Monkey Business -3- Eat Mud! - by Melanie Brown

Monkey Business Part 3

By

Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2023

“I am not a girl!” I shouted into the phone when I called Colin. “How can you say that? I mean, are you serious?”

Colin laughed. “Who is in that picture? It’s the girl in pink leathers that everyone is talking about, that’s who! Fess up!”

“Colin, are you high?” I asked, getting frustrated. “How many years have we known each other? You’re pissing me off, man. I can’t believe you’re talking like this!”

“I’m sorry… but listening to you right now while staring at this picture, I’m hearing a girt talk,” said Colin in a calm voice. “I never made the connection before.”

“That’s it!” I shouted, getting more and more angry. “I don’t care about what time it is. I’m going to come to your house, wake up your whole neighborhood and drop my pants.”

“Don’t do that,” said Colin. “I’ve seen you in the shower at PE. I know you’re not physically female. It’s beyond that.”

“You’ve looked at me in the shower? Seriously? And what do you mean ‘it’s beyond that’?”

“I was blind to it until I saw this picture,” explained Colin. “Now it’s undeniable you’re a girl.”

“You’re insane,” I exclaimed. “Look. You’re full of shit. I’m really tired, and I’m going to bed. Trust me. I’m not a girl. I’m hanging up now.” Colin was in mid-sentence when I disconnected the call.

*  *  *

“Say that again? I’m not sure I heard you correctly.”

I hadn’t been talking to anyone all week, I was so pissed off at everyone. Nick called me Friday night and said I needed to be over at his place before dawn again as the next race was going to be in Carlsbad, and it’s a three-hour drive. As we were loading up his truck, he started talking crazy again.

Nick said, “If you don’t want to, I can’t make you. But this is a great opportunity for both of us. You make some cash, and I get a sponsor, so maybe I can have a bike that’s not held together with chewing gum and bailing wire.”

“But you want me to be a model?” I asked incredulously. “In those pink leathers, with a tread mark up the back.”

Nick chuckled. “The cleaner got that out. But just listen for a second. The track’s owner has ties with several bike dealers and auto parts houses in the area. And he’s serious. He thinks your image in the pink leathers could move products. Everyone likes to look at a pretty girl.”

I frowned at the phone and said sourly, “I’m not a girl.”

Nick said, “Irregardless, he thinks…”

Interrupting, I said, “Irregardless isn’t a word.”

Sounding annoyed, Nick exclaimed, “Who cares? A group of people want to actually pay you money to hold a can of oil or pretend you’re pointing at something so they can make a cardboard cutout of you and even shoot a TV spot. I tell you, babe. You’re hot property right now. Everyone wants to know who you are. They want to see more of you. People ask me all the time about you. Locally, you’ve captured a lot of men’s imaginations.”

“You called me ‘babe’. I don’t think I like the idea of attracting men,” I said with disgust in my voice.

Nick shrugged. “It’s just role play. Give it some thought. No immediate decision, but the longer you wait, the more likely the money will go to someone else. Right now, you get money, I get a sponsor, and the track gets promoted. It’s a win all around.”

I frowned. “But everyone thinks I’m a girl.”

Shaking his head, Nick said, “Honestly, does it really matter? When you buff it down to the primer, you’re basically a nobody. Sorry, but let’s be honest here. You don’t have a girlfriend. Or any prospects. Nobody knows who you are except for a few of your loser friends at school. But right now, you’re a gold mine.”

I sat down on a box that’s been laying on Nick’s garage floor for months now and said, “If you think it’s so great, you wear the pink leathers and make the big bucks.”

Nick laughed uproariously. “That’s funny. No seriously. For starters, those leathers are way too small for me, and I’d just look like a dude in pink leathers. But you. You come off as a chick. Even now, you remind me of some of my ex’s when we argued about something. Which reminds me. We need to hit the road soon, so go change into your leathers so we can go.”

“I should just go home,” I said with a frown.

Nick punched my shoulder. “Hey man, we’re a team. Go change.”

I walked into Nick’s house and picked up the leathers he’d left laying on his couch. I was surprised. The tread mark up the back was indeed gone. They had a nice clean smell as well. I frowned at the leathers. I only agreed to do this because he said he was going to get someone permanent to be his monkey. I need to talk to him about that.  I sighed and changed into the leathers.

As I walked out into his garage, Nick was just putting away his cell phone. He looked over at me with a grimace. “Bad news, babe.”

I scowled at Nick. “Stop calling me that!”

He gave me a confused look. “Calling you what? Anyway, that was Johnson with the racing organization. The race today in Carlsbad has been canceled due to flooding. Half the track is underwater. Like three feet or more. There’s no other track the circuit can use today.”

Feeling disappointed, I said, “So that’s it? We just go home?”

