Midnight Pals: Reviews

David A. Truesdale: hey it's me David a truesdale, editor of tangent online, fearless advocate of political INcorrectness
Lovecraft: whoa!
Truesdale: so watch out, snowflakes!
Lovecraft: wow!
Truesdale: [rips CENSORED tape from mouth] this ain't your dad's short fiction reviews!
Lovecraft: i like this guy!
Lovecraft: he doesn't care WHOSE toes he steps on!

Truesdale: that's right here at tangent online we're cutting through short fiction reviews like a blade through a star
Truesdale: some reviewers consider subtext and meaning in their reviews
Truesdale: but we think reviews should really focus on summarizing
Truesdale: its about ethics in short fiction reviewing

Truesale: here's my review for HP Lovecraft's Call of Cthulhu
Truesdale: so there's something called Cthulhu
Truesdale: and he makes a call
Truesdale: this story is really bad at describing stuff btw
Truesdale: 2/5 stars

Truesdale: so here's my review of Stephen King's It
Truesdale: first of all, i don't like that the title is a pronoun
Truesdale: that seems suspiciously woke
Truesdale: 2/5 stars

Truesdale: Stephen King's IT is apparently about a clown that apparently lives in the sewers.
Truesdale: which is weird, because i don't think clowns usually live in sewers.
Truesdale: usually you find clowns in a circus
Truesdale: in conclusion, Stephen king is a land of contrasts

Truesdale: here's my review for edgar allen poe's The Raven
Truesdale: the raven is a poem about a bird
Truesdale: i didn't read all the way to the end, but i think i basically got the gist
Truesdale: poe is writing about how awesome ravens are and how much he loves ravens

Poe: well
Poe: while it is true that i love ravens and think that they're awesome
Barker: yeah yeah edgar we all know how much you like grip
Poe: did you know grip can talk??
Barker: yes we know edgar
Poe: she can say "hallo old girl"
Barker: yes edgar we know

Poe: but, in actuality, the poem 'The Raven' is not about how i love ravens
Truesdale: c'mon man i don't have time to read subtext, i'm a busy reviewer
Poe: it's not subtext!
Poe: it's text!

Truesdale: anyway continuing my review
Truesdale: the poem 'the raven' contains poetic devices, like rhymes
Truesdale: here are some other words that rhyme
Truesdale: cory
Truesdale: story
Truesdale: allegory

Truesdale: if you like poems about birds, i guess you might like it
Truesdale: i didn't really get it
Truesdale: but one thing is for sure and that is 'The raven' is definitely a poem
Truesdale: 2/5 stars

Truesdale: here's my review for mary Shelley's Frankenstein
Truesdale: so i didn't really retain a lot of information after reading this one
Truesdale: there was a monster named Frankenstein in it tho
Truesdale: that's one thing that i am absolutely 100% certain of
Truesdale: is that the monster was named frankenstein

Truesdale: here's my review of Bram Stoker's Dracula
Truesdale: this book is a about a vampire
Truesdale: so i don't know why stoker decided to call it Dracula
Bram Stoker: Dracula is the name of the vampire
Truesdale:
Truesdale: well you could have made this less confusing you know