Farewell and Forward, Onward

Last night was Kunogi Kenbishi's final performance as a member of Necronomidol. 

I was upstairs at Shinjuku Marz doing some filming for my documentary. For Necroma, it's tricky for me to film them in Tokyo because of the fact that Kunogi is leaving and also because it's hard to really focus on Himari, Rei, and Kaki, who I want to feature a bit more prominently in the documentary. The girls move around so much on the stage that to capture them all in their strongest moments on the stage... yeah, that was not easy. Also, I was told that I needed to film in a less... instrusive manner. My style and tendency of filming is to be up on the stage with the artists, to get right in their faces, to show you things that you don't see with fan cam recordings. Also, I feel it is important to capture the feeling on the stage when these girls perform. And also... I'm a one man army, so I think I can only provide so many shots and angles that hopefully when the editing process begins, the movie won't look like total ass shit because I will have capture a lot of great, moments that can be strung together to make my documentary look like a real documentary, instead of the reality, which is me constantly moving, re-focusing, testing out aperture depths, etc, during these shows.

Though I'm getting better at it. I know what I'm going after and getting things dialed in a bit quicker. I got a lot of great advice from so many of you and it's working out. So thank you for that.

Last night was not easy though for a different reason than my usual documentary filming issues. I was not particularly close to Kunogi, as I'm not close to any of the members in the traditional "Western" sense of closeness, BUT... I appreciated her a lot. For example, when she first joined Necroma back in January, she always made it a point to tell me "Otsukare sama," Which is something you say a billion times as a staff person to everybody working as staff or to the idols. It's a way of distinguishing you from a fan, and the moment I say that to idols in other idol groups, they identify me as staff and not as a fan (though many of them have this funny ass look in their face when they meet me for the first time and realize... oh wait... he's a foreigner working in the idol industry? Huh? Lol).  The best idols always and I mean ALWAYS will tell you "Otsukare sama," even if they walk by you casually on their way to the bathroom or something. But the idols that are a little more lost in their own heads backstage, or perhaps not as experienced, or perhaps don't care as much... they may not do this any other time except when first meeting you and saying goodbye at the end of the night to you. Or not at all (as is the case with SOME idols we've played with, but I won't say who). 

Kunogi wasn't like that. She was super nice to me always. I remember one show that was a band show and I was at the buppan table for hours manning it and trying to survive the long, long band/idol taiban, and at the end of the show, as all the Necroma members left, she made it a point to come over to me, which I was on the other side of the venue, and say "Otsukare sama." She had that great smile of hers plastered on her face, and you know, as a staff person, I love when these little moments happen between me and the idols. It's Kunogi's way of saying, "Thanks for putting up with such a long show." I never forgot that. Ever.

On the summer tour, me and Kunogi had many talks. It was crazy but... she kind of opened up to me about her life. I learned so many things about her. We just were always in the car together on drives. One night in particular, me, Kunogi, and Kaki were in the car driving to someplace (I forget where), and we had the talk of all talks. I mean... the three of us were cracking up to the point of tears talking about our lives, and it got super personal... that has never happened with Necroma and me in what... since 2017, when I first started working with them. The exception perhaps being that first tour in December of 2017, when me and Himari talked rather extensively about everything under the sun, and I also talked a lot with Sari about many, many things. But as I became more of a staff person and less of a fan, I realized... that's not my role, to be buddy buddy with them. In fact, it could send a wrong message to both the idols and the fans. I have zero interest in these girls romantically, as I often refer to them as my daughters. But it could be perceived that way if you weren't careful, so Ricky has taught me to keep my distance from every idol I meet, and especially the Necroma girls, who I work with so closely at times and spend nights with at Air BnBs. You have to keep that distance. 

