All Right! Fine! I’ll Take You! – Zaimokuza Gaiden – Chapter 14

‘I’ll be waiting for as long as you need me to,’ I told her.

Which sounds grand. Noble, even. Maybe a bit stoic. A proclamation about enduring no matter the circumstances. It’s the kind of line the heroine says to the departing hero when he sets on a journey where death is the most likely option.

It’s also, I’ve come to realize, a very stupid thing to say when it means staying outside, in the middle of winter, just by the side of the entrance to a park and having nothing else to do other than obsessively check my phone while also trying not to spoil myself on any of the shows I’ve missed due to my increased socialization over the past few days.

Even Inner Hachiman has given up and gone to rest for a while, unable to keep up with the torrent of mental energies that rush through me at this lack of outer stimulation.

‘I told youI was just fed up with you not deciding on whether the bird people would think the Ostrich and Penguin tribe were outright heretics or just sadly deprived of the gift of flight.’

It’s a pivotal piece of worldbuilding! You can’t expect me to rush on matters of such import!

‘And you can’t expect me to stick around while you whiffle and waffle on that rather than take a broader perspective to focus on the issues that really matter—’

I won’t set on any other character designs before the world is solidly built! Waifus don’t trump setting!

‘Then you’re a fool!’

It’s a matter of principle—

‘It’s ignoring the whole Fate formula!’

I am not writing doujin fodder!

‘Not with that attitude!’

“Oh, so that’s what she meant,” a young woman’s voice says, seamlessly intruding upon my heated discussion.

“Uh?” I answer with my best, most charismatic line—according to my sister.

At my side, just having emerged from the park where we set her ambush, the slightly tomboyish (athletic, scrapped knee, wild hair—come on, she’s just lacking a tan!) Mika Saotome looks at me with obvious amusement.

Yes. Saotome. Apparently, it’s a prominent family of aikido practitioners.

And so are the Tendo.

… Reality is weird.

“Are you going to keep staring at me like that? Because maybe I should tell Minami—”

“No staring! Sorry, my apologies, I deeply regret my actions!”

“… Oh gods, you two aremade for each other.”

I beam at her.

“That wasn’t a compli—never mind. It feels like kicking a puppy.”

“You are the second person to tell me that in as many days, and I’m starting to feel concerned.”

“Don’t be. Girls like puppies,” the lady Minami’s erstwhile comrade says with a wink and a cheeky grin.

… I think some foul operative from the Organization may have set fire to my cheeks.

‘Or maybe, just maybe, you’re blushing like a Saika in love.’

That sounds like dire slander, Inner Hachiman. Also, like the kind of thing that may draw the lady Minami’s ire.

‘So, more make-outs?’

The non-funire.

“Ahem! Anyway, I apologize once again for having called you to this place with so little warning! I trust your reunion went better than you anticipated?” Is this a non-awkward way to inquire about this? I really don’t know the appropriate level of etiquette to display to someone whom I forced to confront deep childhood trauma.

My sister insists nothing short of a suicide note will ever be enough. Then she got mad when I told her I wouldn’t ask such extreme measures from her, but that a heartfelt apology would still be appreciated.

Unreasonable woman.

“It’s… You know, in some ways? It’s like nothing ever happened. And then I remember how much it hurt, and I just have to put up this front so I don’t scream at her and—sorry. Didn’t mean to unload on you.”

“No, no, it’s the least I… I’m sorry, I truly am for intruding and forcing the issue, but I could tell how much it was eating at her.”

Miss Saotome looks at me askance before grinning.

“You could, uh?”

“I mean… She almost broke down when trying to tell me about her thing with ki—”

“She did what?”

“A guided meditation? Or visualization, whichever nomenclature you both feel more comfortable with—”

“I—she told you about me—”

“What? No, I just… well, she obviously assigned a great emotional weight to her practice, and it was obvious she—”

“Zaimokuza… Do you mean to tell me you deduced my whole existence and relationship with Minami just because she got mopey about ki?”

I tilt my head to the side and look at her.

“Isn’t that normal?”

She looks blankly at me before demurely hiding her face with her right hand.

‘Also known as facepalming.’

Sure, if you want to take all the fun out of it.

“And she says you’re unobservant…” Miss Saotome mutters.

“I mean, she’s not wrong—”

“I’m going to write down this whole conversation for when you two have kids.”

“I-uh—I mean, if the eventuality ever comes to pass—not that she would—”

A hand that shouldn’t feel half as heavy as it does slams down on my shoulder, and Miss Saotome stares straight into my eyes.

