a much needed update

Hey so, I've had a lot of trouble writing this, it  comes with a very heavy heart and a lot of anxiousness because I hate  more than anything letting people down. I first want to apologize for  the absence of the Miscast Minute. The Miscast Minute was a project Rachel (my wonderful partner) and I would work on together and make with a lot of pride and it was incredibly fun. Making the Miscast Minute is a  very time consuming process but it was important to me that Patreon could be as good as I could possibly make it while I was trying to  juggle other aspects of my life and my channel.

At the start of making the Miscast  Minute my day was a healthy balance of work and family time, I had  little financial stress and I was excited about my output. Rachel was paid for her work producing the Miscast Minute and felt really healthy because we both had room to do it in our lives.

At my peak happiness I also  accepted a new job after being a full time YouTuber for a couple of years. I didn't need the job but I took it develop skills in my passions and with a promise for mentorship. After I thought I had found a unimaginable new joy within my new job it slowly revealed itself as a bit of rug pull and not at all what I applied for. During that time I was exposed to a lot of emotional manipulation and guilt but I still gave every day my all with the hopes it would work out but each day I would coming home entirely exhausted. During the moments I was happy in my job it was possible to juggle Miscast and my other job like I had planned but  as it slowly turned south, the mental tax made doing both nearly  impossible.

I made the decision to leave as  soon as I saw it not getting any better. Post leaving I was mentally  destroyed and I got really depressed and very sick as I stopped taking  care of myself. Thankfully I had a great network around me that was able  to pull me out at my lowest.

But it's been a battle because my lifestyle as a full-time YouTuber has always been a 7 days a week job, working as much as I can to squeeze in everything I'm passionate about, every obligation and still make time for the people I love.... and I still sucked at doing all those things. And now coming back to that I feel  very far behind... very, very far behind. I'm always anxious and I struggle to enjoy time with family as I'm financially stressed and  worried about not making enough content because my income and the opportunities to create cool things revolves around the production of my videos.

So making videos became my focus but for whatever reason, my confidence has been absolutely shaken. I  struggle to talk to a camera and commit to finishing the scripts I  write. I have 4 different half-finished videos on my hard-drive and 6 unrecorded scripts and a handful of unreleased products I need videos for. I get scared that it's been so long I don't know what I should be  releasing first because I don't want people disappointed if it's not  Nurgle Diaries or Arcane Ugly or terrain or a tutorial or free things so I chop and change what I work on because I get scared it's the wrong  decision.

I told Rachel we have to put the Miscast Minute on hold because work was the only reason we were spending time together. That bit really hurts to write.

I've very quickly gone from the happiest I've every been to the saddest.  

I didn't go to Adepticon (that big tabletop convention) with all my friends this year because I had taken  this new job and when I quit right before it, I did everything in my  power to try to get there but I fell shot getting my passport a couple days late. I got really sad about it so I then I planned on going to the UK a long overdue trip (since pre-covid to make a documentary with  Luke from Geek Gaming) but the property owners of my studio have just  changed hands and now the people managing it on the new owners behalf  are likely to kick me out. So that plan has been delayed until a meeting  tomorrow. I have a backup location to move to so it's not the end of  the world (though it will break my heart to leave my studio, it really  is my second home... actually probably my first). I've decided that between moving studios might be the best time to do a working holiday so we will see after my meeting tomorrow on when I might leave.

I am able to write this post  because I am finding my feet again. Rachel is a great fixer of my scattered brained and helped me prioritise my work. Through collaboration I've been more  confident filming again and a video will be out in a couple of days. While the future of the studio is uncertain I'm very thankful to have  met some great people this year to assist me in finding somewhere new to rent. Ive released a new Arcane Ugly update and I'm amazed by the community being built. My UK trip date is uncertain but Raqrex Art,  Raquel is visiting in August for few weeks and that is some creative chaos I cannot wait to have. My studio renovations are finished thanks to a supportive family helping me while I've been filming and I'll use  the space as long as I can. Zane has helped pour 40kg of concrete for  the next Nurgle Diaries, but we can't work on it for another couple of  weeks until it dries. There is so much to look forward to, I just gotta  get out of this slump first, but I'm confident I'm nearly there.

Without the support of you and everyone supporting this Patreon I would not be on my journey back to where I want to be.

So thank you. I'm not sure what form the next Patreon post will take, but I'll be my best I can do.

Thankyou,
Trent