But Kunogi and me... we broke that wall down a few times, and it didn't feel wrong or bad... we just have a lot of respect for each other. She's an amazing idol and a fun person to talk to about normal life stuff.  The second to last show she did, a few days ago, I had gone to Shimokitazawa station to meet up with the group, and both me and Kunogi were at the wrong exit. Everybody else was at another exit there. But until we found that out, we just talked about her life and what she is going to do next, and you know how that conversation started? She told me, out of the blue, that she was practicing guitar. She wants to learn how to play. I mean... she was always cool like that with me. We could always talk about anything and it was very easy to talk to her about anything. When the occasion called for it, of course.

I have other private memories with her from the summer tour, but they will remain private, simply because they are too personal. And no, it's nothing LIKE THAT. Don't even go there with your thinking. More like it was soldiers in foxholes, sharing life stuff before going to war. I hope that makes sense. I'll never forget those moments too. They will be some of my most cherished memories from working with Necroma. 

The final show last night... I dunno. I felt a lot of emotions. Mostly I was sad for Michelle, who Kunogi was like a surrogate mother to during their time spent together in Necroma. They came in together, replacing Sari and Hina, which was NOT an easy thing to do by any means. They supported each other and were pretty much inseparable all the time. I mean, really, they were best friends. You could tell they had a great chemistry together, being that they had that whole "we're in this together" mentality of trying to fit in with the other three girls in the group who are sooooo incredibly skilled and talented and have been doing Necroma for years. Michelle broke down onstage and was just... I felt tears coming to my eyes as I was trying to film and during the MC, when Michelle started crying, I don't think there were too many people who weren't feeling the same as her in that moment. Myself included. 

The fans were great though. During Starry Wisdom, it was awesome to see the Necroma fans actually doing a good job of lifting Michelle's top oshis, including the one girl who really organized so much of the birthday activities this evening. The screenshot I grabbed from my recording is right at the Kesha moment in Starry Wisdom, which Kunogi took over as HER song, which used to be Sari's song. The fans started to throw flower petals from the balcony down onto the floor, and you can see Kunogi looking up, tears kind of forming in her eyes, just... in that moment, you know? That is something I'll never forget either. This was the big moment for me in this show... the big moment for Kunogi. What a way to go out.

Skulls in the Stars was also rough, but more because the fans I think were getting a bit crazy. Himari's one oshi knocked into her during the final part of the song where each member gets a part to sing and they go up to the front of the stage. He rammed into her. It was an accident, of course, but it nearly knocked Hima over. And who was there to grab her and keep her from falling completely down?

Kunogi.

That sums it all up. 

I am not sure what is next for Kunogi. Or for Necroma. Lots of work for both, I guess. It will be weird to not see Kunogi anymore at Necroma shows, practicing, or being able to have little talks with her from time to time like I did. After the show last night, I shook her hand and told her good luck with her life, and that was it. It was kind of how it was with Sari, as Sari walked off into the streets of Shibuya her last night. Idols are here today, gone today, though in Kunogi's case.... I feel like she'll be with us a long time after her departure. I hope everybody will continue to support her, continue to give her encouragement. 

And Necroma too. We're going to need it now more than ever. Michelle needs a lot of love, so if you are a fan of Necroma, go on Michelle's twitter right the fuck now and tell her to stay strong! And the other three Necroma girls... please wish them all lots of love, as they now have to redo choreography for all the songs AND keep learning new song choreography. AND we now have to find that new fifth member, which the process has, of course, already begun.

For me, it's been yet another person I lost in my life this year. This one wasn't as personal, but still... I felt the sting a little last night, you know? I don't do well with loss. Physical pain is one thing, but how do you deal with the pain of a broken heart, which I'm still dealing with (though it's a little better, thanks to being so busy and not having time to think so much about what happened to me back in August)? I think you keep moving, and also keep appreciating what you have, before it isn't there anymore. 

To Kunogi: I wish you nothing but peace and love and success. I will always support you and your vision. And now, my energy and strength will go to supporting the Necroma girls who keep pushing forward and doing the Necroma thing, like only they can do.