Midnight Pals: No Fun Allowed

Margery Lawrence: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of how Pan came to little ingleton
Lawrence: ok so picture this
Lawrence: there's this minister who hates fun
King: what, all kinds of fun?
Lawrence: all kinds
Lawrence: he's a real stick in the mud

Lawrence: he's all like 'no dancing, no drinking'
Barker: oh man this guy sounds booooooring
Barker: couldn't be me
King: yeah this guy sounds like a real killjoy
King: i wouldn't want to hang out with him
Lawrence: that's what his parishioners think too!

Lawrence: he's all 'no japery, no whimsy'
King: no japery?! no whimsy?!
King: but how can man live without japery and whimsy?
King: those things nourish the very soul!
Lawrence: exactly
Lawrence: exactly my point

Lawrence: so he bans drinking and dancing and kissing
Barker: i don't like where that's going
Mary Shelley: this guy sounds like a proper misery
Lawrence: and above all
Lawrence: no shivving allowed!
Shelley: man, if i were the kind to follow rules, i wouldn't have any fun in that town at all

Lawrence: so one day he's gonna give his usual boring sermon but no one shows up
Barker: haha owned
King: aw i kinda feel sorry for him
Barker: don't feel sorry for him steve, this guy sucks
Barker: i mean, right?!
Lawrence: yeah clive is correct, this guy sucks
Lawrence: he brought it on himself

Lawrence: so he goes out and who do you think he meets?
King:
Poe:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Barker:
Lawrence: he meets the great god pan, that's who
Lawrence: you should have guessed from the story title

Arthur Machen: the great god pan?! is it a fearful and mystical experience that rattles him to the very core of his soul, leaving him forever changed?!
Lawrence: well, he is changed
Lawrence: cuz pan is all, 'hey doofus how about you fuckin lighten up? sheesh'
Machen:

Lawrence: pan is all 'why spend all your life being a pinched little misery who just hates on people living their lives? you gotta die mad about it. that's loser shit'
Lawrence: 'why not try being chill instead'

Lawrence: and wouldn't you know it
Lawrence: well in little ingleton they say
Lawrence: the minister's heart grew three sizes that day

Lawrence: and after that, everyone in little ingleton agreed
Lawrence: this minister ain't so bad after all
Lawrence: and he even got laid
Barker: now THAT
Barker: that is one COOL minister