“Go in there. She most definitely will.”

Then she takes a weird diagonal half-step that I wish I could properly describe for the next time I dabble in martial arts rom-com, slides behind me, and pushes me into the park.

I turn my head back as I stumble, and Miss Saotome has vanished.

… So friggin’ cool.

‘So, about my idea for a nomadic ostrich-girl who specializes in kicking techniques, dressed in leather shorts and a black vest with a feathered collar—’

Right. I can see the merit.

‘And the model.’

Yes. That too.

‘Though maybe you should look at Minami rather than be visibly astounded by her female friend. Just a thought.’

As usual, Hachiman, your insight and dominion over the battlefield of Love that is War is clear and evident.

‘Focus.’

Right.

And, well, it’s not like it’s an onerous task.

Because in front of me, seated on a green wooden bench beside a small concrete fountain, the Lady Minami is looking at me with eyes full of emotion.

Which emotion, precisely, remains to be seen.

So I take a step forward, and, seeing as she doesn’t bare her fangs, dare to take a few more until I’m standing in front of, and over, her, a small (and very appropriately timed) gust of wind rustling my trench coat as I stop.

“My Lady Minami, I—”

“Kneel,” she demands.

I blink down at her.

“Excuse me?”

“Kneel. I told you to kneel.” Her tone is harsh enough that it’s quite obvious she wouldn’t appreciate me asking for further clarification.

I look down. The park’s ground is packed earth, the kind people seem to think kids enjoy playing in, not realizing how much it hurts when the little stones dig inside skinned knees—or perhaps realizing it but thinking it builds character or some such. I don’t know. Adults are weird.

My sister should be proof enough.

The point is that it’s clean enough that, were I to kneel on it, I would only need to brush my pants off to wipe any traces, so it’s not like I have any reason not to do so.

I look back at the Lady Minami’s steely gaze.

“If you’re going to ask me…” she drifts off, a light blush on her cheeks. And then she continues in a barely audible whisper that makes my heart race. “If you are… kneel.”

I kneel.

It takes her a moment to look back at me, straight into my eyes, unless I’m inadvertently pulling off that whole, ‘glasses glaring in the dim light’ thing.

‘You most likely aren’t. You haven’t asked Shigeru for tips.’

And I shall never do so!

‘Right, because being too prideful to ask for advice has always worked so well for you. Also, shouldn’t you be saying something right now?’

Right. Right, I just need to steel my heart.

“My Lady Minami… Would you… Would you, with this unworthy man…” Ah, damn it, just say it already! “Will you marry me?!”

She blinks.

Then blushes.

Then starts hyperventilating.

“What the fuck?!” she finally says.

“You told me to kneel! And to ask you!”

“I thought you were going to ask me out!”

“I was, but one usually doesn’t bend the knee for such requests!”

“One doesn’t ask to marry a girl they aren’t even dating!”

“Oh, you want me to do this in order—”

“No! Not the point! We haven’t even graduated!”

“Ah, so you want me to wait a—”

“I wanted to make you pay for making me go through that whole thing just because you can’t even conceive of a not dramatic way to develop our relationship! Marriage isn’t on the table!”

“Oh. Oh, that’s such a relief…”

“And what. Is that. Supposed. To mean?”

The Lady Minami glares at me with unbridled fury barely disguised by a thin layer of frost.

…

I can see where this is going.

But I feel like introducing some variety.

I grab the collar of her blouse and pull her down to me before holding her nape and assaulting her mouth, my tongue pushing between her lips as soon as she lets out a surprised gasp, and she slides down the bench to straddle my lap as her arms surround me and she presses her chest against mine.

Then I grab her below her thighs, stand up, and sit on the (still warm with her heat) bench while keeping her on my lap.

“Uh?” she finally says when she comes back for air.

“I hope you don’t mind that I decided to skip a few steps,” I tell her with what I very much hope isn’t a smug grin—though the tightness in my cheeks makes it very unlikely my hopes will bear fruit.

Still near me, her hot breath wafting up in barely visible clouds, the Lady Minami blinks.

Then experimentally shifts her weight and suddenly stops.

“You are hard. You are hard again. Why do you always get hard when we argue?”

“I feel it is a very unfair question to ask when what follows your fury has already been thoroughly established by this point.”

“That will teach me to try and put you in your place…”

“What?”

“The whole kneeling thing.”

“My place is in front of your barely parted thighs when you wear a short skirt?”

