Midnight Pals: Strange Houses

Uketsu: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the strange house
Uketsu: i invite you all to look at the floor plan of this house
Uketsu: and try to figure out for yourself
Uketsu: what's so strange about it

Uketsu: one of these things is not like the others
Uketsu: one of these architectural elements is weirdly wrong
Uketsu: can you tell which thing is not like the others
Uketsu: By the time I finish my song?

Uketsu: now if you'll look at this floorplan
Uketsu: you may notice something strange
Mark Z. Danielewski: i don't know what you're talking about
Danielewski: it looks perfectly normal to me

Dean Koontz: oh! oh! i have a guess!
Uketsu: yes, dean?
Koontz: there's no ceiling
Uketsu: close! but actually this is a floor plan
Uketsu: so to see the layout, you have to draw it without a ceiling
Koontz: what

Koontz: but you said to look for the thing that was wrong
Uketsu: yes but
Koontz: and it's wrong that there's no ceiling
Uketsu: yes but
Koontz: a house should have a ceiling
Uketsu: yes but
King: dean makes a really good point there
King: he should get partial credit
Poe: yeah give him half credit

Uketsu: can you see anything else wrong with this house?
Shirley Jackson: [mumbles]
Mary Shelley: yo shirley has a guess
Uketsu: yes?
Jackson: [mumbles]
Shelley: she says the walls continue upright and the bricks are meeting neatly

Uketsu: yes but
Uketsu: how can you tell that from a floor plan?
Jackson: [mumbles]
Shelley: oh, also the floors are firm
Shelley: and those doors? sensibly shut
Uketsu: yes but again
Uketsu: this is a floor plan

Uketsu: ok i will tell you the answer
Uketsu: as you can see, this house has no concept of mass
Uketsu: the primary & secondary masses are in competition
Uketsu: and a poor sense of balance, a desperate melange of disparate architectural elements
Uketsu: a slapdash marriage of rococo and italianate

Uketsu: none of the main windows match any of the other main windows, and the contrasting materials distract the eye from the asymmetrical balance
King: where did you find this cursed house?
Uketsu: McMansion hell

Uketsu: oh, also if you look here
Uketsu: you can see that there's a crawlspace under the house
King: oh, that's for murders, right?
Poe: obviously for murders
Barker: 100% that's a murder space
Uketsu: well yes, duh, what else could it possibly be for?