Nick slid the sidecar from the pickup bed and set it on the garage floor, and slammed the tailgate closed before answering. He said, “If you want to come along, I can use your help. I think I’ll get in a motocross today at the local track.”

“Sure. I’ll go,” I said with a shrug. “I’ll just go change.”

Nick shook his head. “Naw, leave it. I was going to leave now anyway.”

“What are you talking about? The track doesn’t even open at this hour.”

Grinning, Nick said, “I was thinking of getting breakfast for a change at that little café near the track. It’s been years since I’ve had French Toast.”

Frowning, I said, “I didn’t bring any money with me since you said you were bringing snacks.”

Nick nodded. “I was going to pick up some stuff on the way out of town. But there’s a concession stand at the track. But don’t worry. I got you covered.”

“I’m not comfortable with you paying my way all the time,” I said, leaning on his truck.

Nick waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve said before, pretty girls don’t pay.” He got into his truck.

As I opened the passenger door, I said, “You’re not going to stop, are you?”

Looking puzzled, Nick asked, “Stop what? Get in so we can go.”

*  *  *

I was shocked to see so many vehicles at the café. And it looked to be mostly a racer crowd. I looked around and didn’t see many places left to sit.

The waitress walked to us and said, “Sit anywhere you can find a spot. Our last booth is over there by the window. And miss, I have to say, those are really cute leathers. Do you race too?”

Ignoring her calling me ‘miss,’ I said, “Usually, I’m his monkey in sidehack races.”

The woman smiled and said, “I don’t know what that is, but if you say so. Menus are already on the table.”

Nick pointed to the booth by the window. “That okay?”

I shrugged. “Good as any, I guess. We can watch it rain.”  We got sprinkled on as we approached the café. The local track wasn’t going to flood like the track in Carlsbad because of some rain. But it sure as hell is going to get muddy.

As Nick picked up a menu, he said, “Order whatever you want. I’ve heard this place is really good.”

I started to pick up a menu. I said with a grin, “Since you’re buying, I think I’ll get the Lobster Newburg and sixteen-ounce sirloin.”

Chuckling, Nick said as he waved his menu, “I don’t think they have that. I’m getting French Toast and two orders of bacon. And a beer.”

I shook my head. “You’re only nineteen, dude. Maybe an orange juice.”

Nick shrugged. “Maybe they don’t card here. Anyway, you’re probably right.”

After the waitress took our order, a guy I’d seen around the track walked up to Nick on his way out of the café. “Hey, Nick. That sucks about Carlsbad.”

Nick nodded. “Dude! Don’t you know it? I was really looking forward to racing there. But it’s hard to race in three feet of water! So I’m going to motocross here today.”

The guy pointed out the window in the direction of Nick’s truck. “On that thing? Good luck.” He looked over at me. “What’s your little girl gonna do? Ride on the back?”

Nick laughed. “Yeah, right. She’s my cheering section.” He chuckled again. I scowled at Nick.

The guy laughed. “I think you made her mad. See ya at the track.” He waved and left.

Fuming, I growled, “Why do you keep encouraging people to think I’m a girl?”

Before Nick could think of a snappy answer, our breakfast arrived. As the waitress set my plate down, she said, “Here you go, sugar.”

*  *   *

We sat in the truck. My hair was plastered down from being wet. I stuck my hand out the window. “I think the rain has stopped.” We were out in the rain when we unloaded Nick’s bike and stood around in the mud for several minutes.

Nick closed his eyes. “My race doesn’t even start for another thirty minutes. I’ll just take a quick nap.”

Before I could say something remotely clever, there was a tap on the truck’s door. I took a look, and it was Colin. I opened the door and jumped out.

Colin grinned. “Hey, Randi. I thought I’d catch you guys here. I heard about Carlsbad. And you look nice today.”

I lightly punched Colin on the shoulder. “Hey, Colin. Yeah, Nick didn’t want to waste a race day, so he came out to motocross.” How the hell do I process a boy telling me I look nice? I just mumbled a thanks.

Colin frowned. “That’s good. For me, it was a wasted trip out here.” That’s when I noticed he wasn’t putting his weight on his left foot.

I pointed. “Did you hurt your leg?”

Colin grimaced. “Yeah. It was really stupid. As we were unloading my bike out of the truck, I lost my grip and it fell on my foot. I don’t think I could race with this foot.”

Nick had gotten out of his truck and walked around to where we were. He said, “Don’t be a baby. I know guys who saw the casts off their broken legs so they can race.

Shaking his head, Colin said, “I just do this for fun. I just hope my foot’s not broken.”

“Well, that sucks,” admitted Nick.

Colin’s eyes lit up. “Randi, would you like to race? My 250 won’t be doing anything else today.”

I grunted a laugh. “That is definitely temping. But Mom’s given me a strict, no racing rule.”

