All Right! Fine! I’ll Take You! – Zaimokuza Gaiden – Chapter 5

Under the bracing chill of wintry noon, I raise my gaze to the sky following the trajectory of the beverage held in my hand. The sun shines down upon me, likely glinting off my glasses in a way suited to traumatize a teenage robot pilot, and, surrounded by my sworn comrades, gathering their strength to bolster my own superlative powers, and sharing our meals in the ancient compact of hospitality, I conclude there are no other words I can say save for these:

“We three, though of different families, swear brotherhood, and promise mutual help to one end. We will rescue each other in difficulty; we will aid each other in danger. We swear to serve the state and save the people. We ask not the same day of birth, but we seek to die together. May Heaven, the all-ruling, and Earth, the all-producing, read our hearts. If we turn aside from righteousness or forget kindliness, may Heaven and Human smite us!”

Satisfied that I have properly delivered the solemn oath with my imposing, deep baritone (I need to check out other words to describe men’s voices—is that tenor thing only for opera?—but meanwhile I will settle for ‘baritone,’ as its refined sound pleases my sensibilities), I lower my head from the Heavens that have witnessed mine pledge to contemplate my now actually sworn brothers. Saika has that uncertain smile he usually wears when unsure of how to reply to Hachiman’s beastly urges, and my kinsman himself is muttering as he covers his disturbing eyes (thankfully) with his hand.

About as expected. Next time I’ll do better! Onward, Yoshiteru, never falter in your attempts to motivate your vassals!

“Uh… I don’t know about dying, but I… appreciate the sentiment?” Ah, Saika’s smile is truly a balsam for those—

“That was the Oath of the Peach Graden, from the Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Basically, fatty needs help (something that any qualified therapist may have been screaming at the top of their lungs for years) and is now emotionally blackmailing us into lending it.” Ah. Yes. A balsam for that. Must thy tongue never be stayed, Hachiman? Is that how you met your end centuries ago, by mouthing off to someone you shouldn’t have?

Wait, that makes perfect sense! That must be the karmic bond that ties you together with the demon Yukinoshita!

“I’m gonna hit you,” he says with no more regard than one announcing they are in the mood for an evening stroll.

“Whyyyyyy?!” I answer with aplomb and composure that befits one of my station.

“You had that look in your eye. You know the one.”

At that baseless accusation, Saika chuckles in his… confusing yet gentle manner.

“You two are such good friends. I’m kind of jealous.”

At the words said in the mellow tone of a maiden addressing her secret paramour (hopefully without a ridiculous, convoluted plot to use poisons to fake their deaths—that English guy is such a hack), Hachiman’s face reddens in a way that certainly befits the blood shed by the God of War. Is this a sign that he’s about to acknowledge the deep bonds that—

“Totsuka—” my kinsman begins what is sure to be a proclamation of loyalty from beyond the confines of the grave.

“I told you to call me Saika!” the third member of our gathering interrupts, causing Hachiman to further redden in what is undoubtedly the rage felt by one whose dignity has been infringed upon. Surely.

Maybe?

Not. Not at all.

“Right, sorry… Saika.” Hachiman! Dost thine eyes have to tender such? Dost thy heart need soften like snow come spring?! “I… What was I talking about?”

“The deep bonds that tie us which no mortal shall ever tear asunder—” I start to helpfully explain.

“Ah. Right. Saika… I am deeply sorry, but it looks like Zaimokuza may be infectious. You should take a moment to reflect so that you can get back in touch with reality before spouting further nonsense.”

“Whyyyyy?!”

“Because you can’t stop crying out at the top of your lungs, for starters. Indoor voice is a thing, Zaimokuza. Look it up.”

“But we are outdoors?” Truly, an indoor voice. Such a bewildering notion.

“Barely. Even as the air of the yard invigorates us with the hint of nature, we remain within the confines of the dreaded—gods fucking damn it!”

