Midnight Pals: Fairy Stories

AM Shine: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Pals, I call this tale the return of the fairies
Shine: In our last episode, our heroine had just escaped the forest where the evil fairies lived
Shine: but turns out
Shine: the evil fairies aren't just in the forest
Shine: now they're everywhere!

Shine: so our heroine is in hiding
Shine: with the yellow one
King: oh, the parrot?
Shine:
Shine: that's what i said, didn't i?
King: yeah i was just confirming that
Shine: what else COULD "the yellow one" possibly refer to, steve?

King: i thought that the parrot was named Darwin
Shine: that's only in the film adaptation!!
Shine: that's not canon!
Shine: in the book, it's the yellow one!

Shine: you can't go by the film version!
Shine: there were major creative differences with Ishana Night Shyamalan!
King: oh really? like what?
Shine:
Shine: mostly just the parrot's name, actually
Shine: i mean that was pretty much it, i guess

Shine: our heroine is hiding out in a little village
Shine: if a bird looked down at the village, it would look like a big spider web
Shine: with the church at the center and the town priest a big spider
Barker: damn this bird capable of some abstract thinking
Shine: SHUT UP it's called a metaphor!

Shine: the fairies look like big weird misshapen monsters with scary long limbs
Arthur Conan Doyle: i'm gonna stop you right there
Doyle: that's clearly not true, everyone knows that fairies look like sweet little ladies with gossamer wings
Doyle: they wear acorn hats and drink morning dew
Shine:
Doyle: I've done a lot of research
Doyle: i'm something of an expert on fairies, if i do say so myself

Doyle: look, i have dedicated my life to proving the existence of
Doyle: [flailing wildly] FAIRY GOD PARENTS
Doyle: so i think i know a little bit about what to look for
Shine:
Doyle: fairies are real, by the way

Doyle: fairies are real
Doyle: and I've got the proof right here
Doyle: look at this cookie box
Doyle: or as we call it in Britain
Doyle: a biscuit tin

Doyle: the pictures on this tin are incontrovertible proof that fairies exist
Doyle: also, this ancient document
Doyle: novelty vinyl "Spring Morning shindig," by Ed Twilley and the Creepers (1952, Goon Records)
Doyle: proves that, yes, fairies have parties

Doyle: the important take-away here is that fairies are so beautiful and amazing
Doyle: that once you see one
Doyle: you will never be satisfied by a mortal woman
Shine: see, that's how you get changelings
Shine: do you want changelings???

Shine: here's the thing
Shine: fairies can change form
Doyle: no they can't
Doyle: Arthur tell him they can't
Arthur Machen: actually i think he might be right
Doyle: shit
Doyle: this changes everything!

Arthur Conan Doyle: [into tape recorder] note to self
Doyle: fairies can change shape
Doyle: at this moment ANYONE could be a fairy
Doyle: even
Doyle: [turns to audience] YOU!?!?!?!?

Shine: now evil fairies are loose
Shine: and let me tell you
Shine: this WON'T be no spring morning shindig
Doyle: b-b-but the ancient documents!
Shine: the ancient documents were wrong!!
Doyle: noooooo!

Koontz: but the parrot's gonna be ok right?!
Shine: yes the yellow one's fine, dean
Koontz: good cuz i was worried for a minute there
Koontz: i was worried something might happen to Darwin
Shine: IT'S THE YELLOW ONE!!!!