endlessjess

Evil Within: Sewer Spookin

Added 2023-06-20 00:36:09 +0000 UTC

When we last saw Detective Sebastion Mon he was entering a state of enlightenment from living a thousand lifetimes and dying a thousand deaths in a poop loop subway station like the time BendyDick CumberBunch did that in the Dr Strange Movie.

Well this time i'm back to normal, cynically complaining about everything and nothing while my aching, aging body fails me and my bones rust into junkyard metal. But then a boss appears. Not just any boss, a sewer boss. Every game's gotta have one of those. My personal favorite is the monster in Final Fantasy 7 whose pit is below a trap door in a pimp's sex parlor, implying he regularly feeds it his used whores. Games used to be rad.

This is the best boss fight in the game, because it's basically the only boss fight in the game. At least the only one that doesn't involve running around doing stupid ass puzzles while an insta-kill fuckhead barrels toward you to fuck your head. So relative to all the other horrible boss fights in this game it succeeds, but it still primarily succeeds at pissing me off.

Look, it doesn't matter. Here's what does matter. Duke Nukem should say cunt. I don't know if he has, but if he hasn't that's a problem. He's too cool and too based not to say it, that's all i'm saying.

What does that have to do with anything? About as much as this boss fight has to do with the rest of the game. Not much. It's just a weird little detour where you fight Ultros in the sewer because the developers were determined to have one of every stock video game location and by God they achieved what they set out to. A truly inspirational reminder of the perks of aiming low.