And Saika giggles in his demure way, covering his soft smile with the very edge of his sleeve. Truly, I shouldn’t think ill of my sworn brother, but maybe if he stopped so shamefully flirting, Hachiman might be able to string more than a single coherent sentence in his presence. Surely that would further the chances for a successful union?

Wait, as they are both my sworn brothers, would that be incest? And, as it is non-blood related, could it still be published?

Hachiman, likely uncaring of the dilemma he has brought to me, sighs and looks straight at me with a passionate gaze that—no. Hachiman, that is for Saika, not for the likes of me.

I mean, Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei were said to be close enough to share a bed on occasion, but I always thought that was Platonic.

Wait, wasn’t Plato Greek?

“Spill it before you give yourself an aneurysm,” my kinsman intrudes upon my thoughts.

“Is homosexuality Platonic?” I concede to his demands.

And he splutters. Truly, he is ever so hard to please.

“Your problem! The reason why you called me yesterday and asked the three of us to have lunch! What you wanted to talk about!” Ah! That is what he meant. Truly, how devoted he is to my wellbeing to get so excited over the issue.

“Ah… I’m not sure I…”

“What is it with Sagami this time?” And now it is me that splutters. It must be a sympathetic thing.

“Sagami?” Saika asks with all the confusion and timidity of a rabbit peering out of her burrow.

“Yeah, they seem to be having some sort of torrid romance or something going on.”

“Hachiman! How dare you trample upon my oath of secrecy just because of the insight our bond—”

And now he’s staring at me.

And very pale.

And Saika giggles, apparently finding a whiff of humor in the situation I’m unable to discern.

“Wait, how far have you actually—”

“Mine lips are sealed!” And, remembering exactly how they were sealed yesterday around this time, I blush like a Saika in love.

Maiden. I meant maiden.

“Right… So, you were going to consult with us about something you have been sworn to secrecy.”

“… Yes?”

“And doesn’t that strike you as something that may entail certain logisticaldifficulties?”

“I was counting upon the silent sharing of insight and support sworn brothers—”

“Zaimokuza, stop saying ‘sworn brothers’ every other sentence before I tell you about Cain and Abel.”

“Ah, a reference to the exotic tales of the West. How chuuni of you.”

Hachiman’s mien acquires an interesting purple tonality just as Saika’s giggling hits a sweeter note. Truly, the two phenomenons may be unrelated, but serendipity is a marvelous thing.

“So, you have a girlfriend, Yoshiteru?” Such a gentle, caring smile. No wonder my kinsman has become so besotted with one who so readily bestows it upon him.

“I… Don’t think so? The lady Mina—Sagami has sworn me to secrecy, so I doubt she—”

And suddenly, all air is cut off from my throat, a mysterious, oppressive power depriving me of speech as a force without known cause pulls me up from my seat and strangles me like a science fiction samurai knockoff.

“I’m borrowing this,” the leaden tone of the lady Minami comes from behind me and—

Oh, she’s pulling my shirt’s collar.

And dragging me away. While strangling me.

Panicked, I shoot a glance to my brothers, only to see Saika hesitating and Hachiman laying a gentle hand upon his shoulder. Surely, salvation must—

“Let it go, S—Saika. He surely deserves what’s about to happen. Maybe now we will be able to eat lunch in peace.”

And Saika turns toward him with yet another soft giggle, and Hachiman smiles hesitatingly as he, once again, displays his brilliant mastery of tactics in both the fields of battle and romance.

Curse your sudden and all-too expected betrayal, Hachiman.

See if I lend you that blu-ray box of Jojo now…

***

“So?” she asks, her tone implying I should know what she’s asking about.

“Uh…” I reply, mine stating I most certainly don’t.

“Did you have to go bragging to your friends straight away?” Her arms are crossed under her big—crossed. Just crossed. And her eyebrows imperiously raised. Like her boobs by her arms.

Dammit!

“I did no such thing! Mine honor won’t allow me to besmirch a lady’s reputation just to bolster my own!”

“They just asked you if you had a girlfriend! And I certainly hope they weren’t talking about your figurines!” She saw?! Heavens, why hast your mercy forsaken me!

