the song. THIS IS A RAW 2021 PROPPA TRACK. And I think it still bangs.

This career comes with more baggage, and more sacrifice than you realize. Throughout history, sacrifice has aided to manifest destiny. Becoming successful is really uncomfortable. If you’re not where you want to be in life but you’re somehow comfortable and happy every day, then you’re not moving in the right direction. We’ve all sacrificed sleep, health, personal relationships, and dignity to get where we are. Don’t ever let it go to waste.

That said, if any of you ever need to talk about anything beyond just producing music, I’m here. Our line of work is surprisingly treacherous to the mind. Thankfully, over my decade in this industry I’ve seen a lot, and I could help. We’ve lost so many too soon. Never be afraid to ask for help. I love you all so much.

Enjoy <3