Shake. Stir. Some Rattling. Lots of rolling. And falling. And falling....

You know, Moneyball, that movie with Brad Bitt, about Major League Baseball... it might be one of the best-looking movies I've ever seen. I've been working on colors for grading the documentary and this money kind of jumped out at me. So, I think I'm going to try for that look... and coincidentally, a long time ago, back when I was studying the GH5 camera and how to even hold it, much less color grade the footage that I wanted to shoot on it, I had found a video on Youtube that really embodied the perfect look for the idol documentary. Now, me and Masa, the editor I am working with currently on the documentary (our deadline is May 1st!), we both are shooting for that solid, crisp, beautifully detailed yet slightly muted contrast in every frame, so that the idols will really be seen in all of their glory.

Even though I'm still a lover and a sucker for super flat V-log. I dunno why... it just works for me in all kinds of ways that would probably make real documentary filmmakers and video editors shutter. But my eye knows what it knows, and my heart wants what it wants.

And my heart wants many, many things. 

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This week was another crazy week that begins to defy reason. I was just thinking about how on Monday, I am going to lose Avandoned on IU. And earlier this week, Necroma decided to part ways with IU. It was not anything bad, per se, just... me and Necroma have been on different paths for a long time and I think this is the final parting with us. Possibly for good, though I do hope in the future we will have a chance to enter into each others lives once again and do some more good in the idol community together. But probably ain't gonna happen.

That's okay though... I have SO many new groups I'm working with, and I'm so happy doing what I'm doing now, even though it keeps me beyond busy and also a bit worried, at times, of not growing enough in my business, or doing anything that is worth paying attention to, which I think scares all artists. I have been so busy helping artists and now it's finally my turn to be an artist with my documentary and yeah... it's just scary, man, to think half a year of my life put into the documentary and I won't have anyone giving a shit about it. But I also think the big issue is that I still am trying to really, really piece it together. It is MASSIVE, so it is not easy by any means, and I still have some logistical issues that need solved before I think I can really get rolling with the documentary at top speed. And so that pressure sometimes is difficult to deal with. That, and groups are leaving and disappearing faster than I can get my documentary completed. Just look at Avandoned, who were all over my documentary. I suppose I can include some of the film footage I'll be taking tomorrow at their final live and put that footage into my documentary, so in a way, that can complete Avandoned's story in my documentary. But that's one story out of about nine I need to tell in the documentary, and all without turning the documentary into the history of alternative idol, because that's not what I want to do at all. The balance for me is trying to find how to keep it purely focused on the main goal of the documentary, which was this personal examination of motivation behind the reasons for why these girls become idols, and also show the daily life and work of these idols as I've seen it, from the working side of things, not the fan side. I am having a rough time with making sure the documentary flows properly, and that needs established fast so me and my editor can really piece it all together. We'll get there, I'm sure. I hope. 

You know, it's weird to think that this week, I was worried about not getting that growth with my site, due to the aforementioned groups leaving IU (and some other groups deciding to set up their own sites and work with other foreign idol merchandise companies... strange moves I'm not understanding all that much but I support completely all the same), and now, with the start of this week, I'm going to be working with no less than 6 new groups! Possibly a LOT more, plus I'm going to be having a meeting to discuss creating a photobook for an idol I adore and at the end of the week, MAKING a photobook for an idol that is very close to my heart. Me and this idol have worked our butts off on preparing for this photobook to happen, and I am hoping that we can really nail it on Friday! I think we will. And if that wasn't enough, I'm also possibly going to be expanding to another part of Japan with another idol endeavor that I didn't see actually happening, until now, thanks to a dear friend busting HIS ass to make shit happen. AND, I'm getting this new site finished God damnit! I am working on it, but just keep getting occupied with all of this wonderful new expansion for IU! I couldn't be happier. Truly.

Well... no, that's a lie, actually. I COULD be happier. Here's why:

Today, I was invited to go to Satanic Punish's dance practice. I needed to check out their dancing for "Pray for Satan," their first single with the new lineup of five girls (four of who I believe have never been idols before). It was fun to watch the girls do their thing, and to see Mel, their leader and the girl with the death voice, lead everybody and just look like an idol who has been doing this for years. She's a natural. I finally got to see the new members working on the old Satanic Punish songs too. Everything was looking solid. Really solid.

While I was here, I also wanted to take cheki of Mel and Sari, since their chekis sold out on Idol Underworld this morning. So the plan was to take cheki of each girl, about 30 each. 

Yeah, that didn't quite happen. My camera kept jamming up. And finally it just wouldn't work at all. So, I pulled out my backup camera and... same thing. 

Both cameras (the Fuji Instax 90 and the other one which was a gift I was given on the European Tour last year with Necroma), completely fucking broke. 

