Midnight Pals: Wizards

JRR Tolkien: submitted for the approval of unicorn fuck club, i call this the similrian
Tolkien: i know that you all had a lot of questions about middle earth after LOTR
Tolkien: so this story will answer all questions
GRR Martin: even questions about the blue wizards
Tolkien: no it does not answer questions about the blue wizards

Tolkien: look, i don't want to talk about the blue wizards
Martin: gosh why don't you want to talk about the blue wizards jrrt?
Tolkien:
Tolkien: because
Tolkien:
Tolkien: because fuck you that's why

Martin: what's the deal with wizards?
Tolkien: there's Gandalf the gray, Saruman the white, radagast the brown, and then two blue wizards
Martin: why two blue ones?
Tolkien: i ran out of colors

Tolkien: you have to understand, i was writing in the 1940s
Tolkien: there weren't a whole lot of colors back then
Tolkien: and blue had just been invented
Tolkien: so i guess i got a little crazy with it

Tolkien: the important thing about the wizards is that they each embody a different way of dealing with fascism
Tolkien: Saruman is capitulation
Tolkien: Gandalf is direct action
Tolkien: radagast is self care

Tolkien: Saruman is a real bummer
Tolkien: he's always like "oh Gandalf the halfling's pipe weed has made you dumb"
Tolkien: "oh radagast you're too addled from eating weird mushrooms"
Tolkien: see, Saruman is straight edge
Tolkien: that's why he's evil

Tolkien: anyway what you should take away from this is
Tolkien: Gandalf smokes weed
Tolkien: this is very important to note
Tolkien: yes all those black light posters had it right
Tolkien: they're pretty much the only accurate adaptations of my work if you think about it

Tolkien: so yeah Gandalf smokes weed
Martin: is that why he's so chill
Tolkien: yes exactly that's why he's so chill

Martin: haha they should call you JRR TOKIN'
Martin: get it? cuz toking weed
Tolkien:
Tolkien: oh!
Tolkien: i do get it!
Tolkien: delightful!

Martin: what, no one's ever said that before?
Tolkien: no I've never heard anyone say that before

Tolkien: look, i know you all think i'm just some old fuddy duddy
Tolkien: just because i hate rock and roll and all things modern
Tolkien: i hate rock music!
Tolkien: this awful, discordant noise!
Tolkien: you can't even caper buffoonishly to it!

Tolkien: yes its true, i might hate rock and roll
Tolkien: but let me tell you
Tolkien: i love drugs
Tolkien: except for the space cocaine in dune
Tolkien: FUCK DUNE
Frank Herbert: aw :(