“Hachiman divined what haunted my troubled heart; I am not to blame for the preternatural insight of my kinsman!”

My words seem to have struck a chord because Minami pauses in her invective to massage her temples. She must have understood how unfair her accusations are after my impassioned plea and is now pondering how to best apologize to me.

Given that we are now on the same roof as yesterday, I may have some ideas.

… Gentlemanlyideas. Certainly not Platonic.

I may have to look that word up later, just in case.

“Yoshiteru, I swear to Sukunahikona I am this close to needing prescription-grade painkillers.”

“Oh. Is it that time of the month?”

And now I have a fist buried in my belly.

“Wh… Why?”

“The fact you even need to ask means this may become a regular occurrence.”

“Isn’t the gentlemanly thing to care for the afflictions of the fairer sex?”

“First, if you think girls are ‘fairer’ than boys, you are in for a rude awakening. Second, if we are ever at a point where I ask you to buy me tampons, I will make certain you know—what are you even making me say?!”

“That you use tampons rather than pads? I think my sister—”

“No! No, I don’t need to know about your sister’s habits when it comes to—and why would you even know?”

“Oh, she asked me to buy—”

And now there’s a hand covering my mouth.

Would it be presumptuous of me to infer Lady Minami is far too fond of laying hands upon my person?

“Why are you like this?” she asks, her passionate feelings leading her to wonder about the true nature of the man that took her first—

Ah, wait. It was she that took my first kiss, not the other way around.

… Kyaaaa?

“Don’t even try to answer; I am just enjoying the silence,” she states, her hand not moving from its resting spot.

So I kiss it.

“Kyaaaaa!” Ah, that sounds much more natural coming from her, certainly. She seems to have a talent for it.

Minami has now jumped two steps away from me, her hand cradled against her big—bountiful chest as she stares at me with wide-eyed shock.

Again, it is far more natural a stance from her when regarding one such as me.

So, nonchalantly and certainly not trying to mask my own bewilderment, I grab the lapels of my trench coat and straighten it.

“I could say that it is a mystery, the reason why I am the way I am. Instead, I will say it is only natural that one who doesn’t turn back from his true self would end up clashing against the far too restrictive norms imposed by those who sit at the top of society. Those who rule will always strive to restrain those who are ruled.”

Hmmm… A cool speech, if I do say so myself. Maybe a rebel hero finally revealing he was never a real captive of the demon forces—

“How do you manage to sound so dumb and say precisely the right thing at the same time?” Minami asks of me, nervously playing with a very eye-catching cross she is wearing as an earring.

“Wisdom comes from the mouths of fools?”

I may have said something right because she’s now laughing.

Such a captivating sound. I can understand why Hachiman is ever so enthralled when it is Saika that profers it.

“A fool indeed, because who if not a fool would let a woman go after taking her lips?” Minami mutters in a way that may have not been intended for my ears. Mostly because she catches herself half a second after her utterance and is now blushing in a way that artfully matches the garnets she seems to be so fond of.

“I don’t remember doing much taking,” I, reasonably, point out.

“You took my first kiss!”

“Youtook mine!”

“Wha—I did not! You were the one who…who…”

“Sat right there as you mounted me?”

“You touched my butt! During my first kiss!”

“You bounced on my pants! During my first kiss!”

And now my back is pressed against the wall as her hand pulls me down by my shirt just so her lips can crash against mine.

“Shut up,” she mutters after a few, too short, seconds.

“Make me,” I answer.

And she does.

Her fingers thread once more through my hair, pulling it out of my ponytail as her tongue invades my mouth. Her chest is flattened against mine, the soft pressure bringing a much harsher one from below my belt that is in turn pressed against her body as her thorough assault makes it impossible for me to hide my reactions.

So I stop trying, and my tongue finally tangles with hers, one hand on the delightfully defined nape that her haircut offers to me, and another…

Well, she shouldn’t have brought so much attention to it if she didn’t want me to do something about it.