So, I was able to get all but ten cheki of Mel, so at least the cameras lasted that long, but fuuuuuck man. It's so hard to get together with members and do this, and worse yet, I have SO many groups to take cheki of this week... why now? WHY DID FUCKING BOTH OF MY MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE SHIT CAMERAS HAVE TO BREAK ON ME NOW!!!!!

Fuck my life. I lost groups I care deeply about last week, then in the space of a day, gain like six new groups (and MORE still coming on board, potentially, this week!), and then not even having a chance to celebrate the rapid expansion of IU, and now I have to figure out what I'm going to do about not having a camera to take cheki of these new idols I'm going to be working with! 

Seriously, what the fuck am I going to do?

Here I am, asking you, I guess, to help me out. I mean, you've all demonstrated a willingness to help, so now, I REALLY need the help. It's an emergency. I need to get at least ONE camera by tomorrow night. So if any of you can help me... please let me know. I'm fucking screwed without these cameras. They are like my car, if I had a normal job and had to drive to work. No car=no work. This isn't the kind of job where I can "rent" a car or "borrow" a car... the instax 90 is close to 200 dollars. The other camera was like 70 dollars, I think, retail, when I looked it up. So I need around 300 dollars to get two cameras (the same setup as I have now). I went to a repair shop today to ask how much it would cost for both to be repaired and it's almost the same as if I were to buy them both new. The difference is that if I had them repaired, I wouldn't get the instax 90 back for a few weeks and the other one... at least a month.

Anyway, I don't expect anyone to just help me out of the kindness of their hearts. I mean, it would be great if you did, but I don't expect it, so instead, let me offer you this:

If you help me get at least the instax 90 camera, which is my main beast that I like to use (I rarely used the other one, except for when my battery died on the instax 90 and I had forgotten to charge the spare battery I have, which was only like twice in two years), I will offer you three chekis of A group or solo idol on Idol Underworld. Give me a list of up to five groups or idols you want a cheki of and I'll make sure you get them. And I'll even try to have the groups personalize the cheki in some way, or make them special in some way. I will pay the idols for the chekis too, so don't think they are just going to do this for me. That's about the best I can do, unless you guys have any other ideas? I'm open to another way of paying you back, but the chekis work the best for me, and sort of fit the spirit of what I'm trying to do here, you know? I hope that makes sense to you. So please, if you can, help out. Send me a message here or on FB or direct in email or on twitter... lets talk. I just need it SOON guys. Sorry but I'm super screwed without these cameras, as the cheki are the biggest selling items on IU, and also I need the camera for Merry Bad End's lives as well. 

In other news, I fixed the Patreon tier that used to have the V-log video. Since upload speeds here in Tokyo are fucking atrocious, I've decided to offer all of you up to five questions you can ask me about various topics (listed in the tier). I'll record an audio file and upload here for your listening pleasure, in which I'll answer all the questions asked in any given month. I can upload audio files very easily, so that is the compromise. You guys just won't get to see my ugly mug, but that's probably a good thing, right? 

I hope you like this idea. A good friend of mine and a fellow patreon and patron of IU suggested it, and I think it's a fantastic idea. Just send me the questions here at Patreon through the message system here, OR send directly to me in email, and I'll compile the list of questions and answer them at the end of the month. I'm looking forward to this, and I hope you will too!

Of course, you can always contribute to the other tier levels if you believe in what I'm doing and what to help me with things like me being able to pay my bills without needing a normal job so I can 100% focus on bringing idols to all of you out there who love idols. And also, work on my books. And also finish my documentary. And also study Japanese more seriously. And also make more photobooks. And also set up more shows. And also do more tours and create more festivals for idols overseas. None of these things I can do without your belief and trust and support. So yeah, help if you can. Even messaging some of these idol groups you want me to work with and telling them they should really take a look at Idol underworld and at me and give me a chance... it helps. It truly does. And I can't thank you all enough for doing all of that for me too. You are all the very, very best.

I have more to say, but later on that... this week, I'm sure, is going to bring a whole bunch of new, fun stories to share. But those posts will be back to not being free, like this one is. So please do consider supporting me here at Patreon if you can! I took like 300 plus cheki this weekend, and I think my camera finally decided to tell me to FUCK OFF and then decided to all it quits. I think all of you will be happy with those cheki though that I took. One of the members of one of the groups I took the cheki, she jumped way up in the air and had me snap the cheki mid-air... and I got it too. She had me do a bunch of other weird ass cheki, as it reflected her really.... unusual way of looking at the world (I'll tell you more about THAT encounter next time! She was rather funny and would not stop trying to speak English to me! She could speak about as well as I can speak Japanese, which isn't well at all! looool). 

Anyway, hope all of you are well. Stay happy. Stay idol. And we'll talk again soon!