Colin folded his arms. “Your mother ain’t here. Besides, she’s still punishing you for an accident you had on a bicycle! Time to move on, man.”

“I don’t like lying to my mom,” I said seriously.

Nick busted out a laugh. “Since when?”

I brushed the hair out of my eyes. “Crap, man. I’ve been itching to get in a race.” I bit my lower lip for a few moments while I concentrated on a nearby mud puddle. I said, “Hell. I’ll take you up on that!”

Colin grinned. “Cool! While you grab my bike, I’ll hobble over to the table and get you signed up. See you in a few.”

As Colin walked slowly away, Nick and I went over to Colin’s truck. We said hello to his dad and told him Colin said we could take the bike. He just nodded and popped open a beer. I’m not sure if beer’s allowed at the track.

As I pushed the bike back to where we were parked, Nick said, “That’s a nice bike. You should get your dad to buy you one.”

I grunted a short laugh. “Yeah, right. Mom will never let him buy one.”

Nick shrugged. “My sister cried and whined until our dad finally broke down and bought her prom dress. You should try the same tactic.”

I shook my head at Nick. “Maybe if I was trying to get a dress. But a bike is a different animal.”

“Won’t know until you try,” said Nick as he crouched down to inspect the bike more closely.

*  *  *

“You did what?” I’m afraid my voice went a little shrill as I yelled at Colin.

“Hey. I did you a favor,” said Colin. “And they said they needed one more rider for that class or they weren’t going to have it.”

Nick said seriously, “It’s probably good for you. You’ve never raced motocross. It’s different from BMX.”

Fuming, I snarled, “But the powder-puff class? That’s all girls!”

“So?” smirked Colin.

“I’m not a girl.” I folded my arms.

“Nobody believes you,” said Colin with a grin.

Nick said, “Don’t get your panties in a wad. Every one of those girls is an experienced motocrosser. You’ll have your work cut out for you. Plus, this gives you experience.”

“But powder-puff?” I groaned.

Colin said, “Girl, you’ll do great.”

“Cut it out, man. I’m not a girl.”

*  *  *

I’m sure I was quite a sight – Pink leathers, pink helmet, pink scarf around my neck as I straddled Colin’s 250 on the starting line. The girl on my left, who I learned later was named Becky, was the favorite to win. I’ve watched her race in some of the other classes. She could give Nick a run for his money. The girl on my right is also a tough competitor. I’ve got my work cut out for me. Seriously, these girls are good.

My focus was on the rubber band stretched in front of us. The course is the same as everyone else races on. And today, it was especially muddy. At the bottom of one hill was a six-inch deep pool of water that, from the previous races, had become a pool of mud. My muscles tensed as I snicked the transmission down into first, holding the clutch and revving the engine.

The rubber band snapped, and I revved the engine and let out the clutch. At first, my front wheel came off the ground as my rear wheel showered anyone behind me with mud. I was leading off the line, but as we came into the first turn, Becky cut in on my inside and showered me with mud as she gained distance from me. I couldn’t see a damned thing and managed to pull the plastic tear-off on my face shield so I could see.

Kat was trying to catch me on the right, but I managed to stay ahead of her. I sailed over the washboards and managed to grab some air on the rise on the end of the washboards. I thought I saw Colin getting close to the track, but I had to stay focused.

Becky and I both hit the bottom of the hill together, showering each other in muddy water. She managed to pull away again. Kat was too far back to worry about. I tried to will my bike to go faster as I powered around a berm, staying right on Becky’s tail.

As we came around the last turn that started the second lap, the bike almost slid out from under me as I drug my foot through the mud. That cost me some precious time, and Kat managed to pass me. I was able to catch her on the washboards. As I approached the hill, I saw Colin holding his phone, ready for a picture. I hit the hill hard and launched into the air. I crossed up the bike and took my hand off the handlebars long enough to flash Colin a V-sign. I managed to grab the handlebar just before I slammed back onto the track. Showing off cost me as Kat roared past me again. We both gained on Becky as she almost missed the turn.

Kat and I kept trading places throughout the race. All three of us were starting to look like mud-men. As we crossed the finish line, it was Becky, me and Kat and whoever the hell was after Kat.

The rest of the afternoon was much the same. Just back and forth, back and forth, but with Becky almost always in the lead. The three of us managed to shut out the rest of the pack. Well, the rest of the pack was just two other girls. Did I just say “other girls”? I managed to win one heat, but other than that, it was Becky’s show. Overall, I finished second, which isn’t bad for my first time out. But still, I got beat by a girl. And in Nick’s open class, he managed to snare third place overall. The local dealers would provide a cash prize for anyone placing on one of their brand of bikes.

After the last race, Becky walked up to me as I was pushing my bike back to the pit area and lightly punched my shoulder. “Great race, girl! I really had to work for it.”

