Midnight Pals: Palmer Mystery

Ray Palmer: listen midnight society i got a crazy story you gotta hear!
Palmer: i found this guy, Richard shaver
Palmer: he's got a story you wouldn't believe
Palmer: but every word of it is the god's honest truth!
Palmer: if i'm lying, may lightening strike me down!

Palmer: go ahead Richard, tell them what you told me
Richard Shaver: there's an underground civilization of lemurians
Shaver: living in tunnels under the comet ping pong pizza restaurant
Palmer: big if true!

Shaver: after the lemurians abandoned these tunnels, people moved in
Shaver: but they tried using the lemurians' abandoned death rays
Shaver: but they didn't realize that if you don't change the filters on the death rays, it'll turn them into deros
Barker: oh yeah you gotta change the filters on those death rays
Barker: i mean who doesn't do that
Poe: clive you really shouldn't make fun of him
Poe: i don't think that's sporting

Shaver: anyway by misusing the death rays, it turned them all into deros
Shaver: which stands for detrimental energy robot
Barker: oh yeah of course it does
Barker: that would have been my guess
Poe: clive

Shaver: the deros can use their death rays to spy on your thoughts and control your mind
Poe: ray i don't think this man is well
Poe: i think you might be exploiting him
Palmer: what? never!
Palmer: he's fit as a fiddle!
Shaver: also every day has within it four simultaneously occurring days

Palmer: wow! can you believe that's all true?
Poe: ray, i don't think that's true
Palmer: not true? look here buddy
Palmer: its printed on the pages of Amazing Stories
Palmer: all the news thats fit to print!

August Derleth: we're pals aren't we howard? bestest pals?
HP Lovecraft: [sweats]
Derleth: august and howard, that's what people call us!
Derleth: cuz they're so used to seeing us together
Derleth: we're practically inseperable!

Barker: boy you two really are thick as thieves huh
Lovecraft: [sweats]
Barker: august and howard huh
Derleth: you can call us augie and Howie
Barker: i'm not gonna do that

Palmer: in fact, i have a little something right here
Palmer: linking the shaver mystery to the Cthulhu mythos
Derleth: i'll kill you
Derleth: i swear to god no one will ever find your body
Palmer:
Derleth: i will obliterate you

Palmer: whoa whoa whoa just take it easy there pal
Palmer: i'm just tryin' to make a buck here, can't blame a guy for makin' a livin' can ya?
Derleth: i will murder you
Derleth: i will murder you dead
Palmer: [sweats] ha ha whoa by is it getting hot in here?
Palmer: [tugging collar] is anyone else getting hot in here?

Palmer: i'm just saying people love thinking spooky stuff is real
Palmer: maybe lovecraft thought Cthulhu was real
Palmer: we could make a lot more money if he did
Derleth: hey mary let me see your knife
Shelley: here ya go

Poe: mary don't give him your knife
Shelley: it's my knife edgar i can do what i want
Poe: why do you want to see Mary's knife
Derleth: no reason i just want to see it
Shelley: good enough for me

Palmer: you know what, i'm just gonna see myself out
Poe: mary don't give him your knife
Derleth: GIVE ME THE KNIFE!