I grab her glorious, round, yielding flesh, pressing her hips against mine as she keeps moaning into my mouth, the muffled sounds exciting me far more than I ever thought they would when I listened to voice actresses performing the more popular scenes of games that need thorough editing when ported to consoles.

And… I don’t have a name for my penis, which saves me the embarrassment of saying that the General’s Blade stands at the ready or something equally ridiculous.

Except I just did.

Hachiman must never know.

‘I can guarantee I certainly didn’t want to know.’

I am sorry, Inner Hachiman. My bad. In my defense, I’m currently distracted by the gorgeous girl whose sexual arousal seems to be triggered by how infuriating I can be to the opposite sex.

‘Man, the poor thing’s going to end up dehydrated.’

Inner Hachiman! How uncouth of you!

‘I’m not the one mauling her butt and grinding my cock against her skirt, buddy.’

Wha—

I take a second to realize that, yes, I’m actually grinding my hips against hers, and Minami’s only reaction seems to be to grab my hair even tighter as her hips alternatively press herself forward to better receive the pressure of my hardness or lean back as if seeking more contact with my groping hand.

Which—

Uh…

Her lips separate from mine the tiniest amount, barely enough for our combined saliva to drip between our chins. And she moans.

Loudly.

I am notresponsible for what’s about to happen.

I kneel further down, Minami momentarily confused by the absence of my mouth, and then I hook my hands under her knees, lifting her whole body so that her thighs encircle my waist. Then I turn around and press her against the wall with my (adequate and not that unhealthy, really) weight, freeing one hand to shift right under her behind to resume its groping ways and my mouth to ravish hers without having to crane my neck down.

And Minami… seems to like it.

I mean, she’s shifting her hips back and forth with ever-increasing strength as her moans and sighs are lost between our tongues with alarmingly growing frequency. Her enthusiasm is so unequivocal that I… I feel I’m justified in taking yet another step with the hand that is not sustaining her meager weight (seriously, she’s so light…). And…

Yes.

They were actually that heavy.

Her hopes and dreams.

The stiff cloth of her bra doesn’t allow me to fully enjoy the shape and softness of the burden they carry, but…

Wow.

I would say I have no words, but a thesaurus that is dangerously approaching the point of dissolving into loose sheaves of paper sits atop my desk. I have plenty of words.

It’s just… none of them seem adequate.

Her ass resting on my hand has hard muscle shifting under a softness that molds in the space between my fingers. Her breasts above my questing hand shift with our pressed chests, flattening and regaining their curve with our labored breathing even as I lift and cradle them in turn. Her flesh is yielding and shapely, soft and toned, weighty and almost ethereal. Her body is a bundle of embers blazing through gossamer made of crimson moonlight, a river raging and meandering in turns, a whirlwind that caresses even as it tears. Blistering Garnet in glimmering silver.

Not enough words. Not nearly adequate.

Also, I think the front of my pants is getting quite wet.

I manage to open my eyes with a titanic effort only to realize that our combined movements have managed to shift Minami’s skirt until it is almost a belt.

I find the part of me that wants to yell ‘pantsu’ at the top of its lungs and murder it. Then tell Inner Hachiman to get rid of the body.

‘Sure, boss. Whatever you say.’

How compliant of you, Inner Hachiman.

‘Hey, the moment parts of your psyche get murdered is the moment I decide mouthing off may not be in my best interests.’

Back to more pressing matters (oh! A pun! How marvelous!) I am now in a position to appreciate Minami’s underwear. Shimmering purple with lacy contours and what seems to be a decidedly darker (and glossier) spot on its front.

It seems I am so mesmerized by the vision that Minami herself notices something amiss. I can see her eyes widen as they drop to the very spot I have been focusing so much on, where her wetness presses against my hardness with each undulation of her almost feline spine.

Cat ears. I am going to buy her cat ears.

Maybe those robotic ones that are meant to respond to emotions.

It would serve as an early warning system.

I can see her neck shift as she swallows and I remember how yesterday she jumped away from me after realizing how far she had gone in her moment of passion.

And I thrust my hips forward.