I laughed. “I’ll be ready for you next time.”

Kat pointed at the officials' table. “They’re putting the trophies out. I’m sure each of us three got one.”

We started walking over to the table as the trophies were being set out. All the racers were walking that way too. The track had hired a trophy girl. That was a relief. I didn’t want to kiss any more cheeks if I didn’t have to. The model they hired was hot. Long legs and wearing go-go boots, miniskirt and big boobs and long hair. A definite improvement over me handing out trophies.

After most of the trophies had been handed out, the race official stood up on the table and said, “Today, we had a special class that was just for the ladies. We have three trophies to hand out. Where’s Colin? Hey, since you had a hand in organizing this class, why don’t you give these young ladies a thrill and hand out the trophies for them? That’s right. Get your butt up here.” There was a little cheering as well as clapping for Colin.

Colin got up on the table. He said, “Thank you, thank you. It will certainly be my pleasure to present these trophies to such well-deserved winners. The first trophy to be presented goes to Becky Stein. Don’t let her size fool you. She’s one badass on the track. Becky, come on up here.”

As she got up on the dais, Colin handed her a very nice trophy. “For first place overall in the powder-puff class, I’m more than pleased to present you with this trophy.” Colin then bent over and gave Becky a big kiss on her cheek. A shock of cold bolted down my spine. Colin is going to kiss me.  He patted Becky’s butt as she jumped down from the dais.

Grinning broadly, Colin said, “Next, we have a first-timer riding her own bike but certainly not a new face around here, Randi, come on up and get your trophy. This one you don’t have to share with Nick!”  I stepped up on the dais amid applause and cheers. Colin held out the second-place trophy for me. I looked stonily out at the audience and whispered, “Okay, Colin. Let’s get this over with.” I closed my eyes. It’s just on the cheek, but still…

As Colin leaned down for the kiss, he said, “Hey!” That caused me to turn my head to look over at him, and that’s when he planted his lips squarely onto mine.  Aargh! I’ve been kissed by a boy! His lips lingered on mine for a few moments. His lips were warm and soft, and the kiss felt actually kinda nice. Have I lost my mind?? I opened my eyes and pulled away from him. Colin was grinning at me.

The race official said, “I guess we should have expected that to happen at some point. Carry on, Colin.”  Colin patted my butt as well as I jumped off the dais.

Colin then announced Kat’s third-place win and handed her a trophy. She got a kiss on the cheek. Colin then shouted, “Let’s hear it for all three of these girls and the great job they did!” After the applause, Colin jumped down from the dais.

I walked up behind Colin and growled low, “What the hell was that about? Why did you do that?”

He actually slid his fingers down my cheek. “I wanted to kiss you. Damn if you aren’t the most beautiful girl here.”

In a low whisper, I snarled, “I’m not a girl.”

Colin flashed a smile. “I say you are.”

I frowned. “And I say you’re crazy!”

Colin’s face darkened. “Fine. Hand your trophy to me. We’ll go to the officials and tell them you fooled all of them and that you cheated at a girl event when you’re a boy. You’ll be banned from the track. Hand me the trophy.”

I held the trophy close to my chest. “No. It’s mine. I won it.”

Colin folded his arms. “But you said…”

The race announcer started to walk past us. He looked at Colin and I with a quizzical look. He asked, “Is everything okay between you two? Miss, you look upset.”

I said, “I’m fine.”

Colin said, “I’m fine.”

The announcer chuckled. “I guess you’re both fine.” He started to walk away but apparently had a thought and turned back towards us. “Oh. I have a question for you, miss. I was wondering if, while you’re still covered in mud and dirt, if our track photographer can get a few pictures of you. These pictures are independent of what Nick told you about. Have you decided anything about that?”

I shook my head. “Not yet.”

The man nodded. “Don’t take too long. Some of the staff think we should go with Candy. That’s who handed out the trophies today.  But most of us would rather hire a girl who’s not only beautiful, but knows about getting down and dirty in a race. Anyway, think about it.”

I said, “I will.”

He just called me beautiful. Colin called me beautiful. What’s wrong with these people?

Looking puzzled, Colin asked, “What was that about?”

I shrugged. “The track wants to use me for advertising. Stupid, huh?”

Colin’s eyes lit up. “Randi! I think that’d be a great idea!”

A woman in jeans and t-shirt and carrying an expensive-looking digital SLR approached. “Hi. Randi, right? Spencer sent me over here to get a few pictures of one of our motocross girls. You know, girl. You’re a natural beauty. You’d be perfect for our advertising.”

Colin said, “Oh, I think so too!”

The woman looked over at him and asked, “And you are…?

Colin slid his arm around my waist. “I’m her boyfriend.”

Shocked, I said, “What??”

End of Part 3