Slowly, very, very slowly, Minami looks up from her own lap to my eyes.

“What did you just say?”

“Well, you told me to kneel while in front of you, and you were sitting down—”

“Did you—did you just catch a damn panty shot?”

“I mean, not for lack of opportunity—”

“Did you avoidcatching a damn panty shot?!”

“Make up your mind, woman!”

“Fine! Yes!”

It looks like now’s my turn to slowly blink at her.

“Yes?”

“You heard me! Yes!”

“What—‘yes’ to what?To me getting a panty shot—”

“Yes! I’ll be your girlfriend!”

Once again, I’m stunned speechless.

‘As far as ominous signs of the oncoming apocalypse, this is one of the most pleasant ones I’ve heard about.’

Shut up. I’m panicking.

‘Me too. I do it with snark.’

Oh. I hadn’t noticed.

‘… I can’t even tell if that’s deadpan or not.’

“You… you will? You will go out with me?” I finally ask her, and not just because I want to leave Inner Hachiman in suspense.

For a moment, the sound of water irregularly splashing against concrete as the upwards stream sways to the slight winter breeze is the only thing that fills the small park. Asides from my thundering heart, I mean.

And then steel eyes pierce my own, and she smirks.

“No. You will go out with me. For as long as I allow you to.”

There’s fire in her voice, one I suspect had been hidden too long. One that, at times, is still barely more than a trembling candle. One that I want to see roar and blaze.

“You have my word,” I answer.

And then I kiss her until winter can no longer touch us.

***

Walking down the crowded street toward the train station with my actual, official girlfriend holding my hand is a novel experience.

Truth be told, it’s not that different from doing it with my not-yet girlfriend, because everything’s still new, and raw, and I can’t quite believe it, and…

There are quite a few ‘ands.’ An inelegant sentence structure, truth be told, but one that I feel conveys my current mental state.

‘Overwhelmed with a chance of horniness?’

Must you be so crass, Inner Hachiman?

‘I am a product of my environment.’

… I deeply apologize. For everything.

‘At least you know what you did.’

Yes. Which also slightly contributes to my current mental state, because I can’t help but notice…

The Lady Minami’s fingers are interlaced with mine, my left glove removed just so I can fully feel my palm engulfing hers, our shared heat enough to beat the slight chill of the increasingly late hour.

And we are both sweating.

Something I can perfectly understand when it comes to my own self, because the events of the day have both left my nerves thoroughly wrecked with relieved anxiety and because I have a hot, busty redhead—I mean, because I hold in my hand a vision of fierce beauty.

But… She’s alsosweating.

And pulling me along.

And she hasn’t told me where we are going.

So my mind is running a mile a minute, though most of those miles keep circling around the very same spots, and I don’t really know whether it would be appropriate to ask or if I should just go along with it and let the silence drag on even though it’s clear both of us are getting increasingly nervous the more it stretches—

“Hey, Yoshiteru—”

“Oh, thank fuck!”

…

This may not have been the best reaction to her breaking the status quo. Not with the way some passersby are now glaring at us after my outburst—relieved exclamation.

I would also remark on the Lady Minami’s own glare, but, really, at this point? I think it would be easier to remark on the lack of it. Whenever it comes to pass.

“So,” she starts, tone as frozen as I think she can manage (to a degree that makes it blissfully obvious she has never asked for a Yukinoshita apprenticeship), “if I could speak to you like a normal person for just a moment…”

“I shall endeavor to allow you the chance, but you shall make some effort of your own.”

“… Are you teasing me?”

“I don’t know. Is it ‘normal’ for lovers to tease each other?”

She looks at me. And blushes.

…

“Not like that! I meant it as the casual jest proper between two close souls! Nothing untoward was meant!”

Her fingers tighten around mine.

“And if I did?” she asks with a barely audible voice that makes me lean over her instinctively.

“If you… did?”

She looks up at me, eyes wide, lips barely parted in an almost pout.

“If I meant… something ‘untoward?’”

I swallow.

Then lean further down.

“My Lady Minami, I am unsure of your meaning…” I manage to say through suddenly dry lips.

As her only answer, she tilts her head to the side, pointing toward something.

And my eyes follow the gesture toward one of the very things I had been trying not to think about.

A love hotel.

I look back at her.

She nods.

And I try to take a deep breath as the street seems to swirl around me, and only one single thought anchors me to the present enough that I don’t faint, if only because of the dawning horror:

I need to come up with an excuse to tell my sister why I’m not coming home tonight.