“Ah!”

The yell that escapes her lips is a marvelous symphony: surprise, a sharp inhalation that presses her chest harder against mine, an uncertain edge at the end of the note. And pleasure.

I am touching a girl there, and she is moaning.

And not in disgust.

I grasp her butt harder, pulling her against me, and I grind myself against her rather than going back and forth, savoring each pleased noise I manage to bring out of her lips, each surprised widening of her eyes, and, finally… Each grinding movement she makes, trying to position her body so I will press against a certain spot and just that spot.

I oblige.

Her hands fly once again to grab my hair (I shall endeavor to keep it long enough from now on), and she pulls me against her lips, once again devouring every noise I am about to make at the price of depriving me of her own sweet notes that just become frantic, increasingly faster, muffled sounds.

Her hips grind harder and harder against where my tip is, her wetness staining the fabric and—

And she shakes, biting down on the shoulder strap of my trench coat as her tightened grip pulls my head backward and her hips all but vibrate.

And I am so, so close that—

I stand there, holding Minami up as her movements slow down and a sense of lethargy overtakes her, and then, as gently as I can, I lower her to the ground, where I allow her to sit against the wall.

And then I unzip my pants.

“Wha—what the Hell do you think you are doing?!” Her drowsy eyes fly open, apparently no longer at the edge of giving me the supreme satisfaction of having pleasured her into unconsciousness.

“I am about to stain my pants even more, so I need to…” My body is turned halfway to the side, hiding my member from her, but my words make Minami look down and notice how utterly drenched her underwear is, the glistening of her inner thighs, and something that is not quite surprise but is close enough settles on her features before she looks up at me, her face once again the color of garnet.

“I… Thanks, and, uh…” Did she just thank me for… Right. For giving her an orgasm. I feel like I shouldn’t brag to my sister about how wrong she was. “Do you… need a hand?”

For a moment, I see red and nothing else. When I recover my vision, I am standing above the sitting Minami, my erect, freed member towering over her shocked face.

Who knew that was the secret to unlocking the power of the flash-step?

“I… Don’t know what to…” Her eyes are crossed, flitting between focusing right on my tip and trying to meet my eyes despite the obstacle in-between. I find her open mouth and bewildered expression… enticing.

“Just… grab it. Lightly. And rub it.” There. My world-renowned eloquence saves the day yet again.

“Okay…” There’s something about a meek Minami that is at once bewildering and really, reallyappealing. Gap moe? Yes, let’s go with gap moe.

She reaches up, her slender, agile fingers touching my very tip as she encircles my—

I see white as a rush of pleasure races up my spine and my hips jerk forward. It is a moment of sheer pleasure that leaves me empty of anything else, that burnsthrough my nerves as her soft touch finally reaches me without any intervening, inconvenient fabric.

When I regain enough of my senses, I am leaning against the wall, panting, my eyes closed.

And, with a dreadful premonition, I open them to find Minami’s lone open eye glaring up at me, the other one plastered shut by a very well-placed rope of sperm that just manages to reach her hair. There are other traces, some dripping down a hand that is still grasping me, a couple of droplets fallen right above her lip… But the one over her eye is the most prominent.

Ah, how fitting that my first sexual release with a partner would end up in my demise.

And she’s not even a yandere.

I think.

“Yoshiteru?" She’s still calling me by my first name? Could it be that her affection is enough to let her overlook my gross violation of her boundaries and/or makeup? “I hope you enjoyed yourself,” she says, with a dawning smile that sets my heart at ease. “Because I am going to make sure you pay for every little bit of it.” And her hand clenches around my member in a way that lets me know the continuation of the Zaimokuza bloodline is in dire peril.

‘To be fair, it was never a sure thing, you know?’

Inner Hachiman, must you always attack in my moments of weakness?

‘Just statistics; there are plenty of them. Though having the top bitch literally grabbing you by the balls is a new one. You have outdone yourself, fatty.’

Thank you, Inner Hachiman. Your approval fills me with pride.

‘And Minami empties you of everything else.’