Going Oldschool with some NES Obscurities

Alright, whippersnappers. It’s time to show you Gen Z rugrats what real hardcore gaming is all about. These are some OLDSCHOOL NES games. I'm talking about the fat grey box that made home gaming rad, the Nintendo Entertainment System.

That’s right. These are straight up, black coffee, original recipe nintendo games on a system, not a steam machine, or home computer, and especially not a cellular phone, a bonafide genuine real deal son of a bitchin goddamn entertainment system.

Oh yeah, that’s the good stuff. Like coffee and pie on a rainy morning, the Oldschool Fool knows that’s a Damn fine cup a joe. Play that Twin Peaks music while i meditate myself back to an astral realm of better days, sittin on the floor at grandma’s, playing the classics.

Classics like... Crystalis, and Mighty Bomb. Oh crap. Those aren’t classics at all, they’re just old crappy obscurities. Damn it, I forgot to play any actual classics. Well whatever, some of these randos are hidden gems, some of them are shitty, and some of them are Rygar.

I’ll save the games you’ve actually heard of for the next time i go oldschool, which is never far away. Although come on, Rygar isn’t that obscure. That guy at least had a ps2 reboot, and for the record it was awesome.

If you’re keeping up with the highly complex canon of the blue glow, chronologically this one takes place shortly before the first No More Heroes episode, as evidenced by the fact it never would have happened if that game didn’t need to install first.

Typical. That’s the problem with these modern games. What the hell is even on the disc? Nobody knows, probably nothing. It’s just a paper weight with a download attached.

In my day games were games. You bought em, popped the fuckers in, played em, switched em out for the next one. No installing. No online crap, and most importantly of all no weird license agreements. They’re fuckin games, man. Just games. Plain old, honest to god, damn, goddamn video motherfucking games. Toys. Simple tools of mirth and merriment. Activities of leisure.

Game doesn’t work? take it out, blow in it, pop it back in, now it works. Every fucking time that works, that’s the magic of a simpler time, back when the world still had some wonder in it. Nowadays if a game doesn’t work its because it was released unfinished at launch and they expect the gamers to patch it up for free like fuckin frankenstein. Shameful is what it is.

And i’ll tell ya something else, too… wait, no i won’t. I’m tired.