Bitter Karella

Midnight Pals: Harry Potter series

Added 2025-02-16 19:23:14 +0000 UTC

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exciting newssss
Rowling: there's a new harry potter sseriesss coming out!
Rowling: you all ssstill love harry potter, don't you?

Rowling: i hope you're all ready for the gloriousss new age of harry potter
Rowling: now that the falssse tyrannical doctrine of tolerance has been defeated, i don't need to kowtow to your oppressssive woke sssensssibilitiesss!
Rowling: i'm excissing all the filthy Irishmen from the narrative!
Rowling: also the goblinss are really jewss
Rowling: i'm jusst ssaying it now, why not

Barker: is Dumbledore still gay?
Rowling:
Rowling: one ssecond, i'll check
Rowling: [adjusting a big dial marked "queerphobia" and looking back at the audience for approval]

Rowling: john lithgow will ssstar
Barker: oh really? i didn't know he was transphobic
Rowling: He better be!! or hisss assss iss outta there!
Rowling: i have a very ssspecific visssion

Rowling: unfortunately i wrote the harry potter booksss when i wass young and foolish
Rowling: they're all about fighting a fasscist genocidal dictator
Rowling: but back then i never sstopped to consider all the good that a fasscist genocidal dictator could do

Rowling: if you think about it, there's some good things about fasscism
Barker: oh yeah? name one
Rowling: i'll do better than that! i'll name three!
Barker: i
Barker: ok not gonna lie i wasn't expecting this level of enthusiasm

Rowling: ok! three good thingss fasscism did!
Rowling: firsst one is obviouss
Rowling: you know what i'm going to ssay
King: oh god joanne now
King: please no

King: [crying while pointing gun at gryffindor scarf] don't make me do this, joanne, i'm begging you