endlessjess

Resident Evil Revelations Part 3: Sno Dogs

Added 2024-09-01 02:08:16 +0000 UTC

It is time once again, for me to gleefully rave about my Great Diss-Dane for dogs. Thank God for the Resident Evil franchise constantly throwing dog-zombies at me, they know it’s one of my favorite topics to discuss. I love hating dogs more than anyone loves dogs. This is a nation of dog worship after all, and it’s my job to balance the scale. I am the man who smells the slobbering mongrels and says no. Not this day.

In this chapter I play as Chris and his sexy lady companion, who is so hot the snow melts under her Nancy Spumoni boots. Then the dogs show up. Big Woofers, and Little Boofers, all grotesquely mutated, as if they weren’t filthy and horrible enough to begin with. Foul creatures.

This section was made just for me. The whole mission comes to a halt when Chris falls and breaks his ass, and then sits there just shooting every dog that comes out for like 10 minutes. It’s basically the better version of Duck Hunt, Dog Hunt. Mutts run around in circles, boofing and barking moronically as Chris chills on his busted butt without a care in the world, poppin 'em one after another like a carnival shooting gallery.

The only dogs I like are old ones who don’t do anything but lay around. But they’re basically just dogly cats at that point. They hardly qualify as dogs if they’re not actively annoying me. In fact, most people are more like dogs than most dogs I know, cause people annoy me more than fuckin anything. Compared to humans, dogs are alright. That makes them the second worst animal on Earth.